SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to What Would Amber Do with your host Amber Howard. Your weekly dose of guidance, inspiration, and strategies to have your small business and whole life thrive. We bring you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being an entrepreneur so you can have your whole life work. Now, here's your host, Amber Howard.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

Good morning, everyone. Welcome back to What Would Amber Do. It is my honor, like really my honor this morning to be speaking with Aina Adler and John Griffith, who are like recently transitioned their careers to creating a powerful coaching network called the Freedom and Bliss Healing Network. And who John and Aina are for me, we met during some personal development courses at Lamarck worldwide, and I've just kind of actually moved these just the most inspirational leaders and people with the biggest, like warriors, partners in my own journey and commitment to healing and transforming the world that we live in through love. And I just um feel very blessed and honored to not only have you both in my life and on this journey, but to you know to have that partnership to know that there are other people out there who have the same standing commitment I do that you know that the world worked and that people get to experience love. Um so just thank you so much for being on the show and thank you for being in my life. And yeah, welcome. Good morning.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Good morning, thank you for having us.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Yes, this is you are, I think, my second couple that I am interviewing on the show, uh, which is really exciting. It's nice to be able to connect with, you know, one that that there are couples out there like the like the both of you who have are working together in partnership. Um, so talk to us a little bit about how did you how did this all come into being? How you know, how did you get to where you are today and and creating this powerful network?

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Oh well that's that's I'll throw that to you, John.

SPEAKER_04 2:15

So we this was um fall of 2020, and things were kind of very intense in the United States with the um political tensions, and then Ina was pregnant with this with our son during um this COVID wave. And statistically, if uh mothers uh get COVID, they can deliver prematurely. So we were a little freaked out, and I had this like very strong intuitive impulse to leave the country and go to some warm sunny island because I thought, you know, it's partially let's keep our baby safe, partially opportunistic, because I was like, when else in our entire lives will we never have to be anywhere physically? So why are we here in this like stressful cold place? So we started looking at where to go, and Ina's family uh is from Madagascar, so we thought, okay, why don't we go stay with your family in Madagascar? Because it's cheap to stay with someone versus you know, paying for hotels and things. So we did. We bought a ticket, you know, or tickets. So the the two of us and our daughter um left, you know, five days after um we bought the ticket, and it was just the most magical time ever. We we ended up sort of taking a three-month sabbatical where I thought it was going to be working, but my job let me go. And so I just sort of meditated all day and did some healing work, and we had a lot of time to just sort of relax and think about what was next, you know, and connect with ourselves. And then when we came up with the idea of starting these coaching businesses, we were like electrified. Like we were so excited that we didn't really sleep for a week. We just stayed up all night till 3, 4 a.m., you know, chat chit-chatting about how fun and exciting it was gonna be, and and us kind of partnering and working together again, which is something we do very well. Um, so yeah, we came back to the United States and launched, and it's just been you know an amazing journey since then.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

Well, I love that, Madagascar. I mean, I like that so cool. Um what was that like for you going on that journey, going back home to where your family's from, like pregnant, you know?

SPEAKER_02 4:40

Oh, um, I mean, it was it was absolutely like electrifying once we had that. Umce it was John who asked me, he sort of was like, Oh, I'll just start my own coaching business. And I didn't think that I was gonna do that at all. And then he asked me, he's like, Do you want to work together? And I was like, Woo, yes. I told him he made fun of me. I was like, I was more excited about when he asked me to work with him on the coaching business than I was when he asked me to marry him.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

I was like, oh yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_02 5:14

Um that was really exciting. But then generally to be there, I had like seasonal depression because it was the first time that I spent like the winter holidays in a um in the southern hemisphere. And I said, I'm like, I'm an aggressive, like northerner, like Christmas, like wild freak. And so I was like, oh, this is so depressing, it's so sunny. I'm like, I can't do this. I need snow. I just feel like the elves are coming. And like, so I had uh I was like dealing with that, but then this was a very like in. I feel like the changing of the seasons is always a powerful time of year. So like there in the winter solstice, John was like, should we do this? And that was just so, so exciting.

SPEAKER_01 6:10

I want to talk a little bit about how much you love working together because I think that's rare in couples, right? Like, oftentimes, like the narrative, the network of conversations around couples working together is like, oh no, it's a bad idea, or don't do that, or like it's gonna add like stress to the relationship. And and I'm sure that there are things to perhaps manage about all of it, you know, when your lives are so entwined, but you're both so lit up and excited, excited about it. What is at the source of that?

SPEAKER_02 6:39

Oh, I think, well, it's I mean, what John has said is true, and yeah, this is a question we get a lot, especially also we share an office. So we share the office space and our desks are just facing each other, which we love, and we're like, we're office colleagues, but because we're derpy. Um but people are like, you don't want to know each other. You have no, I don't know. I think we've always really worked well together. I think it's because I don't know, when we got married, we really got married from a mindset of like this is a good partnership. Like we're not like we didn't get married because we felt the most compatible in the world. Quite the contrary. I think if they're if we're going off of natural compatibil compatibility, there's not a ton we have in common in that way, but we work really, really well together because we're so opposite. Like wherever he's weak, like that's where I bring in all of my strengths and he brings in his strengths where I'm weak. So we know like as a team, we're super, super strong together. So it's nice. We can come to each other for stuff and be like, oh, can you talk me off a ledge? There's a lot of that throughout the workday. Can you talk me off a ledge? Yes. Can you talk me off a ledge? Yes, you know, so it's it's nice. Um I don't know. What are your thoughts on why we work well together?

SPEAKER_04 8:03

Um, I don't know. It's I guess just we have a lot of practice working together. True.

SPEAKER_02 8:08

We have nearly a decade of practice.

SPEAKER_04 8:10

And um, you know, and just in life, like we I would say we do have a great partnership, you know. She she makes the house beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 8:20

And um what a 1950 statement, straight up. I mean, I do, but like the first thing is it makes the house beautiful, the wife keeps a good home.

SPEAKER_04 8:31

If you remember the way I live, it was like minimalist, like I mean, it's true, it's true. I remember how you lived. I remember. And uh, but she yeah, no, it's you have a gift for beauty. I'm not um, you know, it's just one of the ways that I so appreciate you in our lives because it's just not me. Like I would never do that, I would never like buy beautiful things because I'm too cheap and practical. Um but uh I'm so I I just really enjoy it, you know. So it's just that we've been together for like what 12 12 years or so.

SPEAKER_02 9:06

So 12 years in December.

SPEAKER_04 9:07

There's a lot of ways that we've learned to to work great together, and and frankly, it's helpful in the bipolar journey of entrepreneurship, you know, is of these ecstatic highs and you know, horrible lows. It's I've done it myself before, and it was very difficult for me. But with our partnership, like she said, when we can kind of celebrate each other's highs and pick each other up during the lows, it really helps to kind of stabilize feel a little more like you know, you're working in a normal environment. It normalizes, I don't know, I don't know how to say it exactly.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Yeah, no, I think I I hear what you're saying. I think so much about the beginning stages of a business is very it's very lonely, right? People don't talk about that a lot. It's very lonely. And so to have someone that you can share that with, um, you know, I was just sharing before we jumped on the we started recording the episode that I'm in California right now. Uh, I just came here four days ago to meet the love of my life and my soulmate. And this is actually the first time I'm doing the show. So great that I get to do it with you guys who are soulmates. And um, and it's like, but I think there's something very powerful about this idea that we get to keep creating our life. And like Peter and I have talked about it. I mean, typically people are like, oh, you're in the honeymoon phase, and there's gotta be that time where it's not great anymore. And we're both very much like, oh, but we could just keep generating this, like from choice, you know, and that doesn't mean that we won't deal with things, and like you do as business owners, as parents, as a couple, of course, you deal with things, but I think this is like when you really get responsible for that you get to create your life, right? Then then it's like, well, what if the honeymoon was the worst part of your relationship?

SPEAKER_02 10:58

Oh, yeah, I like that.

SPEAKER_01 11:00

Yeah, like as a place to stand, right? Like that it could just keep getting better and better every day. Without any kind of attachment to what that looks like. Right.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:15

And I I I see that. And I love one of the things that so much respect and love about the both of you and how you, because you know, we're collecting on social media, and so you really are very vulnerable. Both, you know, with each other, with the public, like how you present yourselves and share about your journey as coaches, as as parents, as as lovers, like you just are very authentic and real about it. And I think that um I think that's very important because so much with this like Hollywood notions or Disney notions of what love looks like, right? And I think it's very powerful when people can really start to see um what true love is, and like, you know, that that that real authentic love that that has has holds space for all of it, all of the experiences of you know, the shadow, the light, all of it.

SPEAKER_02 12:12

Yes, yeah. No, it's it's funny that you mentioned that. Always like every year on our anniversary is when I get the most reach outs from people of like, oh my god, you guys are so inspiring. And I think it's this uh because we're just like, I mean, it's very typical, and I'm not poo-pooing it, it's very typical on anniversary, like, you love my life, happy anniversary. Whereas I it's just not John is like, you could say a nice thing without all this other real stuff. He's like, you know, you can just give me my anniversary compliment without always being so truthful.

SPEAKER_01 12:47

Yeah, because last year she's like, mostly I hate you, I hate, hate, hate you.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

It's like I know it's true, I know, but like, isn't it our anniversary? But it's funny, we both always get so much stuff because it's like people do, they respond to it, they're like, oh my gosh, thank you, thank you for being honest about stuff. It's that thing, like being honest about stuff that we all know. We all know, but it's like what you're saying, a network of conversations. The network just has like agreed and been complicit to like, but we don't talk about that. We just act like everything's happy all the time or it's this all the time. But I think like tying it back to your earlier question, like how do we work together? I think the answer to everything is how well do you know yourself? Like that's the answer I think in business, in marketing, in love, in relationships, that is always the answer. How well, oh baby, how well do you know yourself? Um, such that you're like owning yourself and available to be like known, to be seen, to be loved and supported by someone, right? And that's and that's the same, you know, with the public. If you're if you're marketing yourself, how much do you know yourself and how much are you available to be known in that way? And that's the same with a work partner and with like a love partner, right? That's it's it's always it's always that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

Yeah. Yeah. And you know, I'd say, you know, love and hate are the same thing. There's like a very tiny veil between them. So if you have uh intensity of love, like I don't know, I just think it's inevitable that you'll also have an intensity of hatred. Like they tend to go hand in hand. And but when you're with someone for 12 years, you're like, you know, your brain still says, My God, I hate this person. I've made such a I've made such a horrible mistake, you know.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

That's always like that.

SPEAKER_04 14:45

But your brain, you know, your brain's been saying that for 12 years, and then you know, it passes, and you sort of get a uh a longer view. You it's like you hold space for that. Like yeah, part of loving somebody is like hating them so much. Um, but I think that's just a testament to the intensity of the love, frankly.

SPEAKER_02 15:04

And I think part of that is also it's the knowing yourself thing, at least for me, is that I actually I know that. And so I'm like, well, I also know I'm a touch dramatic. I know this about me. I can be a touch dramatic, maybe. And so I'm well acquainted with myself to know that. So it's just like I can feel an intensity of whatever it is, you know, annoyance, loathing, frustration. But I also know, ooh, yes, but I also know that that'll come um hand in hand with the flip, like John was saying, the flip side of that is I feel an intensity of gratitude and love and safety and support as well.

SPEAKER_01 15:45

I think it's uh what I'm hearing, and and this has been really true for me, is it's like, you know, one, like that that knowing yourself, like when you can get be very flat and straight about like all of the parts of yourself. Like I'm very clear that my identity, the way I wound up being in life, is a self-righteous, arrogant, bitchy martyr who's unworthy. Like that's just who gets out of bed in the morning, right? And that's who's gonna be operating in life if I don't get myself, you know, if I don't choose to generate being a choice and and being create creating myself, right? As who I want, you know, who I'm committed to being. It's so funny, we were driving somewhere before I left to come to California with my daughter, and um, you know, and I talked to the other drivers on the road because that stops me from like being upset with the other drivers on the road. And I I made some comment, and and she goes, you know, you don't really love people. And I was like, I create loving, I generate loving people all the time. She goes, Well, is it really authentic for you? Because you know, so people we're not so great sometimes, human beings, you know, we do some really not okay things to one another. And I'm not even like like driving is the least of the horrible things that human beings do to one another, right? And she said, Well, is it authentic to say you love people? Then I said, Well, yeah, because it's a function of my choice, right? Like, I choose to be generate having a profound love for humanity and all human beings.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

Oh sorry.

SPEAKER_01 17:12

We have an extra addition on the show this morning. John and Aina are like doing a masterful job of demonstrating all of it and having it all work, including having this young, young gentleman on the show with us. So Eddie, you know, as I was saying, like she was like, is it authentic to say that you love people? And I said, Yeah, it is, because it's like it's choice. I choose to love human beings because one, I like who I am better. Like I'm a better version of myself when I'm coming from love. Um but I can just really hear in your sharing, you know, what that makes available when when you're responsible, right? So it's not like getting getting to that awareness of self, like you said, like getting to that awareness of like really knowing yourself, which I think is is a little bit counterintuitive because typically we think about it as being outside of us and the other person, right? There's something that they've got to do for us to be known and seen, but it starts with us really knowing ourselves and then being responsible for how we show up in our interactions with our partners, like regardless of whether they're romantic partnerships or not.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

Yes, yeah, it reminds me there's a reason my best friend and I started our uh relationship podcast together, and we called it, you spot it, you got it after that old, you know, that old the old landmark saying, right? That which you can't be with in yourself is that which you can't be with in another. Um, because it does, it feels that way. It feels like, no, I'm just here minding my own business. So-and-so was a douchebag. I am out about that. No, what is it about? There's yes, it feels that way, and they may have done XYZ, but there's some judgment you have of it that you also have of yourself. Separation is an illusion, right? As you as I go on, I I find that it's just the we're all one, and the whole separateness, separate body thing is just an illusion. And yes, your relationship with yourself, everything else is just a mirror of that.

SPEAKER_04 19:23

Yeah, I think that's the value in my mind of the of a long-term relationship is to have a mirror for our healing. Like I said, a lot of times it'd be like, Oh, it'd be so much easier to just leave and be with someone else. But then I'm like, but is that what I really want? Or do I want a mirror that's gonna really reflect? Okay, these are all my inner woundings, these are my traumas that are still active, and kind of like having them rise to the surface so that I can actually work through them. You know, do the shadow work.

SPEAKER_02 19:58

Um well, and it's not, I think it's not either or. I think many people, I mean, and it's not bad or wrong, but many people, you know, do leave and find someone else. And then it's like, no matter what the scenario is, the surprise is always, you know, like location is not the answer. Like no matter how you go there, you are you go find someone else and you'll find the mirror in them as well. Sooner or later, you will discover, oh, is it just me with all of these people?

SPEAKER_01 20:26

There's a common denominator, yeah. Yes. Yeah, so the the ancient Sanskrit lessons for life, right? Like you're enrolled in this informal school called life, and they're gonna be lessons, and they'll be repeated until you learn them, right? And like that's just like there's never not gonna be lessons. And when you've learned that one, there'll be another lesson, and that's just like what it is to be a living human being is expanding. And uh, you know, it's interesting. You talk about this, like you this love-hate, and the the power of those relationships. And I'm sitting here, I'm like, it's interesting because I as I said, I'm recently newly in a relationship, and and one of the things that I really like, I did some training with Bob Proctor uh after I completed my journey to become a landmark forum leader last year, and like about like the power of creating, you know, like Napoleon Hill, thoughts become things, like really getting responsible for um that like creating every aspect of your life. And one of the things that I said I wanted in my next romantic relationship was that it was effortless. Like I was very clear that I wanted the experience of falling in love, the being with the person, and like don't get me wrong, and and Peter is so great, he's such a safe space. For I've never had someone who is so um like wants to know my shadow self. And it's almost like the more vulnerable and real I am with him about my shadow, the more he loves me, which is like pretty extraordinary. Um, but and I still deal with stuff because I've got a lot of real. entrenched brain patterns around being honest with men and fear that they'll leave. And you know, I've done a lot of collaging about a lot of collaging about that. But it's like, but all in all, this experience over and I, oh, it's six weeks ago since we met, um, has been just like effortless. Like just um yeah, and so it's interesting to me. Like there's no way one way it has to look. And having like an extraordinary relationship and partnership could look like fire and heat and all of you know that that or it could, you know, it could look like just just such a sense of ease. And it's like what are we empowering? Right. Like what is it that we're choosing to empower? And and maybe we want to empower the love and the hate because like there's something that we really get out of those extremes in our relationships. Right. And then it's like okay well I I just think that's really fascinating. And I I I mean I am such a fan of the both of you and your relationship. I just think it's like um you know I created the possibility in 2017 of a juicy delicious love life. And I'm experiencing that now and that's what I see in the both of you I you know just like it and not just a love life but a juicy and delicious life.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Oh thank you that is uh flattering because I think it is definitely what we're out to create and so um yeah it is really interesting. I I think what you're pointing at is that people we really do create our own life. I really have come into this school of thought that is you choose absolutely everything in your entire life and I have found it and I believe it wholeheartedly now and I think that's that's like that you you do you get to choose your love you get to choose what it looks like. And I think there are different kinds of soulmate connections. I think there is the traditional soulmate connection which can it can be wonderfully easeful and it can be effortless and so many people crave that and I'm like you deserve to have that right and then there's then there's twin flame connections which are of course a little different although can often be more volatile because it's just like there's just you and nothing else go to work. And it's like that's also a fun and I and I'm crystal clear I'm like okay that's what I've chosen for this life it's very obvious I went the twin flame route and I'm like okay it's that thing yeah hating it and I'm loving it is like okay what like this is the roller coaster we're on so that's fun.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

I like that you said this is what I'm choosing for this life and you and you chose each other right and for whatever reason you chose to have this experience and I think that you know one of the one of the things I wanted to talk to the both of you about as a coach like why coaching right like given you could have done anything you're both very powerful you know talented people one of my favorite human beings who I've you know he co-authored the book Evolutionary Love Relationships he's in San Diego I'm hoping to meet him while I'm here he's also written a new book called Rebellion of the heart and I interviewed Chris for the podcast he talks about chasing the tip of your authentic desire and that when you're people who have many talents you can kind of get away with like doing things that are a six or a seven out of pleasure but like really like a life created inside of like what are those 10 out of 10 experiences. And I feel like you know just watching the unfolding of this business for the both of you and and seeing your journey on social media this is the first time we're really talking about it together but just watching that unfolding as as it's happened since the end of last year that this coaching is a 10 out of 10 you know this is the tip of your authentic desire for both and pleasure for both of you um and I know why coaching for me but like what is it about coaching that for you is the platform that you chose to make the difference you're committed to making for people um can I be honest.

SPEAKER_02 26:04

Yeah because I'm so good at it. I'm so good at it that it's like I could do a lot of things but it's it's it's what you talking about. It's the perfect Venn diagram of like I'm so good at this and I find it so much fun and I love it and it is powerful and impactful. And I think the combo that sweet spot of like when it is the center of all of those things um I just sort of similar to what you were saying about like the relationship you wanted you were like okay I am not here for like you're like I want it effortless. That's how I feel about career. I'm like relationship bring it on the down the I'm like how I feel about careers I I honestly I'm like I'm not here for hard work. I remember one of the people I adore um Bert Dr. Bert Peterson he would always say you need hard work you need hard work. Because yes he would quote his mom who was always saying that and then like and I I adopted for so long and I love it and there's truth to that right like idleness is generally never good for us. But I actually am really leaning into nah I'm not here for hard work. I'm here for a good time and that's what coaching is for me. It really is like I don't know I'm like embracing I'm gonna swim downstream right I'm gonna like allow allow myself to swim downstream and like I can make the big difference I want but can I like let go of that it has to be a struggle or it has to be like this uphill climb and like you got to like put in your hours and I'm like no what if I just like my favorite one of my favorite coaches in the world Simone Sowell whom I follow on Instagram she said this thing and she said like put in your name and fill in the blank she's like because you know there's a marketing thing like what's the problem that you're solving for people blah blah blah and she says the problem I'm solving is there's a Simone shaped hole in the world and I solve it by existing. And it's my favorite thing that I've ever heard and I was like yes sign me up that is the life I want the problem I'm solving is there's Ina shaped hole in the world and I solve it by existing. And that's why coaching for me because it's just a natural thing that I love.

SPEAKER_01 28:33

I want to get to John's answer to the question in a minute but first like I love everything that you just said and what I really heard and what you said is like a big guy right this Japanese idea of like purpose and and and when all of these things come together what the world needs what I love what what you know what I can make money at what I'm good at like when you when you find that and I I hear it's really like it's a self-expression for you right it you know and for me there's really nothing I like more than how you know than guiding someone than being a clearing facilitating someone getting unstuck like it just is like such a fulfilling experience of being you know um that space for someone else for them to be able to to you know empower themselves to see something that they hadn't seen before in order to be able to move forward typically with the things that are most important to them in life, right? Because this is where people go for coaching is like you know they they don't go for coaching in the areas of their life that are working they go for coaching in areas of life where they don't have the things that like that they've yet to fulfill and the things that are really important in those areas. So I think that's um so powerful and I love what you said about like the the Simone size or the anus size hole in in you know the world because it's like yes like I struggled with that so much when I was like in my business at the beginning it's like well who do I serve and I there's so many different people I could help and I got really tripped up trying to figure out the right answer to what's the problem I solve. And I think that it that what you just said is very powerful that um I solve whatever what whatever's wanted and needed by the people who come to me to be served. Right. And it's it's it's yeah so thank you for sharing all of that. So beautiful.

SPEAKER_04 30:22

John why coaching for you well um it just when I was 22 years old was the first time I was um exposed to transformational work like coaching uh it wasn't even landmark it was actually a derivative of uh life spring it was like a Christian version of transformational work but it was still super experiential like est and um very very very intense and when I was there I it was the first time I ever admitted publicly like all my insecurities my fears my traumas I admitted to myself for the first time that I was abusing substances which I sort of kind of knew but you know wasn't courageous enough to confront um and it was interesting because something just released it was like a lifetime of stuff that I held and when it was released I like all of a sudden I started coaching people like it's because I had I had all my stuff out of my way and it was it was very powerful because it wasn't like it was my words it was really like I was sort of channeling like just words were coming through me and it and it was having the kind of impact on them that it had on me where like big stuff was shifting around and um you know it felt really good. And one of the facilitators was like have you ever thought about doing this for a living because you know you have a natural sort of capacity for it. And I I hadn't at the time I was an engineer and like uh working on being a pilot in the air force like very different very different career path but I remember one day it was months later but I we I couldn't sleep and then it was like it was like that question came into my consciousness and I was and I literally sat up in bed I was like my God I would love to be a coach or like lead transformational programs because I was like I couldn't actually possibly imagine a more fulfilling career than changing people's lives the way that my life had been completely shifted in that moment like just completely altered and um and uh so that's what I pursued you know I started training at Landmark I started a coaching business back then even back in 2010 and um you know was on and off go going to work for other folks in the meantime but I've always had this central passion of coaching just for its pure transformative power. And it's also just I feel like it's in my DNA like I'm meant to be somebody who my healing my greatest healing gift is coaching. Like that's how I heal people um so yeah there's my long-winded answer.

SPEAKER_01 33:24

Well that's beautiful I um one of the things that you you know you both say lots of very powerful things but one of the things that you said John that really resonated with me was when you talked about like when you had that initial transformative experience and you spoke things that you hadn't said before you were vulnerable you shared you were authentic about things that you hadn't shared before that there's this kind of release and I think it's like what I hear in that is a release of shame. Right shame would have us say, have us believe that there are parts of ourselves that there are things about us that are you know if seen by others would have us be unworthy of connection and belonging and and so when we can actually when when we're in safe spaces when we're surrounded by people um create a space for us to be able to be authentic about those things and we get that that's not true.

SPEAKER_03 34:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

That love connection and belonging are still available to us and there can be parts of ourselves or still parts of me that I I I'm not at peace with or that I'm still you know transforming or that I'm you and and stuff's coming up newly I mean this idea that you could that relationships could be healing that I don't have to come to this relationship fully cooked and you know I mean Peter and I are a bit older than the two of you like so we're you know I think we've been through a little bit more and you know like in terms of like um which can be a a positive well not a positive a negative but you know it has advantages and disadvantages right I think the older you get um I don't want to say you get more picky but you definitely get clearer in what you want and don't want and so there's less willingness to like tolerate certain things that you might have tolerated in your teens and twenties right when you meet a partner and it's like oh we'll grow together it's like oh no but like this idea that it's like no no growth like yeah we'll grow together but like expect you to be fully cooked in certain ways I tell Sean that all the time I'm like if the woman I am today had met the dude you were when we first met I would have been like oh hell no goodbye I have self-worth you can scram but yeah yeah which I think is great right because and look there are some people who do that like clearly you're you you grew together right like whatever that that twin flame was what whatever brought the the the powers that you had you manifest each other you grew and and and probably way more powerfully together than you may have on your own who knows we can't know those things but um I definitely do think as you get older you get a little less thought well probably a lot less tolerant of certain things that you know and and that's perfect right but um you know that that piece around shame I think is very powerful in getting that you can you you don't have to get the shadow doesn't go away it's not about getting rid of the shadow it's not about you know like fixing the shadow it's about um well for me anyway and I'd love to hear what it's about for the both of you but it's about like like loving myself is accepting all of the parts of me. Yes yes and not like the shadow parts are bad or wrong and and I should try and you know like compensate for them.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

No it's all a part of who Amber is yes and I think there's I I was reading something recently um that was like it was powerful for me because it took it like a step further like what because now we're we're starting to come into this like oh what if these things that I'm ashamed of are okay? What if they're more than okay? What if you were to embrace them so fully that those things you could like wear them and flaunt them with pride because those specific things that you think are so shameful or so whatever, they make you you they are your like if you could just like flaunt that with pride as like oh wait I'm a shade like you know this is that and people carry a lot of stuff you know trauma, assault and this and that people carry a bunch of stuff as like oh this is what I'm so ashamed of. What if you could like embrace all of that so fully because it made you who you are today and who you are is amazing and you could wear it with pride my coach says this thing to me that she's like wear it with pride because it's part of what makes you a badass mofo. Like it makes you a badass right now can you like have that and like have it be part of what makes you like super badass right now and I love that I'm like ooh right what if it's not even just like shame's not a thing to hide what if it like all those things are a thing to flaunt you know um and flaunt with pride like that that's who you are love it wear it.

SPEAKER_04 38:25

Um so that that's what it is that's what it's about for me that journey yeah yeah the thing do you want to respond or do you want me to no this meaning of that please go ahead John of the things that I practice and teach teach my clients because it's been so powerful is like you know what to do when a sh when a shadow like a when a difficult emotion arises you know like anger or rage sometimes or you know for me it often looks like very intense anxiety and um you know we want to what we want to do is kind of make it wrong and you know start to get anxious that I'm feeling anxious. I'm like wait I have so much to do today I can't go down this like and then that's what sends me down the spiral is the resistance the emotion itself versus like creating enough space for it to fully arise even though it feels very scary it feels like it will be overwhelming because the emotions can feel so intense. But like we create the space for it and then actually work with my younger inner child and it's always the same thing. I mean it's different flavors of um inner child stuff but it's always it's always not feeling safe you know and it's always um something bad's gonna happen it was like kind of the same thing. So the most powerful thing I've found to do is to just kind of like really nurture my younger child. Like I visualize him you know on my lap and just him like extremely loving and I'm like and and have a conversation it's just like look I get I know you feel really unsafe right now and that's okay and you're safe in my love. And I actually kind of hold him in in almost like infused love long enough until he feels really safe and then it's and then it's gone and I I actually believe that that's why the difficult emotion comes up to point to what needs to be healed like you know which aspect of ourselves need to be healed. And it can be discouraging sometimes because you know with trauma it's like a broken mirror like there's all these fragments all over the place so it's like sometimes it's like I've been healing this for 20 years. You know it's like so frustrating. But it's just a different I I like the context of it just being a different fragment that I'm now working through and um yeah I found it to be very very powerful and deeply healing. And and my clients do too I mean deep deep stuff shifts around and I think that we're in this life to kind of move back to a state of wholeness. And so when we embrace shadow work and embrace like the difficult emotions it's actually our access point to wholeness.

SPEAKER_01 41:15

I think it brings to oh sorry did you want to say well I was just gonna say to what you said um John like I think it it is like the peeling back of the layers of the onion and I would kill that analogy a little bit but sometimes you can't get you've got to heal one layer and then once you do that other stuff emerges and comes to the surface and you can see things that you couldn't see until you healed that other layer and um and I know it can it can be I I agree it can be frustrating at times because it's like I remember this whole thing around my self-worth it was like God like we there yet like we just not be there yet like really and then getting oh hold on a second well what if like my self-worth wasn't somewhere to arrive at like this is like an ongoing relationship that I have with myself and as I you know this is one of the very powerful things I got out of the work you know like psychocybernetics Maximal Maltz and the work with like Bob Proctor was like like that self-worth and self-esteem isn't somewhere to get to and that as I expand in life and create bigger goals and you know then the then there's an opportunity to keep evolving the image I hold of myself in my subconscious mind. And that like that that image that I hold of myself in my subconscious mind is what's giving me the current results I have. So I if I want expanded results then I have to create like I have to write a bigger image of myself so that I can you know that I then manifest the you know so like I like to use the analogy of like people who are like the kind of self-image that you need to go to karaoke versus the kind of self-image that you need to be Beyoncé or Shakira at the halftime show of the super bowl totally different you know you're both musicians you're both singing right but like totally different self-image right and like all of the different images that you need of self as you go through that journey from karaoke to super bowl halftime show right like there's a whole evolution of self that happens along that journey.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

Yeah yeah well it brings to mind what you're saying before about that like the realization you had like oh relationships can be healing I don't have to arrive fully cooked well it's just yeah because the whole thing is I mean I don't know what fully cooked is but like presumably you're not fully cooked till you die. So like what are you just never gonna have love? So like of course come as you are come and like come and be in the frying pan together and like you know that it's always a journey right always always a journey and many things aid in that journey and yeah having love is is certainly one of them yeah and it's like yeah it's one thing to say what it is that you want but the other part is the willingness to accept

SPEAKER_01 44:00

It right, I can say I want it to be effortless. Yes. But if I'm not willing to, like, if it shows up and I'm like, oh no, no, I didn't mean effortless like that. It's like it gotta look some way, right? Like you have to be willing to accept, like, when when you ask, you know, I love what you said earlier about not working hard, like, you know, in terms of and and I still get that. Like there, the the book You Squared by Price Pritchard, this idea, like I was so working hard for most of my life, and it just like sucks the joy out of day-to-day, like out of life when you're in that. And and John, I heard it a bit again, like when you're talking about that nurturing, I think it is for me, not like some truth, but where I'm playing right now, the difference between masculine and feminine energy. Because in my masculine energy, and I spent a lot of my life there grinding, pushing, driving to results, forcing myself, soldiering through to perform, be my word, operate within, like all of this stuff. And it produced, like, it's not wrong. It just left me because it's not my core. My friend Leslie, who's a dating coach, talks about like we each have a core that's either feminine or masculine. And that's not about gender or biological sex. It's just like the core of who we are. And if we're causing results or operating in life opposite to our core, you know that you're you know you are because it leaves you exhausted at the end of the day. So if you're a natural, like if your core is naturally masculine, causing results from the, you know, being in life from the masculine will will energize you, you won't be exhausted. But if your core is feminine, then you know, causing from that place or creating from that place, you could do it. It just produces a certain experience of life. And um, what I heard in and kind of what both of you were sharing about different things, but it's the same kind of like being and flow, letting things unfold. Um, you know, for me in my own business right now, like I finally got clear I'm here to serve women, female leaders who are out or men who are out to empower female leadership in the world to help people fulfill in their vision at the level of world. And in the past, I would have been like, okay, I got it. Now I've got to go work and figure out how this is get what this is gonna look like in my business. And I've just like, no, I'm gonna lean back. Yeah, I'm gonna see what shows up. I'm clear about who it is that I'm here to serve, and I'm gonna lean back and allow the universe, God, whatever's sourceful, to help me see the quickest, fastest, easiest way to impact those human beings.

SPEAKER_04 46:34

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 46:35

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:36

I can I can relate like one of my interesting sort of core missions is also to to like I'll say like channel a lot of divine feminine energy. And earlier it was like, oh, like my you know, game is to soften men, you know, like like help um men understand emotions and things like that. And then then, but then I realized more recently the entire culture is sort of skewed masculine, including women, and especially the world of business, you know. So like and there's nothing wrong with masculine, it's just out of harmony. So like it's not 50% like it should be like 50% masculine, 50% feminine, because that's sort of perfect harmony. If you look, all of nature and all of life exists when those energies are harmonized. But I'd say it's like 75 or 80 percent masculine. Men are too masculine, women are too masculine, business is too masculine, Western culture is too masculine. So, like one of my missions is just to bring harmony, and that's to channel a lot of divine feminine. And I run the business on divine feminine, interestingly, and which looks like you know, just doing what's fun, like in in it doesn't have to be hard work, like it doesn't have to be like you know, we usually just work 20, 25 hours a week, and that's it. Because I was like, my dream life is to just spend a lot of time with my babies and do something that's fun and only do things that are fun and only talk to people in the afternoon, so I can be an introvert all morning. And um, and actually just architecting that life and then receiving it, and it was wildly successful really fast. And I think it has everything to do with running it on divine feminine versus you know what's standard, which is the masculine energy, which feels jarring to me at this point, frankly.

SPEAKER_01 48:34

Yeah. Well, once you start to see that something else is available, right? Like once you because I think for me for the longest time, this is part of the conversation that you know my friend Fada and I are having about like the places we don't inquire into, where we just have it like we, you know, there's just an inquiry isn't even available. Like that masculine energy was all I knew. I didn't even know to name it that. That was just how life was, and that's how I was, and that's what it looked like. I mean, it was even tied into if like I'm really straight about it, it was even tied into my definitions of what it was to be a good person.

SPEAKER_03 49:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:12

I work hard, and and you know, like, you know, that's what had me show up to work with a walking IV, right? Because like that's like, you know, I tell people that story and they're like, oh my god, and I probably did that more than once because that's what it was to be a good person was to like show up and do your job and and do what you said you were gonna do. It didn't matter if you didn't, I didn't love my life, right? It was like that really was what the biggest transformation for me at the beginning of COVID, when I just got to the point where I was like, I am no longer gonna soldier on inside of a should. I just I'm gonna be straight. I don't love my life. And if I don't love my life today, I'm not gonna love it when I'm a seminar leader, I'm not gonna love it when I'm a landmark forum leader. Like, so I'm not saying no to those journeys forever, but for right now, I choose me. And what choosing me looks like is not doing these things. Um, just because I gave my word to them three years ago, four years ago.

SPEAKER_04 50:10

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's interesting. We have this exact same journey. Soon as I feel like COVID was the great realignment for everyone. Like everyone had to slow down and actually pause to evaluate their lives, and then they're like, This is completely out of alignment, and then started to make all these changes to sort of align life around our authentic selves. That was exactly what it was like for us and so many that we've seen.

SPEAKER_02 50:36

Well, I think COVID caused people to really like stop and receive for the first time because we're talking about divine feminine, there's like receiving is a huge aspect of the feminine. Um, and it's like what you were saying about like, I think so many people like, okay, we manifest, we're manifesting something, you take action, action, action, and you want a result, and then you're not getting it, and you're like, what's happening? I'm doing XYZ, and like the math isn't working out. And it's like you were pointing to this earlier, how much are you open to receiving that which you say you really want? Like, oh, I want this, I want an effortless love. How much am I open to receiving that? And how much am I closed to that? And like, nope, it has to be like that. We work hard, we do this, we blah blah blah. Or like, how much are you open to being loved and seen and known and all these things? Are you willing to receive that that you're saying, or are you just willing to just like I'm doing these actions that are blah, blah, blah? So it's a yeah, it's things are shifting, and I think people feel it. Things are shifting, they're shifting away from the way of like control. And like my coach said this wonderful thing. She was like, the people that in the new world things are shifting towards the feminine, and the people that are going to have the most control, ironically, are gonna be the people who are the most fluid and the most adaptable and the most able to just go with the flow and receive life as it comes rather than the old way that is skewed masculine of I need to just work this happen and go my way. Because you can't. Life has been showing us, you know, with COVID and with everything, you can't. You have no control, lean into it, receive that. And it's it's like we resist it, but when you lean in, it can be extremely empowering.

SPEAKER_01 52:29

Yeah, and I think it's like important to note like the that both the feminine and the masculine have like the shadow self, right? So when we talk about the out of balance that you were pointing to, John, I think for me anyway, my you know, it's like that shadow masculine, right? Not the divine empowered masculine, which is like glorious, right? Yes, like, oh, you know, that that is like glorious and and beautiful. And just like the feminine has a real, like, you know, my my shadow feminine is a real murder, right? Like, and it's like nasty, like it's very, it's not not there's nothing divine about when she shows up to the party, right? Like it's guilt and manipulation and and all of that kind of stuff, right? And um, so oh, I feel like we could talk about this forever. I know, I know, and I will definitely have you back on the show. I'm you know, I just I'm grateful I get to sit on the sidelines and and watch you as you know your journey unfolds. And uh who knows, maybe we'll have an opportunity to create together in the future. Um I'm always looking for for that, and who knows what that could be. And just thank you. Thank you. I want to honor and acknowledge the both of you for your commitment to each other and your families. I think and I think what I see is that that commitment to your partnership first, and I and that's the source of who you get to be for your children, for the the other people in your life, for your clients. So I just really want to honor and acknowledge you for putting each other first in in your life and really getting that that is the source of what empowers empowers everything else that you create. And uh, thank you for sharing yourselves with us this morning. Thank you, Amber. Yeah, thanks for having us.

SPEAKER_02 54:08

Thank you for hosting this amazing space and having us on. What a delight. Yeah, what a pleasure.

SPEAKER_04 54:16

Yeah, I'll I'll uh if it's okay, I'll just offer one quick plug. Yes, please. I sort of discovered this recently. Like it there's a little bit, okay. So I started this business, it was wildly successful, got to six figures really fast within like four months. I was totally flooded. And then I've been unraveling it because I'm like, this is too much, and I'm like completely sabotaging the whole thing. But I think I'm refining and I'm figuring out who I am and what I really do. And so here's this is my first time ever saying this publicly, but what I'm what I think I'm really here to do is to help other healers and coaches actually build successful businesses, you know. Like, why should healers struggle to pay bills? Like, why does it have to be like you have to kind of sell out that side of yourself to, you know, have a job you don't like that's not your passion to pay the bills? So I'm anyone who's wanting to start a healing or coaching business or grow one, that's what I'm gonna focus on now is like creating this whole army of healers and a whole network where anyone can come and receive healing through all these different modalities and sort of um so one of my one of my gifts is to amplify people's healing abilities. So there's my plug. Oh, I love it.

SPEAKER_01 55:37

If that's you, get in touch with me. You will be able to find out all all you want to know about the both of these incarnable human beings and what they're up to in the world through the show notes and uh through their website, which will be in the show notes. Uh just thank you. Thank you for who you are, for and for just being like a here, just ongoingly creating life with each other, for each other, and for humanity. And um thank you for for being fellow warriors with me in this stand and this commitment that human beings get to know profound love, connection, and belonging. Yeah, I'm so grateful. Let's keep talking. Keep uh keep partnering. Yeah. Amazing. For everyone listening to the show, thank you for joining us. Have a wonderful weekend, and we will see you next week.

SPEAKER_00 56:25

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For show info, visit what would Amber Do.com. And for information about Amber Howard and Associates' offerings and services, visit amberhowdenc.com.