Welcome to What What Amber Do. With your host, Amber Howard, your weekly dose of guidance, inspiration, and strategies to have your small business and whole life thrive. We bring you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being an entrepreneur so you can have your whole life work. Now, here's your host, Amber Howard.

Good morning, everyone. Welcome back to What Would Amber Do? It is my like I keep saying privilege and pleasure. I don't know. My heart is overjoyed this morning to be speaking with Steph Rankin. Stephanie Rankin is the creative force behind The Limitless Adventure, which is a company that creates one-of-a-kind adventures for those committed to exploring life, love, and self-awareness at a whole new level. Steph is a pilot and a certified yoga instructor. And just really, Steph, just thank you. Thank you. Thank you for coming on the show and having this time and this conversation with us this morning.

Thank you. And thank you so much for having me. I am so excited to be here with you and to share my journey, my experience, all of that with both you and with your listeners.

Yeah, so good. So for those listening, Steph and I met many years ago when I was her coach in a leadership training program. And I there are I struggle to find words sometimes, just like a real meeting of the souls and the minds and the hearts, and just so much love. Like right from the moment I met you, Steph. It's just like um Anna Green Gables would call it a kindred spirit, is kind of how I feel about you. And uh you just uh you're someone who embraces life and just throws yourself into life wholeheartedly with every ounce of your being. And I would love for you to share with us a little bit about, you know, how did you get to be where you are today? You know, what's your journey been like?

Yeah, it's been a journey, that's for sure. And I'd have to say my journey really started about what are we almost four years ago now, I think. I think it was May 2017 was when I really took a deep dive into self-awareness work, into really taking a deep dive into my own being, how I wound up as a human, um, you know, who I was sort of being in life, and and through education, um, lots of coaching, uh, lots of vulnerability with myself, taking full responsibility for my life and the impacts I've had on others. Um, you know, the last four years has been a journey and it's really brought me to today, you know, and to creating now through my own vulnerability spaces for others to show up and create for themselves through their own vulnerability and self-awareness. Um, you know, and we can talk a little bit more about that and my commitment in life. Um, but yeah, it's been um self-awareness work big time, you know, and that's allowed me to be really soft with myself, um, cultivate a lot of self-love, self-forgiveness, compassion, um, and being okay with the experiences I've had, the actions I've taken in my past, um, to really choose and create newly for myself moving forward. And because of that, being able to hold space for others. So, you know, the work with you as a coach, I have a self-love coach, that has all really brought me to uh to today, you know, and the work doesn't stop either. You know, it's sort of like we think, where can we get to when and then we've arrived. But what I realized is there's really no place to get. It's a continuous journey. You know, you reach one mountaintop, you're really only at the base of another mountain. Um, so yeah, that's what's really got me to this place.

Why, what, you know, I I know what the answer to this question is for me. And you know, I was just thinking as you were speaking, most of the guests who come on my show, and it could just be because that's what I attract to myself, or people who have done personal development, self-development. But you know, for you, for you, Steph, why why is it so important to be someone who gives yourself tools, who who takes on expanding your awareness of self? Like, why does that matter to you?

Yeah, that's a great question. Um, I think for me in my past, with my work, with relationships, um, I always felt like a pull to wanting more, but staying safe and staying protected in a sense, right? And I would find myself quite unhappy in love, in life, in work, um, and blaming others for that, you know? And um, I took on the self-development journey um with landmark actually in in 2017 and through that very confronting work. I can't say I was like loved it the whole time. Uh, I didn't. I can attest she didn't love it all the time anymore. Um, but essentially I just realized I got to a point where I was like, my life isn't working, and I see where it can go. And I'm blaming all these other people and circumstances for it not getting there. But really, it's my own self who's stopping myself from getting there. And so um taking on self-development, taking on self-awareness work, responsibility taking has allowed me to create new ways of being or a choice. It's opened up a choice of seeing situations and seeing who I can be in those situations, you know, to going to the same way I've been, the same place of not having things work or moving into a whole new space and creating it. So that self-development journey really, it really took hold in the end of 2018, actually when I stopped actively doing self-development work and taking courses is when it sort of just hit me like a ton of bricks. Like everything started to line up. All the work I had done really started to sink into my soul and my being. And from that point, I was able to actually make new choices for myself that had me live into those spaces that I knew I could live into. You know, those parts of me that I was getting pulled, my intuition was getting pulled towards, but I was stopping myself. So that self-development journey allowed me to actually go into those spaces now and create commitments and possibilities for myself and then live into those to actually have a life that's working more for me. And I know that sounds really like poetic and maybe romantic to many people. Um, but still to this day, I get, you know, very confronted. And there's certain aspects of my life that I'm willing to take on more so than others, you know. So, like I said, it's still a journey and I still get confronted, but the self-awareness that I've gained over the last number of years has really allowed me to choose newly. That's I think the biggest thing for me, you know.

I I like what I hear in the distinction between like not working versus wrong. This is like for human beings, we're just like, like there's always something wrong. I shared a post about this recently. Like even when like things are going well, right? Even when like if you look out, like if you step outside of your own mind to the so-called reality of your life, which is always filtered by your mind anyway. So, you know, whatever. But there's just always something wrong, even when things are so-called going right, like our minds will find something wrong. And I think it is powerful to say, look, there's nothing wrong with my life. And there are areas of life where I'm not getting the results that I want, or I'm not creating what it is that I want, or I feel stuck, or I, you know, it's okay. It's it might even be good, but it's like, what would it look like? What would it be to take this area to like a 10 out of the 10? Because it's a six or a seven right now, and I just really like to level it up. Um, and I think that's a very powerful distinction to make because when we come from like there's something wrong, it it has a whole world with it, right? Like shame, blame, all of these things, you know, when when things are wrong, there's like often, I I know for myself, like a need to kind of displace the the wrong can't be amber, or often the wrong is amber, but you know, typically when when there's something wrong, we go looking for something outside of ourselves to blame or find fault for for what's wrong. And I and I think it's very powerful to to make that decision, like that distinction. There's nothing wrong, and like there's an opportunity here for me to, and it and and I and that's not to me semantics.

Yeah. And it's, you know, when I talk about like self-awareness, and it's really only one piece of the puzzle, right? And coming back to that like make wrong or something's wrong here, rather than it's just not working. And again, it's all in language that it gets created. So I try and be very intentional with my words when I can. Um, self-awareness is one piece of the puzzle for me, for example. It's like, okay, I'm aware of, you know, why I may have been doing something, source fractures, you know, unhealed parts of my childhood, my teenage years, moving into my 20s and 30s, fine. Um, but the other part of this actually action, you know, so you can still sit with a lot of self-awareness, but not actually take an action around it. So you could still end up still in that same place, just now being more aware, which sometimes can seem even heavier than not being aware, right? There's something about sort of, I guess, being naive about things or not really knowing, right? And there's pain that can come along with that, but we get to like blame other people or situations, like I said, for it, um, with self-awareness. You start to realize like the onus is actually on you as a human in those situations. And then there's the now, what are you gonna do about that differently? You know, so there's all these pieces that that come together with that. And I'm still in the discovery, and I probably will be for the rest of my life of that, you know? And we can bring this back to some concrete examples and we can talk about, for example, uh myself going to get my pilot's license and why it's been over, oh my gosh, 15 years now. And I'm still a student pilot. And actually, my student pilot permit has now expired. And why am I not taking that on? Right. So, you know, before I could make up whatever I wanted, now I'm self-aware as to like, oh, there's some things here, like I'm not the one to do it, or you know, I need my dad beside me, or someone who knows a little bit more. I'm not the one by myself to control it. And now with that self-awareness, it's like, if I just get saddled with that now, now I have to kind of go, okay, why aren't I finishing it? What action can I take to go? Okay, I'm aware that I have a fear of doing things on my own. Got it, check. And now what? So now I can create an action to go, okay, that's a story I've had for a long time. I'm aware of my story. My story's not necessarily real in reality, just for me. And I can create a new story, a new way of being where I can actually go and fly that airplane on my own and know myself to be the one to do that. And and flying is one aspect we can look at work-wise. You know, I feel this pull to do so much with work and all this, same concept.

So you, you know, you said so many great things there. And I think, you know, like that whole conversation about once the self-awareness comes, it can get heavier, is why they said ignorance is bliss. Because, you know, once you have this, once you see, wow, I am, I am 100% responsible. Like I not that, not like the truth, but like a choice I could make to be 100% responsible for everything that works and doesn't work in my life, not blame, not fault, but responsible, as in there's something I could do about it. And there are actions that I could take or thoughts that I could shift or mindset or whatever. You know, knowing that, and then, you know, not doing anything about it, I think that's where the heaviness comes from. And then, you know, we can tend to make ourselves a little bit wrong for when we, you know, we discover things about ourselves where we're not taking actions that are aligned with what we really want or our hearts or any of that. And and and we get where we see that, we have that awareness. And human beings, I remember one of my coaches said to me once that we're inside junkies. Like it's like a fix, right? We love getting that. Oh, that's why I'm the way I am because you know, this thing happened when I was 10 years old, and I made up this story that I was, I'm you know, I'm not lovable or you know, I'm not good enough. And now this is why my life looks like the way it does. Amazing, incredible. And the and knowing that makes zero difference. It's your ability to take actions from okay, I got it. I have a brain pattern that tells me, and for you, what I heard on what you're saying is I'm not ready. Sounds like there's like a young conversation that you have created sometime that you're not ready. And that stops you from moving forward with things. And it's like, okay, great, I've got that awareness now. What? Oh, I can I can have the thought I'm not ready and still taking action. I'm like, like most people do, I think, when they go to jump out of an airplane. I'm almost positive that for anyone, I've never done this and I've wanted to for a long time, and then I had kids and I was like, maybe that's not such a good idea. But I'm pretty sure that anyone standing at the edge of that plane is never ready to jump out of the airplane. It it it, you know, maybe, maybe there are some people, maybe there are some like real adrenaline junkies that are like, you know, just like leap without. But I'm for most human beings who have any kind of healthy sense of fear of death and fear of falling, they're never ready and they still jump out of the plane. And they still jump out. So I I love what you're saying, uh staff. It's like, yeah, so now you get to look at that. I it's been 15 years, and you know, you and I are gonna go for a walk and we're gonna create this together because I gave my word to myself that I was getting my pilot license this year. So, you know, then this is why, as coaches, we know just humans, like accountability is so important. Because when it's like you're in a conversation alone with yourself about something, you're much less likely to carry it out. But if you and I are in partnership together, you're gonna show up because I know you and you're you're gonna be like, oh, I want Amber to get her pilot's license, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, it's true. It's that I'm not ready. And it's it's actually coming up for me, like what you just triggered, something for sure that's there for me in so many ways, right? And I think about work, possibly love, life that could be there. Um, flying. And what's interesting, I mean, I I when I was younger was a competitive show jumper. So I rode horses. I was probably 11 when I started competing at a high level in show jumping, probably to about 14. And now that you're talking about that, I'm not ready, I just and I can't remember a conversation with myself, but I'm pretty sure I felt that every time going into a ring, right? I had to memorize the course, I had to look. I feel like how I've sort of, you know, wound up as a human, or, you know, I that is what's been there. That's been running the show so much is I'm not ready. I'm not ready to go out on my own. I'm not ready to do this, I don't have it perfected yet, you know, winding up as a perfectionist, as a Virgo for whatever that means for people out there, um, dealing with brain patterns that I deal with, you know, I think that's really been something that dictates a lot of my actions in my life. Um and what I recognize is that no matter what people say to me, if I don't have that belief myself, it doesn't matter. It's it's not gonna make a difference. I had many instructors, well, many shows you how long I was trying to get my pilot's license for. Um, you know, even my father and my instructors like you're you're good. You know what you're doing, you can handle this airplane, you know. And I do have four hours solo. I have I have time in an airplane alone. I have landed many times on my own, you know. Um, and it's almost like, again, I think it's that fear of not getting it right. I guess in an airplane, maybe there's that fear of like having a bumpy landing, maybe that fear of looking bad, maybe wrecking the airplane. Not so much a fear of of dying, the fear of death isn't there. It's more that fear of like maybe I'm not as ready as my dad with flying or my instructors. So it stops me from even starting. Um, and that that's the same with work. That's the same, you know, those are the two places that I really see it showing up. And, you know, it's finding that belief in myself. It's finding like, no, you can do this. You are able and capable on your own. You have a lot of talents, you are very small, all those, right? Um, it's changing that conversation with myself. And again, it takes, I think, that awareness, you know. And those thoughts of myself, they don't go away. It's not like because I'm a quote unquote transformed human, which I think I'm much more transformed than let's say April 2017, even though I was still doing yoga work and all that kind of stuff. Like I had my meditation, I had my yoga, I had finds a ways of finding myself. Um even though I have transformed and continue to transform, the conversations, the negative self-talk, the self-doubts never go away. I just don't get to use that as my reason for not fulfilling on my way of being anymore, for fulfilling on my intuitional pull to be more and do more for other humans and myself in this world. So I think that's something that's there for me is that, you know, I'm aware of the stories that I tell myself. And now I can choose differently. And the choosing differently looks like now honoring my intuition, my wants, my will for myself and for others, you know. So yeah, everything you're saying is it's so perfect for what perfect is worth.

I love what you're saying, and I think it's really important to get that. I mean, and you said it earlier, Steph, it's like there's nowhere to get to about any of this, right? Like by the time we get anywhere, they're throwing dirt on our coffin and going out to have a celebrat, but you know, celebratory cup of coffee and you know, talk about all of the great things. This this is life, yeah. And you're either going to to live life at the effect of your circumstances, or you know, life happens to you, or you're going to become someone who gets that you can be a creator in your own life. And there's going to be different toolkits that you need to do that meditation, yoga. That was like one tool set, and that got you to a certain point. And it's something I know that you love and you love teaching. And and I remember last summer when you were teaching like the little kittles and and at summer camp for I Dare You to Be, you, you know, it brings you a lot of joy. And and then there's other toolkits that, you know, depending on what you want to create and where you're going next in your life, um, you know, maybe there's toolkits around business that you don't have right now because you haven't needed them, because you've been working in other people's businesses. And now that you're going out on your own, it's like, okay, here's some gaps. And if we can keep it in that conversation, like, and Matthew McGonagay said this once many years ago when he was like accepting his Oscar, he, I believe it was his Oscar. Uh, he said, There's always this guy I'm chasing, and it's me five years from now. It's like if we can keep it in that conversation, it's like there's where I there's my goals, my dreams, where I want to get to, where I am right now. And there's some gaps, and the gaps aren't wrong. As long as we don't make the gaps wrong, there's gaps in my skills, there's gaps in my knowledge, there's gaps in the level of accountability, integrity at which I operate my life. These things are constantly expanding. And we, as we grow bigger and bigger in our lives and take on more and you know, have more richer, fuller lives, then the integrity, the accountability, the structures that we use to operate our lives. To expand in relation to the bigger plate. You know, the kind of integrity you need to operate when you're a Richard Branson, you know, operating virgin and all of these companies that you know is different than if you're, you know, working a 40-hour job and raising a family. Now I'm not saying either of those is a better life to have. It just requires a different level at which you operate in terms of your relationship to Word.

Yeah.

Yeah. And um, you know, when I think about moving on or into my own thing, definitely there's some new tools for me to acquire, you know, and some that have worked in my past that I'm like bringing forward with me, you know. Um But I think the I think to me having the work I have has allowed me to feel the pull towards doing something more aligned with myself. It's also taken a lot of courage uh to leave what's comfortable. Um so, you know, on the flying topic, you know, aviation's a passion of mine. I grew up with an airplane in my backyard with my dad flying. Um, I remember sitting on my mom's knee, you know, in the backseat when we go flying. I also blame my mom for some of my fears because I think I remember sitting on her lap and at one point yelling at my dad to land. I can't, I don't know, or maybe this is a story that I'm making up. I mean, who knows? But, you know, I I have sort of somewhat of a healthy fear of flying at times, which I think I think everyone really should. And, you know, there should be some level of like, okay, what could happen in the air, you know, and I get that. But um, you know, my passion of of my passion for flying and doing with my dad is something that I don't know, it just warms my heart. It brings so much joy, you know, and seeing it as a way to bond with my dad. Um, we can get into the daddy buoy conversations and how I have a lot of things to discover around my father, and you know, he's such a great role model, and how I've really sort of held on to like I can't do out things without him. So, you know, there's that for me to break through on. But what I realize is at times I live in such a world of comparison. So when I'm in the aviation community, I get inspired by other female pilots big time, you know, and I I see how far they've they've they've gotten to, you know, how far they've come now. But what I really see is like the final product, right? You have captains of 747s, or you have these amazing female aerobatic pilots in competition, um, female, you know, uh, airline mechanics, all these things. Um, and there's a gap for me of how do I start with my solo or writing my ground school test to get to this point, right? And that was a huge missing. So, my my living in comparison of these pilots actually stopped me from even starting a journey with flying, you know, it was like something I do with my dad. I'm happy, you know, to fly left seat while he's in right seat, and I'll take off and I'll land and I'll do all the flying, actually, you know, but I won't do it on my own. And I could never get to where these women are, right? I mean, it's a conversation that's not true, just something out of fear and comparison that would show up for me. And um, one of a project I created or had the idea come up was uh, and it's gonna happen. It's happening this year, Amber, mark my words this summer. Um had this idea to bring flying back down to the ground level. So I always talk to other women and they're just like, I've always wanted to fly. I've uh, you know, that's a you know, by the time I'm 40, it's on my bucket list to get my pilot's license and all this. And I thought, yeah, I mean, it's been on my bucket list for over 15 years, and here I am. So where am I stopped and why am I stopped? So I wanted to create a platform for women to share their love of aviation. Also, I'm gonna be interviewing um women in aviation who have sort of quote unquote uh made it, in my opinion, or my viewing of them, and interview them about their their first time flying, um, to bring it back down to the level of private pilot, back down to the level of the women who are like, I've always wanted to do that. So to create as an inspirational piece with these women who are so they've excelled so much in their craft and with even just you know, hobby flying, but have them talk about their first experiences with flight, maybe talk about the difficulties that they found, the fears maybe, you know, to highlight those as a way to create space for other women to feel okay with what they're feeling and inspire them to get into aviation. So that's upcoming this summer. The ball's rolling on that. I'm really excited. It's a passion project. Who knows where it's gonna go? But I just really saw it as an opportunity to inspire all women, and I guess on some level, all humans, you know, men or women, to get into aviation no matter their age, no matter their experience, no matter their their financial situation, you know, but to really give them inspiration to just get started. So, and inside that I'll share about my own journey and my own struggles and all those good things.

Yeah, well, we're getting our pilot's license this summer, this year. Yes, it's happening. Yes, I am. 100% 100% it's happening. And because it's on my goal, I I put it on my list of goals this year. It's on my vision board. So it's happening, and you're you're gonna teach me how to do it. So uh you're gonna do yours as well. And that whole piece around the comparison, I think it's very powerful to look at because it's human nature, and I think we can help ourselves from comparing when we step in into a new space. And one of my mentors, Danielle Amos, like a really extraordinary uh coach and mentor around mindset and abundance, especially. Um she said when you see things showing up, you know, those other women who have been successful in aviation, it's so it's they wouldn't be showing up if it wasn't coming for you. So, you know, when you have those experiences of comparison jealousy, you know, you just immediately ground yourself in gratitude because you're never gonna get more if you're not grateful for what you have now. And then you bless their success because you literally wouldn't be seeing if it wasn't coming for you. And I think that's a really powerful technique, um, tool to use when just navigating life. It's like, wow, oh, I bought a white car and now all I see everywhere is white cars. Like, you know, oh, I want to, I wanna be, I want to be a coach. And my Facebook wall is flooded with all of these people who are coaches. You could look at that one way and be like, well, what do I have to offer? There's so many people out there already coaching, or there's so many people out there doing a podcast. What's my voice going to be? How's my voice gonna be different? Or you could be like, wow, look, there's all of these examples of people who are successfully operating, you know, having a podcast, doing doing coaching, running a business with products. There's of course there's space for your unique expression, right? It's only coming from the world of scarcity that we'd say, oh, that, you know, there's too many other people doing that. And you know, my love of I you know to share on the topic of aviation. I remember the first time I wanted to be, like I knew I wanted to be a pilot was when I was in New Zealand. It was my first time going back to New Zealand since I was a little girl. So I left when I was 10, and then I went home for the first time when I was 26. And I was sitting in my brother's father's, so Grant's and Grant and Sharon's backyard and off near Capity Island in Wellington. And there's a tiny little airport near, you know, there's like Wellington's big airport, and then there's this tiny little airport. And it literally felt like every two seconds there were these tiny little planes flying overhead. Uh, and I just remember being like, oh, like I want, I want to be that. I got, I want to have that, I want to accomplish that in my life. I want to know what it feels like to fly a plane and and to have that experience. And then fast forward 20 2011, when I started working at Toronto Pearson International Airport, it's like there is just something. The Wright brothers were onto something when they created this whole flying thing, you know, like there's something about aviation, there's something about flying, there's something about the whole world of it that I think is really magical for us as human beings. It's connection. Airports are, you know, one of my favorite movies is love actually, and like this idea that connection airports connect us. They, they, there are moments where we go to pick up loved ones or drop them off. Uh, they connect commerce and goods. And uh there's just something very um, I don't know how else to say it. There's I think there's something very magical about aviation for human beings. It's something we don't necessarily understand for most people. They get on a plane, they don't even really want to understand it, uh, the how it works. And um, but it it's very special. I think most people remember, I remember Kayline, Matthew, and Keegan when we went back home to New Zealand in 2015. Those guys were troopers, their first time ever being on a plane or leaving Canada. It was like a five-hour flight to Vancouver, a 13-hour flight to Auckland, an hour and a half long flight to Christchurch, and then a five-hour drive to the West Coast. It was like, and now this is their first time traveling. But they were just there's marvel, wonder.

Yeah, there is, and I love what you're saying about airports bring people together. So a documentary, and for those listening who are interested, um, it's called One Six Right. It's about Van Nuys Airport in California. And it is, oh, I'm just gonna start crying when I think about it because we can dive into how I cry about everything. Um, how I feel. It's no expression.

Okay.

Um, but anyways, one six right. It's a documentary. It was from 2005. Um, it just brings that love of aviation. It talks about how airports bring people together. It is like the center of the community, it's the heart of the community. I get chills thinking about it. And there's one part in that. Um, there's a few things that I say to myself when I do fly. One is uh it was written in my dad's, he had a pits special. It's an aerobatic airplane. He's since sold it. Um, and I passengers would sit in the front seat and he would pilot from the back. And there was a small little kind of ticker tapey type thing up there that that said, if it's meant to be, it's up to me. Um, so I chant that to myself, you know, and my soul is taking off. Like if it's meant to be, it's up to me. If it's meant to be, it's up to me, or on my landing. So that's one thing. And actually, that saying can I would just take that saying for anything in life, for anything you choose to do. Like, if it's meant to be, it's up to me. Um, if that doesn't propel you into taking action, I don't know what would. So that's one thing. And then from this documentary, at one point, beautiful scenery in this beautiful aircraft, and the guy talks about the first solo. I'm gonna cry. And he talks about the first solo, and like I feel this so deeply is as he says, it's it's this moment of like, look, Ma, no hands. And I'm I'm tearing up, obviously, because I feel it. And it's just like that's what it's like. It's like, look, I'm I'm doing it. You know, all those hours of preparation and anticipation, and it all amounts to one moment when that instructor steps out of the aircraft and goes, you're going alone, and you're just like, holy shit, it's happening. Anyway, um, yeah, so one six right, highly recommend it. Really lovely documentary um about aviation, about actually about an airport. It's about an airport, and it's really great. So, you know, um, yeah, there you go. There's me feeling, feeling all the things.

Well, that that's one of the things that I I in a world where so many human beings dissociate emotion, and and I, you know, I did for a long time uh through work and and you know, I would feel, but I think there are many, I surely got there are many years of my life where I didn't cry. Like I just was so addicted to being busy. I was so uh focused on like getting things done and taking care of everyone else. Like the only way that I could manage everything that was happening in my life um was to just dissociate the emotion. You are you are for me a breath of fresh air. You are for me someone who is like, no, I don't really care if you like my tears. I don't really care if you like agree with or accept or like like this is my emotion, this is my expression, and this is this is who I am. And I think in a world where so many people are numbing emotion through food and alcohol and and work and and binging TV shows and whatever. And again, anyone listening, none of those things are wrong, and I don't judge anything, but you know, let's just be honest. And it's been said many times, we numb emotion in various different ways. We don't want to be vulnerable, we don't want to get our hearts stepped on, we don't want to be made, you know, we don't want to be um put ourselves out there in some way and have that invalidated by other people. I think it's like very courageous to be someone who feels as deeply as you as you do, stuff, and and to be open about that and and not uh not feel like you have to um not do that in order to belong or connect and and be accepted by other people. I think it's beautiful.

Thanks. Yeah, you know, there was a shift for me that happened, and I'll share, I'll share some of it. Who am I kidding? I'm gonna share all of it. Um so I mean, I think I've always been an emotional being. Um a lot of my stuff has shown up for me through relationship. Um, so through my partnerships and my boyfriends from the past. Um, there was a moment with my previous partner where I finished grabbing like the last of my things from the apartment. I was almost home just by myself, somehow managed to fit a queen size mattress into a van. Don't ask me how that happened, but I did it alone. But uh I was driving home and I had this like gut wrenching isn't the right word, but maybe it's what people can relate to. But just this upwelling of feeling deep in my gut, deep in my belly, deep in my uterus, whatever you want to call it, like somewhere in this general cavity area. And I literally just made this sound come out of my mouth, and I have no idea what it was, and I had never heard anything like it. And I remember listening to a podcast a couple of years before that talked about this like emotion. I can't, I can't give you the specifics on it right now, but I could relate to that. Like it was this sound that came out, and it was this release of something, and then I started crying, laughing, yell, not even like yelling any words, just like I don't know how to do it. But I was like, what the heck? And that was the moment for me, whether it was a closure or knewing that there was like an ending almost, but I knew that I had a lot of work to do to not numb to actually feel. It was that moment that I was like, yeah, I'm okay with letting out whatever sound, whatever cry, whatever noise needs to come out of me in order to feel. And the healing that I did after that was something that I had never done before. And normally out of partnership, I would just distract myself, right? Talk about numbing emotion. I would, or or covering up heartbreak. I would, I would normally distract myself, go online, start dating, go to a trusted or not so trusted person that would fill up my confidence cup or whatever you want to say. I don't know if that's a thing, but you know, you you cover up your heartbreak, right? So you don't deal with it. And then I thought to myself, how many breakups have I not been dealing with the actual like hurt, the emotion, the anger, the frustration, the excitement, the everything. And that's when I did a deep dive into just allowing myself to feel. Now I had really great, I had like it's the past, I have really great friends, really great people, a lot of great coaches that just allowed me to be however I was. And I took time for myself. Now, I ugly cried, like when I'm talking ugly, cried, I know we're on like video here, but like really just allowed it out. I didn't care, I was loud. And that was very healing for me, I think. And that's when it really I broke into like, yeah, I cry a lot. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm excited, I cry when I'm fearful. I and I'm so okay with it. And, you know, I think even to this day, when I'm, you know, and I get worked up about things in the world, good or bad, it's just I cry. I cry when I watch a commercial, when I listen to music, when I dance. And I realize that if that's my release, you know, and um, and I am unapologetic for it. But yeah, it was that moment, that moment driving home in that van when I just had myself feel, I let myself feel. And the biggest thing that I tell friends and family and anybody that comes to me is like, have you actually allowed yourself to be with the heartache of it, of whatever it might be? Can you bring yourself to the floor in tears or in whatever it looks like to you where you're not lashing out at others and just feel it? Do you know, and that can come to breakups, it could be with death, it could be loss of a job, it could be leaving a job, you know? Um, because to me, I think being able to feel fully the pain of something or the excitement of something is like the starting of creating something beautiful around it to get on the level of whatever it might be, pain, happy, but it could be anything. And then from there taking your action, you know. I feel like that's a really good way to align it with your true self, you know.

So yeah, you know, I think that's so important because when we don't, and I can I'm speaking from personal experience here, when we don't process the emotion, we don't actually ever kind of complete it because there's an energy to emotion, right? And you talk about like that moment in the car and you're like that that there's a shifting of energy when you actually really like allow yourself to not dwell in the emotion, not but like go through it. And and there is an you have to go through it, you can't just displace it or avoid it or ignore it because it shows up, it shows up in other ways. And and experiences in life, once we've dealt with the emotion of it and the trigger and the activation, then become sources of wisdom. But until we release and go through the emotion, this is something I've really been learning over the last six months since my friend Teresa died back in November. It's like by allowing myself to and I still like and I what where I'm at with the whole thing is I start to notice when I'm avoiding emotion, because like I'll start distract or you know, avoid. Um, and it's like, oh, okay, but that's still something that for me can go on for quite long periods of time. Like, because it's it's a very new muscle I'm working out, because it's a you know, and but it's like, oh, that can become like kind of a register for me that it's like, oh, I'm avoiding something here. What is it, what is it that I'm not wanting to feel? And in it, you and I've talked about this before, in terms of your your commitment to environmental change and people taking care of the world that we live in and all of those different things. I think when you're someone who loves whatever it is that you love, whether it's your family or community or a specific community or um a cause of some kind, in my case, like literally the entire human race, it can be very difficult to be with what we do to one another as human beings. Beings inside of our own hurt and dissociation and shame and all of the things. And there can be this wanting or needing. And I think sometimes we do need to just kind of turn away a little bit and create some boundaries around things. But I think something very powerful becomes available when you can allow yourself to be with the reality of the world and how things are without making it wrong, without making other people wrong, uh, really giving and it comes back to what love is for me, which is acceptance and granting someone being and you know, loving someone just as they are and just as they're not. And that is the hardest thing to do in the entire world, especially with the people that are closest to us. Yeah, but it's such a gift when you can just really get, and I, you know, I've I'm an oddie, I'm not sitting here saying I got anything mastered about this, or I'm like, this is the ongoing work of my life, right? Is to to grant being to the people like my children, um, my my family, my loved ones, my friends, and just say, there's like however you are right now is just however you are right now. And there's no way that you have to be in order to be accepted and loved and and have connection and belonging. Now, and also my newest journey kind of is like balancing that with boundaries, like how because there haven't been a lot of boundaries in the past, and this is something newly that I'm taking on in my life. So, how do you love people like that? And at the same time, draw healthy boundaries around um around how you want your life to work and how you want your relationships to be with people. It's a, it's a, it's definitely an area for me of exploration.

Yeah. Yeah. And I love the being with people just how like just as they are and just as they aren't. Um, and it does, it takes something to do that at times, depending on the relationship that's there, right? Depending on your attachment, your, my, the collective, your um attachment to how you think it should go or how you want it to go, rather than the commitment. And that's a whole nother thing that we could talk about. But I think for myself, what I've realized is um compassion is such a big thing. And um I can, for example, agree or disagree, let's say, disagree with how someone is acting or behaving based on my own values, I guess. I mean, gosh, we could go any which way with any of this, but um, I I realize that at the core, all humans are actually loving human beings. Like that is our intuitional pull always. It just gets layered on top of experience hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, whatever protection, you know, and then actions are taken from those places rather than the place of love. And I've recognized for myself when I have friends or family come to me complaining about someone or something, you know, I'm just like that person is just dealing with whatever they're dealing with. And I don't talk about dealing with as in actively doing something. I mean they're confronted without knowing they're confronted about something about themselves that they haven't done the work on, you know, they haven't done that self-awareness work or that self-responsibility taking. Um, and so the actions are reflecting the non-work, the stuff that that hasn't been explored, right? And um when people come to me and my stand is like, you know, as I move into some new areas with yoga, being a yoga teacher, workshop facilitator, um, moving into a self-awareness coaching realm is who can you be in the face of that person or in the face of this situation? Because really all we have is who we are to others in the world, who we are for ourselves. And from there, there can be that compassion for others, even if what the others are are doing is maybe not so great. It doesn't reflect being a loving person. And so for myself, when I look at myself or others, I just think that person is a loving being. And right now the actions they're taking aren't from that loving being. And um, for myself, I sort of my protection mechanism is something I've discovered. And I'll go into a quick little reason for existence because I think it's a really cool exercise for everyone to take on, um, in my not so humble opinions. Um, I would pull my love away. So, Amber, I mean, you coached me, you've seen all sides of me. Um, but I used to pull my love away, you know. I would become cold. I can be very, very cold. I can shut down very fast with my self-awareness. It feels super icky to me. And I know it's just something I'm gonna have to clean up now, but you know, but I used to just pull my love away from people, especially my partners. Like, and I would try and prove a story no matter what little bit they gave me. I'd be like, I knew it. And then I would like pack up the apartment and leave, like, what the heck? Or I would do things that aren't aligned with my loving nature, you know. So as I did the self-development work, and I continue to do so, I recognize that. And my action was to make a commitment for myself. Um, and I'll read it. And I had someone in my in a program I took say, have you created a reason for existence for yourself? And I was like, I don't even know what you're talking about. Like your reason for being. And I recognize that my reason for being goes against my fake instinctual nature of pulling my love away. I can be like, oh, that's just because they were being whatever. So I'm doing that, and it's authentic to me. Yeah, okay, whatever. But anyway, so here is what I created for myself. Um, and this is what I take into every moment of every day, or at least have it as a reminder to come back to when I recognize I'm pulling my love away. So I created that I, Stephanie Marie Rankin, exist in this lifetime to be a compassionate, kind, loving space for others to come home to. I exist to contribute to others by being bold, vulnerable, and raw about my own experiences in my life so that others feel comfortable to share themselves openly and freely with both me and others that are important to them in their own lives. I exist to remain in community, creating connections and experiences for others to recognize their own greatness. I exist as love, trust, and inclusion for everyone.

I think that's like really beautiful stuff. And it's like, you know, companies have vision statements, right? It's like having a vision statement for your life. Like, what do I exist to fulfill on? And I remember when I was coaching you through that relation, like I was coaching in your leadership, but one of the ways we lead in life is in our relationships. And so I was like coaching you a bit around that the previous relationship that you were in, like us having that conversation about why does this relationship exist? What does what purpose does this partnership exist to serve? Because if it doesn't, and you can look at any kind of partnership, if your relationship doesn't exist for something bigger than just the two of you, then it's gonna descend into narcissism and like feeding off one another and like mini arguments about toilets and leaving the toilet seat up and who did that, you know. And uh, you know, I'm just getting something for myself about about this, about my own relationship with my family. Uh, but there there has to be something bigger than yourselves that relationships are filling fulfilling with. And by when I say things like has to, that's my truth. I'm not saying that has to be true for anyone else, but I think try it on and really look for yourselves in those places in your life where there is a bigger whatever it is, picture, uh vision, purpose that things, energy is being directed towards, then and it's something that's aligned with your heart and what you want, then you show up in those areas in a different way. And I think it's really so that you have that for yourself. It's like this is who I am. You know, mine's that my core belief is that love, connection, and belonging are fundamental to well-being and success, and that that I'm here to be someone who fulfills on that for humanity, that people get that they can have profound love, connection, and belonging. And we're gonna remove whatever the barriers are wherever they show up, so that so that we have a world where human beings, because when I look out at what that world would look like, a world where every human being was profoundly connected, knew they were loved, that they mattered, and that they had a sense of belonging. That's a world where we don't see a lot of the kinds of things that human beings do to harm one another. So uh I think that's just beautiful. And thank you for sharing that with us.

Of course. And that's something that actually it's I created it almost three years ago now. And it is something that has gotten me through a lot and something that I'm taking into my new, my new endeavor, my new business, kind of going it, going it alone, away from dad's business and working with him. But um, you know, I love I love being able to provide experiences and opportunities for people, like the flying, which I talked about, her love at first flight. Um, so there's that, you know, and being able through my own experiences, right, my own humanness to allow others to feel comfortable and okay with their humanness, right? And knowing that that love won't get pulled away. And when I think about um moving into my my new endeavor, which is a stand-up paddle boarding guiding business where I'll take small groups of people um into various sort of water systems. I'm starting here just on uh Lake Simcoe. Um, there's gonna be a focus on the environment, on nature, on birds, because I do have a slight obsession with birds. Um and to get people out, right? One, it might be people paddleboard and they love it and they just want this group experience where they can go out onto the bottom end of the lake where it's sort of a wetland, a like a natural preserve in a sense, and experience nature, learn a bit more about birds, you know, and what that could open up for them. Also for people who maybe haven't been on stand-up paddleboards before and want to try something new. And, you know, it's okay to be new at it and a beginner at it, and just to create connections. So um it's sort of a way to be inclusive of all people, to open up opportunities for um people to experience their greatness, um, you know, and inside of that stand-up paddleboard guiding, uh sort of tripping, bird watching, um, there'll also be a chance to do some some yoga on some of these excursions, right? And I find yoga for me has been so grounding. I've wanted to be a teacher for years, longer than probably wanting to do being a pilot. But uh anyway, I'm here now and being able to be a yoga teacher and have others discover things in themselves is it brings me so much joy, you know, to see them like knock their own socks off by doing something that maybe they've wanted to do or, you know. So I'm really excited to move into this new venture of mine. Um, you know, as you said, uh limitless adventure, it pretty much encapsulates what what the business is. It's gonna be getting people outside, connecting with themselves, with nature, with others, you know, and maybe who knows what doors that can open for people, you know. So I'm I'm really looking forward to that. And I can be my commitment in life inside of inside of work. So yeah.

Well, I think that's so great, right? Because what I what I one, I love everything that you're up to and and uh look forward to watching that grow over time as you grow stuff, and I am one of your biggest fans. And two, like that the statement gives you something to true yourself up to, right? It's like, oh, I'm not being uh I'm not being aligned to this. This is who I say I am in the world, this is why I say I am in relationship, this is who I say I am for people, and these are the places, and I think that's so powerful to have that tool. So for everyone listening, you'll be able to find out everything about stuff and what she's up to in the show notes. Stuff, I love you so much. Thank you so much. You you uh yeah, I don't even have words, just I love you. Thank you for being on the show this morning. Thank you for sharing yourself and the things that are important to you, and just for being such a beautiful example of what's possible when people just allow themselves to be seen by others.

Yeah, thanks for having me. This has been the best. And, you know, I have so much gratitude for you, so much love for you, Amber. You know, really, if it wasn't for you back in 2018 at the start of the Introduction Leader program, being my coach, I I mean, I'm sure I would have developed, but not to the same depth that I have if it wasn't for the space that you held for me to be human. And then for your very like, all right, are you done with that step? Because we're gonna get some real hard, fast coaching on this. So, you know, I'm you know, forever indebted for whatever that means to you, you know, being such a stand for me to get my life. And uh yeah, you were the start of my journey. And uh yeah, so I'm so happy that you're still alongside me through all of this.

More to come. More to come, 100%. For those of you listening, thank you for joining us this morning. And uh have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful week.

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For show info, visit what wouldamberdo.com. And for information about Amber Howard and Associates' offerings and services, visit amberhowdenc.com.