SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to What What Amber Do with your host, Amber Howard, your weekly post of guidance, inspiration, and strategies to have your small business and whole life thrive. We bring you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being an entrepreneur so you can have your whole life work. Now, here's your host, Amber Howard.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Welcome back, everyone, to What Would Amber Do? Thank you so much for joining us for our conversation today. I am so excited to have with me on the show this morning Caroline Salvador. Caroline is an entrepreneur, a voice actor, a health and well-being specialist, and is in the process of completing her first book. And she's also a loving mom to little Antonio and a loving wife and friend. Caroline is deeply committed that people know their worth and that they're enough. Caroline and I met through our shared commitment to our own personal development. And Caroline, it's just such a privilege to have you on the show today.

SPEAKER_03 1:11

Thank you so much, Amber. I'm so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_02 1:15

Really great. So talk to us a little bit. I I know so for those of you listening, I have coached Caroline at different points in life. And I know a little bit about the journey to becoming an entrepreneur. And I know that it it was a as a result, partially as a result of the pandemic and COVID. But share with us about your journey to really stepping away from the nine to five and how you got to be where you are today.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Yeah, absolutely. So what's really interesting is that for a long time, even before I got into the working, the working world as a you know young adult, I always had this vision of myself as being a business owner, like owning my own business. And you know, my journey naturally led me to what would be expected, you know, go to university, then you know, a postgraduate opportunity. And then it just fell into place. And then 11 years later, I've been, I had been in my um full-time position. And then, like you mentioned, the um pandemic uh hit. And now prior to um COVID, I I have had a side business for um almost six years that I was working alongside my full-time job. Um, but you know, really diving into being solely an entrepreneur really wasn't something I saw as feasible initially because it's like, how do I walk away from my salary and into something that I'm still just building from the ground up? And so the you know, unforeseen circumstances of the world really presented this uh blessing that I I'd been praying for and never expecting or wanting to show up as a worldwide pandemic. Um, but from it came everything that I had been um asking for and this opportunity that I that I'm I'm just loving, you know, that flexibility of having no choice but to be home. And, you know, I am in the thick of virtual school, um, which is my quote unquote job at the moment. Um, but uh so many other aspects are just, you know, being with my son and being home and building all of these um side dreams now as my primary is uh is amazing.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Yeah. You know, you you touch on something that I think is is really critical to to any kind of success in life, which is like the way in which we choose to frame something. Because I I promise you that there are many people who, regardless of whether they had been wanting to take on and you know, follow their heart or take on a new dream or do anything else with their life, when in March of 2020, when all of this started, the the pandemic did not occur for them as an opportunity. So I think we have this amazing ability if we choose to use it, you know, our perception in our conscious mind to really be able to create and frame the world in ways that serve us or ways that don't. And so I acknowledge you for having done that work for yourself to really be able to see, well, hold on a second here. I could get I could get frustrated by this or upset by this, or I could see the opportunity in all of this kind of chaos that is around me. And I think that is really something that a lot of the entrepreneurs that I speak to, they have that ability to constantly kind of create a new frame for the circumstances of life.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

Yeah, and and I think it's you know, the one thing that comes to mind in what you're saying is that prior to March of 2020, I had it, I didn't have time to do the things I wanted to do. And then, you know, it certainly didn't, you know, uh April 1st, suddenly everything's gung-ho. I'm diving into all my dreams. It was still like, oh, now I have time and I'm still not doing what I really want to do. Uh so it it was really interesting to have that awareness of like, oh, I guess time never really was the issue. There was underlying components in my, you know, mental um, you know, view of myself and my beliefs around myself. Um, you know, that as I slowly took steps each day, you know, it was about creating new habits and creating a structure to put in, okay, committing time for me on a daily basis that was non-negotiable, even if it was one hour. And over the course of April to um October, you know, I built my business through consistent action and effort. And it it was a stepping stone to prove to myself that okay, I have these capabilities and they are all inside me. And it was really, you know, looking back, I was just the one standing in my way. And then seeing these new habits formed started to open up new pathways to thinking, all right, well, what else do I want? What else am I capable of doing? Um, which interestingly enough, you know, led our our paths to cross again in the most unexpected and perfect way, um, and you know, moved things even further forward.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Yeah. I'm just present to the quote by Edison that, you know, if we we did all of the things that we were capable of doing, we would astound ourselves or astonish ourselves. I think that's the word he used. But it's like we we all have so much talent and ability that for so many lies untapped. And and so much of that has to do with, like, as you pointed out, that view we have of ourselves in our own minds of who we are, our beliefs about ourselves, and and all of that. And you're I I couldn't agree more about the whole time or money thing. For me, it was, I mean, part of it was time at different points, but I was really up until, you know, like July, maybe before then, like the money conversation was what drove my life. It's like, oh, I don't have money to do the things that I want to do. When I have the money, you know, when the planets align and the circumstances are all perfect, then I'll do the things that I want to do. But right now I've got to kind of grind this out and and support my family. And realizing just how limiting that belief is, that in fact it really has nothing to do with time or money. It really is all about uh our belief system.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

Mm-hmm. I yeah, I completely agree. And uh in in that, you know, yeah, money conversation, it's it can be also almost paralyzing, you know, because really what shows up mostly I think is fear, right? That fear of the unknown and and all those what ifs. And um, but yeah, it's great to be able to shift that. And I mean, for myself, I also have been able to shift that view for myself around money in I'd say the last uh three months. And what I really noticed though is my perception of my own worth. You know, for the longest time I I would never treat myself to things. I would buy the sun and the moon for my child, for my husband, for, you know, anyone in my family. But if, you know, I'd always settle for whatever I wanted at the, you know, how what was the lesser value or buying it because it was cheaper, but it was never really the thing I wanted. And so, and so actually I noticed for myself that when I shifted that and started seeing that I I deserved anything, um, and started to buy or choose things that that I really wanted. You know, just as an example, this Christmas was the first time that I didn't really care that no anyone else didn't, I didn't get that many presents this Christmas. You know, I I would look to Christmas and birthdays as this time where it was like, okay, everybody, show me what I'm you, what I mean to you. Show me with the with things that like I still deserve or I'm worthy. And coming into Christmas, I was like, I have everything I want. I have everything I need or desire because I know I can get it for myself because I'm worthy. I'm worthy and I'm I'm worth um doing that for me. I don't have to wait for someone else to bring it from you know the outside.

SPEAKER_02 11:00

Yeah, yeah. When you say that, it's like, or you know, show me through the gifts that you bought that I've like done a good job, that you that you know I've done a good job as a mom or a wife or you know, whatever that you put behind that. It's so so great to see that. Because I think you and I have shared similar journeys and I and I think it's it's universal, it's part of the human condition to deal with this whole conversation. Like, am I enough? And it shows up in so many different ways. Have I done enough? Did I contribute enough? Have I, as an entrepreneur, being able to walk away from your desk at the end of the day and know that you put in you know enough hours to be able that you did a good job. Um it's like, but when we get that settled for ourselves, like when we what I really heard in what you said and what I experienced for myself back in December, because I I know that we've talked about this, like that journey of discovering your worth, it's like it's not a place to get to. And I think for much of my life, I thought it was a place to get to. Like someday, one day, I'd get confident, like I'd have the confidence, all the confidence I wanted. I'd know I was worthy. And now throughout doing thinking into results over the last few months and and the conversations, the inquiries that we've been in, I've really discovered that it's not a place to get to. It's a lifelong journey of just trueing myself up to the dreams I have in the life I want. And that's going to keep growing and expanding. And when you do discover it, like when you have that moment of like, wow, like I don't need any external validation. I don't need to prove myself to anyone, let alone me. Because I think for a long time I stopped trying to prove myself to others, but I was still trying to prove myself to myself. And once I was able to kind of get know that I didn't need to do that anymore, it's so grounding and it's so calming. The confidence is like a knowing versus yeah, it's it's effortless.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Yeah, and the the thing that I really uh hear from myself and what you're saying around that is it is a journey and it also really never fully goes away because situations can still pop up. Um, you know, like I for example, a couple weeks ago, I was helping my son. He had a math test. And my son is seven, and he's in um, you know, like I said, with virtual school. And I had it like I know my son is so smart, and I had it that this just it shouldn't be this hard for him. Like, what am I doing wrong? And and so I have all these tools now, and I I went to my mental toolbox and I'm like, okay, I can feel something is off. What is what is going on? Like, like I'm working through all these steps of what I know to do, and yet nothing was releasing it. And I remember I called you and I was like, okay, Amber, I've done this and I've done that, and I still feel like there is an elephant on my chest and I can't breathe. What am I missing? And it was the simplest question, and you're like, Well, what are you making yourself wrong for? And I was like, Oh, dang it, there it is again. You know, it's like I thought I had that handled, and yet it's like this invisible force that, you know, is it just tucks itself right in there into some tiny corner of your subconscious, and it's like, you can't see me over here. But really, it took like and this is why it's also so beneficial to have people in your life to support you, even once you are how you call it, evolved in your personal development journey. It's you you still need that support system, or it's beneficial to have that support system because we still can get blinded by our old ways of being. And, you know, as soon as you said that, it was like this wash of emotion. And then I I acknowledged all these things for myself and and then I can move forward. Um, but it just it just truly never fully goes away. I think we just become better at recognizing it and being able to uh step outside it quicker, right? Bouncing back from, you know, or or a situation just shows up unexpectedly, right? And then choosing how we're going to respond rather than react. Or when you feel any kind of feelings welling up, um, just having those tools is just it's invaluable.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

Yeah, you said a couple of things there that are really great, right? So I it's to me, it's all about being able to get to choice and like getting that we do have a choice and that life is just really a series of choices that we're making moment by moment. And um it's the velocity, the speed at which you can get back to what you're committed to. And I could, I know for myself when I look back over because my personal development journey started in in October of 2016. Not that I hadn't been engaged in and thinking about, but really like taking courses and going, like, really, I just discovered like kind of the deep place of unworthiness I had been living from that was hidden from my view that I didn't know and was hiding from well, pretty much everyone. I was like that fake it till you make it kind of girl. Um but like when I look at the things that would take me out back then, you you know, get in the way of me moving forward or hold me back or stop me. Um, or the the place where I would kind of go. My youngest son's father would call them amber moments affectionately. I don't think they were very fun for anyone, but you know, when you get into that mental space and like beating up on yourself and all of that kind of space and energy, like things that would take me off for months, it's weeks thing, you know, weeks, days, days, and then there's a whole bunch of stuff that just doesn't even, I don't even notice, I don't even respond or react to now. So I think like I love that imagery that you created of having that mental toolkit, and you've got all of these things, and it's like, okay, well, no, maybe not that one more, and then once you've done that internal looking to see if you can kind of resolve something for yourself, what you said about having that support network, right? Like having those people around you that you can send a quick message to. Because who wants to stay in that space? And if reaching out to a coach or a friend or someone who has a shared awareness with you, you you know, I'm pretty quick to get you back into a possibility of something versus like, let me try, because that would have been me in the past, right? Try and figure everything out on my own.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

Yeah, no, definitely. And I think uh what comes up just uh further in this conversation, it makes me think of of this book that I am writing. And it's um it's basically to sort of expose that little voice in our head to, you know, the truth from a from my perspective, you know, the truth of the honest thoughts in our head and and how to overcome them, you know, because the thoughts, our initial thought, I think, by default, is not always I'm really amazing. It's usually some other form of, you know, comparison or or lack or and that also comes from, you know, our environment growing up, our, you know, not nothing wrong, of course, because it's just it's just who we wound up being. Um, but I was actually just writing today and going through a chapter that's based on, you know, what is it like living like you're not good enough? And when I first started writing this book, it it came actually out of COVID. Um and it was interesting when I came back to it uh just this fall after kind of pausing over the summer, I realized that the reason I had taken a pause is because I hadn't yet worked through what I was writing about. And going back and rereading what I'd written, I honestly felt like I was reading someone else's life or someone else's words. And it's really interesting to have this whole other perception of myself and then see how I can come out on the other side. And and really that's what I I want other people to be able to do too, is to see themselves beyond the limiting beliefs they have in their head, to know themselves to be, you know, to have infinite potential, that that worthiness that you that you spoke of. And it's very it's it's ingrained deep in me because if I, you know, my personal development journey, I sought out to become the best version of myself. That was what was at the at the root of the start of my journey. And where I am now, I I want everyone else to just know that like anyone that's dealing with those sort of limiting beliefs, whether they're aware of them or not, that you know, they're meant for more. And it's it's okay to want more, and it's okay to want for yourself, and that when we are our best version of ourselves, then we're our best version for everyone else in our lives. You know, I um I had another coach that really taught me a lot about self love. And what I saw is, you know, in that in that idea of filling up our cup first. You know, he said, if if you were to wake up every single morning and you were 10 out of 10 self-love, that there was nothing you could do in a day to take your love away, like what would a day look like? And I said, Well, if I woke up already full, if my cup was already full, all I would have to do then is just pour love. Like if I was overflowing, then all that would happen is love would just then overflow onto everyone around me. And that's really um how I kind of see where I'm able to sort of bring myself each day, is that I'm, you know, responding to things my son says or does, like when he calls my name for the 20th time between eight and eight ten in the morning. And it's not like what? It's more still the same, the same as if he called it the first time. Yes, my love. What do you need, my love? Uh-huh. You know, it's just that it's who I it's who I show up as being.

SPEAKER_02 23:12

So beautiful, Caroline. And what I'm what I'm really present to in what you just shared is that when we when we start with us, when we start with filling up our own cup, we are just so much more available for all of the people in our life. And I, you know, as a mom, I think, and just I mean, I would say this for anyone. I think men deal with it a little bit differently. I can really only speak from my experience as a mom, but I'm sure that men deal with whatever version of this there is for them. And maybe it's the exact same, is like we are taught that those beliefs that get passed down, which we never even choose, right? Like one of the things that I know from my studies and from the work that I've done is our belief systems are in place by the time we're seven years old, and they're handed. You know, and our parents, like, God bless them. They, they, we all do the best we can, but literally you're teaching your child, you're helping your child learn to walk and like just doing what occurs like the loving thing for a parent to do, which is be careful, don't fall down. We don't want you to get hurt. And yet we're ingraining over and over and over in our children's mind this belief that they have to be careful that it's not safe. Now, I'm not quite sure. I'd have to give some thought to what else would a parent would say when their child is learning to walk, other than don't fall down, you might get hurt. But, you know, like these things are so ingrained in our subconscious minds before we're even able to speak and connect and like really be in the world. And then we end up living inside of those conversations for for the rest of our lives. And there's many of us, and I think a growing group of people throughout the world who are becoming aware of that. And kind of circling back to what you said earlier, it's one thing to get the awareness. That's the first part, right? The first part is actually becoming aware of the limiting beliefs, becoming aware of, well, hold on a second here. The world isn't this fixed place, and I'm not this fixed way, like I'm not stuck with the way I wound up being in life or any of my beliefs that I could actually re-evaluate those things. But then the ongoing journey in life, once you have that awareness, is to keep bringing conscious awareness to it. So that because it so quickly just kind of fades back into that autopilot and not living consciously.

SPEAKER_03 25:55

And I think something that's worth saying too is in the fact that we are uh for just with children, for example, leaving them with our beliefs, right? Like we're we're ingraining in them the only things we knew, we know that there's nothing wrong either, right? Like we're all doing the best we can, and our parents did the best they can, and and all the generations down. And what I noticed for myself though, because you know, I've recently learned this too about how all of our subconscious beliefs are ingrained at seven. And the first thought that goes through my head is, oh man, my son just turned seven. I've I've officially screwed him up already. This this is my first thought, right? And then I have to remind myself, okay, wait, I didn't have this awareness a year ago, two years ago, three years ago, you know, and and that I didn't do anything wrong. And at at on the flip side of that, everything I'm learning and all the ways I'm growing is my son is now learning too at seven.

SPEAKER_02 27:19

Isn't that miraculous? Just blows my mind.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

Oh yeah, and at the same time, there's so it's so interesting to see uh the way that my son talks, looks at me, responds to me. He literally is a mirror of me. And now the fact that we've spent every waking minute of every day for the last 10 months together, too, you know, my husband is officially doomed because my son is literally a clone of me. And right down to the way, you know, being mindful of how I respond to my husband, because my son turns around and and mimics me. And then I was like, oh, interesting, we're gonna shift that because we don't need we we shouldn't talk to daddy that way. Mommy shouldn't either. So, you know, so it's just so interesting though that as I've been shifting these beliefs, already um I'm giving my son these tools too, because at seven, for him for me to see that all of my limiting beliefs I've unknowingly imparted, you know, just by him absorbing right from his environment, um, that I can I can help him shift that now as well. So, and and within only a couple weeks of really working on that with him, it's it's honestly night and day, like that he can generate things. My son at seven, he he struggles to accept acknowledgement. You know, he'll say, Mommy, you are the best. You are the best mommy, and I'm so proud of you. And I'll say, Well, I love you so much and I'm so proud of you. You know, you're the best. He goes, No, no, no, no, no, mommy, I'm not the best. You're the best. And it really got to a point where I it was it was a never-ending struggle. I just had to start saying, Okay, thank you. But it I see already like that's something to work on, it's uh even at such a young age.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

I I love what you said, and I've been saying this to my kids for a long time.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Like, I think we do the best we can with what we know, and when we know better, hopefully, and I believe like when we know better, we do better, right? But you're you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

We can't you can't beat yourself up for things that you're you didn't even know to be aware, like weren't even part of your consciousness. You had no way of knowing. And you know, my kids were 10 and 19 and 20 when I started this work.

SPEAKER_02 30:05

So and just like that, they they they get the tools whenever they get them, whenever we get them.

SPEAKER_01 30:13

I think that happens to a lot of people when they kind of delve into personal development and really start to inquire as to why are things in my life not moving the way I want them to, or whatever that is, wherever that an inquiry starts, um it can be easy to go to that place of oh, I wish I had this when I was younger. And you know, I think we just things show up when we're ready for them. And I think that's a big part of it, right? We the awareness comes when we're ready to receive the awareness. It it couldn't have come any sooner because had it, like everything's just unfolding for for our greatest good and for in in divine timing.

SPEAKER_03 30:57

Yeah, you know, you're I I think if I looked at my life right now, I wonder if even this opportunity had come a year ago, you know, I I might not have been ready to take it on. You know, too many of my own mental roadblocks were were there to self-sabotage myself. I mean, and a perfect example is um within my business, you know, my network marketing company, I have built to the level that I'm currently at three times. And each time I had obtained it in the past, within three months, I had lost it again. And it was simply because everything that I had done to get to where I was, I just stopped doing it because I hit fear or a limiting belief, you know. And it actually was during COVID, I I in when when I started finally realizing that this lockdown wasn't really ending, that's not it.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

Don't say that. They don't want to hear that. What do you mean? So let me let me no rewind that.

SPEAKER_03 32:12

I mean in March, what I meant was in March that you know, when April rolled around, I said, okay, like we're we're I'm just going to need to start accepting that, you know, we're gonna just roll with the punches here, right? So how can I start to create some new habits, you know, that aren't sleeping in till whatever time, lying on the couch till whatever time, and then just going back to bed and rinse and repeat tomorrow, you know, no physical activity, no mental stimulation, no, you know, nothing that I know makes me feel good. Then I decided to just pick up a book. And of course, you know, you're gonna find the perfect thing at the perfect moment. And the book I actually started reading was Um Courage by Debbie Ford. And I'd had this book on my shelf for over five years, never even read it. And in that book, I discovered that I I didn't believe in myself. And that was really the access that had me look back, say, you know, with my business, like, oh, well, as soon as I hit it, I just I hit those those milestones. I I just had it was a fluke. And I had it, I was gonna self-sabotage. And I proved myself right every time because I did. And this time I I, you know, started thinking, okay, if if I'm taking on the I the idea that I believe in myself, you know, what does that look like? And and that's when I started forming those new habits of just proving to myself that I could take consistent actions and and achieve a result, not because um, you know, not because it was a fluke, but because I I created a structure that was uh sustainable, you know, just every single day, a little bit every single day moves you forward.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

It's that compound effect, right? And yeah, and then also like the way you listen to yourself when you you know yourself to be willing to reliably kind of show up for yourself day in and day out, taking the actions that that you know to take and closing those gaps between the things that we know to do and then we don't do, right? And and identifying those and then and and being willing to take new actions. Um it is my truth and my belief. And it's so funny. I was into like I was in meeting my new students at UFT today. And so whenever I'm like instructing, I'm I always tell them, like, look, I'm gonna say a bunch of things to you over the course of the next three months, and these are my truths. Nothing I say to you is the truth, they're my beliefs, and I invite you to try them on. And you know, and if you if they don't serve you, you don't like them, discard them, but at least be willing to try them on. And so it's my belief that we will never outperform the image that we have of ourselves in our subconscious mind. Like, you know, that thermostat you kept pointing to it, right? It's like you have this belief or this view of who you were back then. And so you would achieve the result, and then the minute you had it, it would go away. Like there was this woman, I was on a call today, I and she was sharing about even though she had like 10x the results in her business, she was like dealing with financial breakdowns and she couldn't even account for where the money went. Like she doesn't even know. She's like the money's just like not there. And it's like because in her subconscious mind, she has lack and limitation there and beliefs around the money that it just like the results will keep reflecting that internal view of ourselves that we had. And that is like when you actually really be with that, it's like that is a very profound uh awareness and understanding of ourselves to get. And that that that's true of all of us as human beings. That's not an amber thing or a Caroline thing, that's a human part of the human condition.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Yeah, and I I think the biggest thing that it it ultimately does come down to though is a willingness. Because you have to be willing to, you know, you can gain an awareness, you can see it there. But if you don't want to change it, then nothing's gonna change. And and there's nothing wrong with that either. You know, you you actually introduced me to the idea that you can be grateful and yet dissatisfied, right? Of having that gratitude for everything in your life, and you can be, you know, grateful and content with what you have too. And if that's good for you, then fine. You know, there's that that's perfect. Um, but if you even have that tiny inkling of of wanting something more, you have to be willing to do something about it. And in in that willingness is when you will start to look for new openings and new tools, call it, to permanently shift and you know, raise that thermostat. Because at the beginning, I I had known too about this idea of uh not outperforming this view I had of myself, but I I thought, okay, that's that's great, but but how do I do that? You know, how do I I can see that I'm self-sabotaging, but but now what? What am I supposed to do to actually permanently um raise that frequency so I have a new normal that's beyond so that was you know, and maybe you can speak to that because um it really took time for me to find what worked for me.

SPEAKER_02 38:36

Well, I think you already pointed to it, right? It's like when you're ready, when you're ready to the the teachers, the mentors, the tools will show up, right? And if you look back at I mean you and I first met in at Lamarck, probably I I know you knew my children. I don't know if you and I met before you did the instruction leaders program, but we didn't know each other well, but we got to know each other in the instruction leaders program, and and then um like you signed up, you know, summer camp, you signed up for this resilience course. I was this free course I was giving for parents, and then that led to some conversations about you know resilience in Little Antonio and your you know being a mom. And then that led to us doing one-on-one coaching, and then that led to you stepping into thinking into results. So it's like it when you're ready, all of the things that you need are going to show up, and that is like that the importance of that faith that and you can't force yourself to be ready. I think that's the other part, right? You're ready when you're ready. And this is like sometimes we get into this conversation about our subconscious mind, as if it's like, and in the way we talk about it, and like in in thinking into results, we've talked about the paradigm, you know, that that's those habits that we form, the habitual ways of being and acting that we have that are a lid, as if they're like negative or bad. And it and and it's I'm I've learned through the practitioner program I've been doing in neurolinguistic programming, ultimately our subconscious mind is out for our good. It really is. It's a it's a it's a survival mechanism to make sure that we get our safe. The challenge becomes when we want to create things in life that don't align with that internal view of us and what it looks like to be safe, then our conscious mind is like, no, I want to be a millionaire. And our subconscious mind is like, don't fail. If you fail, no one's gonna love you and you're gonna be a loser. And so you've they've got like this cognitive dissonance between your subconscious and your conscious mind, right? And we know from the work that we've been doing that our results, our actions, don't come from our conscious mind, they come from our subconscious mind. So until we create that synergy, that alignment between our thoughts and our feelings and then our actions, it does it doesn't matter what you say you want consciously, you're gonna get what's a programmed subconsciously, right? And that um, so there's nothing to beat ourselves up for or make ourselves wrong or any of that. It really is just when you're ready, the awareness comes, the teachers come, the tools come, the resources come to have us be able to move forward with something new. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:32

And really what I heard in what you just said, especially outlining, you know, the way that let's call it the stars aligned for our many, many encounters over the years, is that in my life, it's it has been a journey. You know, I I I couldn't have jumped from uh 2017, you know, September of 2017 to January of 2021. It it wouldn't, it wouldn't have worked, right? You can't we we've both heard too, you can't do tomorrow's growth without today's.

SPEAKER_01 42:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:08

Right. That it is it is a journey and the it's about enjoying and kind of reveling ever in every step of the journey. Because, you know, when you and I guess it's Bob Proctor, you know, I I recall him saying that, right? Or or some some other mentor that when you look back, you'll need a telescope to see how far you've truly come. But each time you're just taking one small step forward, yeah. And it's it's when you suddenly open your eyes and realize that your whole life is transformed, what what might seem like overnight, you can look back and and see that it's been this very uh unconscious, like subconscious methodical process.

SPEAKER_02 43:02

And uh yeah, so well, and I think it's really important to take that time to stop and look back, right? Because we often don't see our own transformation, we often don't see our own growth because we're still in it, and we're if we're coming from lack and and scarcity wherever we are in this moment and not being grateful, um we we see the gap, like we're constantly looking at what we don't have that we want, that we don't even pay attention to. Like, wow, like how I live my life, my experience of life, you know, the way I interacted with the people in my life, what I saw as possible four years ago, six months ago, a year ago versus today is like that's I think what Edison's point, you know, to come back to that, like we would astound and astonish ourselves. Because when I look at who I was in in October, and it's not got a bad life or anything like that. But like my internal sense of self, my experience, you know, you could have people would have looked at my life from the outside and been like, wow, look at her. She's a real success. She was a teenage mom, put herself through university, you know, has a successful career, is able to support her family, like all of these like external markers of being a successful human being, whatever that looks like from the outside. And yet at this, like my experience of life as lived was horrible. Like I hated being with my, I couldn't stand being in my own mind. I had to be so busy fixing everything around me and controlling and all of that stuff, just so I wouldn't have to be alone with myself. But you wouldn't have known that looking at me from the outside. You wouldn't have known the shame and the and the guilt and all of the things that the that baggage that I was carrying around with me everywhere I went, because well, I wasn't gonna let you see that. No one was opening those doors.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

No, and and it's it's I think it's it's almost a it's like a badge of shame that we wear, you know, it's like you can't see my true self because then, you know, I think that whole conversation we were having about worthiness and being enough, that's that's where those those things kind of show up. And um, in what you were saying when you were talking about gratitude, I remember when you and I reconnected just this summer, you kept telling me just be grateful for what you have now. And I just kept thinking to myself, what does that even mean? Like what okay, great. I'm grateful. Like, yeah, but right, you know, and and then looking now, I can see that my at the time, you know, until yesterday, my inability to recognize what gratitude really was was because I had it like nothing I did have was enough. You know, I'm not enough, I don't do enough, I don't have enough. So what is there to even be grateful for? Yeah, you know, so in in shifting and in shifting that conversation and and even now with I've made leaps and bounds in my transformation and my growth in the last three months, and and even still the conversation of enough is still something that I'm just open to discovering around because I can still see how you know they they say the way you do one thing is the way you do everything in life, and I can still see how that conversation sneaks in without even realizing that it's just it's just labeled differently, you know.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

But that the subconscious mind is very sneaky, it it shows up, yeah, it it morphs.

SPEAKER_03 47:08

Yeah, it it's it's it might show up as X, but really it's still just still just the enough conversation, and it shows up a different way, but no, still just the enough conversation. So that's really uh I think that's really where I can see my next quantum leap, let's call it, will come in really discovering. And maybe again, there's still nowhere to get.

SPEAKER_02 47:36

Well, I and I love that you said that, right? Because there really is this is life. This is what it is to live a life and be a human being and and continue. There is nowhere to get to, because by the time you've gotten there, they're like putting dirt on your grave and everyone's going out for a coffee afterwards, right? Like, like that, but you're you know, as long as you're breathing, as long as you're breathing, there's going to be circumstances, there's going to be life, there's gonna be conversations that you have with yourself, conversations that we have with ourselves about who we are, who we are in the world, all of that. And um I I just like that that connection that you just made between like being enough and gratitude, like we know science and and like has shown that human beings are hardwired for connection and belonging. And yet for most of us, you know, from some of our various youngest memories, we have experiences in life that have us experience being disconnected from other human beings and even disconnected from ourselves. And I think that's it, like really at the and because we're so hardwired for connection and belonging, we then like go through this like experience of either like pretending like we don't care what people have to say or we're rebelling against it, or we're pushing it away, you know, or we're doing everything in our power to be accepted and liked and you know, make sure that people love us. But it's both like the flip side of the hand. It's still engaging with this conversation that there is like, and I think that's the part about shame and really getting about shame is shame is like uh this belief, this deep-seated belief that we are fundamentally unworthy of connection and belonging. And we can't even allow other people to see the shame because then out here in reality, if we own the shame, then we're just proving ourselves our deep-seated fears to be true. And so it's like that you, you know, you end up, I think, falling in like you can get into that space of just like not allowing ourselves to be fully seen. And that's one of my biggest commitments is that human beings have the opportunity to be fully seen. And and sometimes you should you could ask my kids, some of you know, I mean, we've got a pretty unique family. Many of you know that many jokes about YouTube channels and the rest, it would probably be very entertaining, but I'm not always the loveliest human being. And the people I'm usually the least lovely to are the ones I love the most.

SPEAKER_03 50:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:21

Right? Like they're the safe space for me to kind of like, and it it doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to because I'm now, you know, know to be responsible for how I show up for them and in this space. Uh, but uh yeah, there really it's just that ongoing um willingness to keep discovering and expanding and and being responsible for that. We are we do actually have a say in how all of this goes.

SPEAKER_03 50:52

Yeah, and I think that you've what I what I hear and what you're pointing to is that it's it's all inside us already, you know, and and I say that knowing that when I started my personal development journey, um, I was you know lucky enough to be introduced to Landmark and do their introductory, like the forum. I had it like this will be the program that fixes me. And then, and then after that, it was like, okay, well, now the next one will be, and the next one, and the next one. And um uh just through the last little while, I I listened to um, I love audiobooks, and I listened to Untamed by Glenn and Doyle. And I was walking through a Costco, and I s I think this moment will be ingrained in in my mind. I was walking through Costco listening to this book, and and in her book, she says, What if the only thing wrong in our lives is that we think there's something wrong with us? And I honestly think I probably just stopped dead in the middle of the aisle, and I was it was like I was in shock. And it was just such a profound thing for me to realize that I keep thinking that this next thing is gonna be the thing to fix me. But what if the only thing wrong is that I think there's something wrong? And it still moves me because uh it's it's it's almost like I guess it's a belief that I had, you know, uh deep down. And who knows where it came from, and it really doesn't matter. Um, but the freedom around that, and and then knowing then that I can look inside myself for all the answers I could be looking for, that it's it's not about anything in my outside world, right? Living from the inside out, not from the outside in.

SPEAKER_02 52:50

And yeah, it's so good. I am like I I'll never forget hearing for the first time that we're born perfect, whole, and complete, and that we as we go through life, we have experiences that that we experience like being disconnected or like that we're not that. And when you look at a child, a baby born into this world, an infant, it's like you have no problem being like, yeah, that thing is perfect total, like it doesn't mean anything. It's like and yet I so I love that idea that as we as we grow in life and we we discover things newly, it's it's actually an experience of unbecoming the like the things that take us away, like that's like removing the layers, the the the barriers that we put up between ourselves and other people, the barriers we put up between the world ourselves, our own, you know, between ourselves and ourselves, but just like removing all of that so that we can get back to this authentic self that we we came into this world as.

SPEAKER_03 54:08

Yeah. And it and it can be such a tiny shift that happens so young we don't even realize, you know, that we carry through life and then find, you know, you talked about this idea of belonging. And, you know, I had uh an experience at, you know, maybe age 10, where I was in a group of people and and got pointed out that like I was different from everyone else. And and then I could see all of these other ways through the whole rest of my life that I found reasons why I didn't belong. And then even, even right down to um, you know, I've been with my husband now for almost um, we've been together almost 12 years. I have a 20 um 21-year-old stepdaughter. Nope, she's 22. Um, and and our son, and you know, the three of them had the same last name for 10 out of those 12 years. And in even in my family, it was like I had it, I didn't belong. And yet something so simple as a last name, you know, but it just just as an example to say how um how something so small we carry it through our lives, and then and then noticing it and shifting it can make such a profound difference.

SPEAKER_02 55:39

Well, I really just like got what you said, Caroline.

SPEAKER_01 55:42

Like it we also have this narrative that I think, you know, and I can't speak to other parts of the world because I've kind of lived most of my life in North America, but it's definitely very prevalent here.

SPEAKER_02 55:54

And I assert that it's you know, the similar narrative in other parts of the world that what it looks like to belong is to be the same. And that if you're different in some way, like that that means that that you don't get to belong. And it's like, well, what if? Like who said who said who said that, right? Like who says that in order to belong, I must be the same? What if belonging could just be a function of being human? That just because I'm human, I belong to, and and I belong in lots of different places. I belong in my family, I belong in my school, I belong in, I belong to this great community that of human beings, like this shared experience of humanity that we all go through. But literally, the only criteria to belong is to be human.

SPEAKER_03 56:51

Yeah. What what what comes to mind is is this uh when you and I were having a conversation once around worth, and you were trying to help me see, you know, what my view around my own self-worth was. And, you know, you asked, you know, is is your son, is there anything that wouldn't make him worthy? And I said, of course not. You know, your husband, no. Okay, what about a stranger that you walk past on the street? You know, are they worthy of anything they could want in their life? And of course they are. You know, what about the what about the um, you know, a person, a panhandler standing on the corner? Is there any reason that they're not worthy? And I said, no. And then she's like, okay, well, what about you? And I could list off all these reasons why I wasn't worthy. And you know, you said, well, what if you just worthy were you were worthy and deserving just because you are? And it was like, huh? You know, again, like you said, just because I was born, just because I am another human being, like what if for no other reason I'm deserving and I'm worthy just because I am, and that took something for me to uh ex not accept, but to even try and see as a possibility. And I think just because it it went so uh it it seemed to push so hard against my my viewpoint of myself, right? My paradigm, my perception. Um and yet it's so freeing to believe that I am worthy, I am deserving just because I am, just because I breathe, just because I was born, and for absolutely no other reason um than that. And you know, that would really be a beautiful thing for every human being in the world to uh experience and and know with certainty in their heart for themselves.

unknown 59:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:12

To me, that's kind of a bit of a mic drop. I don't think it gets much better than that. So I think we're gonna leave it there. Really, I it doesn't, it's so simple, it's so funny. The more I know and learn, the more simple it gets. And that doesn't mean to say it's easy, but it really is that simple. You are enough because you're you breathe and you're worthy of having everything that you want, like all of us, just by the simple fact that we were born. And uh yeah, so Caroline, please finish your book because I can't wait to read it. And and for everyone listening, uh, we can't wait to to hear more of your journey and what you have to share with us. There were so many other things that I wanted to talk to you about, your voice acting and all the what that's about. So we'll have to have you back on the show. But just thank you so much for being here and being in this conversation with me and with sharing yourself and all of the incredible experience that you have to offer with my audience. And for those of you listening, um, there will definitely be more to come with uh Caroline in the future.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:19

Yeah, thank you so much, Amber. I love you.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:22

I love you too. Thank you for being with us this week, and you'll be able to find out information on how to get a hold of Caroline uh in the notes for the show. Have a wonderful week, everyone.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:35

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For show info, visit whatwoodamberdo.com. And for information about Amber Howard and Associates' offerings and services, visit AmberHowardinc.com.