SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to What Would Amber Do with your host Amber Howard, your weekly dose of guidance, inspiration, and strategies to have your small business and whole life thrive. We bring you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being an entrepreneur so you can have your whole life work. Now, here's your host, Amber Howard.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Good morning, everyone. Welcome back to What Would Amber Do? It's my pleasure, and I'm so grateful this morning to be speaking with Tina Bakehouse, who is coming to us from a farm in Iowa in the United States. Tina is the founder and chief communication officer for Tina Bakehouse or Tina B, sorry, LLC. Tina is an educator and executive coach with over 20 years of experience serving, you know, personal and corporate clients. Tina is passionate about people finding their voice and sharing their stories authentically. And Tina, it is just such a privilege to have the time with you this morning. Thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

I'm so excited to connect with again with you, Amber.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

Yeah, it's so good. This is like, I guess it's only our second time really talking, but the first time it was such a and it's so funny. Someone said to me, How do you? I was sharing with a group of people about our conversation this morning, and they're like, How do you meet all these cool people? And then I was like, Oh, this person introduced me and that person, and then it's so neat, just like those. I love the idea that we're a network of conversations.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

And as I love that, yes, like this beautiful web of of interconnectivity and that we co-create communication together, and it's it's a shared experience. So Christian connected us, and he, I just appreciate him. Your the energy that we had in that conversation, it just you had me thinking all day long.

SPEAKER_02 1:54

Yeah, I love it. It's so great. So, you know, the start of our conversations is usually like, how did you get to today? Right. If I remember correctly, you left your corporate career not too long ago, and and now you're out in the world creating, you know, your expression of what you want. And I'd love to hear how did you come to that place and how did you come to that decision?

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Right, Amber. So I I was the little girl that stood on stage from the from the moment I was born, I believe. I live lived on a farm in Southwest Iowa growing up, and my front porch became a proscenium stage for me, where I used my little brown Fisher Price tape recorder to create stories and radio talk shows. And I rope in my younger brother and sister to craft puppet shows and performances for my parents' anniversaries. And so I loved, I loved the spoken word and performance, and that morphed into being on speech team throughout college and theater and community shows, all kinds of things. And so when I got my degree in communication studies and psychology, and I eventually got a second BA in in theater and teaching English, I started out an HR and realized that the training and development I'm a teacher at heart. So I spent about six years teaching high school speech, English, and theater, got my advanced degree, and then went into the collegiate world and taught as a professor in the communication studies department at Creighton University. Realized I wanted to do more and try something new and different. And so a nonprofit organization developed a job for me to promote the arts in Southwest Iowa. And I did that for about a year and a half and got a little burnt out and decided at that time to, I was on this on the side doing the coaching and the workshops and focusing on communication skills. So I thought, why not figuratively jump out of a plane, not know what's where my feet are going to land, and try working for myself. This was in October of 2018. And so I went to my local bank in November of that year and talked to the owner and said, Hey, and I made these cheesy little business cards. I called myself a chief creative officer, used my favorite color purple, and said, Hey, if there's anything I can do to help you in the bank, whether it would be presentations or workshops or coaching, let me know. And he said, I'd like to hire you. So the Malvern Bank created a job for me, my second job they created. So I was the storyteller for not only the bank, but also for the city of Malvern, helping with community development, outreach, and educational programming for the county. Well, fast forward, we get into an international pandemic, and about 85 to 90% of my job just wiped out. All the things I loved, which was being around people, doing face-to-face educational programming. And March, my home became a full-time office and full-time school for my 10-year-old son. And during that time, I'm trying to teach him and I'm realizing it's the arts and it's my side gigs of getting to coach nonprofits, for-profits, individuals, organizations, workshops, webinars, things of that nature that was really tapping into my passion. And my son and I actually crafted two puppet shows teaching financial literacy. I was teaching them the art of how to craft advertisements. So he was the voice on some of those advertisements for the bank. So I was kind of trying to do both my job at the bank and teach my son at the same time. But I realized in September of 2020 that it was time. It was time to really this time jump out of the plane, not know where my feet are going to land and be okay with that. I went from hoping it might work to believing it might work to I know this time it is going to work. And just having that mindset and that faith in self has been amazing.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

I love you, you know, you're pointing to confidence, right? And it's like that knowing, right? Like you know, like you know. And I've said this before the Wright brothers took a lot of heck for saying that they could, you know, launch planes into the air and create machines that flew. And once they've done it once, they knew. And no one could take that away from them, right? So as entrepreneurs, it's like you have an idea, and then the first time you get your client, it's like a knowing, a deepening of the knowing. And then the first time you run your first, like whatever it is, you know, your first successful launch, it it just like deepens that sense of confidence and and that you're on the right track. And and and I think also like when people show up on your journey, you know, like those milestones and signposts, it's like, oh, okay, you know what? The things that I need are are coming to me when I need them.

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Well, it's funny you say that because one of my very because I've had clients, but I decided to create a signature program, a three month, six month, and 12 month for individuals to achieve their authentic speaker style. And so I was launching that, and it was really funny. Somebody had messaged me and said, Hey, I'd like to have a conversation, just learn more. And what I thought they meant was just learn more about communication, but they basically talked me into them getting the signature program. And I was like, Oh, this is for real. This is happening. And people want what I have to offer. And you're right, and just like the Wright brothers, that that first moment where my signature program and calling it that and labeling it, and then putting it out there and recognizing that the reason why I can grow clients is I've got to be seen and I've got to share it and help people and market it. It was a very empowering feeling.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Yeah, I love it. And there's like it's it's almost like, I mean, I think we can say this as mothers, right? It's almost like giving birth. Like in the sense that like the the the vulnerability, there's the excitement, there's the vulnerability, there's the what if. And you know, the human brain is quite well designed to go to all the negative what ifs. What if they don't buy? What if it's not successful? What if I've read the market wrong? What if the, you know, and I think we all go through that, that like sense of um anticipation and at the same time, kind of like, oh, what have I done?

SPEAKER_00 8:04

I jumped out. Yes, exactly. And and you know, I actually went through a challenging time where I was so used to doing keynotes and presentations and workshops in person. That's my thing. I really feed off the energy of an audience. So this really big shift and transition of going from in person completely to not at all webinars and Facebook lives and all these things. I didn't realize how much I it made me nervous. I went into that headspace of I don't enjoy myself on video. Is it too egotistical? I went into that weird mindset of, oh, I don't know that this doesn't feel good. And so what I did is I said, but wait, this is how I can connect to people beyond the borders of Iowa and Nebraska that I can do nationwide. I've even connected internationally and potentially growing clients that way, which is phenomenal. And so I created a game for myself in March where I did a five-day Facebook Live, one hour teaching to say, love the camera, do it for them, share that information and get it out there because you want to help people. And it's that service that became my motivator. And now I'm thinking, wow, I really enjoy this. So this is this is fun, and find the fun in it and the creativity in it, and make it the Tina B show.

SPEAKER_02 9:27

I wish I had recorded you singing Tina B LLC at the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Tina B LLC, yeah, you know me.

SPEAKER_02 9:35

So fun. Talk to me about storytelling because storytelling is a big part of you know, your brand, what you're about. Um, and you know, a powerful vehicle for you to teach people and how to communicate who they are. Where when did the storytelling become so important to you?

SPEAKER_00 9:54

Well, I've always appreciated a good story. I think we all do, you know, as a little girl, I'd sit in a rocking chair with my grandma Shirley, and it was this really wonderful velvet chair, and she would bring her glasses down to the bottom of her nose and read me Mr. Grabbit over and over and over again. It was this rabbit who was very greedy and had too many hats and coats and all the things. But what I remember most is not just her changing her voice and her spunk and her energy, but the conversations that we would have following the book about how we need to be kind and how we need to share. So it's not just the really cool, fun imagination of the story, which I absolutely adored and love, and the power of oral communication of changing your voice and how that can connect with people, but it's the transformation that storytelling can bring, and that we as people are we go through these experiences. We are the hero of our own journey and we go through conflicts internally. I've gone through so many internal conflicts of questioning myself, wondering stray, you know, just craziness, right? Internally, but also those external challenges where maybe there's a flood or a tornado and your small business has closed, or you have to redevelop or redefine design yourself. And so we want to experience that and to see and witness that individual getting through that conflict and then find that transformation because we've been there in some way, shape, or form. Maybe not exactly the same way, but in some way. So I would say I've always loved a good story, I've always appreciated a good story, but really labeling it storytelling came in 2015 when I literally this time did jump on a plane and I flew to Montreal, Canada on a whim and decided to go and attend to an applied improvisation network conference. It's an international conference of improvisers, if you can imagine. And I get to this chalet, I take a bus, I had to find a bus, did not know French, go two hours away from Montreal, go to this conference, and I'm fortunate enough to get roomed in a chalet with a professional storyteller from New York. And somehow we connect, we become amazing friends. And here we are, six years later, we have collaborated multiple online uh webinars together, but we also collaborated and did two different Southwest Iowa teen storytelling shows where we coach teens to tell their stories and perform live. And then we did some live workshops as well as adult storytelling shows. And it's Jude Trader Wolf with her mostly true things uh storytelling. And for the, and she taught me that it is a that everybody can tell a story, that there are five beats to a story and that you can learn to do it. I think what people end up saying is, I'm not a storyteller, I can't do this. But what you see is the most successful connectors are those who tell the stories, they share the stories, they feel the stories because they transport your head into your heart. They have that stay power. And that's where I have found is I want to help those nonprofits that are trying to get their story out there, to get those donations, to get those sponsors, that funding to do the great work that they do. They have to have a concrete story. So people, because stories make the abstract concrete and they help us understand more of what they're all about. And that's that's when I made the shift into wow, I am a storyteller and I can help other people identify and say, I too am a storyteller.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

It's interesting because what's I just try to fly, we why these wet podcasts are about dancing in the conversation. And I don't know if this is gonna take us down a rabbit hole, but what's coming up for me and what you're saying, um, and and I I I love what you said when you said storytelling makes the abstract concrete. I think that's beautiful. But I've been reading about history lately and the history of the Sumerian people and stuff like that. And and I've been really engaging with this idea that like we relate to history like it's fact, like it's some kind of truth, when really it's like stories told by people in a context at their time. And like, what if? Like, what if as human beings we stopped relating to the history? Because one of the things that comes up in that inquiry is like, wow, well, largely those stories were stories told by men. And there's nothing inherently wrong with that. But I wonder what the so-called history of humanity would sound like or read like if it was told from the perspective of what of a woman in a woman's experience. Right.

SPEAKER_00 14:28

I think that's such a great point. And my son, he was taking an online art history course and he acknowledged at age 10, he said, Mom, there they don't mention any female artists. There had to be female artists. And and and I thought, wow, that's that's very pivotal that everybody has their own framework, they have their own perception of how we think and how we tell the story, because you and I can experience the same exact. We could go on a trip, we experience the trip, and then we both share stories, but it's from our own perception, our own voice, and our own emotions and sensory details.

SPEAKER_02 15:02

Yeah, and it's so interesting, right? Because we acknowledge and even embrace that in art, everyone has a unique interpretation and a unique point of view or perspective about something, poetry, paintings, we all feel or experience something different. But yet when it comes to things like history, so that there's supposedly this like set of facts about history and and and there again, it's no different. It's still, you know, things told from a part a certain context or a certain perspective or frame. Um, so yeah, I know I I love stories. And people ask me what kind of music I like. I'm like, I I I like folk music, but it doesn't matter what genre of music it is. It could be hip-hop or rap that's telling a story. It could be, you know, it could be Kat Stevens, it could be, you know, anything really. I love music that tells a story. And I think we do. I think as human beings, like we we um we just inherently respond and relate to a great story. And it it draws us in and it engages us. And I love, you know, I I love that you're working with not-for-profits, my brain. I'm trying to stay focused here because I'm like, oh, Tina and I are going to talk about what I'm creating next, which I'm now ready to share really publicly with the world, but um, it's you know, I really see that you and I could partner in that. I think it's I think the the it's so important for uh any company really, but especially people, you know, not-for-profits, NGOs, that they have an opportunity to really powerfully communicate what it the difference that they're committed to making.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

Well, right. And and and what you said there too, it's it's that heartfelt piece, right? Because it brings out the vulnerability, the emotions. I mean, TED Talks, the reason why we're so drawn to them is they're 65% story and about 5% data. They're much more memorable. Stories are more memorable. They we take in that uh that data, it's so abstract. If I said, you know, the Associated Press has said that people, one out of five people know someone who's died of COVID, that's that's impactful, but it's not nearly as influential as if I said, you know, I want to share the story of how I lost my Aunt Nova to COVID and how, you know, she she fought for her life at the very end, and it was very sad. You know, that humanizes that experience, and that's where the story comes into play. And my work with Practical Farmers of Iowa, I actually got to facilitate and coach farmers to tell their stories at the end of January. They did a beautiful storytelling show web at the very end of the conference, and it was so great that a range of all ages, of all styles of farming, that they're trying to help with this idea of soil health. How can we make our soil healthier, better? And with working with this nonprofit, they recognize that effective communication is everything, but storytelling is that icing on the cake. It, you know, we have to be able to share what we're doing, why we're doing it. And if farmers can be able to effectively communicate, here's how this is working, these cover crops are working on my farm. This is how we can make a difference. So I agree absolutely that the more we hear stories, the more we share stories, the more of a connection we'll make with other people.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Yeah, and it's interesting because I think there's an inherent lack of trust in facts, right? Like, especially one of the things, like I'm working on a number of construction projects right now for a healthcare organization. And I am just like daily moved by my coworkers. Like these human beings, and I posted about it yesterday. Like these human beings, literally, the, you know, they'll someone will say, Okay, we need a new vaccine clinic by, you know, it's Tuesday afternoon. We need a new vaccine clinic by Thursday morning at 7:30. And they're just like, okay, got it. And they just like go figure it out. We need a new COVID wing, go figure it out, right? And like, and it's not like they didn't have 50,000 things on their plate before it, because you know, the work of running healthcare organizations, hospitals, and all of the various things that they do is ongoing and there's all that they're dealing with. And and yet I I watch the news, there's so much, I think, distrust in the environments that we're in right now. People don't know who to what facts to believe. And yet, when it comes to stories, when someone shares from the heart with you, you know, shares their experience and you relate and connect, and I think there's just an uh we're more inclined to to believe. Well, a story that feels authentic, right? And I think that's the other piece that you're you you speak about. And but it's like as long as it occurred, like we have the experience that the person is being authentic, we'll trust the authentic story over a fact any day.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Absolutely. It actually they've shown that stories increase compliance. And when I spoke for the Iowa Public Health Conference, I mean, that that has that's huge for healthcare, right? And you're saying wear a mask, wear a mask, wear a mask. Well, okay, that that's you're trying to push us into doing something. But if you share a story of the power of how mask wearing has helped this particular community to have less COVID or to be healthier or what have you, it's a lot more powerful to show versus tell. And that's the beauty of stories, is that we they create these word pictures and they're and and those sensory details that we could, you know, smell is the most powerful of the five senses. It draws you there into that experience of that person. And our brains actually change and they've shown that when we experience a story that we have that oxytocin that feel good, like I'm holding a puppy hormone, goes up when we actually feel we we can feel the sensory details and we can see them and we can taste them. But then the emotion is is where people trip out a little bit because it is that that vulnerability, but we want that, we crave that more than ever before.

SPEAKER_02 21:05

You know, what I really hear the part about, and and it, I mean, it works for me because I'm all about people first, but anytime, you know, and I want to stress again, because I think both you know, from an authentic place, it's not about selling someone something or like trying to get something from someone, but any time as as entrepreneurs and and just human beings that we can connect to the human. And I I believe it's my core belief that love, connection, and belonging are fundamental to well-being and success. That's my truth. And so the more we can help people connect on that level with what the services that we want to provide, um, the you know, what we're trying to contribute out in the world, whatever that is, um, I think that makes a real difference in our effectiveness because you're right, people want it. We're hardwired. We're hardwired to want it. Based, you know, quoting the famous Brene Brown, you know, we're hardwired for connection and belonging.

unknown 21:59

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:59

And And what's the story that you're you're creating and and and what story are you living? And and what people what I've found too as I've evolved my business, and I love you know, I you're speaking my language, I'm all about authenticity and allowing people to achieve their authentic speaker style. But what I really work towards is caring for people, helping people, and then having that trust built, because then it kind of all works together. And that's why I think for the longest time I was stuck and not working for myself. I've wanted to do what I'm doing now full-time for 10 years, because I know at heart I love to serve through education, through helping, through guiding. But what was getting and not feeling nice or good was the marketing originally or trying to sell myself. But what I decided is just give things out, just share it. And that has made all the difference in the world is when you give that information, when you help each other out and we interconnect with each other, it's we're making a better place for future generations through those interconnectedness, like your skill sets, my skill sets, up-leveling each other. It's all about holding each other up and giving added value because everybody has a value to give.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

Yeah, it's interesting. This has been coming up a lot lately. This whole like, and I I remember, you know, I've dealt with this in my own business, like having those so-called sales conversations, selling. And it we're we're willing to do it for other people. Right. When we worked in corporate, when whatever our job was, you know, I I mean, I used to lead introductions for a company called Landmark for people to register into their personal development programs. And I was very effective and I would go to the wall because I know at the end of the day, it's not about money and it's not about time, which are the biggest like kind of things that people say when they're making a decision to pursue something, whether it's coaching or whatever, it's like, oh, I don't know if I have the money, I don't know if I have the time. But when you want something, and I invite everyone listening to this, like to actually really look for yourself, when you want something, you make it happen.

SPEAKER_00 24:02

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 24:03

And so I I and I had no problem. Like, if I could sense that someone really wanted to participate in the course, I saw the value of it, I would have no problem going to the wall with them over the money conversation. But then all of a sudden, when it's Amber's business and it's making money for Amber, that conversation became so much more difficult. So it's like it's very, I think it's very human. And it's part of like uh especially as we step out as entrepreneurs and we're like learning to sell our own products, goods, and services, um, that we really get responsible for for the frame of how we view what it is that we're doing. Because really, everything is sales. Asking someone on a date, you're selling yourself, right? Going in on it, like everything is sales, like enrolling your husband in like do re-renovating the house. Like we're always having conversations. So if we shift the conversation from like, I'm selling something, because we have such, I think, a negative connotation around sales. I really, my heart goes out to salespeople who have that title because you know, it's got a bit of a stigma around it, to like we're enrolling people in something that they want, because people want to have their problem solved. People want, you know, I really believe yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Well, and and to echo what you're saying is I believe that all communication is persuasive, just just what you were saying earlier, that the audience can choose to tune you out or choose to listen. So it's like if you are giving a speech to an audience that's not listening, does it really ever happen? And so it's it's tuning into what people need, right? And I love that word enroll and and and bringing people what they want. And I remember a friend of mine who works for herself as well as a leadership coach. She said too that the marketing part was hard for her, the selling part was hard because of that negative stigma. But do it for them. That there are people out there that have that pain point. There are people out there that need what you have to offer and you need to share it and get it out there. They need to know you exist. And I think that that's what was crippling me before is people weren't able to find me. I thought, oh, it'll just be organic. People will talk and whatever. You have to get out there and do those fun, you know, Facebook Live teachings or post some thoughtful in content on LinkedIn or really start to network, put yourself out there because originally, you know, I thought putting myself out there felt like, well, look at me, I'm center of attention. But but I've taken it back and said, no, putting myself out there is sharing, connecting, and giving, you know, guiding folks because I've I've had over the 20 years of the experience in communication, not only from a teaching standpoint, a research standpoint, but I really feel like everybody has a voice and everybody has a story to share. And so why not help those people that help people out there that don't believe that to have those that shift in the mindset?

SPEAKER_02 26:59

And you know, hanging out there for a second, what do you think gets in the way of people showing up in life or sharing themselves authentically with others, Tina?

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Well, I've been shush a lot of my life. And that's because I I always like to say we're on a continuum when it comes to our body language and our voice of one to 10. And I'm a big 10. I'm a Walt Disney World, like, woo! I am enthusiastic, I'm a creative, and I'm super, super kind. Because the kindness and cooperative in me, uh, a lot of organizations I have to modify, which I totally get. A 10 is probably is definitely not appropriate for a financial institution, uh, but for children at a library, it is. And so I think what is hard is I'm a theater person, I'm a storyteller, and sometimes bigger than life and not maybe everybody's cup of tea. And that's okay. And I think what trips us out in terms of showing up authentically is that we get into our conditioned self. We start to think what other people might be judging or thinking of us. We start to feel we hear that one comment, and that one comment, whether it was a teacher or a friend or someone we don't even know very well or value, they say something and it's not positive, but that one negative thing becomes that defining tape that plays in our mind that trips us out and prevents us from empowerment, from being the person we're supposed to be. And so I found, you know, in my world, my husband gave me this insight for all the jobs that I've ever done. I land the job when I got that interview. I'd make that connection and I'd make an impact, connect with students, connect with employees. But then there got to a point in the job where I wanted them to shift or change or evolve or grow. And then they didn't know what to do with me. And they wanted me to just shush and float away and just keep doing what I'm doing, which is comfortable for the organization. And that was an eye-opener for me and why I needed to redefine myself. So I think ultimately it is identifying what are those triggers, you know, where who do we surround ourselves with? Do we surround ourselves with people that embrace who they are, beat to their own drummer? Because I talk about temperament a lot. We have core values, and that affects who we are, how we communicate and lead, and how we show up. And if we are stressed, we look like somebody else and we don't become, we aren't that person. And for about three plus years, I was burnt out. I was someone else. I was not that creative. And when I finally had my son and my father-in-law, they built me a tiny theater during the pandemic, a little tiny box. It's a tiny space with big ideas. So it's Tina's tiny theater. And I played in it and I played with puppets and I played with my son and I created stories. I'm like, here I am. This is what I meant to do and play. Um, I think that it's it's allowing ourselves to step back and say, how does this feel? Does this feel right or good? And do an I am poem. And that was an assignment I gave my son to do that I did with him is I am and fill in the blank and craft that and journal about it and allow ourselves to be surrounding by good people, good work environment, and do the activities that that we love doing. You know, get into that creative flow, that creative mind space.

SPEAKER_02 30:24

I love that. I a friend of mine, Chris, who I interviewed on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, um, an author of one of my favorite books, he said, human beings are the only species who can live beside their own life and even be successful at it, but it's not authentically them, right? It's not their authentic, it's not their heart's desire, it's not their their heart, their authentic self living that life. And like no other species, like a horse, if it tried to be a cat, would die. Like, you know, like but human beings, like we can like live these inauthentic lives. And even by all, and like I'm writing my first book, and it's all about yardsticks, the measures that we use to, you know, how to create your own measures for success and happiness in life. But like by all external measures, we're successful and we should be happy, but we're not because we're because we're not expressing that authenticity and and we're not expressing ourselves and being that in the world. And and I just like one, I really acknowledge you. It takes courage.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

Well, thank you. And I love that. That's beautiful. I would love to know Chris's book because what to be the side, you know, to be, I was acting like a quiet koala bear or something. I was I was being not Tina, but I was successful. Like everybody around me, oh wow, you've you're you're an it's you're a professor at a university. That's awesome. And then it went to, oh wow, they developed a job and you're doing great things for eight counties in in Southwest Iowa. That's amazing. Oh wow, you you're working for a bank and doing incredible stuff, you know, and yet I was to the side of myself. And I love that. That is a beautiful way to put it. That uh you don't see a cat trying to be a dog, and and that's we have a cat and a dog, and watching those two, oh, it's entertainment.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Yeah, and you know, one of the things he's invited me to do, and I've been inviting other people to do, um, is like go after the 10 out of 10, like the tip of your authentic desire in life. And you know, you can be good at a lot of different things, and they might be like a six or a seven or eight. And Chris is like, you want to be going after that 10, like you know, and like finding the 10 in life. And so then, like rating your experiences is like, oh, this is a two out of 10. Maybe we could find someone else to do this because I really don't like it. But this is like a 10, you know, and then like this really lights me up. And as I'm reading, like I've been going through this period over the last year, I I've known for quite some time what the vision was, what my purpose was. And it's been refined a little bit and I've gotten some clarity, but largely I've known. And up until a year ago, I had the that, like the how I was going to achieve it. And so when I know what the how is, I'm like all in, I'm driven, I'm focused, I'm like making it happen. And then I chose not to keep pursuing that path. And then this last year has been a bit like, oh, like a leaf in the wind. You know, you can either be the leaf or you can be the wind. Well, I was like the leaf, and I knew how to be the wind, but I wasn't like I only knew how to be the wind one way, and that way looked like Amber burning herself out and not taking care of herself. So I didn't want to be the leaf, but I didn't want to be the wind the way I knew how to be the wind. And so it's been like the bit of an experience this last year of floating, and it's like, oh, that no, no, I thought it was that, it's not that. Let me try this. No, no, that's not quite it. Oh no, this is definitely it. No, that's not it. Meanwhile, you know, there's a future that's been calling to me that I I know is like what my heart really wants to be taking on. And I've been like, no, you you're you you're doing all of these other things. You should keep doing those things, even though it's not a 10, it's like a seven or an eight. And and I and I think we do that to ourselves, right? Versus like, no, I'm I'm gonna go all in. I'm gonna go all in on my on on what my heart wants.

SPEAKER_00 34:13

Well, seven to eight is safer, isn't it? I mean, I think that that's that's sometimes why we we stay in that seven to eight for so long, is because it's what we know, it's predictable. I mean, for the first time in my life, I'm creating my own system as an entrepreneur. I've always had organizations determine my day, determine my time, determine how I spend it. And now for the first time, I have this extreme amount of freedom to say, okay, what is my system? When do I create and strategize? When do I coach my clients? When do I present? How do I do it? How do I market myself in a fun way and put out that really positive energy? And so it is amazing that forever and ever all men, I've always loved and been passionate about public speaking, about communication skills, and using storytelling as a tool using improvisation. Like even yesterday, I did a my very first webinar improv hour and a half with about 70 people. And let me tell you, in-person is a lot easier, but I yes and did the crap out of it and said, we're gonna do this. And it was a lot of fun. I was exhausted in a good way afterwards, but I think it is like you say, as a leaf, you try things and then you transition into the wind and decide I'm gonna blow the way that I'm called to be. Because I think at the heart and the core, um, that's that's tapping into your your value. And when you are that value and you express that value, then you draw in the people that that are craving more so more of that.

SPEAKER_02 35:48

Yeah, and it's interesting because like I had it that what I had been doing, like where I wanted to go, um, was a departure from what I've been doing in my career for the last, you know, 20 something years. And I didn't want it, like, and so it's like, well, how do I like find a way to keep leveraging what I've done and like so serving people through what I've done? I don't want to kind of like waste that. I know that's a weird concept. But what's interesting is as I've been evolving where I'm going and what's next, it all fits. There's a place for all of it inside of, and I can now see where my experience in business analysis, project management, teaching, instructing, you know, training people, all of that coaching all shows up, but it's inside of what I really feel like I'm I was what what I was born, you know, the purpose that I was created to fulfill on. And and so that's neat how sometimes like we can spend a lot of time, like the um when we try to strategize from our mind, you know, eventually it just gets to the point where it's so uncomfortable and not working that it just um, you know, it's like it's it's time to to just take a step forward. But thank, you know, I'm so grateful for the last year, Tina, because I've really like learned a lot about how to be an entrepreneur, how to how to create business, and and because it's different from when you're working for other people, um, that I'm starting this this venture off in a very different way than you know, I'm starting it off in partnership, I'm starting it off in collaboration, I'm starting it off with like, no, we're gonna go get some capital and we're gonna go get some money before we even like, you know, what do we need to do to start, you know, because this is a great idea and it's gonna make a difference for you know everyone on this planet. And so, and there I know there are people out there who are gonna want to invest in this. So, but like it took, and I think for a while I was frustrated by the journey over the last year until I really got I had to go through all of that. I had to go through that experience of being the leaf over the last year and just not knowing and looking for clarity and just being like, no, not that. No, okay, I'm gonna keep trying. I'll keep looking, I'll keep putting things out there, I'll keep, but and when it didn't, you know, and I think that's like Napoleon Hill talks about temporary defeat versus failure. I think that's part of it. It's like, no, I'm gonna keep on this journey and I'm gonna try things. I think that's so important in the mindset of an entrepreneur. It's like, no, you believe in yourself, that confident, know that you can do this, that you've got value to contribute. And you might go through 50,000, like Edison, 10,000 light bulbs, right? Until you get there.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Well, right. And it's it's I love who Ellen DeGeneres says, you know, keep on keeping on. And I think that that's true. And you try those steps one step at a time. And I would say, I had a friend we were talking about this year, and it hasn't been the worst year of my life, but it's been the most uncomfortable. And I think that the uncomfortableness has been good for me because it has stretched me. I mean, we as human beings are growth-centered, and that in order to be the best we're supposed to be, we're supposed to keep up-leveling, we're supposed to keep growing and stretching ourselves. So being open, like had you said a couple months ago that, hey, you're going to connect with some international folks that potentially you're going to get client and internationally, you're going to be on podcasts in different spaces beyond the borders of the United States. I would have said, that's crazy, that's weird. But now it's like happening because I finally am not, it's like the energy of the universe. I'm not being restrained. I'm being open to saying, okay, jump out of bed, full of gratitude, full of openness, and allow things to come and transpire as they will. And as my son says, Mom, just play with it a little bit. And I love that, you know, play with an idea. And when it feels good, do more of that. If it doesn't, you know, try something new. Oh, go over here and and try this and then try that. And a lot of it is experimentation. I mean, that's that's the beauty of science, you know, where my son loves doing scientific experiments. And when they fail, you know, Tina Fay says there's no such thing as failure, only opportunities. And I really believe from from all of that, we we we get crippled by the potential for failure. And, you know, I'm an achiever and I'm a recovering perfectionist. And so I love all of Brene Brown's work of, you know, I'm getting out of the shame mindset or the guilty mom kind of mindset, but crafting a story that says I need to be that role model for myself, for other young people in the community, for my son, you know, for my core group of people, and lean into the uncertainty. Because what we have found is that that Ruben in 2014 did this study on the brain. And what it what he found is that when we train our brain, you can retrain your brain to actually, you know, go through a crisis. And that's the beauty of improvisation and why improvisers and those those strategies of letting go, noticing more, and using everything and playing with ideas and yes, and in ideas, we actually can retrain our brain to deal with the uncertainty better, to deal with crisis crises better.

SPEAKER_02 41:14

Yeah, and I love that you say that. And what's coming up is like the work I do with people in resilience. You know, I recently had one of my uh people that I've done some of these resilience profiles for and come to me and say, like, man, like I'm gonna have all of my coaching clients do that profile because like, you know, because I'd done a bunch of profiles for one of their clients, and then they hadn't looked at them and they'd known them for a few months, and then they'd gone back and looked at the profiles, and they're like, that profile, like to a T told me how that person operates and deals with uncertainty and deals with, you know, disruptive challenges. And and I think it's important, and I just actually got this in this conversation with you, Tita. It's so good. I love conversations and communication. One of the things we talk about in resilience is being as a leader in a company, being responsible for the fact that if you've got a higher level of resilience, you're going to be naturally drawing change to you in like the because you see the opportunity and the disruption and the growth in it, but the people underneath you may not have such a high level of resilience. And so you need to be responsible for that, that you're not bringing change into the organization and and burning stressing your people out. And and why that's like making me smile right now is I had this interaction with one of my kids yesterday, I think it was yesterday, might have been Wednesday. Um where it came up in the conversation that it's frustrating for him watching me, because I'm someone who like I'm always on the court breaking through something. And it it is it it sucks sometimes and it's really uncomfortable. But I'm like, I am not going to be stopped by my limitations. I'm not going to be stopped by my mindset. And and so that is just a natural state of being in life for me. And I'm like comfortable with that. But in this conversation with my son, I got that like he's a son who doesn't like to see his mom distressed or upset or dealing with things. And so, like, really just getting that, like when you're, you know, when you're someone who's resilient or you know, like it's also about being aware of the impact of how that is and the people around you. And and you know, I took responsibility for that. I said, you know, I could be more responsible for that. And I, you know, I said, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna stop being someone who keeps taking myself on because that's my authenticity, that's what I'm committed to for myself in life. And I can learn to be responsible for the impact that that can have on you guys as I'm going through some of those more uncomfortable death cycles. I love that my friend uh Grant calls them death cycles, you know, where we we die under one self and become born into another. And I think it's because we talk about transformation and this kind of work that you and I do is like fluffy sometimes. It sounds fluffy sometimes, but it can be brutal when you're going through parts of it.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

Well, absolutely. Like I had one client that was just really struggling with perfectionism, and so we did this activity, it's an improv activity where I would hold up items and I said, now you have to label it anything but what it is. And it was killing this person, did not love that because our brains want to figure out the game. We want to be successful, we want to win, we create a pattern. And so what this individual was doing was saying different fruits. So it became a category of okay, you're gonna show me an object, it's probably not gonna be a fruit, but I'm gonna create, like I know I'm gonna say apple for the next one and then orange for the next one, because it was, it was, they didn't like the uncertainty. And I think that it's getting that's where I agree with that teaching of different creative strategies that we really truly can retrain our brain. Our brains go into fight or flight, we go to the negative much quick more quickly. That's why when you hear a negative comment, it sticks with you a lot more quickly than the 15 positives, even though they're lovely to hear. Or if we feel some sort of small threat, whether it's a nonverbal cue or whatever, we go to that headspace. If we feel like we're stepping into, like for me, technology and how much we had to rely on it was nerve-wracking. And my husband gave me this great analogy. He says, So when you go into your car, every time you turn that ignition, do you worry it's going to start? I said, Well, no. He goes, Do that with a computer, you know, just because just start envisioning it working and doing what it needs to do. And oh my gosh, that mindset change things have flowed so much better. I started practicing more, figuring out the lighting, the setting, and creating. And so it truly is a resiliency and feeling gritty and getting through it.

SPEAKER_02 45:53

I love it. Well, thank you. I know that this will not be the last time that I have you on the show, Tina. And I definitely look forward to like expanding and growing our friendship and getting to know you better. You're amazing. And for anyone listening to the show, if you want any support with your business or telling your story and showing up in life, your authentic self, you're in good hands with Tina. You'll find out all of the information you need to know about how to connect with her in the show notes. And uh just thank you. Thank you for being someone who's out there helping people tell their story. I think it's such important work, and I'm grateful that you're doing it.

SPEAKER_00 46:29

Well, thank you, Amber. And I just appreciate your authentic self and just how much you help others and you've helped me and continue to make that that impact. So I look forward to growing our friendship as well.

SPEAKER_02 46:41

For those listening, have an amazing weekend. Thank you for being with us today and take care.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For show info, visit what wouldamberdo.com. And for information about Amber Howard and Associates' offerings and services, visit AmberHoward Inc.com.