SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to What Would Amber Do with your host, Amber Howard. Each week, Amber dances in conversation with inspirational leaders out to make a difference for what matters most to people. She brings you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being a leader and what it looks like to live a truly created life of service to others. And now, here is your host.

SPEAKER_02 0:29

Welcome back, everyone. Welcome back to What Would Amber Do? I am just over the moon today to be speaking with Michelle Mehta. Michelle is the founder, director, and CEO of Michelle Meta Coaching. Michelle is a woman and teen confidence expert, TEDx speaker, and multiple international best-selling author. Michelle is committed to teens and to inspiring teens and women to be more confident and motivated and to inspire people to live their dreams authentically. Michelle, thank you so much for being on the show today.

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Thank you so much, Amber, for allowing me to be present today. It's such an honor to be in your presence. I mean, you are the woman that walks the walk and talks the talk. And I'm just so grateful to be here sharing this message with you today.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Oh, so good. So talk to me a little. You know, we were just talking before we came live. You know, yesterday you were speaking with 600 teens who've been dealing with a lot of mental health issues related to things that are happening in their school environment. How did you get to today, right? To on this journey of becoming someone who is such an inspiration to young people and this commitment that you have. What was the journey like to get here?

SPEAKER_01 1:46

Yeah, absolutely. So, you know, there have been things in life that happens, right? We've we've all gone through some portion of it. My biggest why for teenagers started off when a story that I said, you know what, I am not going to be, I don't like teenagers. I don't like kids. That's my sister's thing. I have nothing to do with kids. And I thought, you know what? I had an opportunity in 2019 to go and speak in front of a hundred middle schoolers between the ages of 11 and 14. And I asked them this one question. How many of you have evil voices inside of your head? Every single hand went up. And I said, What are these voices telling you? And they said, I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm overweight, I'm not loved, I'm an idiot, and my heart sank. Because it brought me back to when I was a teenager. At 16 years old, I was molested by a family member. And I had buried it deep inside because I didn't think it needed to be shown. I didn't think it needed to be talked about. And I had also transitioned to two different high schools. I was a freshman, sophomore in one, and then a junior and a senior in another one. And transferring was probably a blessing because my high school GPA was a 2.5 at sophomore year, a year that's supposed to count the most for college, and I was basically failing sophomore year. And I took the same GPA to my first semester of junior year, and it was again like a 2.5. Basically, it was failing the first part of so I failed the second part of the sophomore year, the first part of junior year. And I thought, what in the world is going on? And at that moment I realized something had to change. And through this new school environment, I said, nobody knows me. I'm a new person. I'm gonna let the past go. And in that process of my own mental conversation, not only did I find my dream career at the end of junior year, but I fit in to my best amazing friends. I was bullied in middle school for giving hugs. I was bullied in high school, freshman and sophomore year for giving compliments because the girls thought I was a lesbian if I complimented a girl's lipstick. And I thought if these kids are feeling they're not good enough, they're not smart enough, they're not they're overweight at ages of 11 to 14, they're gonna take these mind this mindset into the next part of their life, which is high school. High school is already tough with trying to keep up with the college, trying to keep up with the social pressure, trying to keep up with what the parents are telling them to do, trying to find their dream career. Yesterday I was in front of 600 kids, and I just kept asking them what are their goals, and some people said I really want to be the best, I want to be a professional soccer player. And I said, So are you on the soccer team right now? The answer is no. I want to be on the NBA. Are you on the basketball team? The answer is no. I want to be a computer engineer and work at Google. Are you in computer science classes right now? The answer is no. So they have these goals on the one end, and then they have everything what they aren't doing on the other end, and there is that gap. You see, I didn't know at the age of 16 I was gonna be a motivational speaker. At my sweet 16 birthday party, I had the opportunity to speak at in front of 150 people using a PowerPoint presentation, talking about my life journey. I had done two rounds the night before. And on the day of the DJ goes, okay, and our next presenter is the birthday girl herself, Miss Michelle Meita. And I go and I'm going slide by slide in front of 150 people with friends and family, a room filled with a massive amount of judgment, a room filled with a massive amount of biased opinions, right? Because this is like people you grow up with. Yeah, they're in this room and they're watching you. And the compliment that I got was, oh my god, you're such a natural. We are so proud of you. Something I did not want to do. I was like fighting, I was throwing a tantrum the night before. Why am I doing this? I don't want to do this. But it became an opportunity for me to step into the mic and hold the mic for all the events that were happening in my family, whether it be B and M C, introduce somebody. Um, if you want to get the attention from the crowd, they're like, Michelle, can you use your voice and do that? But I was already in drama at that year in high school. So it allowed me to just learn to project my voice. And in my 20s, I told my parents, I was like, I want to be a motivational speaker. I think I could do this, like a keynote speaker, motivational speaker. And my parents like, oh yeah, totally go into sales, go sell other products, go sell other people's products and services. And I did. And I worked at Wells Fargo, a bank that's been in the news for opening up fake accounts to meet their numbers. I was in recruiting and I got laid off twice under the age of 25. And in 2018, I worked in another corporate America position and got laid off eight months later. And I realized at that point that corporate America isn't for me. But then what is? And I gathered up all my strengths of people connecting with people, interpersonal skill set, relationship building. And I hired a business coach two days after I got laid off. And I said, I'm gonna be a full-time coach. I don't know what that looks like, I don't know what that means, but you're writing this journey with me no matter what. And in 2018, November 1st, I hired that business coach. And now we're in 2022. I've been a TEDx speaker. I have five books under my name. Four of them are international best-selling authors. I've been featured on Yahoo! Finance, and I've been featured with ABC, and now I coach and empower teenagers around the world and the country because this things are real.

SPEAKER_02 8:34

Yeah. So one, you know, I really just acknowledge it. It's like quite a journey, right? To go from like, I don't like teens and yeah, yeah, young people to, oh, let me have my life be in service of making a difference with these human beings, right? And and it just speaks to me, Michelle, about like what um when we answer the knock in life, yeah, you know, there's like a future that calls to us, and and it's not always exactly, it doesn't look like fulfilling on our commitments may not always look like what we thought it was going to look like. I'm kind of in a little bit of that journey myself. You know, there's all of the business work I do. And and what's emerging as part of like what I'm what I'm up to and what I'm committed to is around healing trauma. And when I look at that, like in like the rear view mirror, as Kierkegaard says, you know, it's like, oh, that makes a lot of sense now on the other side of it, you know, given the things that my family's been through, given the things that I've been through, given the trauma I've experienced. But it I would never have planned it. Like it was like it's just emerged from the people I've met, from like discovering myself, from healing my own trauma and going on that journey. So I I I just really want to acknowledge you for answering the knock, for being willing to lean in and step in and just follow the journey where it takes you, regardless of what it looks like. And I know from our previous conversations, I've had the pleasure of getting to know you over the past, you know, kind of half year on a couple of book projects we've been on. And, you know, I think we're both very grateful to to Ms. Istar for connecting us and you know, um bringing us onto each other's journeys. And I know you you you experienced some resistance on this journey, especially from your loved ones. And it's and it's natural. Like I'm a mom myself. You know, parents have ideas for their children. They have ideas about what it is for their kids to live a good life, for their children to be successful. Um, yeah, and oftentimes like they inherited those conversations from their parents, right? These generational conversations that get passed down. So I can't, I'm committed that people live a created life. So when I look at someone like you, who it's like you have, you've been step by step saying, no, this is the life I want to live. And and no, I it's not about not respecting my parents. It's not about not wanting to honor them. And it's my life. And I've got to, like, I'm gonna take ownership over this thing called my life and not have it be someone else's life that I'm living to please them. And and what do you think? Like, what's at the source of that? Because I think that's like how many teens would benefit and and parents, because when when children sublimate their own desires to please their parents, it doesn't help the relationship in the long run, right? It doesn't lead to a fulfill. This is my view, my belief. It's my show, my belief. You know, what would ever do? It's not what my solid is, what would ever do? But you know, when I don't think it lives, it doesn't lead to a fulfilling life for the individual. And there's an impact on the relationship, whether parents are aware of it or not. So if you look at your own journey in those moments in 20, you know, you in 2018, after a couple of years of doing what your parents thought you should do and and being in sales and trying corporate America and realizing it wasn't for you, what what was at the source of your ability to say, I'm not gonna walk this path anymore?

SPEAKER_01 12:01

So when I realized, like in my life, I pay attention to numbers, like patterns. And so this was my third layoff under the age of 30. I hadn't even turned 30 that year when I got laid off. And I thought, you know, I when I first took my first coaching class in 2015, it will it just came like a passing cloud. And I was at a volunteering event and his elderly Deltaman says, Michelle, what is it that you're passionate about? And I said, I want to help as many people as I can. I love helping people, I love connecting with people. And he goes, Why don't you try becoming a life coach? And I was like, You mean like a sports coach? Like coaching a sport? I don't play sports. He goes, No, Michelle, it's life coaching. And I'm like, okay, I don't know what that is. He goes, Great, connect with my daughter. She's been doing it for 10 years. And I thought, wow, an Indian woman doing this for 10 years. Okay, I gave I contacted her right away and she's like, take this first coaching class. It's either gonna make you love it or it's gonna make you hate it. But you won't know until you start take this leap of faith. And so I did. I took my first coaching class at which is now called Coactive Training Institute. At that time, it's called Coach's Training Institute. And I took that first class and I fell in love. Amber, everything that they were telling me, I was just soaking it in and giving it back to the class, raising my hand, interactive. It just was a missing puzzle piece of my life that finally came together. It's like you know, you have a full puzzle and then you're missing that one piece and you can't figure out where it is. Like, did it not bring it? Did they not ship it?

SPEAKER_02 13:36

Did it was it not in the box?

SPEAKER_01 13:38

Was it not in the box? Did it like get underneath the bed? Like, what happened, right? And it was never in the box of my life. And it showed up magically, and I put it back in. And I said, I'm gonna play with this for six months and see because it was like go at your own pace. And so I asked my friends, I was like, hey guys, so I'm doing this like coaching thing, but I don't know if it's really worth it or not. So my friend's like, Why don't you coach me? He was a financial advisor, and he me and him worked together at Wells Fargo and he quit. He goes, Michelle, help me. I was like, Okay, 15 minutes a day. That's one five minutes a week. Sorry, 15 minutes a week. We're gonna connect. I'm gonna tell you what my problem is, you're gonna help me solve it. I'm like, deal. We did it for six weeks straight. At the end of it, he goes, Michelle, you did it made a bigger impact than the business coach I paid twenty thousand dollars for. And I said, I was doing it for free and I was your friend. He goes, No, I got more out of our six weeks than I did from a business coach I paid. And I said, Oh my god, he goes, What's next for you? I was like, Well, I'll just take the next class then. And I took the next class, and 2017 became all about personal development, transformation. It was a year that I dedicated every single month to either a seminar or a class and just massive growth and allowing myself to just be more authentic with myself because I've done landmark in 2010. So I knew personal development was always just a part of me, just couldn't find the right piece to put it together.

SPEAKER_02 15:19

So many tool sets out there, right? And this is one of the things that I really love about this work is there's so many different ways to gain access to, you know, what I think are fundamentally the same things, right? We have this experience of being human and it's shared, right? You know, you talk about it in the, you know, I love to talk about your TEDx talk around the adversity quotient and you know, the internal dialogue, sometimes called monkey mind, eva thoughts in the head, whatever you want to create, however you want to create it. But you know, we have this shared experience of human as of being human. And and and the more tools that we can collect on our journey to help us really be able to, because it's not like that goes away, right? It's not like one, you know, we do some personal development work, we take some courses, we, you know, we get some tools, and then all of a sudden, you know, that we're fixed because there really isn't anything to fix about us. There are mechanisms with which how our brain operates in order to be able to survive and function. And and then as a result of that, there are impacts. It's interesting because I um in in in all of the the training and development that I do with people, like, you know, this is it's these shared experiences that that we keep coming back to. And, you know, one of the things that I I heard in what you were saying is like that, like that willingness to experiment. Okay, well, you know, and and be open. Like people are bringing things to me and getting, like, I really do believe that the things show up on our journey when we're ready for them. We don't find the missing piece until we're ready to put it in. Right. And and and so now that you're in this space, you know, one of the things that I know you talk about is that, you know, the numbers around anxiety and depression in teens, you know, as someone myself, I've gone through that, you know, I dealt with suicidal ideation from a very young age. Um, had lots of, you know, for years, you know, I was someone who showed up at school with a smile on my face because that was my only value. If people didn't bring me their problems, I was on, you know, I had no worth. And so it didn't matter what I was going through, the kind of hell I was going through in my own personal life. I needed to be available to other people to make sure that they were taken care of, right? And um, and I know I'm not unique. Right. So, so talk to me a little bit about, you know, the work that you do with teens and and what are teens dealing with today.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Yeah. I mean, my talk was about the adversity quotient, like we mentioned earlier. So I came up with this topic because, you know, there was an actor in India that so-called committed suicide, and they were dissecting his thought process of why he committed suicide. Till this date, we don't know if he's actually committed suicide or if he's actually murdered. But at that time, there were articles coming out that he may have committed suicide. He was intelligent, so he had an emotional, he had it, he was intelligent, so his IQ was amazing. He was an emotional being, so his EQ was amazing, right? He had he was social, he had friends. But if you are going to resort to suicide, the one thing that you lacked was the adversity. Adversity to give up, adversity to not give up. And he gave up. And at that point, I realized, you know what? Anxiety and depression are on the rise more than ever, especially since the pandemic, because my talk was created prior to the pandemic being happening. Um, the idea was spewing before the pandemic even took place and the effects of the pandemic. And now it's been worse. And that is because people are comparing the past and living in the present moment. They're looking at their life when it was 2018, 2019, early 2020, when everything was open, free will, free will to walk. The country wasn't divided, whether you were in the states or in Canada, nobody was divided at the level that we're divided right now. We have anti-vaxxers versus vaxxers, we have anti-mask versus mask, right? That level of division. And at that point, you know, people started thinking, like, how I, you know, life. And they said, I when I asked the question, like, you know, how many of you feel like life was so much better in 2018, 2019? Everybody's hands went up. And I asked them, how is life right now? And like, no, it was like confused because some lost their loved ones, some are struggling with just coping with it. And I said, Let's, you know, how many of you feel like this thing is never gonna end? And if it doesn't, what do you think is gonna happen? And it's like butterflies in the stomach, they don't know, no one knows what tomorrow is gonna hold because one minute everything is open, the right next day everything will shut. It was a worldwide lockdown, right? And so anxiety and depression is a state in our body, every human being goes through a certain level of it, but staying in one space forever is the issue. If I'm thinking with you, Amber, right now, and I'm thinking about my day yesterday and how it went, I'm living in the past. And let's say, for example, if I had a horrible day, like you know, God forbid, like got into an accident or something, I would be thinking about that versus having an intense conversation with you right now. And if I'm hungry and I'm thinking about food that's gonna be available to me in an hour, I'm now creating anxiety. Oh my god, I'm gonna have like that, and I have ice cream and I'm gonna have all the desserts in an hour, like so exciting, right? And I'm like creating sensations in my body in the future. I have a big presentation tomorrow, I'm thinking about that, I'm not being present here, and so allowing us to be present right here, right now, allows us to make the next decision that we need in that moment. Because I learned in landmark that our past builds are present and our present builds are future. And what cycle are you going to be living in?

SPEAKER_02 21:21

You know, you're pointing to to the effect of uncertainty, and and as someone who, you know, is like deals with people around managing change all of the time, you know. I think it's I I I, you know, if if I think about it, it's like before, it's not like there wasn't uncertainty before COVID. I just think that the pandemic has like in a very bold and confronting way had people really deal with because it was such a drastic change to so many different aspects of people's lives that it it's can it's it's forced people to confront. Yes. The lack of certainty that was all like the lack of certainty that was always there. And then it's like, okay, well, if things aren't certain, now what? Yeah. And and and I agree with you. We typically respond to, you know, how we do one area of our life is how we do all areas of our life, right? So if you're someone who embraces change and you're more resilient, and um then this could be seen as an exciting opportunity to redefine your life and create something brand new. And oh, I'm not, okay, if there's no certainty and everything is, you know, like everything is open to change at any point in time, then I can really just look and see how do I want to create my life. If you're someone who um, and I'm gonna say it like this, not like a judgment, but prefers the illusion of comfort and and and believes, right, inherited conversations that that you know, comfort is better than discomfort, right? That um then yeah, this last couple of years is gonna have caused an even greater sense of anxiety. And and you know, I say even greater because I think part of part of the natural journey that we go through in our life, right? Like children don't start out with anxiety and stress. Like, unless they're born into really traumatic experiences, children don't start out. They start out powerful and free and self-expressed and able to create anything they want, you know, like the world is kind of open to them, everything's open to them. And then as we go through life, you we learn, like as we go through life, we become less and less free, we come less and less self-expressed. There's there are rigid ways that we hold ourselves, beliefs that we, you know, that we get enforced over time about ourselves and about life.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Well, I'm gonna say something really brutal at the moment. We basically damage and we push away aka kill the little child and little boy inside of us as we get older.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

For sure. And you know, it's interesting though, right? Because you know I you know you and I have you and I know language matters, right? And and I think it's never, I I I want to be careful to say I don't think it's intentional, right? As a parent, right? Like it's not it, it's it's parenting unconsciously. It's and and and for most of us, like if we're really honest about it, up until 50, 100 years ago, children like so much has changed in terms of our expectations of what it is to be a parent, right? 50, 100 years ago, you had kids so you could help farm the land and get food. And, you know, and there are some places in the world where that's really still the relationship between. And it's not that there isn't love, it's not that there isn't caring and the parents don't care for their children. It's, you know, the environment that people live in. And now all of a sudden, like if you ask people what it is to be a good parent, it's like emotional caring for a children's emotional well-being. It's like academics and extracurriculars and having the right parties. And and so there are all of these expectations and all of these things. I mean, on a on a like silly note, some of the things that I did to with my children when they were little, my adult children, you know, supposedly based on new parenting standards, 25 years later would have killed them. Foods that I gave them at a certain age, right? So things are always evolving and changing. And we are essentially born into inherited networks of conversations and generational conversations. And if you're not parenting consciously, which let's be honest, again, relatively new concept. Most parents don't even know about parenting consciously, right? But if you're not, then by default, you're passing on to your children things that are probably not particularly helpful to them. Right. And then they were not particularly helpful to you inside of uh, you know, living a created life or living a life of your own design. And it's not that parents intentionally kill off the inner child and their children, it's not just parents, society.

SPEAKER_01 26:01

It's um it's always like the don't, right? Like and I asked them, like I was in front of kids yesterday, I was like, raise your hands higher. I can't see them. Because if it is a hand, raise your hand like this. And I was like, Are you guys raising your hand? And I'm like, if you want to say something, go higher. And I was like, I can't hear you. What is it that you're saying? And I gave them the mic and they're like, Oh, I don't want to say it, I don't want to say it. I was like, No, I need you to say it, please, because you have an important message to say. Please say it. And then they would say it, right? But it was that, um, oh my god, oh my god, like I'm gonna say something. I even had one girl come up, she was like the one that was like the cheerleader tie of like the long nails and flipping her hair like this, and like, you know, like trying to be like a supermodel um, you know, in the front row. And um, I called her up and I said, What's going on in your life? And she's like, Well, you know, I'm failing all my classes. And I'm saying, Why are you failing your classes?

unknown 26:53

Right?

SPEAKER_01 26:53

Because I'm not trying hard enough. Well, my why are you not trying hard enough? Like, what makes you? I didn't actually say the why question, but like, what makes you say you're not trying hard enough? Well, I don't just don't like school, I don't know why I'm here. And I was like, What would it look like if you actually got an A or a B? Well, then I wouldn't be failing, would I? And he said, Okay, so what's in the gap? Right? But it was just something that these kids think they need to have, they think they just need to win the popularity contest and not really do the work. You know, it's just like it's so sad and it's so intriguing to me at the same time. Like curiosity was like kicking in. I was like, what is going on with the life that we live in? And you know, the teacher would tell me, like, you know, one if I let one kid go in the bathroom, another one will go, another one will go, and then they'll have a waping party. I'm like, what the hell is a waping party? It's where they all wait together in the bathroom. And I'm like, wow, I didn't have that growing up, right? I didn't have a vaping party when I was growing up. There was drugs that were available on our campus if we chose to find it. I just never found it. I was the type of person that didn't even know brownies existed until I was like way past college. Right? So then those like sheltered household that, like, you know, you didn't talk about these. I mean, we talk about how drugs exist, and the answer was drugs equals no, that's it. Don't go there.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Well, and it's interesting, right? Because you start to see like what I'm seeing in this conversation is how early those definitions of what it means to be successful as a human being show up, right? Like if you want to be successful as a human being, like there's there's, I mean, there's different ways to to go about it, but it's like you're the popular kid or you're the sports kid or you're the you get good grades, right? But it's it's it's all someone else's standard or measurement for what it is to be happy and successful. And and I, you know, for me, it's like, well, what if that wasn't the conversation? What if the conversation was, you know, how can we? Because I I really believe this, and and I think your life is evidence of it, you know, in your experience, Michelle, that my children don't belong to me. They never did. And I don't know where I found that or I discovered that. Maybe it was in some philosophy book early on. You know, I was a very young mom, but there's just like it was like, what they're not, I mean, yeah, they I I they came through me. You know, they're born of my body, but they're they're not, they don't belong to me. So my job isn't to create, you know, to have them create a life that I think is the right life for them. And, you know, not like I haven't had my moments and I haven't had thoughts and I've, you know, dealt with, you know, some of those conversations as a parent, but it's like, oh, it's it's not about them creating a life that I approve of. It's about me providing them the tools and skills and awareness that they need in order to be able to create whatever their life is, whatever their definition of happiness and success is. And and so, you know, there have always been, you know, I can tell you this right now. There have always been teenagers in bathrooms doing something. You know, what that something is changes over time. There are always going to be people, and and it's a little more on our face right now who think the days, things were better, kids were better back in the day. This is there's this is going back to some of these shared experiences of what it is to be human, right? The golden ages of before, but back to your one of your key messages about having people be in the present moment, right? And how one of the things that I know that I, you know, like I didn't have a lot of tools around growing up, and and I'm still developing those tools now, are around being able to control my emotions. And I think this is something that, because one of the beautiful things about young people and one of the challenges I think that they deal with is they're they're they are so at the effect of their emotions. Everything is so heightened at that time. And so, what are some of the things that, you know, what are some of the tools that teenagers can use to be able to navigate um all of those emotions and be able to keep moving forward with what, you know, and understanding what their goals are and the things that are important to them.

SPEAKER_01 31:20

I so love you touched this because I was just teaching them yesterday, as a matter of fact, like energy in motion equals emotion. So the word emotion is energy in motion. And emotion doesn't always have to be negative, it could be happy, it could be joy, it could be sadness, it could be anger, it could be frustration, it could be stress, right? And all of these things are based on an energetic charge in our body. And so yesterday I actually made them do an exercise. And I said, let's go back into 2018, let's go back from 2018, let's go fast forward to you know, um to present day, and then let's take it even further into the future, some random day in the future. And I said, How did your body turn? How did your body explain? What did you go through your experience in this body? Because your heart's beating really fast, maybe your stomach is in knots, maybe all these things, maybe your heart's slower, right? What is going on inside of your body, your body will tell you. And they were like telling me, like, after this exercise, I felt calm, I felt secure, I felt safe. And I said, you know, for you always have this with you. And if you want to bounce back into the present moment at any given time, write down three things, three, three things that you're grateful for, and how do they make you feel? And so I would be like, you know, I'm grateful for my friends because they made me feel supported. I'm grateful for my family because they make me feel I'm loved. Right. And I added an emotion to the gratitude list that they were making, and I had them say it out loud. And at that moment, they made them feel like, you know, everything just kind of everything, all the mind chatter just kind of calmed down. And it's it's about dealing with the emotions. And I say, you know, you guys can punch a wall, the wall's gonna get hurt, but guess what? You're also gonna get hurt too. You may come out with a broken hand, or maybe a bruised hand, right? Because anger, frustration, sadness, happiness, joy is just an emotion that resides in our body. How you take it out is up to you. And I said, you know, there's a phrase that says, Men don't cry. But you know what? The strongest men do cry. The strongest men, the real men, cry. And crying is healthy. And the boys went, Oh my god, I can cry! I'm strong because I can cry. I say, Yes, I know they don't teach you this, but I'm teaching you this. Crying is probably the healthiest way to release any emotion that you're facing. And I used to be labeled as a crybaby. I ain't cry in a heartbeat, sadness, happiness, frustration. I'll even have an emotional breakdown and I'll cry in a corner. And that to me allows things that are in my body to move. And it's just a sign of emotion, it's just a sign of release.

SPEAKER_02 34:20

You know, you're sharing that with me kind of like leaves me in a bit of a space of like, uh, like I with the uh is like it's like, I mean, I I acknowledge the progress we've come so far, but that there are still young men today, you know, um, young people today who who are experiencing that um lack of freedom to be able to to express themselves in whatever way, you know, whether it's crying or not, you know, but that that that that like it's like, okay, well, you know, this is this is why we're here. This is why we're doing what we're doing, because there's still a gap, right? There's still far too, you know, it's still not um that the these gender, these gender roles or defining things based on gender, that there are some things that boys can do and girls can do, and and that girls are emotional and boys aren't. And like all of these con, like, and and they are, they're just inherited conversations that no one questioned, right? That just got passed on from generation to generation and got reinforced. And and and really inside of like again, well-meaning parents, you know, I I I I have as a parent of the utmost respect and honor. I get it's not like it's a it's such a challenging journey sometimes being a parent. But in, you know, this is, I think, where the work it continues to be is not, you know, teaching and you know, children, young people, and doing the work that you're doing, the important work that you're doing, Michelle, but also working with parents to help them understand that um that children like that that that there is no such thing as what it means to be a good parent or a good kid. Like, you know, these standards, these measurements, is you know, all of this stuff.

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Um I just want to take that and just like cut through that whole thing, you know, like it gets me so irritated in a way of like, why put the labels? Like there's our some of our family members and like around the world, they put success equals money. If you are success, if you're successful, you have to be making six figures. If you're making less than six figures, you're not successful. But they also forget that success is also happiness, the success is also inner like walking your inner path, doing your soul's work. And for me, I've achieved success in ways I didn't even think I could mat that could matter to me. Being a TEDx speaker, having books under my name all in the past two years, and that to me is success because I worked on my soul's purpose, I worked on my soul mission, and every soul has a purpose on this life in this lifetime. Right, and that's what matters. So it's just like you know, sometimes I feel like as a society, as a collective, we're off balance, and which is why I think Amber and I are so needed in this world today of raising the awareness to people. Yes, that there is no right or wrong answer to do something, but there is other alternatives to do something.

SPEAKER_02 37:43

I was just uh quickly looking based on what you said. I was curious, Michelle, uh, based on your family. And this is like, you know, the I I'm gonna be leaving for Bali in a week. And one of the things that I'm gonna be doing on the two-day journey to get to Bali is working on my book. Um, and uh because it's all about this conversation, right? What are the the yardsticks that people use like to measure success and happiness and an inquiry into how could you create a life of your own of your own design based on your own measures for success and happiness? Based on your family members' definition, I mean, I don't have the percentage for the the whole world, but 5.4% of Americans are successful based on that definition of success.

unknown 38:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

What did where does that leave everyone up? You want to talk about why there's anxiety and and stress in the world and depression. 5.4%. Not even percent of Americans, not not even six percent of Americans are successful based on that definition. And this is it. Like we have this like heart, this notion of success is looking a certain way, is achieve and not just money, but achievement. Success is defined as achievement. And so, and and because our worth is defined, is wrapped up in being successful, then if I'm no longer achieving, I'm no longer successful, I no longer have any value. And so this is why we have people experiencing life the way that they're experiencing life. Well, what if what if that wasn't the definition of success? What if the definition of success wasn't about achievement and not like human beings don't want to achieve goals, that's how we grow, but not from some place of like this like endless more and more and more, I've got to have more, I've got to keep getting more, you know, new house, new car, new like it's not a problem to want all of those things. But when who you when your value is a human being, yes, and this is what I wish teenagers really, you know, and uh knew and understood when your value as a human being is wrapped up inside of some external measure or some external achievement, then you know, good luck with that because all of that stuff is intangible, it's always going to change. It's you know, like a if you can't like when you can locate your value inside of your inherent humanity, inside of yourself, then no matter what happens in the external world around you, you'll always have that.

SPEAKER_01 40:07

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, that's what happened yesterday, right? I was like one of the classes that I was in was just an all-sports class, means they were like tennis players, swimming players, wrestlers, they were all in this, there's a sports period. And athletes, the room filled with athletes. And I asked them, I said, so if you score a point, who is it for? Is it for you or is it for the school, or is it for your team? Is a personal record based on you, your school, or your team? And they said, no, the personal record is based on me because they were like, Well, the tennis players were like, Well, you know, if I just have to make sure that my opponent doesn't hit the ball across the net, or I just have to make sure that my doubles player plays well, or I just have to make and I was like, Why are we looking at outside of ourselves? No one wants to take responsibility for you, so why are you on the team then? And they were like, Oh, I said, it starts with you. They said, Who does this start with? Starts with me, it starts with me. I said, Who does this start with? I made them say it out loud so they could feel a vibration down their body because personal record is based on them, it's not based on the captain, it's not based on the school, it starts with you, and all of a sudden they were like, Oh my god, that's so true. Because they've been so programmed, and I said, Look around you, are you guys do you guys have strings on your shoulders? Are you guys puppets? And they like looked around and I said, No. I said, You are in charge, you are the ones that's making the decision. There are no strings attached.

SPEAKER_02 41:50

I'm just making the connection right now in this conversation because you know, in recent years there's been a movement to recognize um participation, right? So, and and then there's been a backlash against that movement to recognize participation, right? So we want to, what do I mean by that? Well, like if you participate in the team, doesn't matter what place you get, you get an award, you get a ribbon just for showing up and participating. And and then there have been people who said, Oh, we're making kids weak, right? We're making kids weak because we're we're telling them that it's enough that they just show up and participate. You know, they don't have to go for the gold or they don't have to go for number one. And it's like this is what it looks like when networks of conversations, when new networks of conversations, they'll look at the conversation around gender as we start to understand that perhaps, right? Perhaps there's more to gender than we thought. Perhaps, oh, it's a it's a constructed conversation in language. Oh, maybe there's more to being, you know, more than just male, female, feminine, masculine. What do all of these things mean as we expand our notions? And then all of a sudden it causes people to become uncomfortable and not know. And well, I I don't understand how to operate in the world if I have to call someone a they or they don't want to be called a she or a he or like I'm I I've lost my anchors, right? The the way I think life is supposed to operate. But why wouldn't we encourage and celebrate participation in life? Like right. I mean, actually stop and think about it, right, Michelle. Like, why would we not want to just encourage as much because that's how you create anything in life? Why would we not want to just celebrate people participating in life?

SPEAKER_01 43:32

Exactly. I mean, this this life is already hard in itself. Like yesterday, usually, um, when do I do speaking engagements? I don't let my family members come, right? It's just kind of like my own thing, my own. But my I had also scheduled a photo shoot yesterday. It's my mom's like, oh, I'll come and help you change outfits or whatever, because you're in an unknown environment. I was like, Yeah, that's fine, you can come. And so she showed up and she sat in one of the last in the classes. She actually sat in the in the sports class, all the with the room filled with dance. And I'm sitting there and she's watching me and she's filming me to communicate with these kids. And she came home and she told my dad Michelle rocked it. Michelle did amazing. Because in the when they're at the at their eight to five, they don't know what the hell I do at home. They just know I'm in front of the computer. And I'm having conversations. All I do is just talk, talk, talk, talk my way through and out of things. Right. But for the first time they saw me in action in my own element and realized that you know there's so much more to Michelle than just what we see. And just stepping into the element, right? And yeah, I saw validation and yeah, I thought that I was never going to be good enough. And because I was not making that six figures, and I still don't make that six figures, but my inner happiness is on the other side. It's like, you know, you're like on a gas gauge, you have like full to empty. So mine's like the above the full line. I've filled up more than the tank can even handle in the happiness spectrum.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

And that's the that's the juice in life, right? When you can serve from the overflow, I didn't do that for most of my life. I serve from a very empty empty tank. Um, and I can I can recognize and see that right now. But when you when you're, you know, and this is why like one of the we're reading in my book club, The Energy of Money, which I just highly recommend to anyone. Like just get your, you know, whether you be part of the book club or not, get your hands on that book. Yeah. But one of the things that she talks about in that book is the importance of having your goals be like set inside of our life's intention.

SPEAKER_01 45:39

Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:40

And when your goals are set in aligned with your life's intention and you're clear about, you know, then you do leap out of bed in the morning, right? You know, yeah, I was saying to my partner last night, I was so tired. I taught, you know, it was a massive week for me. You know, congratulations, by the way. Another author this week uh for Women Who Lead Volume Two. We got to participate. We participated in that again. You know, I taught a bunch of courses at universities this week, some of the cities here did a conference for women in project management. And I was joking with my my partner last night. Man, gravity feels because I needed to, I was lying down and then I needed to get up to go brush my teeth and whatever for bed. And it's like gravity feels heavier at the end of the day. But it's like when you're living your life's purpose and you go to bed at night used up in service of your commun, you know, why you exist. Yeah, you know, gravity is lighter in the morning and heavier at night, right? Because yeah, like that's just the life that we get to live, and and and we get to make a difference. So it's like exactly.

SPEAKER_01 46:41

I mean, yesterday I like I could not even walk. I was like, oh my god, I couldn't even walk. I was just like, I had it like part of me was like, okay, I still could do a lot of it. Energy was high, but a part of me was just like, where is that bed just so I can lie down? And I like put my like my head hit the pillow and I took a nap. I took she took a nap for like two hours and I got up and I was like, okay, I'm gonna get my bedtime routine going on. But it just was so needed because I had overrun on anxiety, I'd overrun on the how does this event gonna go? What's the intention, the whole like play my mind? Because I didn't write anything down. I don't write when I speak, I just have bullet points in my mind and just make sure I go through them. Um, for me, scripts don't work, I don't know why, but well no, it's great.

SPEAKER_02 47:29

You're congruent, right? You're aligned, Michelle, right? You you what you believe, what you think, what you say, who you be are congruent. And I think that to me, that is the ultimate goal of leadership, whoever you're leading, right? Is that um you don't need a script because you're just showing up consistent with your commitment.

SPEAKER_01 47:48

So yesterday's gravity was so much heavier. I was like, oh my god, I can't now, right?

SPEAKER_02 47:56

You know you have a good day when gravity is super heavy at the end of the day.

SPEAKER_01 48:00

It is, and I and my mom told me this morning, she was, you know, for the first time she was in her element. She was in her element, and that to me just made me just you know, part of me still feels like really like skepticism, right? Really? But then I was like, no, really, yes, absolutely, like owning that power because we get so caught up in, oh, well, am I good enough? Am I not good enough? Rather than just owning, I am enough.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

Yeah, at every moment of now, right? I every moment every moment of now. Yeah. And and that's um, can you imagine? Like this is what we're standing for, right? A world where all teenagers understand that they're enough, they don't have to do or be anything, or you're sell themselves out or sell themselves short in terms of getting validation or or finding worth outside of themselves. And and um, I think that's probably a good time to wrap this conversation for now. You and I are going to be dancing in conversation for life, Michelle. So um just I just really want to acknowledge you and thank you as a mother, as a parent. Um, thank you for for being someone who's out there in the world, living your commitment every day, demonstrating, being a demonstration of what it is that you you teach young people and teens, and being someone who is like um has your life be given by being of service to others. Uh I mean, it's it's it's why life gets to be so juicy and great. And you know, you make such a huge difference. And I just know that you know that the future is so bright for you and um just love you so much. Thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_01 49:33

Oh, thank you so much, Amber, for allowing me to be here. And it's such an honor. And I'm really with like one phrase, and that just says, you are enough, because when you are enough, everybody else becomes enough. So you get to be in charge. So we are all enough in this together. So thank you.

SPEAKER_02 49:50

For those of you listening to the show, you'll be able to find out all of the ways you can connect with Michelle. We see her, find a link to her TEDx, all of that stuff in the in the show notes. And uh just have a wonderful week. Uh, thank you so much for joining us today.

SPEAKER_00 50:04

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For more information on the show and our extraordinary guests, check out what wouldamberdo.com