SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to What With Amber Do with your host Amber Howard. Your weekly dose of guidance, inspiration, and strategies to have your small business and whole life thrive. We bring you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being an entrepreneur so you can have your whole life work. Now, here's your host, Amber Howard.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Welcome back, everyone, to What Would Amber Do? I am beyond excited, enthused, just overjoyed this week to have Cindy Gillies on the show. Cindy is a transition coach, design consultant, and lifestyle shopper who is deeply committed to helping people in transition burst through life with love. Cindy, it is such a gift to have you on the show today. Thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Thanks for inviting me. I've been waiting for this for like two months for us to get our time to do it. I'm very excited to be here.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

Yeah, I know. So I, you know, for the audience listening, Cindy and I have had a relationship for years. She's like been my coach, I've been her coach. We're friends, family, like I don't know, kindred spirits in so many different ways. So it's just um, it really is uh joyful to have you and be in this conversation with you this morning. So why don't you share with us like what was your journey to becoming? Why did you choose to take the big leap and work for yourself, have your own company? What was at the source of that for you?

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Well, I guess first of all, I I grew up in a very entrepreneurial environment. My dad um had always run two businesses out of our home. So I was answering the business phone like by the time I was nine, you know, like good morning, Mr. Wadaheater. Um so I would let that for me was very like normal. And then when we moved to BC from Saskatchewan, my mom was then running um the businesses out of our home, and my dad was the one outdoing the work and stuff like that. So I I'm I really grew up in that environment. And I guess uh not that I didn't, I I actually worked in finance, so but I I've never been a nine to fiver, even though I did work in sort of a more corporate environment. Um really the places that I tended to go to were always uh far more like boutique y and I was like in it until like all the way till I was done, you know what I mean? Like it never for me, it never showed up like let me just like punch in and punch out. It's like, no, I'll be here until the bitter freaking end, like scrapping this out until it's you know where it needs to be. Um, and then when I I worked in finance in Atlanta and then Vancouver and then um came to Toronto for it. But really, and I and I loved the companies I was working with, loved the people, um, just like great environment, great earning potential, all that kind of stuff. But it wasn't like my in my in my gut, you know what I mean? Like while I enjoyed some of the work, it wasn't it wasn't fulfilling in the way that I wanted it to be. I was, you know, I was working with like systems and tools and processes, and I wanted people. That's what I really care about. So I started uh when I was on contract, when I came to Toronto for uh like through a company I was already with in finance, I started, I literally started with a like a blank Word document and um put the first picture, like an inspiration picture on that page. And I had I knew inside what I wanted to do, but I didn't have the words for it. I'd never seen anybody doing it like that before. And the more that I just kind of kept writing down like sort of like pros and cons, uh like things I'm good at, things I'm not good at, things I love doing, things I'm like absolutely not gonna do, you know, I sort of inadvertently wrote uh like the loose, sort of a loose draft of a business plan. And by the time that contract was running out, because we extended it several times as I kept building my idea, but there was a point there where I was working on like two screens, you know, I got my left screen for my finance work, my right screen for my business. It's like I wanted to spend, well, I wanted to spend like 100% of my time on my right screen. And I probably spent like 70% and just like did what I could to maintain like everything over there. But I knew for myself, I'm like, I know I am meant to be connected deeply with people, and I haven't seen any other sort of place that's doing this. So I'm just gonna do it myself.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

Yeah, it really like you speak to like designing our own life, and and so much of what you do with people is designing their life, right? And it's sometimes I think it's physical in the spaces and we've worked together and it makes such a big difference. But why is it so important, do you think, that people actually design their own life?

SPEAKER_02 4:51

Well, I think what happens, and I could see it with myself too, is like I kind of think if you're not actually like actively designing it, you kind of just end up with whatever comes your way. I'll give you like a really easy example. When I was in university in Atlanta, um, I because I was a Canadian citizen, I couldn't sort of get hired all like everywhere, but I could do um, I could do stuff through my school and I started working at a trade show company. Again, great people. Um, but was that work that I want to do for the rest of my life? No. But I was ambitious and I kept kind of like, you know, finding different roles and different things to do. I could have done that for the rest of my life, I'm sure. And I think that's how what a lot of people do is they get an opportunity. And then if you have, you know, any ambition at all, you start to kind of climb. And then you get to this point where you're like, and this isn't just with business, like with your career, by the way, but it's a it's a um demonstrative example, I think, um, where you start to kind of climb, then all of a sudden you're used to making a certain amount of money. You know, like the ropes, you know the industry, all that kind of stuff. You've got like an established reputation there. So for you to now make a change, you don't want to lose your lifestyle, you don't want to lose the amount of money that you're making. You know what I mean? It's like people end up kind of feeling a little bit handcuffed. Most oftentimes they have kids and different things to think about now, too. So it's like, is it worth the risk? You know, and then you kind of just end up doing whatever's sort of come your way as opposed to really what you're choosing and truly desire.

unknown 6:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

And when you have that, it's like life becomes easy, right? It's like, you know, you I can't remember the exact quote, but like the idea that, you know, like people can't tell the difference between your work and your play because it's just like everything that you're doing is like aligned with what it is that you really authentically want in life. And I and I think, you know, and I I definitely know that I'm not there quite yet. You know, it's like been a journey of growth and discovery, especially over 2020. Um, and I'm getting closer every day. And and that's the that's the dream, right? Like that you live that kind of life where everything that you're doing is um just an expression of what's important to you and what matters.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

Yeah, I think it's that. And I also think it, I think it's a constant evolution where it's like whatever you're dreaming of now for yourself in one year, five years, 10 years, when you've, you know, whatever those things are that you're picturing, when you're there, you're you're already 10 steps to the next thing. You know what I'm saying? It's like you're never arriving, I guess, is is what I mean when I'm saying that. Meaning it's like it constantly evolves and grows, especially if you're a person that's interested in any kind of growth, like personal, professional growth like that, and have ambitions to kind of keep, you know, moving and expanding in your life. That's that's just kind of the way it goes. That that's what I found anyway. Like I I guess there's like an insatiable appetite there too. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 7:54

Yeah, a hundred percent. And I remember, you know, over the like in the last couple of months, I was speaking with one of my coaches and we were talking. So, you know, Bob Proctor talks about goals, and he's like, there's like type A goals, which are things that you know how to do already, and there's no growth. Like the whole point of having a goal, according to him, anyway, and I'm inclined to agree with him, is so that we grow. Like goals cause us to grow, and we're living beings, and living be living things expand. That's by their nature. And so I like the type A goal doesn't cause growth because we've already done it before, so we know how to do that, and so then people kind of evolve to the type B goals, which are things that we think we can do, right? Like if the planets align and I have the right strategy and I have the right plan, and this was me for much of my life, and you're smiling, I know, because you know. Um, but it's like, I think I can do that. But the challenge with that is there's no inspiration in it. Type B goals don't cause an inspiration. You need a goal that you don't know how to do. And the breakthrough that I got was you never actually achieved the type C goal.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:54

Because along the journey, then you get to a point where the type C goal now becomes a type B goal and you've got to set a bigger, and that's the whole growth, right? As you keep taking actions and steps towards achieving that type C goal, it then at some point, and it's being that that awareness, watching for that, knowing, oh, hold on a second here. This goal is that like it's time to, it's time to take the next leap, right? It's time to level up again.

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Totally. I I fully agree with that. And I feel like my I was laughing. I mean, I see that in you, and I I certainly have experienced that, I think, my whole life as well. And it's kind of it's kind of like along the lines of like a moving target, too, you know, where it's constantly changing and evolving, and what you wanted three months ago may not even be applicable now, you know, as you kind of grow into like some things you carry on with and expand, and some things you shed. And that's just as important, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

Yeah. It's interesting. It's been a bit of, you know, we talk about planning, and as someone who worked in, you know, strategy with companies for years, you know, companies talk a lot about strategic goals and like knowing what's going to happen in the next five, 10, 15 years. And now I'm in a space of going, well, if you're someone who chooses to listen to your intuition, like ideas that you get today, given you're possibly an entirely new person inside of your own development, are probably gonna help you achieve your goal faster than something you thought six months ago. So it's a little bit of that dance, right? It's like you don't just throw away everything, every moment because you have a whim, but knowing when it's time to say, well, hold on a second here. I really like I feel strongly pulled towards, you know, this action or this idea and being willing to not be attached to, because I what I had been doing in my business was like, I'd have these intuitions, and then I would just put them at the bottom of the list of the ideas that I had six months ago. So I'd be like, okay, I'll get to that when I get done, all of this other stuff. And then I'm like, well, hold on a second here. Chances are what's intuitively coming to me, the people to connect with, the actions to take are probably going to get me there faster and with a greater sense of ease than stuff that Amber from six months ago would have thought up.

SPEAKER_02 11:07

Totally. And it's fluid, right? Like it, it's it's very dynamic. And I think also, you know, it's like it's kind of like you're in the dance of, okay, well, I I do want to act on my sort of like like intuition and insight. And at the same time, as an entrepreneur, it's like, now, does that mean starting 75 things and never finishing them? Because there is a dance in that too that is very much uh common in the entrepreneurial spirit, you know, and I know for myself, I do find it far sexier to start things than necessarily following it all the way through to the very, very, very end. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 11:41

Yeah. So I think what part of it is like, well, what am I good at and what am I, what do I like to do? And then there may be other things that you don't like to do as much. So how can I, you know, get someone else, you know, hire that out or partner with someone or find some other way to get those pieces done.

SPEAKER_02 11:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:59

So you and I both have done a lot of work and talk a lot about change and transition. You know, part of what you do is being a transition coach, off my experience with change and managing changes from being more of the corporate side of things. But I love that you have this conversation around change and transition. And for you and your experience with the clients that you've worked with and the people that you've engaged with, why do you think people seem to anyway struggle with transition so much? And what are some of the challenges that they have dealing with transition?

SPEAKER_02 12:34

You know, I think everybody for uh first of all, transition is another word for change in in some ways, right? And and they're they are distinct, but for humans in general, when you hear or are experiencing change, it it shows up like a threat. You know what I mean? It can really show up like a threat. So even people I'm like people that have hired me for like very good money, you know, that they have earned this money and are asking for, you know, guidance and that at times will still resist the hell out of it because it's threatening to what you already know. You know, even when your life is naturally changing, if you take somebody that's going through a divorce, for example, it's like all of a sudden, and this is part of what had me really evolve my business at the at the beginning. Um, if you take someone going through divorce, almost overnight, it's like your friend group is affected and might change altogether, who knows? Your um living situation changes like that. Your obviously your intimate relationship has changed. It likely impacts your finances if you were, you know, together, all that kind of stuff, your health, going to the gym or not, body image. It's like every corner of your life is suddenly, it can be or experience feels like it's turned upside down. And when there's that much uncertainty on the inside, of course, people are like your brain is trying to protect you, right? You know, so it's like you like you may say that you want it, but doesn't mean that you're not gonna go through like kind of hit some speed bumps along the way to work through that. It's incredibly uncomfortable. Very, I'm going through my own right now, you know what I mean? Like it's it is very uncomfortable, but and I think that when people, I do think people are first of all stronger than they know, you know, and can do and and until you're really called upon, oftentimes people can kind of think it maybe as a concept or a theory, but don't really like know until you need to. But it's like I really do think that people are stronger than they think. And also that if you're willing to sit through the discomfort of the transition just a little past that point when you really don't effing want to, you know, it's like the gold on the other side of it and the release that comes of it, that's what that's what people are really coming for. That's the way you build true confidence, by the way. Not from everyone else telling you this and telling who gives a shit. Sorry for the language, but it doesn't actually matter.

SPEAKER_03 15:16

I would I might be a first on the show. So again, it's so appropriate that it was you and it wasn't me, because it normally went to you. It's so awesome. I I I love what you said, right? Like, because to me, confidence now is it's more about like a deep knowing, right? Like I know, like I know who I am, and and you've been with me over this journey since you and I met in 2017. You know, my you know, my my self-image, my self-worth, who I am for myself, who I see myself to be in the world for myself and for others. Like it's like not even the same human being. And I'm also really clear now that it's that's not somewhere to get to either. Your self-worth, your self-confidence, self-image is just going to keep expanding and growing in in relationship to my own, like what I want in life. It's like that's an ongoing journey as well. But I I the the confidence piece is is just been so because once you have that no one can take it away from you.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

Can I say a couple things to that? Yeah, of course. Okay. First of all, I I couldn't, I think what you're saying basically is confidence ultimately it come, that's what it comes down to. And without that, nothing else really matters. Can you make things happen in your life? Absolutely. Some stuff will happen, you know. But when I think of like, you know, and I I shared some of this with you, like last year was a really pivotal year for me in a lot of ways. And I don't think it's because of the pandemic, but I do think that allowed for a lot of space, you know, it took away a lot of the distractions in life that are normally there, you know? And yeah, like I think most I think people would be hard pressed to to not have had that experience. Not that that's everybody, but you know what I mean. Um but I know for myself, it's like all the confidence really is is actually telling the truth specifically to yourself, all the way down to the roots, you know, and it's like I I went through that, like it was well, it started the second Wednesday of the pandemic, when for me, I really I got on the phone and called my parents, and you know, I was in a like a the most important relationship of my life at that point, and that had been rocky for a long time, and that really had me uneasy, and things were not moving in my business the way I wanted, which was just hoping and crossing my fingers basically, by the way. Um but when I got on the phone with them, I thought I was calling to tell them I missed them, and I started just bawling, like bawling from my core and from my guts, like all the way down. It's not even on the tip of my toes, because I I I feel it in it's like the the root of my gut, you know what I mean? Where I was like, I am not living like this anymore, and I'm not pretending like things are fine or anything else, and I just anyway, I I don't even really know, and I think I've said this to you before, I don't really know much about like the Phoenix rising, but I bloody well know that's the experience that I had. And it was, it was, and it was by the way, you know it when you're there, because while there was the most amount of uncertainty, certainly in the world that I think I'd ever experienced, and also internally, when I did that and just trued the hell up to who I actually am, it was the quietest and calmest time in my life that I've ever experienced.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:05

Which then resulted in uh, you know, a breakup of the relationship that I wanted to be forever and a variety of things, but it's what needed to happen. And that has given me, it's like I got actually connected again with my true confidence from when I was like five. And I basically spent 35 years after that slowly selling out of myself, not trusting myself with different things over time, and constantly seeking outside validation, you know, it was and and relying on that, and it never did the job. Never.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

You know?

SPEAKER_03 19:38

Yeah. So it was I'm present in what you're talking about to choice and like the choices that we make. And and sometimes like I'm in Toastmasters and I was the Toastmaster this week. And so the theme for the meeting was choices in life. Because I thought it was just timely for the year, and you know, where we're at in the year. And then the more I thought about it, I think oftentimes we like we talk about choice, like all these granny, you know, do I take this job, what profession? But it's more about like the the hundreds of choices we make every day, right? Like, do I eat that or not? Do I want, you know, do I what do I enjoy this experience? Am I gonna tolerate like being treated that way by myself, even the thoughts that I have about myself in my mind, like hundreds and thousands of choices that we make, and often unconsciously, subconsciously, that end up being this thing that we call life. And it's just uh like that was really eye-opening for me and kind of a new was like, okay, you know, I'm gonna bring a lot more conscious awareness that that I'm actually making a choice here.

SPEAKER_02 20:46

Uh yeah, I so could not agree more. It's like some some people call like an like, and I think of it as like selling out on yourself, some people call it out of integrity, some call it self-betrayals, but it's basically like every single time that you say you're gonna do something, and that might just be getting up at 6 30 and you get up at 640 or whatever. It's like, is anyone else really impacted by that? Probably not, but you damn well know.

unknown 21:12

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

You know, and I don't care how much you pretend like you like that you don't care, it doesn't matter. It matters, and it all adds up. And that honestly, that was the experience when I was saying that I had like that, kind of finally came to a head at the second Wednesday of the pandemic. Was like that was it felt like 35 years. It's like my first few years are, you know, before you even know otherwise, it's just like the sort of blind confidence of a child. And I don't know, that's how I felt. And uh, and then it was just like years and years and years of little things of selling out of myself, not telling the truth, not going for it in some ways, whatever it was. And then it's just like eventually it's like it just comes to a head, you know, and it's like you're at this pass where it's like, what now what? Now what are you gonna do? You just gonna let it all unravel? You know, or are you gonna actually look in the friggin' mirror, tell the truth, and then look at what you really want and then effing, go for it.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

Yeah, and I love what you know that what you say about trueing up to yourself. And I think that you and I both understand the vital importance of having people in your life who, when you don't see that there's a truing up that's required, know you well enough, have that listening of you, you're that person for me, you know, I've been that person for you. And I like so talk to me about your programs. Like I participated in happy living and I'm in sexy living right now. But what is happy living and and how why is it so important from your perspective that you have partnership, you know, where you have someone to walk with you as you go through these journeys of transition and and kind of like trueing yourself up to what's possible for you?

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Okay, well, I'll tell you first what it is, and it and it's it's similar, like happy living and sexy living are quite similar. And in really happy living is involved with your living space and um sexy living is involved with your like personal style, okay. But all of them really nothing matters until you get like you do like the inside work period end of discussion. Could you get the right pillow? Yeah, but who cares? Doesn't matter, you know what I mean? Seriously. So the intention of the Happy Living program is to give you the tools and confidence to redesign a living space that you love. And what I have really found over time is that oftentimes, you know, when redesigning a space, people can get very like overwhelmed. It's frustrating as hell and filled with a lot of uncertainty. So what I do is I take you through my three-step process of releasing the old, receiving the new, and redesigning a space, but like truly a life that you love, you know, and naturally that overwhelm and uncertainty and frustration gets replaced with a sense of calmness and ease. And you will like, I and what I say in sexy living is you will like own your sexy, you know, whether that's in your space, it gives you like a fresh start. And why when you said why is it important to go through that with somebody, you know, I think as humans, sometimes our egos can get in the way where it's like, oh yeah, I already I know how to do this, and I I can do this, or it's not that big of a yeah. Well, you say that you know it, but all you you don't have to look past your results. You know what I'm saying? Like, if if people are like, Oh yeah, well, I know how to lose weight, well, good for you. Then why haven't you done it? There's nothing wrong with working with someone. In fact, it's powerful to go through it with somebody else that is gonna hold you accountable and take you through a journey that you you're not gonna go through on your own. Blind spots are blind spots for a reason. We all have them, myself very much included in that, that's for sure. You know?

SPEAKER_03 25:03

Yeah, we always say like accountability is our insurance again against failure. And and what I've recently discovered about that, but accountability accelerates results. So it's like, yeah, you may get there on your own. You know, if we you and I both know this, if we look back at our lives over five years, 10 years, 15 years, for the majority of us, our lives have gotten incrementally better. But what what what's available in working with a coach or a partner, like whatever that partnership looks like, whoever that is, is like accelerated results, quantum leaps in your performance. And you you know, go back to your program. I like being in my bedroom now. Yeah. When I'm happy living at the during the pandemic and at the beginning of COVID, and um, and I very much was, you know, for those listening to this, I was very much like, oh, well, my kids leave home, then I'll have the house that I want, right? And I think that's a pretty typical parent like way of thinking. And Sydney was like, no, we're not waiting. Why do you need to wait? You can have what you want now. And I and that's important because each of us have has a map of the world, has a a view of the world that that's limited. And it's not good or bad that it's limited, it's just filtered by our own past and our own experiences. So by working with you, I got to see something, you know, totally new. And it went from my bedroom was a place that I went to sleep at night and have a shower in, to I actually, and not just I like spending time in my room, my kids come into my room and we hang out, and like I'll sit in my reading chair and they'll sit on my bed and we'll talk. And so it it it like completely, as you said, it didn't just give me a new a space that I enjoyed being in more. It it it expanded my life in a lot of ways. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:01

Well, that makes me so, so, so happy to hear because ultimately that's what I meant when I said, like, you know, it's like it's no different when I'm working with people, whether it's their space or their their style. It's like, okay, can we get you a new blazer? Yeah, sure can. Not hard. Can go online and order it right now. But if you don't have the confidence to go online and rock your, you know, Facebook Live or say you're leading your first program to it, might be five people, it might be 20, it might be 100, who knows? Then what difference does the right blazer make? You know what I mean? It doesn't matter. But it's like, and and I think part of what is also available is um like when you're working with somebody, is that, and you had kind of pointed to this earlier in this conversation, is when your confidence isn't there at the beginning, which is normal, it's why you're hiring somebody, there's something that's missing for you. It's like you can lean on that other person's what their confidence is, and then you gradually build your own. And that doesn't mean for forever depending on them for that, because that's not going to fulfill you either. But when you need to borrow some for a while, you know, that's what you're doing as you build your confidence and keep taking steps towards those things that you say that you want. That's what true, like happy living for me truly is, is when all of the elements align. It's like the physical, the mental, the emotional, the spiritual, everything is in alignment. And I for myself have the experience that I'm living that, not pretending to, not staying to. And by the way, I spent a I have spent the majority of my life pretending like everything's great or whatever the hell. Yeah, perfect is actually usually what I go for, you know, and it's so boring, it's it's totally exhausting, and it's just bullshit, actually.

SPEAKER_03 28:50

And it's lonely.

SPEAKER_02 28:51

It's so lonely. That's the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_03 28:57

Yeah, and it, you know, you and I are both out in the world dating, and and you know, as strong, independent woman that brings with it its its own set of unique adventures and and different things be being you know being confronted in different ways. And and I think part of it is like um I had this conversation with a mutual friend yesterday because I went on a date with a real estate agent a couple of nights ago. He's awesome. I had a really good time. We went for a socially distanced walk, uh, and he's lovely. And um, she was like saying, Well, you know, Amber, men like to take care of and like, so you know, you just want to she she was so funny. She was like, she used the word weak, and she goes, I take that back. And I was like, Well, why do I have to be weak so he could feel strong? Right. That wasn't what she meant. But this idea that, like, to be more in my and you know, I've dealt with this, like, be more in my feminine energy, be more receiving. And and that, you know, I didn't even know we were going to talk about this. This is what dancing in the conversation looks like, but I think it's applicable in lots of different areas, not just in dating, like that that there are masculine and feminine energies, and and maybe you can say something a little bit about that in in the work that you do, and how does that show up in transition and in people's lives and in relationship?

SPEAKER_02 30:17

Well, I do definitely think it's a balance. And I know for myself, I've probably lived like 95% in the masculine, you know what I mean? Like I gotta um, and and when I think when people are living out of balance in one or the other, um it just doesn't allow for full alignment inside, you know what I'm saying? And and and you see it in the out of alignments of people's lives. For example, they could be extremely successful in their business. And I you can use the example of a woman, and and it's like she could absolutely rock her career, you know, and be like financially just like crushing it and have a total emptiness inside with nobody to love and share that that life and that success with. You know what I'm saying? And when you're dominant in one or the other, like I know for myself, and this is part of what I think your friend was pointing to with you, is like when I'm sort of living in my masculine, and I'm not extremely well versed, this is something I'm definitely like learning more about too, although I think sort of instinctively I can I can get it and do bring it into my work. Um, but I know for myself when I'm like so dominant in my masculine, it's like, yeah, well, I say that I want like a, you know, a guy to show up like this and this and this, but really I don't give him any space to do that. You know, and when and it's like I, you know, the I think receiving is all in the feminine. And it's like there was a like a long time there where even like, I don't know, I wasn't great at receiving compliments. I I just receiving things in general was not really where I was comfortable, but I loved to give, you know, but it's like I never actually gave think up something that I realized was missing, and that's just something that I work with clients too, because I do notice I attract a lot of people that deal with the same thing, is like when you're when you're not open to receiving, you actually take away that opportunity from others to to contribute to to you in the same way that you love to contribute to them. Like I know for me that's what fills my heart, you know, is being that contribution to people, but lots of times I just totally freaking squash people and don't even realize that I'm doing and don't let them, you know, give them that opportunity at all. So that's part of when I say happy living is having everything in alignment, it's all of that too. It's it's it's all energy, really.

SPEAKER_03 32:40

Yeah, I used to say for a long time I wanted a like a romantic partner who had my back. And then I'm at one point I really got you would have to first, he would have to first know that there was a back that needed having. Yeah. And if you walk through life, like in any space, right? And I think like we're not we we try to compartmentalize ourselves as human beings. It's like, oh, this is my professional life and this is my personal life, and and these are my social networks. And but really we're we're one being. And and how we say how you do one thing is how you do everything, right? And even if that is I'm masking who I really am in my professional life or in this space so that people don't see, but like it's the same thing, right? You're not showing up, you're not allowing yourself to be fully seen for all parts of yourself, right? And and um I definitely, you know, there's still lots of growth to do in this area for me, asking for help. And and especially when I look at what it is that I really want to create in the world and the vision I have for my life, there's no way I'm getting there on my own. And I've made huge strides this year, and I don't even want to do it on my own. But it's like learning how to ask for the help, and and and like it, it's almost like learning to walk when you're someone who's spent your whole life, you know, I got this. I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm good. Wait, do you need, you know, can I help you? Just like that question, can I help you? I get stumped. I don't even know how to respond to it.

SPEAKER_02 34:12

Part of what you're saying is is just remind it's not in the exact same name, but it's sort of in the realm of um, I don't know if you know who Tim Grover is. Have you heard of him? I have, but samely. Okay, so he's um he was Michael Jordan's original trainer, like when when as Michael was becoming Michael, basically. And uh Tim was like 25 at the time and basically responded to an ad in the Chicago newspaper when he found out that like Michael was looking for a trainer. I mean, imagine that even happening these days, right? But anyway, um, a lot of what the work that he does, so he's got a book Relentless. I've got it right here. And um, I'm listening to the audio right now as a as a suggestion um through friends of mine that have listened to it and like loved the audio anyway. But a lot of what he talks about is because he's worked with like Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, like Dwayne Way, like all the like top, top, top performing athletes and not just basketball. And and really everything that he talks about, and he kind of puts people as like coolers, closers, and cleaners. And ultimately, like the cleaners are the people that like no matter what, they're getting the job done. Period, end of discussion, don't care, doesn't matter which way the friggin' wind is blowing, if they broke a nail, and you know what I'm saying? It's like they are getting it done, and there's not very many people that are willing to go like that far. But the work that he has done with them over the years, all of it is about it's not really about like, let me go acquire this and do it. It's actually just revealing who you truly are. You know, and when you can just reveal who you truly are, which I think is actually what this work is all about. It's like, and when I talk about it in my process, it's like release, receive, redesign when you release all of those things that are like no longer serving you that you've been holding on to in various areas of your life. And that could be, it could literally be like old clothes, you know, that have a bad energy to them. Um, I don't know, a couch, sheets in your house, whatever, anything physical, a stack of paper. That could be like um experiences that happened in the past, past relationships, releasing not only the physical elements, but also the emotions that are attached to those experiences is part of that shedding process that has you naturally be revealed. Because you know, when you're holding on to that stuff, it's like all this other crap's in the way, and you you're you're not actually experiencing your true self.

SPEAKER_03 36:49

Yeah, it really blocks your creative energy. And I like, even though after like the work that you and I've done together over the last year and and continuing to like first has to come the awareness, right? Which I think is why it's so important to work with someone else. There's lots of different ways to get awareness, but again, like we only see what we see. Yes. And so I mean, my house would have been cluttered from for most of my life, even though I didn't want it that way, you know, stuff that I didn't need or I was just holding on to. But now after having gotten the awareness and like bringing conscious awareness to it, right? So it's like you get the awareness one, because you know, you probably didn't have it before. Yeah. But then like that using the tools that you have. Like, so now it doesn't take long for like if clutter starts to build up in my scriptures for me to just like be like, oh, okay. And I got you on my shoulder being there in like my closet right now. Um, but like to know, and then you can like keep, you know, it's not about being perfect or getting anything right or anything about that, but it's like just okay, like what you said earlier in the conversation about you know, no one else sees it, but you know what works for you, what's aligned, what feels good. And uh, and so having that awareness and having those tools to keep, you know, just keep moving your life, even if it's 1% a day over a year, that's like compound, it's 3,800% better if you get better one 1% a day. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

That's honestly, it's yeah. And and when you were just saying all of that, it's like it actually is as simple as honoring yourself. Yeah, you know, and simple doesn't mean easy. That's that's what I'm taking on this year. And I I tell you, man, as soon as you every time that I say I'm committed to something, it's like immediately the opposite thing shows up to be like, are you really? Like, are you sure? You know, and it's like how, how, and I I see it for myself now, especially because I've been really taking like standing in honor, I've been taking that on really probably since the pandemic started, kind of like when I say like trueing up and stuff like that. And so as I've been, you know, sort of taking actions that are aligned with what I say that I want, as soon as I don't, it's so loud. It's so loud. But I and I also see it's like, man, how quickly I'm willing to just like let that whatever I said that I wanted, just let it go, like totally betray myself, you know, in whatever way that is. And yeah, it's the universe is the universe, you know what I mean? And it always shows up, but it's like, and when you're willing to like I noticed for myself, it's like when I happened like right away, like on um like right around New Year's, and I could see myself just totally taking action not aligned with what I say I want at all. And then I was like, oh hell no, I'm not undoing all no, no, no, I have done way too much work to just friggin' throw this away now. Absolutely not, you know, and it's like, and then being able to quickly turn it around, get recommitted, and carry on, and then not sit in the the drama of, oh my God, I'm such a horrible person. And you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 40:01

It's like I I a hundred percent I know what you mean. And in Thinking Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill talks about persistence, right? I read that chapter for 90 days, it's kind of buried in my head. And he said, like, whenever people try to, he talks about Broadway, but just in general, that there seems to be this guide that when people declare something or say they want something, the guide comes to test them. Like, how how much do you really want that? How important is that really to you? And and and the neat thing is so when he looked at, you know, 500 different successful people at the time to determine what they had in common, what was the source of their success. He said the only thing that he could find in common with all of them was persistence, that all of them persisted in the face of what, you know, they said they wanted something. But he also said, the stronger the fire under your desire, the less persistent you need to be. The more you build that fire around, like, this is what I want. I'm clear about what I want. It's aligned with who I say I am in the world. And you, you know, the more you desire it, the less persistent you have to be become because it's just it's all like, you know, we talk about it being in flow. It's yeah, it kind of comes naturally, right? And then things just naturally come to you inside of that. You attract what it is that you really want.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

I think they like naturally come to you. And I also think that you it just makes the yes, yeses and no's so easy because it's like, is this the line what I want? Yes, do it. No, no, thanks. It's just like, but like I've noticed that for myself where it's like, even you know, even in relationships and friendships and stuff like that, where it's like, is this, you know, when I leave like this conversation, is this how I want to be left feeling? No, then don't do it. Yeah, not willing to do it. That I I've had that many times, many times in the last few months. And I'm like, actually, this isn't hard to figure out, it's just not aligned with where I'm at. Doesn't make either one of us right, wrong, better, worse, nothing, but not aligned.

SPEAKER_03 42:03

Yeah. Well, I love what you said, right? It's simple but not easy, and I think that that kind of sums everything up, right? Everything that we've talked about, it's actually not difficult to have a life that is like what you envision and what you dream. Like it's pretty simple. The steps, you know, but it's the living of it, it's the experience, it's like the discipline to control your own mind, taking 100% responsibility that for everything that works and doesn't work in your life, and like being at the source of your own happiness. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:37

Totally. That's one of the things that I like, I even have that on my website. You may have noticed that, but it's like about like that being happy or happiness is a choice. You know, it's not just an outcome, like, or when you get like that's all like if you think it's an outcome, it's like, well, that's just when you get lucky, or only when you get the big contract. No, and you're allowed to be happy in that moment, but you can choose it at any time and then like live into that and create the results, you know, or the results will come.

SPEAKER_03 43:02

Well, and you I did a I did a dive into happiness, a journey into happiness in 2017. And that was one of my big takeaways from it is like happiness is a hundred percent, my happiness is a hundred percent my choice, and I can be happy at any time. It it's not dependent on my circumstances, it's not dependent on circumstances at all. It's it's it's about who I choose to be about life. Yeah. Well, Cindy, I'm sure this is not the last time we will have you on the show. And it's been so as you know, you and I could talk forever. I say that at the end of the show. I think that just means that I really love the people I have on the show that you and I really could talk forever and we have. And just thank you so much for being here this morning. Thank you for sharing your experience and your wisdom and just yourself, your whole self with us. And um, yeah, just thank you from the bottom of my heart.

SPEAKER_02 43:56

Thank you for having me. I so enjoy always the conversation, and I would love to be back if I'm invited back again.

SPEAKER_03 44:03

100% you will be. And for the audience listening, I hope you really got a lot of value and enjoy being with Cindy and I this morning. And we will see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 44:13

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For show info, visit what wouldamberdo.com. And for information about Amber Howard and Associates' offerings and services, visit AmberHowardinc.com.