Welcome to What Would Amber Do with your host, Amber Howard. Each week, Amber dances in conversation with inspirational leaders, help to make a difference for what matters most to people. She brings you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being a leader and what it looks like to live a truly creative life of service to others. And now, here is your host.

Welcome back, everyone. Welcome back to What Would Amber Do. It is my extra special privilege and honor this morning to have on the show Matthew McQuegg. For those of you that might recognize that name, Matthew is my son. And we've been wanting to have a conversation on the show for a while now, and the plan is just aligned in the right way so that we could do that this week. So, Matthew, such a such an honor to have you on the show. Matthew is an extraordinary leader with a powerful commitment to transform the narrative regarding sexual, domestic, and physical violence in the home and between genders. Matthew believes that our access to creating a new future is through educating our children. Along with Matthew's commitment to transforming how we educate our children, he is also exploring bringing his leadership and gifts and talents to the business community. Matthew, thank you so much for having this conversation and being on the show this week. Well, I don't know what you're talking about. We can explore that. You know, I would love for you to share with us, Matthew. Um I, you know, I we're gonna get a little personal here, everyone on the show, because we've kind of like we we live together all the time and we're in each other's lives. So it's a little bit of a different experience than the other guests I have on the show that I don't have that much access to. But I know as your mom and as someone who's like been a part of your life, that for you, the journey to discovering what your commitment is and your purpose is has not necessarily been a straightforward path and an easy one. And I'd love to hear from you like what has that journey been like for you to discover your commitment and how you want to make a difference for others.

Well, I mean, I through all the experiences I've had, right? I mean, I think it started, you know, when you started giving me those books, you know, when I was 18 and having me read them and stop getting out of my own head, and you know, it allowed me to sort of look in and into the depth of the perceptions of other people, right, instead of just living in my own way um and living for myself. And obviously, we did all the landmark work and that that sort of progressed that expression of that I'm not alone. Everybody goes through these similar things and deals with depression, deals with anxiety, you know, tendencies that aren't always best for us. Um I think the moment it's I mean, obviously, you know, sexual and domestic violence is very important, um, but it wasn't how it didn't appear to be as important to me until I started teaching in China and actually working with kids, because you can see firsthand when dealing with children of that age, the impact that even a simple, you know, lesson or a simple request or simple experience can have on the alteration of their future, right? And and sometimes it could be as simple as saying no, and sometimes it could be as traumatic as being hit, right? So it it all varies. And from my own experiences, right, didn't always have the best upbringing and in that sort of environment, you know, you have physical and then aggressive behaviors and tendencies, you sort of linger off of that, and obviously you're gonna inherit some of it. So it's it's personal, and it's also I think it's something that needs to be addressed in a formal manner.

It's interesting. The more of these conversations I have with people, um so much I think of the experiences that we have in our formative years, like in our childhood, like so often people, what their purpose is, what they're committed to, what they give their life in service of is somehow tied to those experiences that they had in childhood, right? And and so it's like having gone through, and you know, Matthew, you're free to talk about uh anything that you want about your younger experiences here. It's um, but having gone through experiences when you were a young child where you dealt with domestic violence, where you dealt with, you know, anger and aggression in the environment around you. I I it's not surprising to me that you would grow up to be someone, especially having had those opportunities in China, to educate young children and see the positive impact that you could have and how much you loved being their teacher, um, the positive impact that you could have on their lives, that you would then look to your own experiences and say, well, how could I make a difference with that in the world? Like, how could I ensure a future where other children don't have to grow up in homes where they experience those things?

Um well, I think you know, the daughter or son of a police officer, they lose their father or mother too early, they're gonna be more drawn to wanting to go into that pathway, right? The same with any profession, and our experiences can definitely direct our futures. Um I think what really stood out for me was the positive impact I was making to them is what they were doing for me, right? Because the energy that they gave me brought out something that I don't know if it was locked away or if it was just unleashed yet. It hadn't been unleashed, right? So those sort of uh experiences allowed me to see the benefit of what it does for me, but also what I can do for them, you know, because it's the same thing that we were doing with, you know, uh assisting a landmark or you know, doing these courses. When I'm in that environment, I'm no longer thinking about myself. I'm not there for myself, I'm not there for anybody. Like when I went to work, I'd be working six days a week there, working with kids. I wasn't working, I was just going to the school, and I was doing it for the kids. Even if I I was the only teacher there, had 80 plus students, you know, two to three classes a day, hour and a half each class, six days a week. Right, but I wasn't tired. Even if I was sick, I mean I got hit by an e-bike, I got hit by a car a couple of times. I still went to the school to teach, never went to the hospital. It wasn't work, right? It was just what was opportune, and and I I learned a lot about business management. I learned a lot about you know how to grow the businesses, and I could see the faults in the business partners that I had. They're easy to pick up. So obviously, business management and you know, project management is obviously why I want to get into the business realm because my a lot of my traits are sort of hyphened there, and you know, I'm I'm good in that environment. So, and then again, right, kids are where it's at, like not in any sort of other form than you know, if you want to create an impact for the future, you have to work with the next generation. It's not just simply about you can't teach a new dog, old uh old dog new tricks. It's that if you want to impact the next futures and generations, you have to start teaching these you know children and and even you know teenagers the benefits of empathy, introspectiveness, right? Because once they understand that internally, they can you know project it onto others.

I was just thinking, like we spend, I mean, I I I you we I guess we could calculate the amount of hours that children spend being educated, right? From junior kindergarten and and beyond, formally in school and then informally in their homes with their parents and in other Cub Scouts and all of these different places. And I think about how much time and effort we put into teaching kids good grammar and mathematics and being able to add and subtract. And I'm not saying that those aren't aren't important skills, but we know that it's repetition-based learning over time that creates brain patterns. And so I wonder like what the future would look like if we put as much emphasis on social and emotional learning and had kids, you know, study as much and have those repetitions understand these ideas about empathy and kindness and um as we do on teaching them skills like adding and subtracting and and learning English, like grammar or what have you.

Oh, absolutely. Because when you think about it, right, I do believe that it's important to teach them those basic needs, right? You're not gonna not want a kid to know how to read a book, right? Or to subtract five plus two or five plus five, you know, or even just to write a short story, right? Writing is a form of extra expression and it's important um as many as as any other um subject matter. But I think at the when you look at it deeper, right? I don't think it's just about creating civilians or citizens, right? You want to actually get to the children's roots as to how their actions create impacts onto the other, right? What they do, right? And it's it's the same for parents, right? You you mentioned putting all these kids into Boy Scouts and all these other environments, their environments are going to subject it, subjugate them to certain experiences that can either be positive or negative, regardless of the outcome, it will fuel and and forefront into the future. So you have to be aware of that. But if you're teaching these kids the logic and the understanding of you know, saying these things or doing these things, how that's going to hurt the other person mentally, emotionally, physically, obviously, but the terror and the wear and tear that happens down the line is inevitably going to cause more stress and trauma than it did in the very beginning.

So I just got, you know, inside of what we were just talking about, about how our childhood experiences shape our lives and then often can shape our purpose or you know what we spend our life in service of. I just like got a little bit moved thinking about like this next generation of children, you know, the ones that are being born right now, the ones that have been born in the last couple of years, like what are the experiences that they're having right now out there in the world? And and what kind of future is that going to create for them? And and what kind of purposes are they going to create as a function of the experiences that they're having today in their childhood?

Yeah, well, it's all different. I mean, you look at somebody like Keegan, right? 16 kids smarter than I ever will be, right? He's intelligent as all hell, you know, he's tech savvy, he's wise beyond his age, right? And then there are plenty of kids that are going to follow up in that. But unfortunately, there can be other routes that can lead down, you know, paths such as social media, right? Social media can have a huge impact on the way that a child observes themselves and others, right? You know, even online gaming, these things have impacts. And then, yeah, the world around us, even without this pandemic, right? Things are constantly shifting. And what you grew up with in the late 70s and early 80s, right, will never be ever foreseen again in this day and age. And this the next few decades, as this generation comes into flourish, and even they, you know, they're never gonna live the same years ever again.

So what role, you know, you you mentioned Keegan, and for those of you that are new to the show, Keegan is uh Matthew's younger brother and my youngest son, who's 16. Um, and you know, Keegan is extraordinary. And one of the things that I can like, if I look at my own experience as a parent, like there was a lot of internal work I did uh as his mother to to deal with my own, you know, my own chain, my own past-based experiences of the things that I went through in my childhood and then in my teens. And and so I'm curious to know what role you like, what role do parents play? You know, yeah, we're gonna, you know, we want to create a future where we're creating new new uh education, new courses, teaching kids about empathy, social emotional learning, all of that. But what role do you think parents play in helping to shape that that new future for their children?

Well, it's detrimental. The roles that the parents play, they can't be, you know, they can't be substituted, right? You know, and unfortunately, there are a lot of situations where it's a one-parent household or it's an unhealthy household, right? And even in a healthy household, it has its you know repercussions. But I think I think for how I look at it, uh, and I'm not a parent by any means, so I don't have a cat and a dog with it, you know, I don't change diapers. But I think, you know, I think as long as the parent isn't reacting to everything their kid does, right, isn't reacting to you know the kid doing that one thing, the kid saying this, you know, bringing all their you know, insecurities, issues, formalities, control, right? If they're not pressuring and putting that on the kid, right, then the kid is gonna have more freedom to explore, right? Kids, kids and uh you know, uh elderly, they don't hold back, you know, they dream or they say the things that they need to do or want to do. And sometimes parents can get in the way of that, and you know, obviously all the power to them to support and and parent the child as as any way they see fit. Well, not any way, but in most ways. But it is very important that the the child have a healthy parent household, male or female, single or not, where they're not grooming the child to be what they want the child to be, but they're allowing the child to to explore what's possible for them. You know, it's so quick in in age in middle school that you know learn about your career, you know, you have to figure out what you want to do with your life, you know, the amount of pressure that puts on a young mind, right? When they don't even know themselves yet. So, and and parents do that all the time, you know, in all ethnicities, all cultural backgrounds, they're always pressuring the children to be what they could have been or didn't become.

It seems like we're in this constant conversation, and you know, I've shared this with you. I I started doing a course a week ago where we talked about like the impact of this conversation in the modern age for progress, right? And it's like, and I just have become over the last week and a half since I started partnership exploration, just so present to how hooked on progress I am as a parent, as a woman, as a romantic partner in society. If I do not perceive that there is progress, and I can see that in what you're saying, Matthew, right? Like as parents, like we like the whole narrative, the whole network of conversations about what it is to be a parent. Like you're you're out to have your kids do better than you did. And I've experienced that. You know, I did not birth you or your sister into the most ideal circumstances. And I've shared on the podcast that that proved very powerful motivation for me to better my life and create a better future for you and Kayla and then your brother as he came along. But it's all inside of this conversation for progress and and and therefore it's all in almost always inside of a conversation of like not being present and not being where we are right now, because it's all about where we're trying to get to. And I just one of the most beautiful things about young children is their ability to be present in the moment. And and I wonder if there's like there's some connection between that ability to just be in the moment and be present versus and how powerful children are, because we also you said it earlier like children are very powerful in their ability to be able to communicate what it is that they want and need and manifest the things that they want. Um, and I just wonder if there's some connection between you know being present and being, you know, and how how much power we have to be able to deal with whatever circumstance we're dealing with in life.

Yeah, no, absolutely. No, it doesn't, you know, it's not just a parental or uh an elderly person thing, you know, somebody that's older than a child, we all deal with it. But I I think and what I was just thinking about is you know, when you're talking about Keegan, um, you know, the things that you had to overcome and deal with from you know your upbringing. And but I I think what came up for me, it wasn't just about your upbringing and your teenage years. Yeah, that had a huge impact on the woman that you are today, right? But you you overcame a lot even just from your time at the airport or you know, all the the independent work that you did. You know, there was a lot, there was a time, there was a period in your life where all you did was work, right? And it caused it, it had a huge torment on your health, on your mental health, right, your emotional expression. Because I do remember growing up and you having a huge affinity for other people. You know, we always grew up with people around your friends, right, having parties and you loved people. And there was a period where you were just, you know, 70s, 80 hour work weeks, and then you'd go to work after driving into school, come home, work more, right? Throw your back out, be in bed for a week, right? You just so there's a lot that you had overcome. And I think in a lot of ways, the woman that you've become today, through all the things that you've done, has allowed Keegan to be more self-expressed than he ever would have been if you had still been that sort of work monger, you know, type of you know, individual. I mean, there's nothing wrong with hard work, but it if it's in the ex you know the expense of true freedom to do what you please and enjoy and life you're living. And that's the same for children, right? It's the same for the next generation. And it's what I want to talk to other people because it's not just sexual and domestic violence, anything could be taught, right? SEL is important because it teaches the child more than just you know subject matter, allows them to connect with others and themselves. But any sort of you know uh upbringing of this manner, if it's taught and if it's consumable enough to be brought into the school systems, or in some cases private learning, like Montessori schools or a private course, you know, like you'd go to Sylvan Learning Centers to help your kids learn about math after school, right? Those courses can be if consumed if consumed correctly and uh projected properly, you know, they could have a huge advantage and and they can have a huge support for you know parents and kids alike. There's plenty of things that parents need to learn or can learn, especially new parents.

You know, we I just re-listened to uh an episode of the podcast um with uh one of my favorite authors, you know, Chris Sede, and and we were we were in that conversation, we were talking about like being our our authentic selves and the relationship the relationship between being our authentic self and uh like our lacks and learning to love our lacks. And I'm just sitting here and I'm like so much of the journey that like after years and years of coaching people and working with people and talking with people and connecting with them about their trauma, about their experiences, about going through life and what whether they had a great, you know, whether they had the like the the life that looked pretty in a box, you know, or not, like it's part of the human experience to go through like not being connected and not belonging and and dissociative behaviors to numb out whatever it is in the you know our environments that we can't deal with. I think that's just part of the human experience. And I'm just like when you were sharing, I was just like, wow, like how much money, time, energy is invested in like in working on doing the internal work to get back to a place of authenticity that we had as children. And I wonder if if we spent more of our time when children were younger teaching them social emotional learning, teaching them how to how to maintain being connected to their authentic selves, how to how to communicate, how to talk about what their needs are, how to be able to maintain connected, loving relationships, how to how to connect with other people. If we we we focus more of our energy and our time educating children in their formative years on those things, you know, the math and the arithmetic and the in the in the English and the science, like that, you know, those things are important and they they can be taught. And they'll continue to, you know, not like it's, I don't want to to look like it's either or, but I'm just present to the the cost of us not really focusing those, the education in those formative years with what it is to be like with education around what it is to be a human being, regardless of culture, regardless of geographical location, gender, religion, any of that. There is this shared experience. Being human, and most of us don't ever get taught anything about that. There is no formal education, or even you know, readily accessible for most human beings in formal education on what it is to be a human being and how to live this life in a way that allows us to create our own versions of success and happiness. And I'm just like in this conversation going, wow, like how much energy, time, money would we save in the long run if we actually focus the for education in the formative years on those things?

Well, the sad and unfortunate truth is at some point in our lives, all of us, unfortunately for the children today and the ones that are coming up, we are all and have all at some point lost the ability to dream. And in all of that you said, you know, all the only word that popped up for me was dream, right? And as kids, right, whether it's taken from us forcefully or just throughout time, through a length of time, we forget what it's like to just dream. And and regardless of the you know, obstacles put in our way, whatever, as a kid, right? If he wants to go get a candy bar and he had no money, right, his dream was still to get a candy bar and you figure out how to do it, whether regardless of how he had to do it, right? And it's the same as you know for me and my situation right now, right? You know, wanting that dream actually going to get it and not getting my own way, right? But things come up for us, especially as children, young, young adults, right, that stop us from allowing that dream to come into flourishing, whether it's somebody saying no, or it's you know, something happening over and over again, believing in fate or destiny or whatever the cause is, right? Giving that ability back to anyone to just dream and not get in their own way. Right. Uh their doubts, their you know, their image of themselves, their past. And I think that's freeing for a lot of people is when they can stop you know not allowing themselves to look at themselves from the past, but of what's possible for the future. It's it's somebody I I saw a quote on Instagram, one of the accounts I followed, and he was saying, you know, a lot of people forget that they're still holding a pen and there's still a lot of pages left. Right. At some point in the book, they they put down a pen and they believe and they like to tell their story, everything that's happened to them, everything that's gone on, you know, all this stuff, right? And I've I've I've liked to do that for a number of years, you know, even before the forum and even after it. Yeah. So at some point you have to start picking up the pen and you know.

I think what you're saying is so powerful, right? Like it's never too late, no matter what age we are, to pick up the pen and and start. And I think it starts with like access to dreaming again and building that muscle of you know, is starting with the question, like, what do I want? Like, what do I want? Not like what do what do I think I should want or what do other people think I should want? You know, what does society say should I that I should want? But what do I actually, what does my authentic self desire and want, and allowing yourself to inquire into that over and over again. And that is such a I think that's probably been the most transformative question. And and it has you bump up against so much, you know, we're I'm moving a bali in the in 45 days or 44 days, and and I had to deal with a lot as a parent inside of the all of those conversations of well, the the mother's not supposed to leave the nest before the kids do, and like, you know, like it's not is it an appropriate thing to do? Like, can I actually say I want that? What about the impact on my family? And it's um, and it's like, well, what are we committed to? Right. Like, and and I've always believed that you and your your siblings don't belong to me, that you've been your own people, and and that it's my it's not my job to to have you create the life that I think that you should want. Ian, I know that I have put expectations on all of you at times, and we've had those conversations to to to talk about and work through that. But it is about like create, I think it's about creating an environment and a family where we all get to pursue that, that we're all supported in pursuing the things that that we our authentic selves want. And you know, not from a place of like love and and wanting the other person to be able to create a life that's authentically their own. And the the other thing I just wanted to say, kind of going back to uh, and I know you and I have talked about this before, but I can just so see the impact. You talked about that pattern of or that behavior of working hard and like working 78 hours a week. And and I really had it, like based on my beliefs at the time, that that's what I needed to do to financially support you and your siblings and and you know, be responsible for all of the other things. And and on the other side of my own personal development journey, I now say that I know that there are different ways for achieving results. It doesn't have to be, you know, through the strategy of hard work. In fact, that strategy is pretty, pretty um, pretty not effective, right? Because it just results in in people being burnt out, especially when you're working hard and not taking care of yourself. But I can see the impact of my modeling that behavior in the family, you know, and in terms of your and and Kayla and Keegan's relationship to work and what you think work is, whether whether you're someone who's hardworking or whether you're someone who's like, no, I don't want to work hard because I don't want to do what my mom did. You not you, but like the various conversations that have come up with with each of you with regards to this thing called work. And I'm reminded of what you said earlier about when you were in China and you were teaching, it was like it wasn't work for you. It was just um, you know, doing what you love to do. And and I I remember the conversations that we had when you, you know, when you were with those kids and and just seeing the videos when you would share the videos with me or pictures of you with them and teaching them. And and it's as a parent, I don't know that there's any greater joy than really seeing your children not be successful based on society's definition of what success is, but pursuing that which lights up their heart and their soul and that which they love.

Yeah, well, I think touching on the first thing you mentioned, right? The whole um herd, you know, mother leaving the nest thing, uh, you you don't got chicks no more, my dear. Right? You you you you have uh if I remember correctly, I make dinner every other night at least with a beautiful girlfriend and clean the house and yada yada yada. Things will be handled. And you know, you when you called me and said you wanted to do it, I I didn't I didn't hesitate, right? I didn't stop you or or say anything in in the lights of that I didn't agree with it because you you've done well enough and you're gonna continue to support your family as you always have, but you are at a stage in your life where this is what's important to you, this is what you believe in, and I'm not gonna get in the way of that. You've spent enough of your years supporting and getting in the way of your own dreams, right? If this is something that matters to you, and all hail to her as well, she chooses to stay Kayla. There's no other benefits of of traveling and and living in another country. So, yeah, obviously there's going to be things that need to be managed, but they will be managed.

Um and yeah, I just yeah, it's not a problem for me personally, and trying to think of the next thing we're talking about modeling the behavior as parents and what kids pick up and and the whole conversation around working hard.

Right, right. Yeah. Um yeah, I could see how in in the way that you um, you know, how you went about things with your work ethic, right? They sort of did rub off on me. And and in in both the dark and the light way, right? Like when we were going to New Zealand, I wanted to work like hell to make sure that we all went there as a family and you know, working all those hours. Um, and then the backside of it was also like I don't want to become, you know, like that. Like there is there's the the both sides of it. Like I don't want to, you know, be someone that has to work all those numbers of hours. Like I want my money to work for me while I'm sleeping. I think that's something I've been looking at a lot recently, and I keep seeing come up. And I don't think that's a coincidence is that something like that keeps coming up. It means there's something there, and that's why I was looking into real estate, why you know I want to look and invest in and investing in all those things, and just because I think it's important because if I can sleep and make money, then I don't need to work as hard. And yeah, you're right. In in a good leader learns when to lead, he also learns when to delegate, and that doesn't mean you have to do all the work by yourself, and it means you shouldn't, because if you're leading correctly, you're not taking the full load upon yourself. And so what I think a good project manager does is they don't actually, or not just project manager, any leader in any field, right, is they don't take on, they are responsible for the outcome of the project, and they're responsible for the outcome of the assignment at hand, regardless of the field. But if there's too stressed and they're too overworked for themselves mentally and physically and emotionally, then eventually they're just gonna blow. So being calm quantum collected in those situations is very important, especially when it comes becomes like when you go back to parenthood, right?

Well, and I think it's so like, you know, and I I can I can say this now on the other side of all of it, you know, like being a single parent, having been raised by a single parent, um, not having a great relationship with much of my life with my father. Um you know, talk about patterns of behavior. I can see that one of the most destructive patterns of behavior that I modeled for for each of you, not so much Keegan, but definitely for you and your sister, was this like being a lone wolf, not asking for help, doing things on your own. Um you know, for and for me, for much of my life, that was based in like, well, I don't want to appear weak or I don't want to appear like I can't handle everything, you know, especially having you and Kayla at such a young age, I I often felt like it was like, oh, I, you know, I made my bed, I've gotta, I gotta sleep in it, right? So it's like on me to like make sure that I take responsibility for the decisions that I made. And it's like not gonna bother anyone else or or any of that. And and it's interesting, right? Because as we become more aware of these past patterns of behavior, and um, you know, I just want to like shout out to the incredible Patricia Salib here because she talks so much about conscious parenting. But as we be and as we become more conscious as parents, it's also important to get like I can have the car, I can do the work over here where I am to identify those patterns of behavior and transform them. But you I can't fix them. Like the impact, I can't fix the impact of those patterns in you and your sister and your brother. I can be available, I can be responsible, I can be here to support you, but as the, you know, you need you guys, you all three of you, and anyone else impacted by those patterns of behavior has to do the internal work yourself to, and and I, you know, we've had lots of conversations of late about like, ah man, I really wish you you and Kayla would partner more and would reach out for help more and like lean on community. And I can see it's like I really want that for the both of you. I don't want you to have to get to like 44 years old, which is how old I'll be next month, and like still, you know, being it, and and I it's not like a habit that you will, but I think as parents, we we want it to be, we want our kids to to learn from our mistakes and not make them mistakes themselves. And at the same time, I really get that the there's a journey of discovery that you have to go on for yourself. Like I can't make you discover that now because I want it. It's you it's your own process and journey to give up whatever beliefs that you inherited from me that are impacting your life in ways that may not be helpful or that you may not want. And then, and I can be a safe space to have those conversations. I can hold space for that you that you that you discover that whenever you discover it. And and then it's like, but there's all there's like this it I need to keep giving up that it should happen when I think it should happen versus like this is this is your journey through life.

Yeah, well, I think you know, it is very important everything that you just said, and first and foremost, you know, the whole topic, you know, especially around like my drinking and everything, right? Like why I don't, and yeah, one of the lessons is lone wolf, and that's one of the reasons why I did it. But it it it's I stepped in the crap, right? I decided to dip my foot in that mud. You know, I'm responsible for getting myself out of it, and it takes a certain level of mentality and and you know, empathy for yourself, but it also requires you to be responsible. And you know, yeah, at some point in all of our lives, it gets to a point where you're just fed up with your own crap, right? You just you know, you sort of you got to that point, you're just like, Yeah, okay, you did all this, congratulations. Now it's next, you know, you gotta move on, right? And those are lessons that obviously you you have embedded in us. But I think what you're talking about, and what you know, when you saw Fatima yesterday, it sort of brought up the memory that me and her had a conversation about generational inheritance, right? There are things that come down or pass down from our ancestors and our parents and our grandparents and our great-grandparents, even though never really met any of those. But regardless, right, those generational inheritance can have can have a huge effect on how we on our day-to-day adventures or or or you know decisions impact what we do throughout our life. And yeah, Kayla and I, Keegan, and his own right, all of our family members, they are on their own journey, and yeah, we can be a part of it. But your your impact and the way that you used to address and see things and how to deal with them, yeah, may have had an impact on us. And yeah, it it has in some degree, but yeah, you're right. Our decisions are our decisions, and we have to be responsible for them. And you have no blame or cannot put any blame on yourself about where we're supposed to be right now, or or sorry, not blame, but pressure of where we're supposed to be because we are on our own journey, right? And you know, you you said to me the other day, or you you mentioned something to me the other day, and it got me thinking, it's like I didn't know what was going to happen when I went to China, I didn't know what was gonna happen when I did the landmark form, or I took that job offer. But you never know what's around the corner, what comes out of those possibilities. And that's why you asked me or and Kayla to reach out to the community, and yeah, I should take more responsibility for that, right? And I do need to reach out to the community because I know that they care about me and I to them, right? Because they, you know, even when I think about them to this day, regardless if it's Iop or even just an assistant agreement, I do get joy from thinking about those experiences and they'll always live with me. But you ask me to reach out, Kayla, to reach out to the community because you never know what's possible. Because, yeah, me thinking that if I reach out to this person or that person, me thinking that, oh, you know, it's what are they gonna do? How are they gonna help me? Well, you know, what are they gonna do for me? They don't know that they're not providing the the thing that I'm looking for, but they may know somebody that is uh you don't know what you know reaching out to somebody may actually offer up. And um, yeah, it's just again, like I mentioned about you know, everyone getting out of our own way, you know, things that kind of come up for us really do dictate and control you know our actions sometimes, and it can be extra hard when you're a parent, a child, or even just an individual like myself.

It really is. I love what you said. I think there's like so much so much of when I look back at the journey that I've undergone to get to today, as a woman, as a leader, as a mother, as you know, as a daughter, it has been about like getting out of my own way. Um and I think you know, just uh thank you for for what you said about, you know, it's funny because as much as we like you use the tools that we have and you know have the conversations, and it's like um, you know, we have talked a lot about what's up coming up next for our family and for me, and and and all of that stuff. And um, and as much as I know like intellectually, it's like you can know something that maybe someone's okay with something, but I think there's also like getting it in your heart. And I really did just like on a whole new level, Matthew, just really got you know, the um your support and your um for for what for the next part of my journey in life. And and so I'm just really grateful to that for that. Um you know, one of the greatest joys and gifts in my life is that I get to spend my life in dialogue with you, you know, that we get for anyone listening to the show. This is like we're having this conversation here, but when when before we hit play on the recording, um, Matthew said just another Thursday afternoon. And I think that's really beautiful because I think that that we have this is these are not conversations that we have in a podcast interview, these are conversations that we have ongoingly just in the living of our life. And and that I get to have these kind of conversations with my children and and with you, and and that I get to as we move and ongoingly recreate, create newly what our relationship is. Um, like I get to be your cheerleader as you go out. And they say that the student surpasses the teacher, and I'm just, you know, whatever you create in the world. You know, what I I just um I'm so blessed and grateful that I get to uh to bear witness to you and and you and your discovering why you're here and what you want to create and and the journey that you're gonna go that you're embarking on as you create that impact in the world. Um, and and also the relationship that you're creating with Jess and the home that you are creating. It's kind of it's been an interesting experience because as it's gone from like this is the home that I created for all of you, and now it's like kind of transitioning to being Matthew's and Jess's place. And um just yeah, just uh it is really the greatest gift and and joy and blessing in my life to be your mom and to to get and to know you as a human being. So just thank you so much for coming on the show today and having this conversation with me and and sharing yourself and your journey and your commitments with that you know with uh our audience. And um all I can say for any of you listening is stay tuned because there's there's lots to come from this incredible young man.

Oh, thanks. I almost cried. I thought you were gonna cry. It's very sweet. Good. Uh yeah, it was good to chat about it. It was nice to just have a conversation like we always do, but this way other people can hear it. Maybe we'll become famous.

For anyone who's interested in connecting with Matthew, you'll be able to find his Instagram, Facebook, email details, and you know, you can connect with him. If you have, if anything he said has inspired you or you'd like to work with him, or look at how you can work and partner together in creating a future where uh there is a whole new narrative around sexual, domestic, and and um physical violence and educating our children in social emotional learning or or business opportunities and and just uh to have a pretty cool conversation on a Thursday afternoon. Thank you so much for joining us this week, and I love you all. Love you too.

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For more information on the show and our extraordinary guests, check out what wouldamberdo.com.