SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to What Would Amber Do with your host, Amber Howard. Each week, Amber dances in conversation with inspirational leaders, how to make a difference for what matters most to people. She brings you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being a leader and what it looks like to live a truly created life of service to others. And now, here is your host.

SPEAKER_05 0:28

All right, welcome back, everyone. Welcome back to What Would Amber Do? I am over the moon. Excited, thrilled. I need to expand my vocabulary to have back on the show Aina Adler. Aina was on the show, I think last year with her husband, John. Yeah, it's probably been that long, maybe not quite a year, but it's been a bit. Uh, and she was on the show back then with her husband, John, and now she's got some different things she's up to in the world. And so we wanted to have you back, Aina, to have that conversation about where you are today. And who is Aina for the world? Well, she is the CEO and creative genius behind the taboo priestess. Aina helps good people stop finishing last. And you want to know we're going to be talking about that tonight by coaching them to take their power back and live the life they truly deserve. Her commitment is simple and yet so impactful that people have power. Aina, it's so great to have you on the show.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Amber, thank you for having me back on. I'm so excited. I know.

SPEAKER_05 1:30

I've been like so pumped for this car. I've like literally been at it all day. Like I've like, my you should see what I killed on my to-do list today. Think I'd be tired. And I kind of was. And then you showed up and I was like, oh yeah, I've been waiting for this all week. So thank you so much for doing it. Yeah, it's so good.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Hey, thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_05 1:49

So talk to me a little bit. Last time you were on the show, you were kind of doing some work with Hubby, which you may still be doing, but you were also kind of like working in the space of like working with powerful women and to really take on their dating lives. And it seems, at least from kind of me watching you on social media and participating in some of your programs, that you've kind of like expanded the market you serve, but at the same time, time kind of niched down in a very fun, yeah, exciting way. So talk to me about the journey to get to today.

SPEAKER_03 2:15

Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, first of all, if you're not pivoting a million times as an entrepreneur, are you even an entrepreneur? So I mean, right? Um I think um I think it was interesting because I didn't know. I think a big part of like how I didn't end up here sooner was just like I didn't feel I was being a little bit lazy, which is fine. I just didn't feel like doing all the work to figure out, like, okay, you know, the question that's always out there is like, oh, what is the magic that you bring that only you bring? Like, what is the thing that's like you're like blah, blah, blah? And I was like, oh, that feels like it's gonna take some digging to find that out. And you really have to like, you know, sit down and people are like, go through all your testimonials and find the common threads and that. And I was like, that's so much stuff. So I just went with like when in doubt, follow your fun, you know, which I still I still stand behind. That's a good, I feel like that's a good rule of thumb. So I was like, cool. I most love coaching about like relationships because I feel like I love that. Like, let's get right into it. Like, stop fucking around talking about, oh, like, how's your marketing and your business? Like, no, who who are you sleeping with? What does it say about you? What do you want? And you're like, let's get into relationships, let's get into the good juice. I'm like, that's what's most fun to talk about. So good, I'll coach on that. So, and it was fun, but you know how I ended up here. It was like it was super fun, but all of my coaching is so much on like eliminating shame and guilt and fear and like just cutting all of that bullshit, which is the biggest thing that robs people of power. And I did get that power is a big thing I give people when I did finally go through all the testimonials and that I I in fact did the exercise, and everyone was like, Oh my god, power is the biggest thing I got from her. But inside of that, I realized that like, cause a big part of power is ease. Like, can you do something with ease a bit? And I realized like ease is oh, it's a big part of like who I am, what I'm after, what I want to offer people. And where I landed was love, which ultimately is always hard work. Love is so, it's so clearly always hard work. It doesn't matter what it's like, self-love, love with another person, like love is always such a journey, and we're all on it, and we're all on that. Like, can you get on the self-love train? And can you like we're all on it? But I just realized I was like, by virtue of how much work love is, it's not on brand.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

It could have been something that's this much work, could not easily be part of my brand. Love literally is like the least easy thing on earth. Nah, it's a pivot. So I was like, okay.

SPEAKER_05 5:15

Well, I should like just disclaimer, I give my guests full license to be self-expressed. And so Ina, there will be some swearing on the show. There already has been, and that like, you know, not a problem. And actually, like, and even having that conversation brought up, like perhaps because I like anyone who knows me knows me. I I swear, I don't swear on the show, but I do in real life or outside of this container. And so it's just kind of funny. So I just for those listening, be prepared for whatever out of this extraordinary woman's mouth, and we're just gonna like be great with all of it because it's her expression, and we love that. So love is not easy. Oh, it's so funny. I wait, I were I actually want to talk with you about that because I had this massive breakthrough in my romantic relationship this week when I got something around like archetypes and like being with people's gifts and lacks, and and it was just so powerful. But before we go there, so love is not on brand, love is not easy. Talk to me about power. How do you define power?

SPEAKER_03 6:16

I define power as well. I measure power by the speed, consistency, and ease with which a person receives their desires in reality. The speed, consistency, and ease with which someone receives their desires in reality.

SPEAKER_05 6:34

And why those, like tell us like why those are the things?

SPEAKER_03 6:36

You really need yes, because you really need all three, right? You really do, because like speed in our society is like the holy fucking grail. Like, that's the holy grail. Like, oh my gosh, like, did you get what you want? Did you get it fast? Like, oh, we all bow to that. That's everybody's goals. But here's the thing you can't have only speed, like, oh, okay, I can get what I want and I can get it really, really, really fucking fast. Cool. But like, if you do it in such a way that it's like so exhausting and it's so much effort, and it's like, yes, I caused this really fast, but like I broke my back to do it, and I'm like just ruined now, and your life is full of burnout and exhaustion. Guess what? Like, yeah, that's cool, I guess, but that's actually not power because it's not sustainable, right? It's just not, so it's it's not that powerful, and same conversely, like you can do something like let's say you want something and you cause it with such ease, like you're never worrying about it, you're never suffering about it, you're always like, Oh, this is totally happening, and it does, but like it took you 60 years, okay, sure, but like I would say also not like amazingly powerful, right? I would call that more in the realm of like really fucking ordinary, right? So, and like so you need so you need both, but then also we all have this, and we all have experienced this where we cause something, we want something, no matter what it is. Sometimes we have it with small things or whatever, maybe there's one big thing where like you want something, and then like there's such ease and such speed. You have both, like you just like for me, like, and this is why I was like, Oh, I'm like an expert in love. Like my spouse was like that, like, oh, I wanted one, and like immediately it like it plopped in my lap, like immediately, and there was no suffering or struggling or whatever about it happened with such ease, like, oh, that's power, but you can't have that like as a one-off. Like, let's say, oh, like, oh, okay, like you had like with one thing you caused like that, but everything else is like struggling and it takes like tons of effort and a hundred years. See, that's also not power. That's why you really have to have all three. If you are someone who with speed and ease can reliably, consistently have the desires that you want show up in your reality. Can you see that's a powerful person? That's power.

SPEAKER_05 9:06

Yeah, well, I can see. I mean, it's so great, right? I can see that with Peter, right? I mean, it took me 13 years. I don't know how powerful, you know, I manifested what I wanted. Yeah. And, you know, to go back to what you said earlier about love, man, it's been challenging. It hasn't been easy at times being with this man, right? And for him with me too, right? There's been a lot of stuff to unpack around that. So that's so great. So talk to me a little bit about like helping good people stop finishing last. Like, why is that part of your brand? Why is that so important to you? And how does that relate to power?

SPEAKER_03 9:45

Well, I feel like mostly we put ourselves in these boxes. We have stuff we want, okay. Like, if the end goal is okay, I have a desire, I would want it. So often we put ourselves good people, like, because we get trained, we're all conditioned. Be a good girl, be a good boy, don't be too much, don't be like this, don't be greedy, don't be like super slutty, don't be like all this, just the layers of guilt, shame, and fear that we are just like conditioned into the bone is crazy, right? And this is all, and like right, and it starts when we're because you know who has a lot of power? It starts in childhood, it starts when we're children, right? With little children are born so fucking powerful, like that baby screams, and you feel like you are being stabbed straight through all your organs, and you will die if it doesn't stop screaming and you give it what it wants right now, right? That is it's a very powerful place that we start. We start with just pure power, and right, it's too threatening for parents. It's so much. It feels it's just like that shit's gotta be contained, it's gotta be constrained, it's gotta be taught to behave, it's gotta be taught to be fucking less, it's gotta be, and you know, like some parents are more skillful with that than others. Some like people really experience a lot of trauma, right? And especially like women, right? There's a lot of like trauma around like your sexual power. Like some parents can be really fucked up about adding shame and guilt and all this stuff to that, and then you know, like, and other parents less so. But the point is that experience of like you're too much, fucking put it in this that's universal, right? We all have that, but the fact is we're all adults now, and it's like, is that still real, or is it just us still in our fear being like, no, no, no, can't do this, it's too much, can't do that, it's too much. The good boy and the good girl all just want to be well behaved, and it's just a real power leak. The need for good behavior, the need to be nice, the need to be accepted, the need to be palatable, the need to whatever. All these are they're a real power leak, a real big power leak. The biggest. So that's that's what we eradicate. It's so funny.

SPEAKER_05 12:02

So uh, like uh, you know, I'm gonna share a story from our personal development background because I think it's like kind of applicable to this. So um I was at like an assisting agreement at like the center in Toronto one time, right? This is for people listening through uh my my development in Lamarck. And um the leader came by and I was on the phone with someone, and she was like, you know, is this like a specific type of conversation and that I was supposed to be having? And I said, no, she's in the car with her kids. I was being nice about it. I was trying to get off the phone, but I was being nice about it. And this woman said to me, Hang up, just hang up. And I I it took that to mean that she wanted me to hang up on my person. And I got like, I'm very loyal, like, and I care about how people are laughing, right? And and in hindsight, when I look back at it, I mean, I should there's no way she meant like literally hang up, she just get off the phone, right? But I didn't hear it that way, and I got really bitchy with her, and I was like, like it was like intense, like visceral reaction, like you know. So the next day I went back to clean it up with her and like just like take responsibility for my behavior. And she goes, you know, Amber, there are some people who are like nice and it's authentic that they're nice. She goes, You wouldn't be one of those people, would you? And I was like, Well, what do you mean? She goes, Well, you're just not authentically nice. That's not like your authentic self to be nice. We have other words that we would use to call you now. I can't say those words, but but you wouldn't you could say those words. And I was like, Well, Faith, I like she goes, I said, I think you're what do you mean like a fierce bit? She goes, Yeah, that would be kind of a word that we would use to describe you, wouldn't it? Right. And and I'm like, I guess, I guess, you know, and and like, well, why doesn't she get to come out and play it? I'm like, Well, I'm afraid of her. I'm afraid she might hurt people. And Faith looked at me and said, the only reason you're afraid of her because you spent your whole life trying to put her in a box, and then when she does get out, she's nasty. Yeah. But if you just let her live expressed in the world, because that's your authentic self, then it's not a problem. And you know, so like I really get that, right? And and a lot of that I have very young conversations that go back to like, you know, being four years old and not wanting to be bad, and then all of the connected conversations that came off of like, I don't want to be a bad girl, right? Which is like gotta be appropriate, you know, and I'm just like it's only been in the last, I'd say, year that I really got how much that conversation runs my life and ran my life, right? Gotta be appropriate. Don't want to be seen to be inappropriate. Um, and and you know, I'm catching it more and more now. But even things like I'm having a going away party for moving to Bali, and until I finally asked for some partnership in my life and ask people to support me with this party. And my friend Jackie's like, you know, I'm gonna like get 10 people to come and help set up and tear down the party. And I was like, okay, well, you know, Peter's coming from California, so you've got me, Peter, and my three kids, like that's half the team right there. And she goes, No, Amber, she goes, This is your party. I'm not, you're not gonna, you're just gonna show up at the party. I'm like, is that appropriate? It's my party. Should other people be like, but it's like just so ingrained. You talk about those layers and the conditioning. It it starts, you're absolutely right. It starts in childhood when we, you know, when we get corrected, our behavior gets corrected however it does. And sometimes the behavior correction is really freaking traumatic, and we learn to not not be be that authentic self and have that authentic self be expressed in the world.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

Yeah, yeah, because it feels dangerous, because obviously being ostracized from your family is like it's the equivalent to death.

SPEAKER_05 15:46

What it does feel like death, and like in childhood, it is it could be death, right?

SPEAKER_03 15:55

If you're a small child, yeah, that was that that and that's in our bodies of like, no, I I need my family to survive. That's a real thing. So, no, of course we're gonna we're gonna be the way they want us to be. And it's such a potent point, what you were saying, but like what you were illustrating before, like when you were sharing about your conversation with that um center manager. What we resist persists, right? What you resist persists. I say it all the fucking time because it's so true, and people resist, right? And you were asking me about the apex predator, people resist the apex predator, people resist the beast inside, people resist all these things that we stuff into the shadows and we call bad and inappropriate and too much. We resist that, like, whoa, and then we get to be right that whenever it explodes out of us, we're like, see, too much inappropriate, hurts someone. I was right, wasn't I? It's like, oh yeah, back in the box, lock you back up in the cage. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:55

Oh, it's so good. I, you know, the more she comes out and she's just a self-expression, like she's quite lovely, actually, you know, like she will stand to the death for people and like really is like fierce in you know, that those parts of me, you know, because they're not that's not all of me, but those parts of me that, you know, just fierce in in her commitment and love of people and you know, stand for people to have what they want in life. And and um, and she doesn't, you know, I actually like the more and more she's expressed, and the more and more I allow that authentic, you know, kind of like warrior self to be, you know, the more and more what I get back from the world is wow, that's refreshing. Like, yes, yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

People actually just love what feels real. People don't like crave goodness and perfection, they just don't, because we're all fucking walking that tightrope and doing this dance. People love when people are just like say the real shit and are the people like, oh, what a breath of fresh air, thank you. Even if they completely I find people could completely disagree with what you say, but the fact that that like authenticity is a vibe, right? It's a certain frequency, right? And people love it. Yeah, we crave it, we crave it.

SPEAKER_05 18:15

And I think the more you allow that, like yourself to be self-expressed in that way. I think um the like when you you start to it feels icky when you're not being that way, like it really becomes a contrast for you, like when you're you know, when you like you once you start being an authentic self, when you're not when you're being inauthentic, it sticks out like a sore thumb. You like notice it's not okay, it doesn't feel okay in your body, it doesn't, you know, like it hangs like what the words not said or like what the feelings not expressed. I've been like actually um really owning that I get upset. Like I say to my partner, I'm like, I I wonder sometimes if you regret like you know, hooking up with a Scottish warrior princess, right? Because like I get triggered real quick. Now I'm quite trained in getting off it usually, unless my I don't have a lot of emotional resources and then it can like persist a bit, but I typically get off it real quick. But yeah, my nostrils flare. I'm like, I'm quick to like, you know, make a judgment or have a thought and then get like, you know, and we we had some breakdowns in our relationship over the last week or so, and you know, which created a really powerful opening for a whole new reset in our relationship that's been beautiful. But uh one of the things that I just discovered is this is the first relationship where I felt safe to be upset. Oh, like my marriage, you know, my expressing any kind of upset would have had a hole punched in the wall. And, you know, like and and with the relationship with my youngest son's father, you know, like none of that behavior was going on, but I was still so just worthless and like not self-expressed and trying to please everyone and trying to have everything work, that you know, like not rock the boat and not upset people, that I just was not free to like to own that I get upset sometimes, and it's okay that I get upset. And I even said to my partner, because I, you know, I noticed he creates a really safe space for me to communicate what's ever's there, but I think sometimes he doesn't, because he's afraid to want to upset me. And I said, babe, just don't you're it's not your job to fix my upsets, just say whatever you're gonna say, and I might be upset, and that's okay, I'll get off it. But just you you be you, you express what there is to express, and you know, if what you say upsets me, we'll do what we always do, we'll communicate through it, we'll work through it, it'll make our relationship stronger. And like, there's just this whole new space of like authenticity in the relationship because you know, and and I don't have to make my getting upset wrong, because I think for a little bit there, it's like, oh, you should you get upset too much, and he's so calm, it's like crazy. He's so he's so unflappable, he never gets upset about anything. I'm like, Are you just out of touch emotionally? Like, you're just not in touch with your emotions, like of course we need them to be like us, right? It's all like um, but when I got, oh yeah, I get upset sometimes. And I've noticed that since I just kind of stopped resisting that I get upset, I'm not getting upset as much.

SPEAKER_03 21:14

Yeah, isn't that funny? Yeah, you lean you lean into it. There's power in leaning into it.

SPEAKER_05 21:21

Always, always yeah. Well, and the other thing, and I would love to get, you know, this was a big conversation that I had this week was around like, you know, from the world of psychology and Carl Young, like that that there are archetypes that, you know, and and and I had been part of the cause of the upset is I wasn't getting my needs met in the relationship. And and it was through this conversation about like gifts and lacks. And like, and the person who was saying this is a guest I interviewed on the podcast a while ago, uh, Chris was talking about loving the other person's lacks. And I was not in a space of loving lacks at that time. I was like, the lacks are wrong, the lacks are meaning I don't. getting what I need, right? And and he had me see and he said the most beautiful thing that I just love. He said, he said, because Peter and I are very opposite in how we do things, right? We're very we're very aligned in what we care about and like some of the things that we like to do and and stuff like that. But our approach to doing things in life is like polar opposite. I'm like structure, process, analytical and he's like the wanderer, you know, gonna walk through the desert and figure, you know, like he's just like he wants flexibility and spontaneity and options. And I'm like, but we decided we were doing this. Like why are we talking things now, right? And uh which is one of the things I think I find attractive about him because he brings fun, play and adventure into my life, which I which is a lack in my archetype, right? My archetype is like hunter, ruler, like warrior. Not a lot of fun and play there. But one of the things that I could see was inside of my upset, I was trying to make him like me because that's what I know. So I was like, you're not reliable enough. You're not dependable enough. I need those things from you. And then when I was able to step back in the conversation and say, oh no, we we don't need anyone else in this relationship who's reliable and dependable. I got that covered. I need you to be like just give me more of your gifts. And that's what Chris said to me. He said all you ever need to do is ask someone to give you more of what they want to give you anyway. And for him that's like adoration and like intimacy and fun play and adventure. And he's like and when I had that conversation with Peter he was just like what do you mean I just all I have to do is give you more of what I want to give you anyway and I'm like yeah and it was just such a beautiful I just uh I'd love to get your thoughts because this whole conversation about architects is kind of new to me.

SPEAKER_03 23:43

I suspect you've probably played in this world a bit more than I have not that much no no not that much but it is I mean it is fascinating it's this is what I'm talking about. Can you feel how much work love is it's so can you feel it I'm just like I'm like my brow is sweating I'm like yeah the whole journey with a part I'm like oh my god it's it is it's it's a whole and it's you know it's one of those things I think that's what makes parenting so so miraculous and so insane because it's the one context yeah in which you experience unconditional love with another human you know it's like because it just happens to you you know like your child could literally I mean my kids could could turn out to be killers and I'd be like they're my babies that love will never die right there's just and there is no such thing there's no such thing as unconditional love between adults there just isn't besides your own children there's just not it doesn't exist it literally it does not exist because I promise you they do something shitty enough they do something awful enough you find out something terrible you will just be like great I don't love you anymore that's just how that works there's always conditions on our love in relationships there's always conditions there are times where those relations all those conditions are being met and those relationships continue peacefully there's no such thing as unconditional love between adults the only place that exists is with your children and it's just I never really thought about it that way but yeah because it doesn't really matter what they do no it really doesn't you just love them eternally and it's just like it's it's in you that's not going anywhere that doesn't exist between romantic partners it just doesn't we want to believe it does we say and then we're like what's wrong with this relationship fucking nothing this is what they're like just so much work.

SPEAKER_05 25:49

The relationship's fine well that's like that's so great because it's like they're not gonna change and like that was what was so great about it. It's like oh like and I think this is true of any relationship not just romantically like when we can just like allow each other like and it was so interesting because like he was talking to me about growth and like you know like I'm totally and I shared this with you the other day just really getting how hooked on progress and growth I am and like when I'm not growing or progress I don't see evidence of progress I'm in an upset about that. Right. And and he goes I don't actually believe we grow I just he goes I believe we just become more of our authentic self and we just keep yes I believe that being at the borders like exploring the boundaries and the borders to us expressing our authentic self into the world. And I was like oh that's a a context shift like let me play with that you know not like it's the truth but let me like explore and play with that for a while and and then it was like it gave me access to saying where is the warrior not being expressed right like where is that where is she not being you know like yeah I can see some areas but where are the other areas where she's not fully like you know being allowed to come out and and be be who she who I it's it's funny even talk about it like she's another person talking about dissociating yeah yeah like where am I where am I not ex fully expressing that that part of myself that is a warrior yeah yeah I do I believe that from I just said that to a client on a coaching call like last week or something where I was like there is actually no such thing as growth there's no such thing as personal growth there's no anything all there is is you love and accept yourself more and more and more and more what we call growth is you just lean into who you actually are more and more and more and more gets accepted and more gets accepted and more gets expressed and more gets expressed and that's all there is and it's funny right because you you're like I'm all about power but really what it is is it's it's it is a conversation about love, right? Because our ability to like be powerful in our lives and and express our desires right which is like our authentic desires is all part of that same conversation.

SPEAKER_03 28:03

Absolutely right like the more I can love myself and the more I'm not resisting anything because resisting is the power leak. You were asking you like what is that like people resisting is the power leak and the more I resist about myself right the more I'm not loving or I'm resisting X, Y, and Z, the more that power leaks out. Whereas when I'm doing that work and I'm leaning in and I'm leaning in and I'm accepting it and I'm expressing it, the more power you have obviously yeah because you get just freed up to deal with exactly what's happening right now in the moment.

SPEAKER_05 28:34

Yeah so great. So I would love for you to talk a little bit more because you kind of touched on being an apex predator but talk to me a little bit more about that right because I'm sitting here in my brain the minute you say that I'm like well what because apex predators need things to eat and hunt right I'm like well if we're all apex predator who's getting the hunted because we're migrate with it right where who are the prey if everyone's an apex predator who's the prey the desires of course the desires right we're not eating it but isn't that interesting that our mindset is so like we are so conditioned to be that way we're like oh surely we're eating and hunting each other right there can't be enough apex predator energy to go around some of us have to be prey no no we can just we can there's actually enough power to go around but it's but isn't that funny we're so conditioned that way like am I gonna eat are you getting who's getting it who's getting eaten who's getting eaten there's actually it's actually possible that we could just all step into our power the desires get eaten amber the desires I like that yes right we wouldn't like that it's what we're here to eat love that that's awesome it's so funny though because there is like I mean we're all born into these things right like we're born I mean we're born into this conversation about predator and prey right like it was existing before and you know and then that starts that forms the basis and shapes the world that we live in and how we interact with the world right and how we think and when we hear new ideas it's all compared to yeah what we already know right it's like oh well so which is so great one of the things I love about our friendship and just like you know being around it's like that a willingness that ability to like oh hold on a second let's talk about this what does she actually mean by apex predator right it because for some people they just be like well that's not me I'm just gonna like not participate in that conversation because I sure because of whatever we assume being an apex you mean by being an apex predator or how we hear that right so right so what are the defining in your mind I'm curious now like what are the defining traits characteristics ways of being and acting of an apex predator.

SPEAKER_03 30:53

Yeah well first of all I love that you said that because you realize that is why I why I create that is why apex predator whole reason is that we there's so many of us have an immediate response to like no that's all the bad behaviors right that's super aggressive and it's this and it's that and I don't here to like add weird negativity into the world by like predator behavior so let me not whereas the fact is this is just a fact like there's such a thing in nature as food chains and we are the apex predator. It does not get higher on any food chain in life on this earth than the human being. That's who we are but notice it's true what you said instinctually we have such a now that's bad right the good girls and the good boys and us have such a no no no you should be nice and it's that exactly that I'm here to go to war with right because that's the power leak right there. Yes you are the most badass powerful fucking creature on this green earth on this planet lean into it lean into it and that the immediate response is like wait what's that what's this negative aggressive is my case in point honey right it's like we all had our claims clipped in childhood right it's like we all had our claws clipped in childhood what is that yes that the I mean and that's actually the point that right there is exactly what I'm pointing to right and the apex predator yes is the embodiment of power who else like it is the embodiment of power right and the so in the jungle I said okay let's go with the the jungle cat right the the leopards the panthers right in the jungle it's that right in the earth at large it's us in the jungle it's that and I said okay the apex predator fully embodies power right fully embodies sex appeal right fully embodies danger it's dangerous right fully embodies ease those are the four elements of and ways of being what I'll call it yes you said ways of being the four ways of being of the apex predator that are fully embodied power sex appeal danger and ease and we as human beings conditioned in our society our society usually have weird freaky shit about all four of those oh yeah right all four of those are are like on our weird freaky shit list right we have so much stuff like we've already been talking about power all the stuff that gets in the way and then sex appeal is another one oh my gosh right your sex appeal comes from your sexual power power is appealing there's not there's it's not like oh wait find me someone weak who can't get what they want that's not because power is appealing your sex appeal comes from your sexual power and most of us have very little power with our sexuality most of us are conditioned to have very little power with our sexuality because of what we were talking about. Oh you know when you were younger the minute you like if you were a young girl the minute you started being a little bit attractive like you know if the men in your family started saying like you know some fucked up shit to you or even just like quietly you know people can subtly you know make it clear that they disapprove or like your mom could subtly make it clear that she disapproves whatever like that's threatening and we get trained that it's really really threatening to embody and we also get trained a big power leak is that it only matters how it looks all sexual power or all comes from how it looks do you will look a certain way that we glorify excellent there that is sexuality and I was always like that I was like if your sexuality isn't about your like physical hotness like how you look like how we are breaking down your meat sack as like sexually appealing then I don't get it. It's just about what it looks rather than uh fuck that no it's not it's about how it feels the answer is always how does it feel to be in your skin are you feeling yourself are you turned on by you are you turned on in this moment are you that that is the answer right that's like those are the people with sexual power doesn't matter what they look like I always use Lizzo as an example because she's like can we just with Lizzo for a second I mean oh queen right doesn't look anything like what our society glorifies but bitch is feeling herself that queen is feeling herself and it's 10 million times hotter than you know some perfect size double zero you could chip your teeth on their abs and their ribs and then whatever and they're not like feeling themselves at all. They just look a certain way. Yeah right it's a lie it's a lie that it's looks are what matter that whatever we have so much bullshit around that and we give all of our sexual power away to those circumstances and it's a massive power leak.

SPEAKER_05 35:57

I love what you said about breaking down the meat sack. So you know I I I think I shared this with you a little while ago when we talked uh when I was in California on my last trip but had some experiences with like going to hot springs and like you know really getting like when I was looking at my body and and how much like how my relationship to my body was actually like linked to you know trauma that I had earlier in life especially with men and and things like that. And and this experience like I didn't own my body like it didn't belong to me. My body you know either because you know because it had been you know sexualized or you know violated earlier in my life in different times or because my image like even my own image was like owned by by the the outside right like whether it was attractive or not and then this feeling of like I really like got and that that discovery it's like certain parts of my body are acceptable and or attractive and other parts aren't based on the standard like my hair is great and I have big breasts and people like that and that's attractive. But you know my stomach eh not so much you know my arms like and like not like what would it be like and and I get it's not an out there conversation. It's like really me owning my own, you know, like feeling good in my body and owning owning my own sexual power. But like really getting that I had this experience of going through life is not being a whole physically whole because it was like just all broken up and chopped up and like some parts I could I could be with and other parts I couldn't be with all based on external standards of what beauty is.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:33

And what's what what looks good, right?

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 37:37

So I think that's it's so powerful to say that and and it is a huge leap, right?

SPEAKER_02 37:41

Because I mean I think our most powerful source of energy is our sexual energy right it is 100% that's the source of all creation of all life that's all sexual energy.

SPEAKER_05 37:51

And it's so great like you know we're not gonna you know maybe this is a karma we'll have you back on the show to talk about transmuting that energy into other things but it's you know it it's sexual energy for the anyone listening to the show and this is not a new you know like maybe a new conversation to you sexual energy is not just about having sex right like as a power source that energy can get transmuted into so many other things in your life and and so you know I don't know if there's anything you want to say about that quickly.

SPEAKER_03 38:19

Yeah well that's what the source of like when you you asked me about the fuck yeah like that's what I'm talking about when I talk about following your fuck yeah what turns you on do you live a life that turns you on like what how are you led in your decisions? Are you letting your turn on lead you like oh my gosh yes this is the career that I want this turns me on fuck logic fuck reason fuck circumstances fuck how it looks oh my gosh this is the turn on we're doing this we're gonna go be a chef but you make so much money in corporate and blah blah blah and like oh my gosh the restaurant is like no do you let your fuck yeah lead you are you led by what turns you on and makes you come alive that spark that just like oh such vitality right that's what I'm talking about. You ask me like oh what's the fuck yeah like that's following your fuck yeah that's that sexual energy that's that spark of aliveness that can be you know in any decision at any time you know you can feel that if you're actually just like you know outside being really present with your kids instead of resisting them for once you know you can feel you can feel that anywhere just like ah that aliveness that ecstasy ecstasy is ecstasy no matter which way you slice it and many of us have you know severely dampened our capacity to feel it.

SPEAKER_05 39:44

So great.

SPEAKER_03 39:45

I can talk to you about this forever and we're coming to the end of our time together beautiful so talk to me a little bit talk to us share with us you know what are your programs like how do people work with you you know what do you have anything coming up that you want people to to know about yeah absolutely absolutely well the first thing I would say is definitely follow me on Instagram at the Taboo Priestess that's where all the goodness goes down. It's all on uh at the taboo priestess on Instagram and I know that's in the show notes as well but um yeah the courses are there one course is starting um next week that's jungle cat magnetism that's what we were starting to touch on four weeks to embody that apex predator energy right embody your power embody your sex appeal embody your danger and your ability to just pivot with life embody ease not like as a lie someday that is earned like through struggle but like right fucking now ease is available now right all of those transformations um a 28 day intensive on all embodying those four transformations of the apex predator that's coming up on Monday you can always just reach out to me via Instagram you can always DM me there and then I have the fall program coming up um Silvage which is a um an eight week intensive on the seven deadly sins which is um yeah it's gonna be good speaking of speaking of shit we resist oh it's gonna be so good so so good eight week intensive on the deadly sins I'm so excited yeah for those of you that don't know this uh incredible woman I met on a weekend in New Jersey back in 2019 and you know I think they just fell in love with you you're just extraordinary and I really want to just uh you know you mean you know me my commitment is that everyone gets to live a creative life of their own design based on what they authentically want.

SPEAKER_05 41:47

So it's like knowing that there are other people out there in the world having these conversations, taking on shame, taking on guilt, taking on all of the things that get in the way of us actually being able to declare and discover and continually discover what it is that we that we what we really want and what we really desire. And uh so just really want to acknowledge you for your leadership and your, you know, like you're the real deal you're out there in the world. You know this isn't just something you get on Instagram and talk about every once in a while this is how you live your life and it's just such a joy to be with you and and be in partnership with you and get to journey with you through life. So thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing yourself with us and and uh just thank you for being in my life.

SPEAKER_03 42:32

Thank you thank you thank you Amber Oh my gosh yes I receive that and I just give all that love right back at you. It is just such a pleasure to be with you in your space and your energy and thank you for this conversation. Ah such a delight.

SPEAKER_05 42:50

For more information on how you can connect with Aina and like discover your fuck yeah in life and uh you know all of the things that get in the way of you actually really knowing what those are and discovering them and going after them. You know you'll find out all of that information in the show notes. Thank you so much for being with us for this conversation and I'll see you next week and I love you.

SPEAKER_00 43:11

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode for more information on the show and our extraordinary guests check out whatwoodamberdo.com