SPEAKER_00 0:04

Weekly host Amber Howard. Your weekly host of guidance, inspiration, and strategies to have your small business in whole life. We bring you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being an entrepreneur so you can have your whole life work. Now, here's your host, Amber Howard.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Good morning, everyone. Welcome back to What Would Amber Do? I am over the moon and overjoyed this morning to be speaking with Alana Carr. Alana is the co-founder and creator of I Dare You To Be, which is an educational platform and growing social movement to empower children through social and emotional learning, giving our young people the tools, awareness, and inspiration to be kind, compassionate, self-expressed, resilient, confident, and accepting of themselves. Alana is also a published children's book author of the same name, I Dare You To Be. And uh, you know, someone who's like very special and dear to my heart, Alana. It's so good to have you on the show this morning. Thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_02 1:18

Thank you for having me. I'm also very excited to be here with you to have this conversation. And um and yeah, you are also very dear to me as well. And so I'm very excited about what you are doing with your podcast and everything that you're up to. So thank you so much for letting me play a little part in that.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Yeah, no, I'm so thrilled to share what you're up to with the audience and just people in my life. I Dare You To Be is very like beyond Alana and Audrey, and the you know, all of you that are invited, like so many people involved in I Dare You to Be are very important to me. And for me, this the platform, what you are creating is the fulfillment, and I've shared this with you before, Alana, like is the fulfillment of something that I saw as a missing in my children's education and Kaylin Matthews, specifically when they were growing up. Uh, so I just it's really great for me to be able to see that you don't necessarily have to be the one who does to go out there and fulfill on things. You can create a desire for something and stand for something. And then, you know, like that you watch and see where those things become manifest in your life and show up and those prayers become answered. And I very much do uh do see what you uh you've created as an answer to to my prayers as a parent for you know things that I saw as missing in in my kids' education. So uh just so good. And so talk to me a little bit of it. Talk to us. How do you go from being a dental hygienist to a children's book author and and and like creating I Dare You To Be, which is just this extraordinary, you know, we got summer, second year of summer camp, you know, all of these people, like yeah, how does that come into being?

SPEAKER_02 3:06

Oh my goodness, yeah, it's it's a story, you know, um and I have to say, completely unexpected for myself. I um I started this what six years ago. Um, and seven years ago, if somebody told me this is what I'd be doing, I would have thought they were crazy. So, how did I go from dental hygienist to children's book author? So I was working full-time at a dental office and it was a family dental office, and I had the privilege of treating a lot of the kids, most of the kids in the office. And that was because I discovered, I mean, I've always loved kids, but I really discovered I have an affinity with kids. Um and it was through working with them at the dental office that I just really discovered the joy that I have when I'm working with kids and um and how they respond to me. And I just I realized that what I was doing was uh developing self-confidence in these children inside of coming to the dentist. These kids will never be afraid to come to the dentist. Um, I had many parents of over the years tell me when I was, you know, it was their appointment and their kids weren't with them that their children were very upset that they weren't coming to see me today.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

I don't know that I've ever heard of a kid who like, I don't I don't want to go to the dentist and I'm an adult. So like that's that's as far as I'm concerned, that in and of itself is miraculous.

SPEAKER_02 4:46

Yeah, I mean, it warmed my heart. And, you know, I had kids, you know, bringing me pictures that they've drawn, they drew of me. And just like my heart just grew, you know, inside of that experience. And um, for the longest time, I knew that being a full-time hygienist was not what I was meant to do for the rest of my life. Uh and I just didn't know what it was that I was meant to do. So I kept working and searching and having conversations with people. And I realized at a certain point that what I really wanted to do was impact children on a larger scale and develop that self-confidence in kids on a much larger scale outside of the dental office. And part of that came from doing personal development, um, specifically landmark, that's where we met, um, which allowed me to kind of get rid of all the stories that I had. I really had this deep, deeply ingrained story that I needed to go to school to figure out what I was going to do for career-wise. And so when I started thinking about impacting children, all the obvious thought was, okay, you need to be a teacher to do that. So you need to go back to school. And at the same time, I was like, that doesn't feel right. And you know, I'm like, I have a mortgage, I have this, you know, I'm like, can I go back to school full time? Do I is a teacher really what I want to do? So is talking to my friends who are teachers. And I'm like, no, that doesn't really feel right to me. So I just kept searching. Um, but having seen that story running in my head, I realized, oh, that's not mine. Like that story was given to me by my dad, um, who grew up in the Caribbean and, you know, on the poorer side. So education was like, this is your way out. Education, education, education, education. And I'm grateful for all the education that I did do. Um, but I realized it was conf it was constraining me. That's that story was really constraining me. And my friends would make fun of me, you're going back to school again. Because I have a degree in science, I have a degree in theater arts, technical production. And then I went to uh Dalhousie to do my um uh dental hygiene, right? So every time I decided to go back to school, my friends are like, again. And I'm like, and to me, it was just like, yeah, that's what you do, like that's normal. And so when I was able to get rid of that, it really freed me up to what else is possible. And um I also got rid of some of the stories that the other stories that like I didn't that I wasn't creative. That was a very big story. I wasn't creative. Um, because I also had it that to be a creative, you had to be a singer or an a visual artist or a dancer. It was very, I had very defined ideas of what I thought creativity was.

SPEAKER_03 8:08

So good. I we're gonna I'm gonna pause there for a minute because I want to I I love the story about how you came to write the book. I think it's brilliant, but I think like what you just said is gold. And I know it's that's not a personal conversation unique to you. I think this is like a human conversation that many people you we talk about being networks of conversations. I think there are many people, and and it's interesting, like because we're working with children, like where does that get created first? This idea that what it means to be creative is to go to some art school. We like we create our lives every minute of the day. We're always creating, we can't not create. Most of the time, we're not creating what we want, right? But but we're we we are all creative. And I I remember hearing Bob Proctor say that in thinking thinking into results in his course, like he really talks about this like notion that human beings think they're not creative because they're that like there's this like box that being creative looks like. And if you're not in that box, then you're not creative. And and so many people I think go to be creative, like to get outside of like other boxes, right? Like, so wanting to be creative, an artist or whatever, is like some rebellion against like being in other societal boxes, but we then create another box around absolutely what it looks like to be creative, and you're hugely creative. Like, I you know, like I I would never I knowing you and having known you all of these years, like I would never have thought that you ever had had a conversation that you participated in saying that Atlanta's not creative, because like to me, yeah, that's just like such a self-expression for you. So I I just thought I just to pause there. And I think this is why this education that you have created and are ongoingly creating is so important. Yes, to give kids the tools to be able to to to not get stuck in boxes.

unknown 10:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

Well, and I think that's where um my um desire and which and my purpose really kind of became clear to me is inside of doing that personal development work, I realized all of the stories that were confining me were given to me as a child. And I just I just accepted them as truth. I didn't question, I ignored all the evidence to the contrary, and I hung on for dear life to all the evidence that backed up those stories. Um and when I look back on you know my life and my journey, I was like, wow, if I had been given the tools to examine these stories and to to really think critically about these stories when I was younger, I think of like, wow, what could I have accomplished? And you know, who knows? Maybe my life would have turned out exactly the same way, right? We don't know, but but I also feel like there may have been a little bit less suffering, a little bit less anxiety, you know, a little bit less time spent in my head analyzing every little detail.

SPEAKER_03 11:31

Um yeah, that I I I I I believe, I choose to believe, and you know, our beliefs create our world that if more if more and more children had access to this at a younger age. So you, you know, when you said a couple minutes ago, Alana, that you, you know, you were given these stories or you know, these these ideas as a child and you didn't reject them, I think what many parents don't understand and most adults, because you know, one of the things that we all have in common is we all had parents and we were all children at some point in time, um, is that children before the age of seven aren't able to reject anything in their environment. So it's not even a matter of choice without a conscious mind to accept or reject and compare and say, you know, um whatever is in the environment, whatever children are exposed to for the first seven years of their life is real for them, which is like both horrifying when we think about some of the experiences that we have. And that like it doesn't even have to be traumatic. Yeah, it doesn't even have to be a traumatic childhood, but you know, when your parents say no to you and you really want something and you're rejected, right? Or, you know, the kids at school like laugh at you, like you know, it doesn't have to be that you went through horrific childhood trauma. And the other side, the other side of that is like the beauty and the magic of it. I I remember talking to a friend of mine recently, and he was saying his granddaughter, who was like four, was coming over for lunch, and she was bringing her stuffed owl and her stuffed doll and to have lunch with him. And I said, Do you get that you are actually for her in her world, you are having lunch with a real owl and a real person? Like for her, she doesn't distinguish a stuffed, like this is why children have imaginary friends that are real for them. So it's like that inability to reject and like just everything you experience is real, I think is both, you know, the source of much suffering for the human race and also, you know, the source of magic and miracles, because that's what allowed children to just be in life, yes, fully expressed, and uh, you know, anything is possible because they don't, they haven't learned any differently yet.

SPEAKER_02 13:57

Right. Yes. And I think that's one of the things I love about young kids is just their childlike wonder, right? Just how they view the world and um and their interpretation of things. And I just find it, I I find it fascinating. I love it. I think about my niece, you know, growing up. Um, she's now 13. Uh, and for those who know me well, know that my niece is my favorite person in the world. I'm a very proud auntie. Um, but I remember moments with her where um, you know, she would hear something and her interpretation of it. And I was like, oh my gosh, she's brilliant, you know, just just her view of the world. And um, and you know, I I endeavored to foster that. And I give credit to my brother and my sister-in-law for fostering that and not um not uh trying to correct her or tell her that what she what she wants, you know, especially for little things inside of her self-expression were were wrong. You know, she went through a phase where all she wanted to wear were her party dresses. So it didn't matter where she was going, she was wearing her party dresses. And sometimes she even wore them to bed, you know, but it was part of her, it was part of her self-expression. And, you know, they just let her explore that. And I thought that, you know, when I compare that to the upbringing that, you know, my brother and I had, I'm like, wow, that's a beautiful thing to see. And I think that, you know, working with kids also develops my childlike wonder. I know a lot of people are, you know, have that experience of me that I'm filled with childlike wonder. Um, and sometimes I see it and I experience it. But I also think that I'm like, doesn't everybody look at the world like this? You know, I have that experience of myself. I'm like, wasn't this normal? Like, doesn't everybody look at like and and my friends and you know, people around me like, no, you know, no, no, you know, that is not the case for everybody. So I think it's important to um, and I think this is part of, and I'm let me just preface this. I am not a parent, so I haven't had that experience. And I also know that it's the hardest job that you ever could do. I've been, I read a lot of Dr. Shafali, um, who I just think is brilliant inside of um conscious parenting and and healing you know, the inner child of the parent so that they don't they break generational patterns and um they can parent consciously uh inside of developing who their child is, not as an extension of belonging to them, but as their own unique soul and personality. And um and I love the term conscious, conscious parenting because it's it takes something to be aware of what you're saying or what ideas you're imparting on others, especially your children, um such that you know you aren't you aren't giving them the boxes that you were given. Does that make sense? It does, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

Well, and to me, generational curses are really like just beliefs that are passed down from generation to generation about family, about life, about like about whatever. And so I I totally agree with you. And it's interesting because I've had these conversations with people where they've said, you know, like if you like it's like we swing in pendulums as human beings, right? So like we've gotten from like, you know, no awareness of any of these things, and like really, like and not too long and short, like the why people had children was to help like bring in the crops and have farms. And this is why we had big like, you know, what for our parents, the gen, you know, and and maybe a little bit before, like the definition of being a good parent was like you put clothes on your kids' head back, a roof over their head, and food on the table. There was no conversations about emotional development and like like you know, you gave, you know, there may have been some conversations about values that were based in, you know, your religious belief system or you know, like your family, you know, the values within your family and the importance of passing those values onto your children. But I mean, this is why I think race is so important because like the expectations of what it, you know, societal expectations of what it is to be a so-called, and you can can't see the quotations here, but good parents, right? You know, it's like extracurriculars and like all of the and and and you know, emotional development and this and this and this and that. And oh, and by the way, you don't even have, you know, you're irresponsible to have children if you haven't done all of your inner child healing first and and like brought all of your stuff to the surface, and um, you know, so I think the pendulum swings as human beings, right? And do I think it's amazing that we're bringing all of this awareness to how we could be responsible as parents a hundred percent. And what I've said to other people from my own experience as a mom is sometimes like even if you could do all of that, right, before you had children, even if people were, I think it's way more important to give to give yourself tools to know how to do those things because things are gonna come up that you weren't even present to because you've never had the experience. This is why like people often talk about first child, second child, third child syndrome, like you know, and the differences in the raising, because things will come up in the raising of your first child that you didn't even know. You know, people get triggered about things, or you you're forced to confront certain things or deal with, and and you didn't even know, like it was hidden from your view until you were in it raising that child, and now having to deal with whatever there is to deal with about that. So I think it's way more important, you know. I don't think, you know, one, I really wish we would get rid of this whole concept of what it is to be a good parent, just because I don't think it's really helpful. I think it puts a lot of pressure on parents and a lot of pressure on kids, like, you know, because good parent is good child. Yes, you know, all of our expectations around. And I'll I'll never forget being in when Keegan did the landmark forum a ton. Being in a room with all of these other parents while the kids were off in their forum and like answering these questions, like, what are your concerns for your children? And like we literally filled up this like massive whiteboard in five minutes with all of our fears and concerns. And then on the other whiteboard, like, what is it to be a good parent child? And I got like I I wasn't I was parenting Keegan through my concerns, they weren't even his concerns, right? And I I love what you said earlier. You know, I really do believe that as parents, we're here, they don't belong to me. And I had this from way before I did personal development. I don't know, like just intuitively. I didn't like my kids never belonged to me. It was about setting them up to have the tools and and awareness and um to be able to create the lives that they wanted. And I think that's really important. So to me, it's less about you've got to get it perfect and have created this perfect master plan for how to have the not. Non-screwed up children and create non-screwed up adults. It's more about like, do you have the tools and support systems? Like hugely important support system to be able to just be in life, co-creating life with your kids because it's their life too.

SPEAKER_02 22:21

Yes, I love that. Co-creating life. Yeah. With your kids. Um and yeah, absolutely. There is no such thing as perfect, perfect parents or perfect children. I mean, I think we probably all know, you know, people in our lives that when we look at their family dynamic, we think it's ideal. And they they might have the same issues that you know you deal with or that I deal with that I'm like, really? And but of course, that's just my perception of like being outside and looking in, right? There's um everybody has their challenges, everybody will have uh their interpretation of how the world works. And of course, like you said, it all happens when they're children before the age of seven, where we don't even have the the our brains aren't fully developed and we don't have an understanding of how the world works, right? So we're making this stuff up to be true so that we can in our children, a childhood brain, kind of try and figure out like what's happening and you know how the world works and how you know you work inside the world, and it's not based in any kind of you know reality because we don't have the big picture because we can't understand our brains, don't allow us to fully understand everything that's going on, right? Um so great.

SPEAKER_03 23:44

So so how do we get to how do we get to like be like and be as a character and is literally a bee, and I dare you to be, and this book and and let's kind of talk about how does the how does what you and Audrey are up to in the world and has how does I dare you to be as a platform, like what difference can that make, not just for kids, uh, but also for their parents, in terms of being able to help children grow into adults who who you know and and also co-create life with their kids.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

Like yeah, um, so I Dairy to be came about. I was um uh in a I was actually in a program that uh was all around building teams and learning how to build teams around projects that you're um you're working on so that you don't have to do it all yourself. It's a great training. Great, great training. And part of that program, uh it was a year-long program and every quarter it was broken up into quarters. And uh part of that was creating a project. We called it a game, a game in the world, um, that required you to build a team around it to succeed. And then you had to, you were we, we, you know, we got training and communication inside of having conversations with people and and sharing with them what your vision is. And it was super confronting, like because I don't like I I don't like asking for help is one of the stories I have is that you know, I don't have what it takes to make it in this world because I'm very sensitive. So I was a very sensitive child, and so that was one of the stories that I was told that I don't have what it I need to toughen up. I don't have what it takes in the world. So there's this drive to try and prove that, you know, that I do have what it takes, which means I have to do it all on my own. And so getting that training was invaluable because it was so confronting. Um asking for quote unquote what I thought was asking for help, even just sharing what I wanted to create in the world, right? Um, and anyways, uh my project started as um a children's fable that I wrote in back in high school in a creative writing class. I wrote this fable called Luxie the Cat um for Mr. Burkhart's uh creative writing class. And I got a I got a very good mark. I was surprised he read it in front of the class, and I was like, oh my God, he's reading my story. But uh at the time, my friends came up to me afterwards, like, oh, you should get that published. And I mean, I was what, 17? I thought that was insane. That was an insane idea. But somewhere in my brain, you know, stored it away because I kept the story. So I've I kept it in a box. So and all the different times I moved, you know, it came with me. So because I couldn't figure out what else to do, I was like uh on a friend's suggestion, why don't you try and do something with that story? See what happens. So I dusted it off, I read it, and and you know, it had an anti-bullying theme. And and I started reworking it um and trying to develop the characters and the because it was a fable, all the characters were animals. And um, and then at a certain point I got stuck. I just got writer's block and I just got stopped. Like the story wasn't working, there was something missing, and I just couldn't, I couldn't figure it out. And at that point, um, Audrey was uh one of my team members and she was kind of coaching me through the the process of you know character development and writing, and she said, okay, put it away, put it away and um start thinking about the title for the workshops that you that you know you want to create. Because of course, inside of building a team, the vision got bigger. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna see if I can publish this book. And then when I, you know, talked to people and got a team involved, they were like, well, it can't just be a book. Oh no, it needs to be workshops, it needs to be a YouTube channel, it needs to, and it just got bigger and bigger and bigger. And I was like, okay, I'm just gonna concentrate on the book. Like it was so overwhelming that I was like, no, no, okay, I'm just gonna concentrate on the book and you know, forget about the rest of it. But um, yeah, so uh Audrey was like, okay, think of what you want the workshops to be called because I didn't have a title for them. And I remember vividly, I was scrolling through Facebook actually, and um a friend had just posted a very simple status like message on this status that said, dare to be. And it was like I got chills and goosebumps, and I was like, and I called Audrey and I was like, dare to be, it's gotta be like I dare you, I dare to be, dare you to be. And and she got really excited. And for those of you who know Audrey, like she her eyes bug out of her head and she gets you know crazy. So um I've experienced that crazy excitement, right? So I'm like dancing around my kitchen with her on the phone, and um and uh, you know, she started looking up domain names and dare to be was already taken. So we were like, okay, what else could it be? And just inside of a conversation, I dare you to be, and uh came about and be as the insect, because what we know what we saw was um kindness and love and compassion and empathy. These are characteristics and traits that we all need as human beings. And if we existed without those things, the human race would perish. And just like bees are our one of our main pollinators and they're struggling right now. Um, but without bees, we don't have food, right? And without food, the human race would perish. So it just fit um to for bee to be our mascot. And then of course I was like, it's an insect, which is I was like, an animal, no, it's an insect, but I can cur I can insert the bee into my fable and and start working, uh, you know, and somehow work the bee into the fable. Um but then I don't know, two days later, I was again in my kitchen and it's like I got hit by a bolt of lightning. It's like the idea for I Dairy to be the way that it is now downloaded to my brain in that instant. And um, I knew I needed to change it. I needed to be the characters need to be children, human children. And um, it's a very simple concept. It's a you know, the book is a conversation starter. And, you know, the idea was to depict various uh situations that kids find themselves in around responsibility, honesty, bravery and courage, self-expression. Um, and that, you know, they're disempowered, and then the bee comes in and dares them to take on that characteristic and see what happens. Very simple concept. And at this, at the time I was like, could it be that simple? So I also sat on it for a couple of weeks, just letting it sit in my brain. Because I was like, I don't think it can be that simple. I don't think the book can be that simple because there's no actual storyline in iDary to be. It literally is just conversation starters, different scenarios that kids find themselves in that might disempower them. And what could they do to feel empowered?

SPEAKER_03 32:09

And uh I think it's brilliant, right? Because oftentimes, so I've said this before many times, and I will say it many more times in my lifetime. The quality of the questions gives a quality of our life. This, you know, I got this from my mentor Danielle, and and I think it's so brilliant. I've also been getting, as I'm in wisdom, that like inquiry in and in dialoguing and inquiry and in conversation, in questioning is actually where growth and expansion lives. It's not in the answer, right? And like if we can be out in life, like whatever the answer is, it's just the answer for right now, anyway. Because the answer today might be different, tomorrow might be different than the answer today. Answers are relatively boring.

SPEAKER_02 32:52

It's true, it's true. Yeah. So if you say the journey, right? It's the it's a it's the journey that where the growth is, right? Once you get to your destination, you're like, okay, you know, just like we say with the answer, right? Is kind of uninteresting. It's it's how you get there that is really where the growth and development is.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

Yeah, and I think that's one of the per challenges that we have as parents. Like I've always said, you know, the the struggle for a lot of parents is they're not present enough in the moment. They're always in like the future. And and the challenge for children is they're too present and like don't necessarily see, especially when they become teenagers, um, how doing the you know certain things a certain way over time builds habits that impact the future, right? So they're so present, they don't necessarily see that, you know, if I play video games 15 hours a day every day for years of my life, then that might one day get in the way of me achieving other things, right? So, like if parents could become more present in the moment, because we're constantly like, oh, you know, tomorrow, tomorrow, or or you know, what's gonna happen, or you know, creating these kids versus like really getting like your day-to-day journey and experience of raising these children is their childhood. It is their life. Like they're and I love that quote that gets given out with family. I don't I don't have all of the words, but this idea that children are fully contributing members of the family and of society from the moment they're born. Right? They don't, it's not childhood is not apprenticeship for adults, adulthood.

SPEAKER_02 34:32

Ah, that's really good. And it's so true. We've all, I think, I mean, I I know I was raised that way. I think a lot of people were. It's like um this idea that yeah, childhood, I like that. Childhood isn't is an apprenticeship for adulthood and how you know, which which just takes you right out of being a child, right? It takes you right out of the moment. Um, and and it's it's understandable, right? Parents are and adults in general, right? We are very future focused, right? And um, and because we also understand that, you know, what happens in childhood or teenage years does have an impact, right? Um But when, like you said, when we're too future focused, then we're not present and we miss the we miss the the moments, the golden nugget moments, you know, uh that kids go through and that you go through as a parent, or I'll say as an auntie, you know, and I don't know my experience is different being an auntie, but you know, there are these these golden moments that if you're not present, it and it's hard to be present, um, with all the different stresses that you know come with adulthood, parenthood, um, it is difficult to be present.

SPEAKER_03 35:57

Um, yeah, and it's interesting, right? Because I think part, you know, what I'm really getting in this conversation, like, and this is the second time you said I'm not a parent, I'm an aunt. And in and I'm present too, like where we we like take ourselves out of membership, like we remove ourselves from the membership of some community or group because we don't fit the box, right? So it's like what how what if, and again, not like this is some truth, but what if we viewed it less like children have parents who parent them to like there are communities of individuals who contribute to the well-being and raising and and you know, growing up of children, because I think part of what really doesn't work is how isolated and alone parents feel in raising these kids, right? We went, I was having this conversation yesterday with a friend of mine. Like we we went from, and in some parts of the world it's still very much this way, where largely the raising of the children is done by the grandparents, yes, right? Because the parents are out working and the grandparents have a massive role to play, and then they're passing their knowledge and their immense wisdom onto their, you know, and their generational curses, but whatever. Like they're you know, like all of it. We need all of it in life. Yeah. And then, you know, whereas for a lot of people in North America, and I'm not like I'm generalizing here, I know that this isn't there's not one way, but parents are isolated alone, paying lots of money for daycare. You know, then this means both parents have typically have to be out of the home working. Grandparents often, like we now put them in old age homes or seniors' homes, like there's this, like, and I and I'm not making any of that wrong. It's just like, well, what if as an aunt you play a different but equally as vital role in in can in the ways in which you contribute to the growing up of your your niece as her parents do? And it may not be the exact same role, right? And but in no way, like, but it's equally as vital for whatever it is that you contribute to her.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

Yeah. Thank you for that. Thank you for pointing it out. I think part of uh and it's still I'm still on the journey um that I don't want to uh I don't want to step on people's toes. Right. I don't want to uh come off as, you know, like I'm telling, you know, parents what to do or how to parent or any of that, right? Because I don't have the experience. And I think that's why I always put that caveat in. And and it's not so much to uh discount my influence that I have on my niece because I do have an influence on my niece. I'm clear about that. I also know that she I think interacts with me slightly differently than she does with her parents, as one would do, because I'm quote unquote not her parents. And I mean, I still discipline my you know, I still discipline my niece. I will I will check her behavior, you know, and and you know, have her see that, you know, if she's if she's out of line, quote unquote, you know, that so I know I get that I do have a, you know, I do play a very important role. And and I think um what you to to your point, it, you know, that that saying, it takes a village, you know, and I think you're right, in North America, we have certainly uh gotten away from that um that's that sentiment that um that actually it does take many people to raise a child.

SPEAKER_03 39:57

But and again, it's just like I think it's I'm just like connecting some dots here. I think part of it is this idea of ownership. Like when we come from the view that we own children, right, right, then like it it creates this weird, this conversation. And it's weird to talk about owning children, but I think that is very much a lot of like their ours, right? As adults, like, and and and I think maybe it's a little bit of collapsing of like, yeah, we are responsible for them for a period of their life. Um, but that doesn't, that's not the same as saying we own them or their ours, and that, you know, we they're their own human beings and we play a role as parents, as adults, in having them successfully, you know, get to some stage at which they can then be responsible for their own lives. Yeah, I I remember when like when when Patrick and I, so this is Keegan's father, we had a blended family before Keegan was born. He came to the relationship with my stepson Kaman. I came with Kayline Matthew, and we were, you know, blended families are interesting, right? Because not only are you both like step parents to each other's kids, so there's that dynamic, you also both come with your own households and parenting styles. So it's that, you know, and then you're having to look at well, how did you do things and how do I, and like how do you merge that and what does that look like? And it it was tough at times, but I remember being, and I I went through like a bit of a traumatic experience um witnessing an accident, and I was in therapy for a time, and it came up in the conversation that we were not letting, you know, we were we had taught our kids not to call, like for my stepson not to call me mom, and for my step, my my kids not to call Patrick daddy or dad. And the therapist said, like, mother and father, you know, those are like biological terms that children give, you know, that we give people. She goes, but mommy and daddy, like those are created by children. They ought to be able to decide for themselves who they feel based on their experience of the relationship versus adults. And and it's so funny because this is why I think it's like, you know, important not to get too hung up on having it all figured out at the beginning. Because so much of what parents do is like, we were we thought we were doing the right thing. Of course. We thought we were like, oh no, we're but only in a worldview where it where there's scarcity around love, right, would there be some need for children to only have like a mom and a dad. Right. And like that those roles are sacred in some way that no one else can like. I just really think that it's that's coming from some scarcity around love and and and children's capacity for love is like, you know, they could love 50,000 grandparents, yeah, and like a hundred moms and dads. Like they don't know that they're only supposed to have one. Like, and as we see new models of families and different dynamics and families coming, and you know, um, it's I think it's such an opportunity for for there to be like just an abundance of adults, yeah, yeah, and communities that support one another in the raising of of children.

SPEAKER_02 43:21

Yeah, I agree with that. I think that um and I do the same. I think I think we we hold on really tight to those titles and because we make them mean something about who we are, um and uh and maybe we can like loosen the reins a little bit on that. And and you're right, it comes from a lack, it comes from a a mindset of lack, you know. Um and also I think, you know, because I I mean. I'm very proud of being an auntie. And when my niece tried to call me by, well, by my nickname, not my first name, I was like, oh no, no, no.

unknown 44:11

Auntie.

SPEAKER_02 44:12

I was like, no, no, we can't have that. Um, and then I was like, wait, why, why, why am I so attached to this title of auntie? You know, what what am I making that mean? You know? Um, why couldn't she call me, you know, what my brother calls me, which is which is Lanny, my nickname, right? That like just my family calls me that, right? So to her, I'm Auntie Lanny. So at one point she was like, Lanny, I was like, oh no. I was like, what is going on here? And so I think and I that that speaks to your point about how, you know, you were like, no, you know, your children can't call, you know, Patrick Daddy because, you know, there's somebody who has that name, you know, they're you know, by a lot, you're vice versa, right? But um, but I and I think it's because we we yeah, we and we hang on to that when we make it mean something that it doesn't why can't somebody else who is in their lives raising them and has that role of of mother or father, um, you know, why can't they choose to call you mom or you know, Patrick dad, uh, or mummy or daddy or whatever they choose because that's their experience, right?

SPEAKER_03 45:35

And it doesn't I think it's so beautiful. Like when kids don't have to choose, you know, I we had a conversation now that Keegan's living with his dad, which you know it's been a it's been an up and down year around it. I've missed him a lot and I'm grateful, and it's like all the feelings about it, right? And like, but one of the things I've really come to enjoy is our car rides, like because it's like, you know, a couple of hours a week or every other week where we're in a car together and we're just like talking or listening to podcasts or you know, whatever. And um, you know, we have some really great conversations. And he, you know, one point in time he expressed, like he's 15, he said, you know, I'm really grateful. I never felt I had to choose which parent I liked more, loved more. Like I just never had to, I never felt that. And part of that's his development. I mean, having done landmark so young, we can have conversations. Part of it's my own growth and in development as a mom. And uh, but I think it's because that's all our stuff as adults. Like, you know, for children, like there is no there that we don't come into this world. I assert, I believe, and I invite anyone else to to join me on the love train, that we don't come into this world with limited notions of how much love that we're capable of. That is all environmental. We get taught that.

SPEAKER_02 46:54

Yes, absolutely. I believe that too.

SPEAKER_03 46:56

Yeah, so like let's like we and and this is that co-learning. Like, if we co-create life with children, then we can, it's less about us teaching them some rigid curriculum that they need in order to be successful adults based on our own definitions of success and happiness, and more about like what can we teach each other?

SPEAKER_02 47:16

Right.

SPEAKER_03 47:16

What can I learn? You know, and I you I know you and I both have experienced, like, we I got there's so much children can teach us. Absolutely. Uh that like we've forgotten, they probably can teach like what they can teach us is like some like so much of what we've forgotten on our journey of being, you know, this thing that we call adult, right? And uh, I just think that's really beautiful. So I'd love to talk for, you know, we got summer camp. Last year I helped you guys. We put we created like it was nuts, it was crazy, and like wanting to be a contribution to these kids. Like we created this crazy summer camp, which was like such a like for me, it was such a blessing to be involved in that project with you and and Audrey and the rest of the team. And you've had a year, summer camp is back. I see shirts and logos and like the workshops look amazing. Talk to me, talk to us a little bit. Because what Alana doesn't know is I'm actually launching this up. Typically, I launch my web my podcast on Wednesdays, but because registration, I believe, is still open for summer camp. This podcast is going live today.

SPEAKER_02 48:25

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 48:25

Oh, I didn't know I didn't tell you that ahead of time because I didn't want you to be nervous. Oh, okay, got it. So people are still having an opportunity to register in a summer camp. It starts on Monday, and uh my daughter is gonna be working with you guys in summer camp. She's super excited. She, you know, she's so great with children. Because she, despite having me as a mother and people who know me, know that no, no, I I take I'm good with it. We Kayla and I did play therapy once when she was little, working through her like my separation from her father. And I was like playing with her on the floor, and the play therapist said, You know, Miss Howard, that's not playing, it's educating. And I'm like, Don't you know I have a single mom, I don't have much time. I have to get it all done together. Right. So amber and play and fun were not necessarily synonymous when my kids were growing up. And and but Kayla just like almost as an act of defiance, I think, has just held on to this beautiful curiosity and childlike wonder and and sense of play, which she is a big source of play in my life. Um great. So yeah, summer camp starts Monday. What what what do the people need to know? What's it gonna be like?

SPEAKER_02 49:34

What's so okay? So, first, thank you so much for being such an integral part of our pilot summer camp last year. Because that, yeah, that came out of COVID uh and the pandemic and you know, kind of this crazy idea. Could we could we put that together? And it came together in what? Some crazy restored humanity.

SPEAKER_03 49:57

I blocked certain parts of it.

SPEAKER_02 50:00

It was crazy once. It was it was it was crazy and it was wonderful, and you know, and it was so well received. And I think that was, you know, uh, that was such a a reward to see. Um, that definitely we were like, okay, well, we we need to keep this going. And so this year, um, it's called Just Be You Summer Camp. And um, and it came out of a conversation um that uh Audrey and I had about, you know, what what are kids dealing with? And you know, inside of this pandemic, inside of being out of school, away from their friends, you know, and now and and dealing with all that uncertainty and stress, just like we've been dealing with uncertainty and stress, so they so have they. And um, and now, you know, things are starting to open up. And what might that be like for them? So just be you came out of, you know, the the intention of just be you is for them to reconnect to their curiosity, um, and and develop the tools to to you know feel the uncertainty and still still take action. Um because you know, some people, just like some kids, just like some adults are now have uncertainty around opening up and you know things going back to normal, quote unquote normal, you know, or pre-pandemic, let's say it that way. Um, and there's still that kind of stress and anxiety that's that's present, but let's, you know, get through summer camp and come through this um rejuvenated and reinvigorated and with our sense of curiosity and confidence to be able to take on what's next. So um we, yeah, so summer camp starts on Monday. It's Monday to Friday, Monday to Friday for the month of July, and it is for the whole month. So there's you know, um, and it's that's because our our live sessions, our live workshops, they build on each other week to week. So we have um so many people who came back from last year, um and uh so grateful, so you know, so grateful for their contribution and their their commitment to developing kids and um inspiring kids and uh grateful that now after a year we actually have the opportunity or the ability to create these jobs and create these positions and actually pay our facilitators and because it's no longer a pilot project, whereas you know, last year um yeah, people were donating their time to contribute to these kids and um in you know, in front of the camera and behind the scenes, you know, and that was uh one of the things that surprised me, I think, the most about summer camp last year was the amount of people that just wanted to help in some way and you know weren't expecting any kind of compensation. They just wanted to help. And it's like every time and and it and I'm always surprised. I don't know why. I think at a certain point maybe I'll release that, but I'm always surprised when people want to help. And they just they just out of the goodness of their heart and they believe in what we're doing, they just want to be involved in some certain some way. So um I'm forever grateful. Like it just expands my heart every time. And so this year, so we have oh my goodness, so we have the amazing Dwayne Morgan, godfather of spoken word. He's coming back, and this year he is going to be teaching kids how to write poetry and spoken word, all inside of that theme of embracing who you are and you know, and finding your your your talents and your passions and what what makes you who you are and celebrating that, which I'm so excited for. Um I might be in, I I feel like I'm going to be in the in the sessions, you know, myself making, you know, learning how to write spoken word poetry. Um we have quite a we have a few young young people who are contributing this year, which I I love. I love. It's you know, my dream to have uh a committee of young people driving where iDairy to be goes, you know, and and and being the leaders that um that we are developing. Like, you know, these are these I think this is sorry, I'm like lost words. Let me try and so part of iDary2B the vision or the mission is to develop our future leaders and to develop our future compassionate leaders and compassionate leadership, and it's so great to see these young people already stepping into those roles of leadership, and it's like it makes me want to cry.

SPEAKER_03 55:16

Yeah, so you there's gonna be like calligraphy and creating your own superheroes and like so many different um like baking with Alana and crafting with Nina and I'm with Nina, um, crafting with so uh our young people.

SPEAKER_02 55:31

So we have crafting with Allison, who is my friend's niece, and she is so creative and so um so into crafts and and arts and what she has planned for the campers is awesome. Our other crafter, also 15, um, and jum and he also has some great activities planned for our um for our campers. And then there's uh Sarika, who is doing a session called Cool and Curious Adventures with Sarika. And so she's gonna be um uh developing uh curiosity in the campers and have them have them see their environment in a whole new way um and find the treasures that you know are are around them that they may have overlooked, you know, in uh their past experiences. So that one I'm excited for. We have Raven coming back, teaching the kids calligraphy, and uh they're gonna be making self-care cards. Um so um basically each week is gonna be one card. So be it'll be a theme, you know, confidence, love, courage. Um, and they're gonna be making self-care cards around those themes so that when they find themselves maybe in a situation where they're not feeling so courageous, they can pull this card out and and remind themselves of who they actually are. So, um, and then Sky is um doing teaching the kids how to cartoon and and create their own superheroes. So at the end of four weeks, they will have a superhero of themselves, which I love that idea, which I think is great. MG is back, she's doing cooking with the kids, cooking lessons from around the world, um, different cultures. I'm like Amber said, I'm doing baking lessons. So I'm going to be baking some of my favorite childhood recipes that came from my mom and my grandmother, and some family favorites. We have salsa lessons and body beats with Melissa. So she's going to be teaching the kids um salsa and you know, and how to move their bodies. We have um uh Coach T from the United States. So um Antoine uh Thompson, also known as Coach T, he's going to be doing um body uh body drills basically. So a lot of exercise, get the kids up and moving, um, get them connected to their bodies. And um, and Coach T is all about positivity and developing growth mindsets. So those sessions are going to be a lot of fun. We have mindfulness and movement with Meg. So um she's going to be doing a combination of movement and yoga and uh meditation with the children, um, our campers. Oh my gosh, who else? I'm missing people.

SPEAKER_03 58:31

So much more. Well, you can find that we you're so when in the information for the podcast today that'll be going out, there'll be a link to register for summer camp. And um, you know, there'll be information about I Dare You to Be and the website and how to get a hold of Alana and uh also a link to the book so where you can buy a copy or gift a copy for those of you that have parents or are aunts and uncles or know anyone with young children. I think the more um, and there'll be also a lot of book read like reading time during summer camp. It's all online, so you'll be able to find out all of the information and uh just Alana, thank you. I uh, you know, I I don't think there are sufficient words to really express my the gratitude and joy I, you know, one I get in being your friend and and just kind of journeying through life with you, but and like what you're up to, the purpose that you're fulfilling on really, as I said at the beginning of the show, is the the the fulfillment of a lifelong dream of my own to have this kind of education be available for for young people and for teens and for their parents. And I know we didn't get into a lot of, but I mean, for anyone listening, there's like I Dare You to Be an amazing website that really details everything that these incredible women are up to in the world and their team. Also, super cool song, an anthem for I Dare You to Be. So go like, you know, just hit that thing on replay over and over again. And uh, because it's just so fun and upbeat and uplifting, such a great, um, great thing for children. So, just from the bottom of my heart, uh, thank you for who you are and for the leader that you are and and everything I know that you've like shifted through and moved through in this journey and all of the surprises along the way to becoming the kind of leader and educator you are in the world. Just thank you.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:23

Thank you, Amber. Thank you for being part of our journey. I mean, we couldn't have gotten here without your contribution and your ongoing contribution. Um, you know, Amber uh contributes blogs to I Dairy to Be um every month and uh teaching kids about kindness and history, kindness and courage and history, which I think is so wonderful. And I appreciate you doing that for us. I appreciate everything that you've done for us as part of our team. Um, as you know, you know, I don't know how many times you've come to us and said, like, what do you need me to do? Put me to work. What do you need? Um, inside of your your stand for what, you know, uh your stand for children. And um so uh from the bottom of my heart, I thank you and um for everything. And I I I um thank you for what you're doing with your podcast and and um giving people the opportunity to um get their get the message out there and and have uh have uh an impact and make a difference for for those listening. So thank you, thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:37

Thank you for everyone listening to this special, extra special edition of What Would Amber do, all about I Dare You To Be and The Summer Camp and Alana and the amazing things that she's up to in the world. Thank you for listening and run, don't walk to go check out their website and everything that they're up to. Have an amazing, amazing weekend, everyone. And we will be back next week.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:01

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For show info, visit whatwoodamberdo.com. And for information about Amber Howard and Associates' offerings and services, visit amberhowdenc.com.