SPEAKER_00 0:14

We bring you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being an entrepreneur so you can have your whole life work. Now, here's your host, Amber Howard.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Welcome back, everyone. Thank you for joining us for this week's episode of What Would Amber Do? This morning I am here with Christina Russia. Christina has worked on the front lines with families doing community development and social work for over 25 years. Christina is transitioning and fulfilling her life's purpose in new ways. As a coach, Zumba instructor, and soon-to-be published author of the book Breathe Wide Open. Christina's a mom to two amazing children. And in the short time that I've had the pleasure of knowing her, her wisdom and commitment to serving others is abundant. I'm so grateful to have you on the show this morning. Christina, thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Thank you, Amber. I'm very excited to be here with you today.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Yeah. So as someone who is in the process, because you're like smack dab in the middle of transitioning from you know a corporate job and still working in that corporate job or you know social work to kind of fulfilling on your life's purpose in a different way. Was there a defining moment for you where you were like, it's time to step into something new? What was that journey like?

SPEAKER_01 1:42

Yeah, it was um so I've been a frontline worker for coming up on 25 years now, mainly within the child protection sector. And for the majority of those years, like working with families who have experienced crisis and trauma and um just a repeat of family situations. Um for so long I had been delivering my service in a certain way. And then it wasn't until a few years ago where I realized some of the trajectories in my own life that had been playing out for me were actual parallels to the things that I was seeing within these homes and with these families that I was working with. So it was almost like, I don't know, like there was definitely a moment, a defining moment a few years ago. I go through this and breathe wide open as well, uh, where things were seen, I just saw things different than I had before. And it didn't only play out in my own life, but I saw things different for everybody else as well, especially for the families that I was working with. And it just changed perspective for everything. And so everything that I had been, I feel like everything that I had learned up to that point, all the work that I had been doing up to that point with the families that I was involved with, was all for this reason and all for this purpose to bring this to a different level. And that's what I feel that I'm doing in this transition now, and where I'm stepping into is taking all of those years of service, all of my own life experience, as well as my this opening to these new perceptions and seeing things in this new way, combining it all and now bring being able to deliver in a completely different way than what I had been before.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

It's so it's so interesting, right? As someone who is the child of generational, you know, some of people call them generational curses, generational patterns of shame, and and I I've experienced that in my own life. And till this moment I hadn't really gotten like saw on the other side of it that there are generational patterns of how we respond to these kinds of things. And I'm present right now to a book that I know that we've both read, you two, where Pritchard says more of the same just gives you more of the same. And so if we keep what I really just heard in what you said, Christine, is if we keep taking the same actions when it comes to anything, whether it's how we deal with child protection, and I really acknowledge you, that cannot cannot be easy to show up and do that every day and be that for communities. And so just thank you for that service and that contribution and the difference you've made. And what an opportunity to just to see that for yourself and now be like, okay, well, I don't want to keep creating more of the same, even though I've been doing good work. I don't want to keep doing more of the same. What else could, what else could there be? How else could I approach being a contribution and making this difference for families?

SPEAKER_01 4:46

Yeah, that's you've hit so many points right there, Amber, because for like the generational patterns, it's huge. And what I have found, and I didn't realize it, and I don't know if it was the same for you, but for any kind of trauma like past trauma, childhood trauma, I think like I almost feel like we get to a certain point where we feel and we believe that okay, it's dealt with, it's done, we've cleared it, and we can move on. And it comes out and it shows up in so many different ways for myself and then speaking for how it showed up in my own ways. It was for it was within my own personal relationships and just this pattern of repeat on my own part of repeat behavioral patterns, thought patterns that where I just kept hitting the same roadblock, right? And we see it with other people too, right? With friends or family, um, people that we're close with, where we see them making the same decisions and getting into the same situations. And it's like this repeat where you just want to shake the person and be like, what are you doing? And I have felt that with the families that I work with too, because that happens so often with that multi-generational repeat where you just want to say, okay, it's time to change because what you're doing isn't working anymore. And for so long I thought I had it all together and I thought, nope, I've got this, I was strong and I was guarded, and I was, and how it manifested for me was the level of mistrust and how that comes out and how that shows itself because of this mistrust. And essentially what I was doing was covering up my own shame and my own unresolved things that I just felt like I dealt with, but I really hadn't. And so, yeah, it's it really comes down to um when you had mentioned about the same things keep repeating and coming back. You almost have to, like for me, it was like taking all those experiences, not reliving them, not spending too much time with them, but almost witnessing them from a different perspective and then rewriting them. And that's what I've done is I've rewritten them from a different angle and seen them from a different view so that now I can move forward understanding them in a different way. If that makes sense. Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 7:04

There's so much gold in what you just said. I'm like, ah, what to go, you know. Oh, it's so beautiful. Um I'm really present to blind spots, you know, when you look at, and it's so easy, I think, for us as human beings to, you know, see the mess over there where someone else is, and like, why can't you see it? And then when we're in it for ourselves, right? We and for those of us, and I've said this before, for those of us so-called enlightened people that have done a lot of work on ourselves, you know, we've cleaned out all of the cobwebs and it's the tarantula hiding in the corner that, you know, it's hidden from our view that we can't see, that you know, you speak to those patterns, beliefs that keep perpetuating over time in our lives. And um we have to discover it for ourselves. Yeah, I've recently gone through this transformation over the last couple of weeks, which I I know I've shared with you about really on a whole new level getting my word off. And and and it's been beautiful because now I don't have to be like approving or validating myself in any way. I can just be in life. And you know, I had so many people tell me over the years, like, do you not see who you are? And and I could hear it, and it got as you know, and it wasn't until I actually got it for myself, discovered it for myself, that I that it made the difference, right? So yeah, and we we tend to point out, I think, because it's easier to see other people than ourselves, we we kind of focus our attention externally to ourselves, right?

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Well, and isn't that that is just so beautiful. I just love how you how you worded that, Amber, because that is just that's exactly it. We are all where we are, and it's all perfect for for where we need to be. Um and going back to my work in child protection, like oftentimes where we're, you know, when we'd be working with family, we would see the things that they're doing and and the patterns and how this was coming out and how they were treating each other like within their own family. Um, we would, as a worker, try and come up with plans for these families. Um, but it wasn't until I had come to this own awareness of my own when it hit me within my own life, had I realized that that's okay. And it's okay for people to go through that process and to go through their own journey at whatever way that looks like for them. And my role and my job as the worker, as a child protection worker, is to ensure that I'm doing everything I can do within my own ability to keep the children safe and to make sure the plan is working for them to be safe. But it's not my job to determine for the family what that's going to look like. And um, and that just it hit me so hard when these things were coming up in my own life when I realized that okay, everything had to be exactly as it was. Nothing, like everything was perfect exactly as it was, and that includes every mistake that I've made, every heartache that I've ever endured, ever betrayal, and including obviously all the good things too that have come along the way. It was all necessary and it was all in perfect timing, and coming to that realization and being able to be in that place to see it all from that view for myself, and then being able to translate it to everybody else. So even here, like I can see you on the screen because we're through um you know, through our uh Zoom platform, and I can see you, and I see your potential. Like this is just what's happened for me. Like I just see potential in everybody, no matter where they are or what they're doing, or where they're or where they may feel that they're at. So that's it's huge, is you know, recognizing that that we all have our journey. Like, isn't that just like just breathe that in? Like, we are all doing just exactly what we need to be doing. Nothing has to change.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

And we're all doing the best. I don't know where that sounds come from. I anyway, every once in a while there's a weird sound that comes on my uh audio. We're doing the best we can with what we know. And and I think you know, to be able to really own that, for a long time in my life, I tried to force outcomes with people. I would see potential in others, and I'd be like, why can't you like you go out of school? You should do this, you like because I just I really did come from a place of loving people and wanting the best for them, and really being someone who always saw other human beings as a possibility. And and now I know after have been being on my own journey of self-development over the last four years and and the people I've met and the work I've done, and exactly what you're pointing to, you can't force people to get there. They have to get there on their own. You can you can be a stand for something, you can be a contribution, you can be a witness to things. And it really, I've just present to like, you know, be the change you want to see in the world on a whole new level. Like, not just like go out and do good acts, but like do the work over there where you are, so that then you are a demonstration of what becomes possible for other people and an inspiration versus going, and and so much of the work that you and I've been doing with Danielle and thinking into results is about going internal and doing the work internally on our minds and and uh mindset and all of that stuff. And it's I I get that in a whole new way now, right? It starts here with me being that demonstration.

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Yeah. Yeah. And looking at you hit on something there too, with um, because I think I I feel like control is a huge part of it too, right? When we're when those things are settled within us, and I don't know your whole story, and and um, but speaking for myself, and that's all that I can go on is my own experience and how it showed up for me. And control was a huge part of it because I was so and I did recognize it being so out of control inside, and just needing everything on the outside to be in a certain way, so that then I was a so that I could feel safe and secure within my environment, and letting that go and it and there was a huge, huge turning point. Um, and this is where Breathe Wide Open is based on on this turning point where everything shifted. Um, and it's like this whole new scenery, this whole new landscape just opened up to see things in this completely different way, and that was exactly it right there is understanding control and just how that is just it's crucial to our own well-being and being able to let that go and understanding the things that we are in control of, which is essentially ourselves.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

You hit I think you hit the nail on the head there with that. I uh 2020 is my journey into wonder. And one of the biggest things that I've discovered this year, journeying into wonder is control and wonder are not mutually compatible. Like you cannot be in a discovery of wonder and the curiosity and the unfolding of what could be when you're spending all of your energy and time trying to control all of the people around you. And I love what you said, and it because it starts over here where we are, if and I like completely agree with that, because I felt so in control in my own mind and my own self. So that has been my experience as well. So share with us what is Breathe Wide Open? What is the platform? What's the book about? What what is this creation of yours?

SPEAKER_01 15:00

So uh Breathe Wide Open is it's my first uh my first published work, and it's actually expected to be come out um to come out in March of 2021. So it's still in the publishing process. It's with layout right now, which is really exciting that it's very, very close. Um so breathe wide open is um it's meant for anybody who had who may be at this point where they feel that okay, there's things going on in my life where I feel stuck or I feel limited, or there's just something that I need where I feel like there's more to this life than than what is. And it's really a journey of unleashing and um releasing all that junk that we tend to pile up in our lives, whether it be from our past, whether it be from trauma that we've experienced, um, anything that's happened to us where we feel that we've lost that that site of control and it piles up. Um, because what I have found is that for anybody who is trying to seek um bigger meaning in life or trying to find kind of any resolution or healing within their own lives, you get to a certain point. I've seen this with myself, I see it with the families that I work with, where you can only go so far. And it isn't until you can dig into unleashing and releasing these things out of you that it then opens up yourself and opens up space in a way where you can invite in the actual tools and things to use to actually bring yourself to that higher place. Um so it was so breathe wide open. It was actually it I stumbled upon it. It wasn't something that I consciously thought of that, oh, I'm going to develop this. And it slowly emerged into this and it grew into this. And it started from my journal. Um, I've always been one to keep a journal. I've always written in a journal, but over the last few years, something changed with the way that I was writing, where it was coming from a far deeper place within me. Um I wouldn't sit sit down and think, okay, this is what I'm gonna write about today and go ahead and write. I would approach it from a completely clear space and just let the pen take control and things would just come out. And so then after a couple of years of this writing style, I was, I would once in a while, then I would go back and read back on some of my entries, and I'd think, okay, there's something more here going on. Like this is there's something happening here. And the way how it was parallel to some of the things that were going on in my life, I would write about things in a different way. I saw this roadmap opening up, and it's and I call it a roadmap of healing. Um, and again, it wasn't something that was consciously given, it wasn't something that I had set out to think, okay, I'm going to come up with a this roadmap for people to use on how to release their negativity and welcome in all this beautiful abundance, prosperity, um, limiting mindset. Um, it just happened. And so I was at um actually a couple years, maybe about a year and a half ago, I was at this retreat with a friend of mine, Deb Seuss, and she had us do vision boards, and it was the first time that I had declared, I think I want to write a book. And I didn't know what, I didn't know how, I didn't know anything. Like it's not something that I had consciously thought of before. Um I just knew that there was a book within me. And then it wasn't until um earlier this year, 2020, close to when the when COVID started to emerge, I had some extra time on my hands because things were shut down, and I started piecing things together. And this is what came out of it was breathe wide open. And so it's a tool that I've used for myself, no matter what I go through or what I may be feeling. I find that I can flip back to any part in my book and find the answer. There's always something in there that speaks to me to help clarify and to help bring things to a different level of awareness than where I had them before. So this is how it's all kind of emerged. And then from here, then I've just had ideas after ideas on how to grow this.

SPEAKER_02 19:29

So often I hear when talking to entrepreneurs or you know, people who are stepping into owning their own businesses or creating their own life, is it just naturally unfolded out of the process of living. Yes, you're going through your own journey. And I'm not saying that there aren't some people who declare, oh, I want to be an entrepreneur, I'm gonna create a company, and then go out to seek a service or product or good that they can create. But often it's you're living, you're writing in your journal, you're going through your own journey of transformation, and you in that process discovered that you had something and that could be of service and be a contribution to others. And I'm I'm really excited for March. I can't wait to get my hands on your book and read it. Um, let's talk a little bit about COVID and the role that the pandemic, I feel like for a lot of people, these last eight months, nine months have been very transformative and difficult. You know, I don't want to diminish the challenge that the pandemic has brought for a lot of people around the world. And at the same time, a lot of people that I talk to and speak with about what's kind of unfolded in their lives over the last nine months, it's there have been pivotal moments where this crisis has had them reflect on their lives differently. What role, other than giving you some more time, which I think is has been a big benefit for a lot of people to refocus, uh, what what was it about the pandemic that had you start moving forward, maybe with greater velocity on your own work and programs?

SPEAKER_01 21:10

Well, I feel it had significant impact on on how this all played out. Um when everything started back in March, and I was definitely I fell into this category initially of feeling the fear and the confusion. And um, I think for a lot of us that's what's happened, where you know, we were caught off guard, like in questioning, like what is really going on here. Um for anybody who had been on social media during that time would have seen just the diversity and the division actually between people. Um, people who like this is what I was seeing was this division between opinions and um people social. Fearlessly needing to find reason and understanding and what was going on. And I was pulled into that for sure. It like in the beginning, where I was caught, like, okay, wait, this isn't this, and maybe it's this, and questioning, and all these things I was finding as I was going through that process was surfacing within me. Like these things were coming out where it's it was almost like this anger. It was anger and it was grief because a feeling of loss of control. So I felt like I was losing something. I felt like um I, you know, with that just not understanding what was going on and that desperate desperation to seek and to find the answer and to find comfort and understanding, okay, what is happening here and how can I keep myself and my family safe? Um, and so as I was trekking along, again being pulled into that fear, because that's what I call it, the fear-based thinking and the and the thoughts which got hold of so many of us. Um, and then when I started to see the anger emerge with people and this division that was happening between friends and family, with you know, people attacking each other and having to defend themselves, and all these things were coming out, where I it got to that point where it's like, okay, wait, something is going on here. Like something is happening beyond this pandemic. Like there is more about humanity that is surfacing here that we need to see and we need to be witness to. Um, and it was along the same time that I was writing Breathe Wide Open, and it just fit in beautifully with what I was seeing, because this is exactly what this is about. That whatever it is that we're holding within, if we have any um unresolved resentments or traumas or mistrust or anything like that within us, it's times like this of crisis or times of the unpredictability or times when the environment seems out of control, that that's going to be our default, right? Like if we are holding on to those things within us, our default is going to be to hold on to you know, whatever defenses that we have that have made us feel safe in the past. And this is what I was starting to see with myself and with people that were close to me as well. Um, all the more reason, like for breathe wide open to help to bring that awareness to us that we hold on to things in so many different ways. And um, and being able to release those old stories of how we attach those fearful thoughts, rewrite them so that when we're faced with things like this, and when we're in situations where we feel like we're out of control because of what's happening in the world, we can still control the way how we hold on to those to those events, and we can still thrive and um be loving and being kind and all those things, despite anything else that's going on around us.

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Yeah, I you're you're pointing to choice, right? That at any moment we have a hundred percent say in how we're gonna respond to the to the events of our lives, to the circumstances that are happening around us. And we may not always want them or like them, but at the end of the day, it we are 100% responsible for how we react and and and the opportunity that there is to respond versus reacting. And what you were just saying, Christina, reminded me of when you were talking earlier about like people, the need to release things and and people getting filled up. And and I think that happens to us, right, over our lifetime when we're not consciously, and and for many people, they don't even know that you can do that. I you just go through the living of your life and you kind of get filled up and and then really start responding to things that are happening in life from from a not ideal place. For myself, over COVID, it started with, I mean, I've been doing a lot of this work already, but then I reached out to a friend of mine, Cindy, who's an interior designer and stylist, and and really changed, helps people move through the transitions in their lives. And she helped me redo my bedroom. And we and that process is a process of releasing clutter and and starting in the environment. And and it's crazy how much emotional stuff is tied up in the things and why are we holding on to this, these things versus those? Like, what do I really want? I think that notion of release is very powerful. And and I know for myself, like recently having gone through the passing of my friend getting that I had decades worth of energy like trapped in my body because I'd never taken the time. So there's always something to do, had to work, had to keep going, got a soldier on, never taken the time to deal with the emotional energy associated with any of the trauma I'd been through or any of the grief, loss of people that I loved, relationships not going the way um that I that I wanted them to or thought, you know, thought they should.

SPEAKER_01 27:16

Yeah. And that's and I, yeah, and that's um when we talk about energy, because I do I speak about this with in uh breathe wide open as well, and how um the energy and and the thoughts that we attach to some of those stories is is so huge. And the way how I look at it, I think you kind of summed it up there too, Amber, is you know, something happens and it could be good, bad, however you want to perceive it, interpret it, but there's energy that's that is attached to that event. And the that energy then is within us because we're holding on to the thoughts and remembering that event, and then it creates and it's that energy. Um so if we continue, like if you think about it like this, something happened 10 years ago, right? And that event is not happening right now, right? That event is no longer happening right now, but the way how we think about it and the way how we talk about it, the way how we remember it, that's what keeps it alive within us. So if there's something that's traumatic that's happened years and years ago, right, and if we still continue talking about that same story as as it was, it's gonna create those same emotions within us. And our in our bodies and our mind, like we don't understand the difference between then and now. So our body and our mind is going to continue to react as if that event is still happening today. And this is how, you know, this is what I believe happened with me, with that repeat of you know, the patterns, and when you can see those patterns in in other people as well. Um, when people hold on to those stories, right? When we hold on to those stories of how we understood it to be at that time, it's like we're just recreating it over and over again. So that energy is is huge in being able to release it. And and it's it's it's funny that you had mentioned that about redoing your bedroom. I didn't know that you had redone your bedroom. Um, but that is I've I'm actually launching a workshop right now. It's it's in the trial process right now. So I have eight of participants who will be working with me through this, and it's all about um the different areas of life and how we can release things. And one of the areas of focus is our physical environment because I believe like everything is energy. And so even if we have things within our environment that holds any kind of um memory for us, or if it's just not serving, every time we look at it and we see it, it's going to still create that those same thoughts and create that same energy within us, right? So it takes releasing on so many different levels to be able to clear that space. Because once that space is cleared, like so much more can come in of more of our wants and desires and beautiful things.

SPEAKER_02 30:18

So good. One of the most powerful tools that I've ever been given was from uh the landmark forum that I did back in 2016. And it's like the idea of the vicious circle. So exactly what you're talking about, right? There's like what happens to us in our lives and the meaning and the story that we associate it with. And we don't suffer because of what happened. What happens just what happened? It's our suffering is all inside of the story, and then we go through life repeating cycles of creating and creating more and more evidence or looking for more and evidence to prove us right about our story. And when you can like really give that up, like that the power in being able to give up that the story would like that was my meaning. That's not my story, isn't what happened. And and what happened is just what happened. And I was listening to Anthony Robbins this morning, and he said, pain is pain. You know, human beings deal with pain. Suffering is a choice, suffering is optional. And and I know from my own experience that suffering always comes from, even even if I were to cut my finger right now, and I did actually, I was like getting, I stuck a knife in my hand yesterday and had like one of those bonehead moments, trying to take a pit, a seat out of an avocado, doing all of the things that I know better to do. And literally, like the pain was there and gone in an instant. Any if I suffered at all, it was over, oh, you're stupid, like you should know better. Why did you do that? Right. Like it's all of the that that has nothing to do with what happened. All that happened was I put a night, the tip of a knife in my hand. That's what happened. And and it's such, if every human being could just get that and use that tool on a regular basis. And it's actually, you know, heard a story that it was during the time when Nelson Mandela was in prison, his family did the landmark for him and they gave him, he couldn't do the work himself, but they gave him the two circles from that distinction and that tool. And that was he attributed that to be one of the things that had him be able to walk out of that prison cell after decades of being wrongfully jailed free because he just kept distinguishing what's happening versus the meaning. So powerful.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Yeah. And it's it's so interesting, isn't it? How that happens. And it's but essentially, like, I feel like that is just our human normal behavior, right? Like it's just what people like what we're programmed to do. And I don't want to take away because I I I feel like, you know, um, as we're talking about this too, um, I don't want to take away from that, yes, trauma is real and grief is real, and those things do happen, and and we have to allow ourselves to go through that process. And with um, and then talking about all this, like it's not taking away from that and saying that oh, you know what, you could you just stop thinking it or think of things differently, and that's it. Like it's all on you. Um, but it's a matter of being able to get to that space and seeing it differently. So you're not taking it away. It's not going away, it's not like you're you're saying, oh, well, I'm gonna just ignore this and pretend that it never happened. That's not what this is about. It's about looking at it from a different perspective and that different angle so that then you can attach something different to it that is serving you.

unknown 33:52

Right?

SPEAKER_02 33:53

Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And I think part of part of what had me stuck for so long in my life on this journey was ignoring the trauma. Yeah, like you know, it's like, oh, it's just what just like not paying attention to it. I remember once I was uh in a therapist office for a meeting about my mom, and the the psychiatrist was like, You had a horrific childhood. And I was like, kind of like looked at her, I was like, who are you talking to? I don't know what you're talking about. Like I couldn't even own that like even looking at the what-so, like the what happened, that it I was just too busy dissociating. And it's so funny, we you know, like dissociating through life, and people talk about that like personalities in a way, but I just dissociated the emotion. I just like I and it was because I had a view of me and how I had to deal with life, that I had to be strong, that I could not like all of these things, all of these things that we built up to protect ourselves and and and so a hundred percent the trauma is real, and there's an impact. And I think more it's about the willingness to to one, I think ask for the guidance and the help, know that the tools, like as you said earlier, everything we need is gonna come to us when we're ready for it and when we can use it. So the mentors, and if we I look back at my life, all of those people and those tools showed up just in time when I was ready to move to my next level or or step into something new. And but I I I think uh far too often we ignore and avoid the the trauma or what happened, right? Because it we don't want to deal with and process. And one of the best things that I've gotten out of the program that you and I have been in for the last like five months is you you own it, you name it, and you release it. You don't have to stay there, but by by uh turning a blind eye to it and pretending like it didn't happen or that those feelings that aren't real or the emotional impact wasn't real, um, it just perpetuates it over time.

SPEAKER_01 36:13

Yeah, that's so true. And it's and that's where empowerment comes in too, right? And um because now that we can bring ourselves to that different awareness and knowing that we have the ability within us to to make that change and we can choose different than how we may have before. And I totally get that with um, you know, not even realizing that it was something that we were holding on to. Like that's exactly what happened with me as well. And it showed up in so many different subtle ways. Um, where I truly like I like you ask anybody close to me, like, no, I I've dealt with everything. Like I've got I've dealt with everything. Like, no, that's no longer an issue for me. Like, are you kidding me? Like, that's so far along in the past, like, I don't need to go back there again. Like, it's done. And yet things continue to repeat in my life that I could not make sense of. And it's like, why do these things keep happening? Like, why is the same situation happening over and over again? There's something going on here that's that's deeper than than what I thought. And that's how, and this is, you know, I talk about this through my book as well, just how that manifested for me in a subtle ways that I didn't realize, um, and hoping that maybe others would be able to connect with that as well, um, to say that to see for themselves that okay, maybe these are some of the patterns that I've experienced as well, and to give that outlet and um the support through Breathe Wide Open to building that different awareness, different perspective, releasing it all, and then rewriting it all. So that's it's all about empowerment.

SPEAKER_02 37:55

I think you're really pointing to the power of the power of completion. Right. When we actually be and it's like for me, it's been the experience of peeling back the layers of an onion. And you you think you deal with something, like you really do. You think you've like processed something, dealt with it, and then that, and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, look, that's oh, interesting. What's that all about? Why is that? Oh, okay, another layer. And and it is possible to get things complete in such a way that they have no emotional trigger or story or or activation associated with them. They just start to become part of the the history of the events of your life. And and when you get there, that is so power. That is so that is empowerment. When you can just be at the whatsoever of your life. Like what happened is what happened. And then it's like, okay, well, what do I want to create next? That's all behind me.

unknown 39:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

What am I going to create in this moment and going forward into the future?

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Yeah. And it's um, it's almost like that shift from from being the person to having lived it to being the observer of it. And that's where I find that there's the difference of being able to see it for what it is and seeing it, looking at it from this different perspective because the growth has happened and the awareness has changed. So it's it's seen different. And even using it and taking it and finding a way to find purpose with it is also empowering. And this is something that I go through as well. Um where we can look at every event in our lives, every single thing is a piece of this larger puzzle. Everything like everything is a piece, and without having those pieces, we would not be able to put this puzzle together. And as we go through our lives, and each step of the way, every day, every encounter is just one little small piece. If we take that little piece of uh puzzle, if we and if we just look at that one piece as it is, it makes no sense to us, right? We we just have like a blob of colors and lines or whatever, and it makes no sense. And so we can stay stuck on that one piece and think, okay, well, this piece doesn't make sense, and I don't understand why it's even here. But then it isn't until we start going through life and building on those pieces, we put them together, and then we see something far larger than what we could have, you know, standing on its own. So this is what Breathe Wide Open is all about taking all those pieces and just seeing them all come together for something so much larger to be able to move ourselves past anything that we've ever felt stuck with before.

SPEAKER_02 40:53

It's beautiful. One of the one of the really interesting moments for me in this journey is is getting. So for a long time I lived from this place, Christina, that it was like all of these things happened in my past and from my family, and all of that, everything that we've gone through as a collective whole, like my purpose morphed into being like I have to do that to have made the past worth it.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:19

And and and all of a sudden, the purpose then went from being something that empowered me, like really having a heart of being of service to something, to like a almost like a choke around my neck. It's like, well, if I if I'm not being of service, fulfilling on this purpose on this planet, then all of the things that I went through in the past, what was that all for? Right? Like it has to, like almost like out of desperation, right? It had to have been for something, because it can't have just been whatever it was, right? And then distinguishing that, like getting that complete and saying, well, you're still bringing story to it. Like it what happens is what happened. Now, who do you want to be? And in that that moment for myself of getting, well, I still want to be someone who's of service. And that's because that's where my joy is. Like being of contribution and being of service is where I locate joy. And it has nothing to do with what I went through in the past or any of the things that have happened to me or anyone around me, because I believe that that's a preferable way to live life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Yeah. You just actually summarized a paragraph that came to mind that I had written about, which explains exactly that. And I agree with you completely with that, that that's um, you know, being able to take some of those and we have to put meaning to it, right? Or else otherwise it's just, you know, what's why, right? We can ask ourselves why did it have to why did those things have to happen? But putting that meaning to it and understanding that, okay, there is reason and there's purpose and there's service within all of it. So that's just absolutely fantastic. I'm so glad you mentioned that.

SPEAKER_02 43:09

Yeah, and I think getting that we're the creators of the meaning. And that if there's meaning, I remember once I had this, uh, I was coaching this woman who'd lost a child and at a young age, and she was sharing with me about her experience. And and and she very quickly went to this place of like, well, you know, all of that happened for now that I've like discovered my higher purpose and like, you know, all of and I said, if it empowers you to have it be for that, then like have it be about that. But don't like don't get trapped in it. Don't get trapped that the the whatever you went through, like you went through what you went through. Period. That's just what happened in the past. And so I think as complete creators of our own lives and our own experience of. Life, we get to ascribe the meaning. I think that's like that was the kernel of it for me. Is that I'm I'm could because there was a there was a period where the meaning I was ascribing to what happened in my past was not empowering me and freeing me. It felt like a trap. And then when I got that, well, it doesn't actually mean that. What do I want it to mean? That that I you know, does that make sense? That we are the creators of the meaning that we ascribe to anything in our life. And if something, if we're making something mean something and it's not empowering us and moving us forward, then we could, like you said, and I love what you said, we can rewrite it at any point in time. We can rewrite our story and rewrite the meaning. And I think that's profound.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

Yeah. And and um, and going along with that too, is um is where do we get our information from then, right? Like if we're if we understand this and if we know that we have to, we have the choice and we can choose to see something different and rewrite things in a different way, how do we know where to get our information from to know what to even write about? And this is where I feel like the connection that we have with ourselves and tapping into our own inner self is so highly important in that process and being able to discern um between you know, the loving, kind, uh open, abundant part of ourselves versus I call it the ego self, um the the part of ourselves where we want to keep ourselves safe and protected and guarded, and um because that's typically the part of ourselves that we've always felt comfort and safe within. And so to rewrite and to be able to attach on a different level, I feel it takes having to number one discern between those two sides and those two voices that we tend to hear in our heads, and then trusting to follow and trusting the to follow the one that will lead us to um you know, the the steps or the perceptions or the stories that will then serve us in a bigger way.

SPEAKER_02 46:19

Yeah. So beautiful. I could speak to you forever. I think like I could dance in conversation with you all day. And I just really want to thank you, Christina. Thank you for you know, thank you for the contribution that you've been for decades and the community service that you've given. Thank you for being someone who constantly is looking at yourself and taking in your own development and starting with you to really look at how do we, you know, cause a quantum leap in how we we serve one another in communities and around protective services and just in general dealing with trauma in our past and healing from that. And I'm excited for your book. We're definitely gonna have to have you back on the show so we can talk about it once it's out. And for all of you listening, you'll be able to connect with Christina on the links and stuff on the on the website for the podcast. Thank you for joining us for this conversation. And and Christina, just thank you so much for sharing yourself this morning and for who you are.

SPEAKER_01 47:26

Thank you very much, Amber. This was very uplifting. This conversation was just, I could go on for hours talking with you as well. So this was fantastic. Thank you very much for this opportunity.

SPEAKER_02 47:37

More to come for sure.

SPEAKER_00 47:39

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For show info, visit what would Amber Do.com. And for information about Amber Howard and Associates' offerings and services, visit amberhowardinc.com.