SPEAKER_00 0:08

Inspirations and strategies to have your small business and whole life thrive. We bring you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being an entrepreneur so you can have your whole life work. Now, here's your host, Amber Howard.

SPEAKER_03 0:26

Welcome back, everyone, to What Would Amber Do? And it is my privilege and pleasure and happiness and joy to be speaking with Leslie Edwards today. Leslie is a dating expert, relationship coach, and coach trainer. She is also an ongoing expert contributor to Cosmo, Powerful Woman Today, and Consumer Health Digest. Leslie left a career, a successful career as a clinical dietitian inside of her commitment to help women find epic love that catapults instead of competing with their other ambitions. Leslie, thank you so much for being on the show today.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

My absolute pleasure.

SPEAKER_03 1:17

Yeah. How long ago was it that you, you know, talk to us a little bit about that transition? I mean, it's interesting because it's all kind of well-being, but what had you choose to step away from being in kind of like healthcare proper to a dating expert and relationship coach?

SPEAKER_02 1:35

So 10 years I started making the transition. And really the bottom line was when I would meet people at parties and they would say, What do you do? And I would say I was a dietitian, they were way more interested in it than I was. And they wanted to talk all about their diet and their protein requirements and their exercise. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's work. Like, I want to know you. Like, are you single? Are you dating? How did you meet? You know, like that's I could get lost in that conversation forever. So that's when I realized that nutrition was like one of those important things that I really liked, my job, actually. I really liked the work that I did. It just wasn't what my life was for. And my pure, raw, natural joy was let's talk about love stories and challenges and disasters, you know.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Like I wouldn't all. I'm sure you could tell some stories about that. Um, if we yeah, I can just imagine. So what I what I hear is that the kind of the being a dietitian was more like a job. And it was a job you liked, but it wasn't your your purpose and your passion.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

Yeah, it's funny because I didn't I didn't get up every day like, oh, I don't want to go. I mean, in the end, actually, the moment that I decided to start training with Manner from Mars, John Gray, I wasn't a job that I really didn't like going to, but every other experience I had as a dietitian, I was like, no, this is good.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

That's so great. Um and I think I remember reading on your on your website that for a while you were doing like a lot of, I think, people who there's like so many different paths to being an entrepreneur. And a fairly typical one is people who try and do both in parallel, right? They they work their their full-time job and then they, you know, they're kind of got their side gig or side hustle going on, as some people call it. What was it? What was the catalyst that finally had you just be like, you know what? I'm I'm taking the leap or I'm I'm going full in on following my dream.

SPEAKER_02 3:45

I would say I wanted to take a leap, planned to take a leap for quite a while, and I needed a massive shove. So I actually got fired. For the first time in my life, well, the one and only time in my life, it was actually it was really traumatic because it was this whole drama, and um but I totally see why.

SPEAKER_03 4:14

I'm I'm present to Vishan Lakani, the owner of Mind Valley, when he talks about beautiful destruction, that the universe, God, you know, whatever is sourceful for people, has this way of he says gently, I'm not convinced it's always gentle. It hasn't always been gentle in my life.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

But it's as it's as gentle as it can be.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

It has this way of like stripping or moving away the things that are getting in the way of us moving to the next level or you know, inside of what we're kind of meant to be doing with our lives.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

So yeah, it was it was ugly and messy, and there was lies, and I was just like, why is this happening to me? Like, this is that's not what happened at all. And as a contract dietitian at the time, then I was doing consulting, there was no, you know, avenue for HR or talking about things, or it was just like, sorry, like you're you're a contract employee, so basically you don't have a side, so they can decide to let you go at any time, and there doesn't need to be a reason, or but it was yeah, it was ugly and personal. And then literally the very next month, I had the best month yet, like yet to that point in my business. Because I guess I was about two years into my business, um, working part-time and doing my business part-time, and then that was the best month I ever have to that date. So I was like, okay, right track. Check.

SPEAKER_03 5:45

So good. Um it's interesting because you know, I'm I'm relatively new to this whole manifesting thing. Like, and and I get I've been creating my whole life, like I really do see that. And, you know, whether we're creating what we want or not, we're always creating. Um, but kind of new to this whole language and world of like intentionally manifesting, and you know, you can be that, yeah, I manifested it all, and I'm not always manifesting what I want.

unknown 6:13

Right.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

And so sometimes, like if what you're meant to be doing, what you want to be doing is actually pursuing one path, and you're not, you know, you're letting fear or whatever get in the way, then sometimes the circumstances show up to kind of propel you in that direction.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

Pushed off a cliff, like you'll fly, it'll be fine. It's like okay, right. Because yeah, I wasn't trusting myself to that degree, and um, I needed a big push, and sometimes we do like it. Sometimes a gentle nudge is totally fine, or you see a little sign and you're like, okay, good. But like Tony Robbins says, it's like feather brick truck. Sometimes you need a truck.

SPEAKER_03 6:56

There have been times in my life where I needed a truck. Yeah, probably more than more of them than I would like to admit to. So since that time, right? Like you've been fully immersed in in people's love stories and causing relationships and and and finding your own love and creating a family. And yeah, what has that been like for you? Like fully stepping into being her and living the life that you you dreamed of.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Wow, that's I love how you put that. Yeah, it feels miraculous. It feels miraculous. I still I still feel like a dream job to me, but I feel like at this point, 10 years in, it can't help but permeate every ounce of my life. Every there's like I was actually just noticing this weekend. It's it's not like okay, work time and not work time. It's like everything that's unfolded on this journey has really like completely submerged me into flow. So my work just naturally evolves out of there, just like fun and play with the baby, and you know, like it's not like okay, now it's time that's done. Now I'm working. It's yeah, it's like a dream.

SPEAKER_03 8:26

I'm usually pretty good at recalling where I who the quotes are by, but I'm like, as you're saying that, it's like there's this amazing quote that talks about people who are masters in life, and that people looking at them from the outside can't tell whether they're working or they're playing. And for the people who have mastered life, it's like there there is no real distinction between their play and their work, uh, which I think is it's beautiful. And and I I love what I'm like when we try, I and I love what you said, Leslie, about trusting yourself, that you weren't trusting yourself completely. And um yeah, I think the degree that we trust ourselves and we have that knowing and that confidence that whatever comes our way, we're gonna be able to manage it or deal with it, or just you know, like that it's it's actually gonna. I was talking with a friend today, because I just I just signed up to do my ground school to get my pilot's license, which is all my my goals for this year, and I'm super pumped about it. And uh, I was just saying, like, I'll be 43 this this summer, and like it was a rough few decades, like not gonna lie, the first couple of decades of my life were were a little challenging, a lot challenging. And but you know, he said, Well, it sounds like you know, it's all upwards from here and like celebrating that that noticing, you know, the turning corner that like that things are just the expectation. You know, there's a point in time where I thought like expectation was like a bad thing to have, but like I expect life to go well for me now. Like I expect the things that I want to to come to fruition. And and and it may not always look the way I think it's gonna look. Yes, that's the key.

SPEAKER_02 10:12

That is completely the key because as you were talking about trusting yourself, I was like, well, yeah, that was exactly the thing in love that I needed to learn. Umticing what I was trusting, which is more like the head and the thoughts and the the logic and the reasoning, instead of like really the wisdom and the knowing sense that's like something's off here or something's like not right, not good enough, not not it.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Not it.

SPEAKER_02 10:42

I love that, not it.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

Not it, not it.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

It's so funny. Well, pretty much almost everything we experience until our ideal person comes along is not it, which is really frustrating. There's elements, okay, of yes, I like this part. And it like often when I meet new clients, it's like this collage of okay, if I could just have this from this person and this from that person, you know, that would make kind of my ideal person. But um, and the piece that you were just saying about um how it looks, that's exactly how I feel about ideal partners. They're not going to look, might be physical, but also might be like demographically not exactly as you thought. And that often is the thing that trips people up the most, is like, no, I think it's gonna be like this. Like for me, someone who has like the same kind of education as me, in multiple degrees, um, a professional, probably like works downtown, um, you know, like these kinds of things. And so I would have never considered my husband because he's completely outside of that. Like he was actually working on a farm at the time, high school degree, you know. So it's wild, this idea of it not being an exact match or even a close match on first look. On first look, because then when you feel into it, whether it's an opportunity, a job, or whatever, then you get to see, okay, is it really uh a yes or no? Um but on first look, it often looks like no, no, this is not how it's supposed to be. No, no, not this. This isn't what I asked for. It's like, wait, but it feels so good, it feels so easy. Okay, well, maybe, but you have to get to the point where you give yourself a chance to really consider that, which is where I never got. I never gave myself myself a chance to consider things because it was like, okay, well, that first date or that message or those pictures. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. But I wasn't actually like feeling into what was true for me from a gesture to this lower below the neck portion of the body. Whether that's your um, some of my clients call it the in their bones, they know in their bones, uh, their heart, your soul, your, you know, like your knowingness, your womb, intuition. It's all the same to me. Instinct, it's all the same. That's where the real truth is. Um it but it's hard because we've gotten so disconnected from the whole body experience that it's just like, okay, well, what does logic and reasoning say? And you know, like this isn't matching on paper. What I thought. So no.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

I think it's so good, right? Because that like that analogy works for, you know, what you're talking about works for anything, right? Whether it's like friendship, like your familial relationships, your business, your career, like anywhere in life where you're you've got created this notion or where we've created this notion of what it is that we want. Um, and there's this great, like, I love the notes from the universe by talk.com. And there, and I save every once in a while, I save one that like particularly moves me. And I've I've recycled this one many, many, many times. But it's like this notion that because there's always so much more available than we could ever know, that it's impossible for us to actually know what we really want in material and circumstantial terms. And that doesn't stop us from, you know, that he says, like turning over stones and knocking on doors and going out there to create what you want, like by all means, and always ask yourself this or better.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

And I think like even in a relationship like you and your husband right now, this or better. Like what you know, just because we get the answer to something doesn't mean we need to stop looking. Like, how could how could we take this to like this is incredible right now? And what does the evolution of this look like over time, right? How does this love evolve into something? And it's not from a place of there being anything wrong with the way things in life are now, but it's like that's life. Life wants to expand, life wants to grow.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

Yeah, and our human nature is for for something better, for more, because we're continually growing and expanding. So that's part of the we do have the material sense to our humanness. So it's natural to want more. But yeah, I I think that was probably one of the things that also changed uh my process because um now this is funny. I don't know if this is common with my clients. I'm I'm not recalling it, but for me, I just was so attached to a specific um relationship that it was like, I just really want it to be that. I just really want it to be that. I want that to work, I want to make that work. How can I get that to work? Um and it it was honestly the only thing that unlocked that for me was or something even better. Was like, oh, wait a second, what if I could have that? And the thing that was really missing, the kind of guy who was like willing to take a risk to be with me, you know, like he was putting something on the line. I was always feeling like I was the one putting something on the line to make it work, to make it happen. And it was exhausting. I was like, oh, what I would totally love, what would rock my world is a guy who's like, now I know that it's you, I want to be with you, I'm willing to do whatever it takes. And that is exactly Matt.

SPEAKER_03 16:46

So beautiful. And what difference do you think it makes? Like, you know, so a lot of the people who listen to the show are, you know, I mean, are entrepreneurs, they're looking at their businesses. Like, what difference do you think it makes in people's like whole lives when they're tending to because I know for myself, like if I'm really honest about it, yeah, I've been single for over 12 years now. I've gone through, I, you know, my typical pattern is I go through periods of time where I date and then don't find what I'm looking for. And then I'm like, okay, I'm good. I'm gonna go back and focus on my business or focus on my family, or you know, because I'm someone who has like, there's an, you know, I signed up to be a pilot today. There's a never-ending list of things that I'm interested in. I love learning. I like I am currently in five different courses. Like I got I got lots of things that I could do to fulfill myself and I have like this massive circle of people that I love. Like, you know, I could literally spend all day, every day just talking to the people in my life that I love. So it's not difficult for me to be like, okay, you know what, that's getting a little bit frustrating, or I'm like getting a little bit resigned. So let me just, you know, instead of like breaking through whatever that is, I just divert my attention to something else. And I would also really love to be at all a committed partnership, creating, co-creating in life together. That's something that I really do want. So what could you say about the impact of when we don't deal with, like, and I don't even know if that's the the right word, deal with? Maybe that speaks like some of my thinking around this. But when we don't, whether we're single or in a relationship, happy or not, what impact does the area of our romantic life have on our business, on the rest of the areas of our of our well-being?

SPEAKER_02 18:40

Yeah. Well, huge. So for any of my women clients, um, anyone who is attracted to me has a feminine core. Um, and so that's like about 80% of biological women. Um and that is like home is community, love, family, relationship. Like relationship is the number one priority of the feminine. So if you have a feminine core, meaning you'd rather be with someone more masculine, regardless of your gender. So someone who, like I described, someone who has that energy coming at you, which is just like, I want you. What do I need to do to get you on a date to even like give me, grant me a chance? Okay. If that excite excites you, then you probably have a feminine core. Versus you probably have a masculine core if you would rather do the going out and getting. Um and you have that uh, yeah, you'd rather be with someone who is more passive, where you get to take charge and do that thing. Um, and they're more like just like melting into your arms, like, yes, take me with you. Um so yeah, it is a huge, huge part of us. But not to say that that can't be fulfilled by other, there's tons of other ways for that relationship part of us to be fulfilled. It's just, you know, like you and I were reading uh in evolutionary love relationships, that fundamental desire for, and I would say, I don't know, if I had to put a percentage to it, probably 90 to 95% of people desire to be intimately connected in a relationship. There's absolutely a percentage of people who have no desire to be romantically sexually connected in a relationship in that way. But most people do desire to be like completely supported, completely open and giving all of themselves and their love and their gifts to a partner. Um it's just one of those things that if you have a desire for that, it's meant for you. And so when we have a desire and it's meant for us, and it comes into our life, it just like in my experience and for my clients, it unlocks a part of us that's meant to be there out in the world. So I think my my clients would describe it, and I definitely would describe it like that's the part that feels like something's missing. It's like I know there's this part of me that isn't being fully expressed right now, because there's something about that kind of love that pulls that out of you in a really natural, effortless way. Not that it's always comfortable. Um, because I guess that, like you were saying, dealing with yourself or dealing with things. Um in my experience, is like maybe we don't have to deal with so much stuff in advance, because that can be the process that I've witnessed a lot with. With clients and myself, which is like getting ready. I need to be doing more to get ready to deal with blocks, shadow side, all that stuff. Um, maybe not, maybe completely and totally ready. It's just the the thing that's draining about it is the work. Like it when it feels like work, nobody wants to do it. Whether it's dating, um, your business, exercise, like it's just a slog. And that's the difference between the masculine and the feminine energy. Someone who has a masculine core can or even thrive in slog because it's like, okay, this is tough. Like, you think of um like a physical challenge, like those tough mutters or something, you know, like something where you really like like my husband, he loves to sweat and like work so hard that he sweats. That's like he loves that. I'm just thinking about like army crawl through the mud. That's like because it boosts testosterone. It is like it feeds what it is to be a man, to have a masculine core. Um, but the feminine is not fed that way. So when we get into a situation where we're slogging and working and making it happen, it's just not consistent with our natural energy and what produces um results and momentum. Because we can definitely produce results that way in the making it happen way. It just doesn't have staying power or it's totally depleting.

SPEAKER_03 23:32

So I love that you're talking it because this terminology of feminine core, masculine core is kind of is new to me. I've heard a lot, and I think we've all heard a lot of conversations recently about masculine and feminine energy. And um, you know, there's there's a lot of noise, I think, about this. And it becomes very easy to kind of get sidetracked about so about what we're actually talking about here.

SPEAKER_01 23:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:58

So maybe maybe you could, you know, what does it look like to have a feminine core? And and, you know, does that have any real in your opinion, based on your experience and your training? What's the relationship between that and gender? Because this comes up a lot, right? It's like, oh, men have a masculine core, women have a feminine core. Like that's like that's what it means to me a man or a woman, right? And I know from my own experience, and like something became available for me when I was able to distinguish the masculine and feminine energy as distinct from you know the gender or the the biological sex that I am.

SPEAKER_02 24:33

Totally. So yeah, it is it is it's super interesting. And they you can't be without the other. Um, so obviously we both have, or maybe not obviously, we both have masculine and feminine energy. It's like the the symbol of the yin and yang. That's exactly it. We all have both. So um, gender-wise, um, and maybe this is a little bit different now that more people are having the experience of identifying gender a different way. So I'd actually be interested to know what the numbers are, but um, like at least 20 years ago, it was pretty standard. 80% of men identify as a masculine core, and 80% of women would say they have a feminine core. Um, and that probably the closer you are to that um gender fluidity, the more it can absolutely go back and forth. So in same-sex couples, it can go back and forth. Um, so yeah, it's a totally personal experience. Um, and yeah, you probably don't have to be in a box. It's just like if it feels like the way you've been taught to do life is depleting for you, or you're getting sick, um or just feeling like maybe I'm just maybe I don't, I'm not cut out for it, especially if you're thinking about entrepreneurship. Because a lot of the teachers in entrepreneurship and business are men talking about what works for them, what works for men. So um, for example, like getting up super early and doing like a crazy workout, an hour of meditation, or whatever, like having an everyday set schedule that has to be these certain things that I've heard works for tons of super successful men that I've studied with and from those things, just always felt like shoulds, like things to strive for that was like I was never gonna get there. Um, even if I had all the time in the world, all the money in the world, is like would my morning routine look like that? No, that doesn't feel good to me. And if it doesn't feel good to me, it doesn't have any staying power. It doesn't have any staying power in terms of um practice. And I do like practice. Um the feminine, just for me, is different practices, it's rooted in feeling good and being flexible, where the masculine can really gravitate towards okay, this works. I'm gonna do this this way every time, even when it comes to sex, you know, like you do this move, this um foreplay, and you know, you get the results. So it can be frustrating for men that women's bodies don't necessarily work like that.

SPEAKER_03 27:19

Um, because it's the best way I've ever had heard women's bodies, like women's bodies are not results oriented.

SPEAKER_02 27:27

It's like John Gray described it like uh women's women heat up like an oven, like it takes time to heat up, where men are like a blowtorch, feel like just on off, on, off. Um but it's it's like another way of understanding the masculine parts of us and the feminine parts of us are through the different cycles. So where the masculine is like a 24-hour cycle, hormonally testosterone-wise, um, like the sun, 24-hour cycle. So having like the same routine every day at work can be really great. Where the feminine is more like the moon cycle, the 28-day cycle, right? Our physical bodies do that just like the moon. So it's like it's different at different times. And oftentimes we don't even know what we need when or what's gonna be sexy and turn us on at different times. Um, and that can be frustrating. So it's just anyone who feels like they're in a box that's not working for them, then this is a fun place to explore. Okay, maybe some of these other things over here do actually feel more natural, more home to me. Um, and some things over here, like, oh great, those are really energizing and invigorating. Awesome. It's a really it's a fun place to explore because it's totally a spectrum.

SPEAKER_03 28:48

So great. As you're talking, I'm like, I can really see like that. I have spent and whether I have a masculine or a feminine core, I don't, I don't know. I've spent a lot of my life in my masculine energy, like like, and what I can say is a lot of it has felt like hard work.

unknown 29:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:09

So and it's funny because I'm in wisdom right now and we do this collaging, and and so I collaged, I can send it to you later. Like, like it's so good. You like use collage to work through, like so we've collaged like resignation and I collage like control and what control feels like in the emotional experience of control. And it's interesting because at the same time, it feels kind of like being chained and like trapped, but it also feels like a comfortable, like a safe blanket, because it's like what I know, what I'm used to, right? Um, and there are like lots of really good reasons that I wound up being that way, given my life and things that I had to manage from a very young age. But the the hard work one is, and you're supposed to like lay like title them like it seems like what, right? So like hard seems like a never-ending battle, right? And and so I think that you know, probably speaks to the fact that because of life and choices I've made that I have been like heavily, like it's like that experience of soldiering through, getting things done, like driving to results to make sure things are taken care of, um, but maybe not in a way that is like natural or um, you know, and and so I'm like, oh, that's exciting. Like, what could I discover on the other side? Um, what could I discover on the other side of being in in coming from the feminine energy? And what would that look like? And what would those like we talk about those practices? What could those practices look like versus um, and it's interesting because I I do get up at five o'clock in the morning. I kind of drag myself a little bit out of bed, but I have an accountability club I run at 6 a.m., which I love because I start most of the people in it are other women. So I start my day in community in relationship. We've got a couple of men who join every once in a while, which is great too. Um, but I do feel like I kind of start my day. We spend the first 40 minutes doing whatever we want on our own, like whatever goals we're working towards. And then the last 20, sometimes it goes a lot longer, depending on the day and how chatty we are, sharing and talking about our lives and you know, creating what's happening that day. So I really do, I do love that. But I have noticed actually, I've found myself naturally wanting more breaks in between. Like I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll perform for a burst and then I'll want to like rest and perform for a burst and then rest. So that whereas in the past, I used to just like like nose down. Um, I've said this on the show before, so it's not a surprise to my listeners, but or unless you're new. But like I literally showed up to work once when I worked at the airport, I was a new employee with a walking IV, because I it said walking in the title. So that meant you could walk with it and go to work. And you should see the look on Leslie's face right now for everyone listening. But it's like, oh so now we're gonna like talk about something else you love to talk about, which is rebellious self-care. But like that was like that was normal for like I had commitments, I had responsibilities. And even though I had like people listening to the show, it's not like I didn't have like I was in the union, I could have taken a sick day. But my viewpoint of life was yeah, you've got responsibilities, you've got commitments, the projects have to get done, you gotta be there. And if you're not dead or in the hospital, like they gave me a they gave me an ability to walk with the IV. If they really wanted me to rest, they would have put me in the hospital, right?

SPEAKER_01 32:38

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 32:39

And I still get the absurdity of it now, which is why I love sharing this story because I think it drives on the point because I I'm not special. And maybe not everyone goes to the extent of showing up to work with a walking IV, but wherever that shows up for us, it shows, you know, like it might not always look like that, but we all, I think many people have some version of where they're not being aligned, where they're where the whether one way or the other, right? Maybe their core is masculine and they're living in their feminine and like like taking actions, whatever that looks like, but you know, there are impacts on all the areas of our lives when we're doing that.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Completely. And it is, there is a bit of a rebalancing because yeah, there is definitely um as feminism has come in, then it has men have been exploring more their feminine side, and and you know, like in the 70s where it was like long hair and you know, dressing really flowy kind of dress, and everything was about love and peace, and you know, like we have been exploring in different directions. Um but yeah, I think the reason why we have really strong masculine skills and sides is because that's what's modeled to us. That's what's modeled to us, that's what success is about. That's you know, that there's lots of shoulds um in that realm. So it's just about finding there aren't a lot of examples for what is healthy feminine um for men and for women. And one of the things, oh gosh, I can't remember who said this. Um yeah, it was it was Andrew. It was Andrew Harvey, I believe. That the reason that it's so important for women to be stepping into and exploring more of their feminine side because we are the teachers of that when it comes to uh for men. So the more women can embody and own the parts of their feminine that's like, oh yum, yes, thank you, the more men can go there. And it really provides that kind of permission. And um, yeah, that I've always learned that um women are the teachers in relationships, and that is this is the one place where exploring some of those aspects of the feminine, desire, um, you know, like what you truly want, what your passions are, um, emotion. I mean, you can't have relationship without those things, really. The kind of relationship that you and I are talking about, and I assume your listeners, the kind that is fulfilling and you know, everything. It's just like, yes, yum, like your ideal relationship um fills you up, fills you up. And um if you you need to have full access to your feminine to be able to be there and go there for men and for women. So even when I work with men, it's also about that. You talked about celebration, yes, community, you know, sensitivity, self-care, um, gentleness, emotion. Like we don't know what it's so easy to stay in something that's wrong for us when we're not connected to what feels good. When we don't know what feels good, it's so easy to stay in the wrong thing. So I don't know what does feel good. Well, that's something that we want to repair, that we want to get back to because mostly it's not been okay to have feelings, let alone understand them. So yeah, it's a beautiful journey. And until we can find a lot of amazing mentors for that, then we we get to explore it for ourselves. So self-care is one of those things, it's like you're grounding, it's whatever feels good. Whatever feels good. So, whether that's pleasure, joy, you know, like at the extreme ends of what feels good, and like that's a thing to strive for because why not?

SPEAKER_03 36:52

Why not? Yeah, it's so funny. I had a great conversation on the show a few months back with Beth, who I I think you, yeah, I think she's a neutral, yes. I I did believe that she was a mutual friend, but just about like that that whole conversation around pleasure. And um, if anyone's looking for like a deeper dive into like how we demonize pleasure and like the different, you know, like you should go check out the interview with Beth. But I um I completely agree with you. And I'm I'm and it's like amazing what we have to break through, like what we get to break through, the opportunity of what there is to break through in terms of just allowing ourselves to be with what feels good, especially when we, you know, and you were talking about like success. Like we have such a I I really believe this. I've experienced this, I've seen it with other people as I'm writing my book on like standards for success and happiness. There is a real definition of what it is to be successful in North America that says success looks like achievement. And if you're not successful, you're not worthy. And the only way to be successful then is to keep achieving more and more and more and more, right? So we're perpetually dissatisfied, constantly in that space of driving to cause some results. And and then wondering why, you know, or how like all of the other areas of our well-being aren't working. Uh, wondering why no matter how much we achieve, it's never enough. Um and I just love what you're saying, and and I'm excited for myself out of like I never know exactly for those who listen to the show. I mean, there is a plan. We there are topics that we know we're gonna talk about, but I never know exactly what's gonna come out of these conversations. And so just I'm grateful, Leslie. Thank you for like the the contribution of this idea of like I could play in like discovering what these practices of of being in my feminine and and acting, see, even acting, like living from my feminine core, um, versus like but you know what?

SPEAKER_02 38:55

Even like this is this is a perfect example, right? Like the even the getting the words right is is part of the masculine. It's like the the logic, the verbal, like everything in that domain that is like the front front part of the brain is that masculine. And the feminine is like the well, yes, if you're talking about acting and being, the feminine is the being. It's just like just in the being, which doesn't necessarily have words. In fact, the words can cheapen the being, you know, when you're really talking about emotion and describing something. Yeah, we often don't have words for that. Um, but yeah, it's absolutely worth exploring. And that's what I love in my work as I'm really like diving deep into self-care right now, um, is like being willing to be a newbie, which is where there's tons of space for curiosity and trying it out. And even like um Mike Dooley talks about um pathetic attempts, you know, like having space for just, you know, what you know, maybe you don't have space for a massage every week, and you know, like all these what we traditionally see, like you were saying in terms of uh traditional or even bastardized ideas of femininity or even masculinity, um you know, really what it what it really is to me, the feminine, is when we're coming from love is like grounded in love and being from that, and when our action comes from that, naturally flows from that in response to that, grounded in like who we truly are, our unique like Chris talks about our unique flavor of personality when our divine nature flows through that, and then we act from there, that's in flow with the feminine.

SPEAKER_03 41:09

It's interesting because I'm hearing what you're saying and I'm present too. I'm just reading psychocybernetics right now with you know, Maximo Maltz's book, and and he talks about like how much of us try and like drive from our forebrain and like strategize and and you know come up with plans and um and I've been definitely learning for myself that things don't necessarily like that's that's not a way a place to come from if you want to cause ease in your life. Like, not that you can't cause results from like you're wanting to cause ease. Driving results from like forebrain thinking uh is not, and it's uh so when you were talking about like the feminine is being, I remember like so many times in um you know, some of the programs that I've done at Lamarck where my coach is like, I will like destroy myself doing before I will even entertain being. Like, like I will like I will do, I will take every action I could possibly conceive to take. But like this is in the past, it's this has been shifting for me recently over the last year, but for the longest time, it was like I would break myself into pieces with the doing until I would even acknowledge that there was something. And I remember once where it was like in the introduction leaders program, I was a coach and and my coach was asking me to cause a result, and she was like pointing to like who I was being. And and I had I I was so frustrated. I was like, you know, like for those who are listening to the show that are familiar with like Descartes' philosophy of I think, therefore I am, right? I'm like, do you actually want me to sit in a room just thinking about causing this result and that's how it's gonna happen? Like, I was like, we have to do like nothing gets caused in life when you're not taking an action. So you just I don't get it, right? And that was like I had so and I've had to like that. Is I still break through that. It is like causing new brain patterns, new neuroplastics, like you know, around this idea that um the being being comes first. And I can get it intellectually, like I do get it intellectually. I know I've got lots of evidence, Leslie, for that being like real in my life and other people's lives. But man, I want to be right about the fact that there's some action to take.

SPEAKER_02 43:35

Yes. Okay, I have a great quote that I that I got today from Rebecca Campbell, Rise Sister Rise. This is an amazing book that I love that's been on my list forever. And this is like a major research immersion into information year for me. For whatever reason, I'm just going with it. This is a quote that she has about leading from the feminine that I it's actually a passage to the quote, it's long. So when we push on through, we are relying on our own strength. When we are relying on our own strength, we are operating from our separate selves. When we're operating from our separate selves, we are resisting being in flow with the universal flow of life. When we resist the universal flow of life, life is hard. And that's the masculine part of us, the independent, like you said, achieving part. So contrast that with the feminine, which is like you already spoke to. So this is the beautiful marrying of the masculine and the feminine. Structure and space and flow. Those work so well together. We can't have space and flow unless there is structure. Just like we can't have the feminine without the masculine. We can't have the masculine without the feminine. In your morning, you'll you wake up at a specific time and then you commune. You know, you get together, you have time and space and connecting and you know, like just seeing what comes up. That's a perfect marriage of the two. But time and space is a big part of the feminine. It's like no place to be, no rush, all the time in the world. Like if that relaxes something in your being, then you probably have a feminine core. So once she um, so this is from Rebecca Campbell talking about her experience. She decided, okay, I'm gonna work less. That's what that's what my body's asking for. That's what I need to do right now. That was what her leading from the feminine. She said, the less time I had, the easier it was to say no, which I've totally experienced as a mom now doing my business. The more I said no, the more energy I had. The more energy I had, the more productive I was. The more productive I was, the more fulfilled I felt. And that's exactly it. It's like the more potent your magic is, the more uh able you are to receive support. And that is being in the flow of where you feel called to do, which doesn't necessarily exist when everything is scheduled every you know 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 46:10

Well, this is like why I love like thank you for that. This was such a contribution. And I'll include to be sure to include the title in the book for the of the book and the notes for the show, but and um like what you just explained kind of helps me understand, and this is why I'm a bit of a like self-development junkie. It's like really like some people like gardening, some people like you know, knitting, some people like whatever. I love learning new things. Um, but there's been this pattern. Yeah. There's been this pattern in my my business, my career, where it's like I'll expand, but then I'll reach the limits of where I can cause on my own without working harder. And then I like retract. And so there's definitely, and it's like something that's like been, and I've been like I've been bumping up against it and breaking through. And what that is is causing through community. Like that next level is like so because I can see that there's been like like the feminine comes in and wants to rest and not pushes hard. And yet the the masculine is still having me not like be in that has to be independent, don't know how to ask for help, all of that stuff, right? Um, and it was so great. I'd love to like gift this to any of my listeners who may be in the same boat because I don't think I'm alone with this, like having asking for help be shameful or vulnerable or uncomfortable. But because sometimes for me, Leslie, I don't even know what to ask for. Yeah, like I don't even like people say, Can I help you? And like, what do you need? And I'll be like, uh, I'm good things. I don't language it, right? If I think of anything, yeah, I'll get back to you, right? I'll let you know. Meanwhile, I'm here trying to take over the world as a one-woman army. Um, so great. But my friend gave me this language that I thought was so powerful, and it was, I need support, or I'm looking for support, I'm looking for help. I don't even know what it is that I need, but this is my dilemma, and what can you offer? And I was like, Oh, because I had it like if you didn't know what you would could wanted, you needed, you shouldn't even ask. Like, there's a should, right? You shouldn't even ask for help if you don't know what it is that you need, right? And I was like, that's just like, and that came from a man who happens to be very like, you know, he's a good friend of mine and he's very well balanced in his masculine and feminine energies for sure.

SPEAKER_02 48:37

I was gonna say, yeah. And I think that's why grounding in self-care is so vital, because it actually prioritizes we have needs and we can't not have needs. Like our needs aren't not going anywhere. So if we're not meeting them consciously, we're meeting them unconsciously. So self-care is a way of really slowing down and saying, okay, what do I need today? Um, because yeah, sometimes it's joy and pleasure in the realm of um and fun and laughter, and sometimes it's just rest, it's replenishing, it's rebuilding, it's like space. It's you know, like to not be needed by anyone else. Self-care is completely like for me, it's showing yourself love. So what what is loving for me today? Or or what do I need today? Um is something that starts to get you connected to yes, what's nourishing for you, what fills you up, what gives you energy, because once you have those things, you have way more to give to, like you said, all the commitments, the the relationships, the the business, um, everything. And and that's really what we want. That's like the goal in relationships is be able to give all of ourselves in a way that's totally received and totally reciprocated. But usually we're not like, yes, sometimes we're looking to get something in a relationship, but often the thing that feels so good and we just give all of ourselves, all of our love over to this person, and they're just like, oh, thank you. You know, the completely received, and then you know, like it's just this beautiful circle of giving and receiving.

SPEAKER_03 50:26

Um, yeah, I don't know where that was going, but yeah, I will park it there. It was beautiful. Thank you so much. I got I personally got so much out of this conversation with you, Leslie. I'm sure my listeners will as well. For anyone who's looking to connect with Leslie, you'll be able to find information on her website and and different social media feeds as well as her email in the show notes. And um just thank you. Thank you for I I mean, love is like that's why I exist, right? Like that's why I'm here is to cause a future where every human being knows profound love, connection, and belonging, you know. And so it takes, and I do know, like in my gut, that it takes partnership and other people out there in the world and all of us, you know, whatever that looks like for us. And so just thank you for being someone who's out there in your unique way with your unique expression, fulfilling on that in the world. It's beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 51:25

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, my absolute pleasure. I love being on that journey with you because absolutely I think that love is all there is. It's the it is the thing. Yeah, and that's where we're all looking to get back to.

SPEAKER_03 51:42

Coming home to love.

SPEAKER_02 51:44

Coming home to love, baby.

SPEAKER_03 51:46

For those listening, have a wonderful weekend and take care. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 51:53

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For show info, visit what would Amber Do.com. And for information about Amber Howard and Associates' offerings and services, visit amberhowdenc.com.