SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to What Would Amber Do with your host, Amber Howard. Each week, Amber dances in conversation with inspirational leaders out to make a difference for what matters most to people. She brings you incredible guests who share their real life experiences of being a leader and what it looks like to live a truly creative life of service to others. And now, here is your host.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

Good afternoon, everyone. Welcome back to the What Would Amber Do Show. It is my honor today to be speaking with Sarah M. Ruda. Sarah is the creative force behind Midwest Huntress. Sarah is an international best-selling author, multiple times over, I believe, speaker, and coach. Sarah inspires women every day by giving them access to the tools, awareness, and skills that they need to move past whatever limits them in life. Sarah, it's so great to have you on the show today.

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited to be able to talk with you and uh talk about what we have going on.

SPEAKER_02 1:08

Yeah, really great. So, Sherid, like we always kind of start. How did you get to today? What, you know, what was that journey like for you to get to creating Midwest Hinterest? And, you know, Route really was the catalyst behind doing the work that you do with women.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

Well, I've always done hunting. I've grown up, my uncle was a game warden, and so I've always been exposed and around it. And growing up on a farm too, um, we were always outside, always outside. So um that was always my base for where I would go and relax and hang out and just re-center myself. And um after I got out of my abusive relationship in Georgia, I moved back to the Midwest, and um that was really where I was able to um re-center and focus and rebuild my self-confidence. Um so um being outdoors has always been a huge part of my life, and it's always been my my go-to. Any kind of struggles or anytime I need to just detach from the real world, that's where I always end up.

SPEAKER_02 2:25

That's really beautiful. You talk a lot about self-confidence, you know, in your in your online content and you know, sharing the things that are important to you. Uh, and I have my own kind of journey of falling in love with myself and the difference that that made in in my experience of life, Sarah. But really, um what has re you know, what was that journey to rebuild your your self-confidence like? And what difference has that made in your in the living of your day-to-day life?

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Well, there um, you know, for a while it got to the point where I didn't get to do what I wanted to do or what I'd like to do, and I had forgotten about a lot of that. And so when I was able to reconnect with the outdoors, I um was able to just recenter, find what I needed, and just reconnect with myself in general, and being able to remember who I was, um, I was able to rebuild my self-confidence and practice um the stuff that I used to do, like archery and hunting and tracking and fishing and rebuilding who I was as a person, and that starts with yourself and internally, you know, you have to find it in yourself first before you can work with others, which is I'm in the medical field, so it's so important to to find who I am again before you can before you can help everybody else. You know, you can't help others if you aren't healthy enough to take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

It's uh you know, so much so much gold on what you just said, you know. So a couple of things kind of stand out for me. One, like, you know, thinking back to my own journey out of an abusive relationship, and just like, I mean, I I don't know that I had a lot of self-worth going in. And I think for myself, like if I really look, I probably wouldn't have made many of the choices I made inside of that relationship, you know, because I believe in being 100% responsible for me. Like, I can see where I really attracted a lot of the circumstances to myself, not not from a place. And when I talk about responsibility, I don't I don't mean blame or fault, I don't blame myself for it, but it's like I I didn't have a lot of worth going in. And I definitely, you know, like talk about um reconnecting with who you are. I I think when you're in that space of you know, being controlled by another person like that, or or you know, like just um I left that relationship so like the word that's coming around is like a pile of ooze, like blot, like I just like you know, there was like there was just no me left, you know, whatever sliver of me or the me, I the authentic self that went into that relationship was so decimated by the time I left it that it took me. And I think in some ways, still there are elements of it that I'm just you know, that you I think it's an ongoing journey to keep uh reconnecting with that self and and recreating who who you want to be at any point in time because I think there is something very destructive about those those kinds of relationships to the to the self.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

Definitely, and that's you know, that's my big thing is in my first book, Ambitious Women Rise, that's what I talked about was being in the relationship, me finally hitting my breaking point and where the line was crossed, and I did what I needed to do to move halfway across the country and get out of that. And that just because you get out of that relationship, that's not the end of it. Yeah, there's so much that you have to do, um, especially if you're in a very, very controlling relationship, you have to figure out what you want to do again. Sometimes it's even down to like money management, right? You know, figuring out how to be yourself again in every way. And it's always an ongoing battle um, just relearning how to do a lot of stuff for yourself, allowing yourself to do stuff, saying yes to yourself. But normally you'd be like, Oh no, I can't do that. You know, now when you get that new freedom, which is what I talk about, you get that freedom, you have to figure out who you are again, and self-praise, self-talk, the positivity is not just overall, but every day. It's something that you do every single day, and that's what I want to do with um my online group, my co-treaching, my speaking is not just do it once and you're done. It is an everyday progress um to make sure you don't let yourself get back into that cycle and taking care of yourself because it is ongoing.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

Yeah, I can really relate to that from my own journey. I think we you know, we we develop brain patterns, right? And so it's like you have to keep taking actions from the new from the created self that you want, right? And and when you're able to do that, you eventually build up that muscle, and then then you have new brain patterns around self-love and self-care. Uh and you know, it really is watching um watching the movie The Wisdom of Trauma. I don't know if you've heard of that documentary. It's by you know, it talks about the work of a kid, a doctor from Canada from Vancouver named Gabor Mate. And and he was talking about like in the movie, they the documentary they talk about like people shelterlessness a lot in addiction and the traumas, and and when you're in survival mode for so long, like it's actually not until people get off the streets and a safe environment that you can even start, and that's when it typically people start to have some of the hardest times because then they've got to confront and deal with uh choices that they made and who they were when they were when they were in survival mode, right? And I can really see that for myself, and I and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Like you when you're in the abusive relationship, you're just doing whatever you need to do day in and day out to to survive and get through. And then you you have to, once you're kind of safe again, like in some capacity, safe again in a different environment or not around that person, then it's a whole different level of work to actually deal with like who you were for yourself in that relationship and come to terms with that and forgive yourself.

SPEAKER_03 9:28

Exactly. You know, and that's the that's the part of it is you're always in fight or flight mode, you know, you're always that high adrenaline anxiety, you know, you're just trying to survive and do what you can. And when you finally get out of that, everything really starts to set in. You know, you have time to slow down and try and get your body to relax and settle in, but that's when everything else comes into motion as well, is you um you have to remember how to take care of yourself in a positive aspect, mentally, physically, emotionally. And a lot of times that's where people get overwhelmed, you know. Um, they've had so much of somebody else controlling everything that now they have, you know, they do it on their own. And that can be, you know, a blessing and a curse. Because if you haven't done it for so long, you're you're separated from this, you're starting completely brand new, starting over again, you know, and depending on if you have a support system or not, you know, they're out there in the ocean by themselves, and that's what I try to um to bring now is um someone that can relate to people that are getting out of these relationships. I can you know understand kind of where they're coming from. Everybody's story is so different, but to be able to help them go through this process after the relationship to help show tips and tricks that I've learned or to war people to not do some of the stuff that I did, you know, in a panic mode. And that's that's where the outdoors really came in for me, you know, because that was the one thing that I always cling to, and it is a place where if you want to just sit there and reflect, you can.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

So beautiful. So how you know, I clearly you love nature and being outdoors, and and how does that factor into the work that you do with women? Like, how do you, you know, what are some of the lessons you learn from nature? You know, what are some of the practices? Um and and I get that for each person that may be difficult, different. For me, water is very powerful, you know, trees. I I might not necessarily go hunting, that may not be my thing, but like for each of us finding that that place that grounds us, right? So, what are some of the the things that how does that factor into the work that you do?

SPEAKER_03 12:06

So, what I like to do is there's there's different steps, there's different parts of it, and not everybody can get out into the middle of the woods or anything like that, but you can find the grass and the trees and the ladybugs, and the one of the bigger things is we get I don't necessarily would call it tunnel vision, but we just blur everything out. That's exactly what that is. That's what this is. You know, it's just a generic shape that you walk by. What I encourage people to do is take the time to enjoy the little things, stuff that you normally take for granted. And uh so, like just going and looking at the bark on a tree, look at how many intricate details there are, or the veins in a leaf. You know, sit there and actually look up at the sky and watch the clouds. And if you sit there for just a little bit and look around, you'll notice everything starts to come alive around you. The squirrels will start moving in, you'll hear the birds start singing, and it's a good way just to reconnect with nature, even if you can't get out into the woods or go to a hiking trail or anything like that, is something as simple as just finding a park bench, you know, next to a tree, you know, because not everybody has the huge access. Um other people, even if they just have a basic pasture or a hiking trail, anything like that, just getting out in the fresh air, turn your phone off, get away from technology, completely detach. Because that in of itself is such a stressor. Like, I'll go out and just leave my phone in my vehicle. I don't, I just completely cut off from everything so you can really focus on yourself. And like I said, the more you're out there, the more little things you start to notice. And if you can appreciate the good stuff that we always take for granted, it is so much easier to start appreciating yourself for who you are as a person.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

It's really beautiful. I uh recently had the opportunity. I was born in New Zealand. My most of my audience knows that, but Sarah and I are just getting to know each other. And I was born in New Zealand, and uh so but I came to Canada when I was quite young, so I didn't really have a conscious, a lot of conscious memories of being by the ocean, even though the ocean's always been important to me, and and recently had an opportunity to travel to California and um spent a lot of time kind of sitting by the ocean and just really got like for me, it's so you know, even today, like if I'm really honest, like things are really nuts in my work where I work in, I'm doing some consulting work in healthcare. And so you can imagine, you know, I'm sure you know, like with everything going on with the pandemic and that, like things are really challenging right now. And and I found myself like coming into this conversation a little bit, I probably should have cleared, right? I always asked my guests, is there anything you want to clear out of your space? And I found myself being a little bit like, oh, I just really feel like at the effect of life today, like it's just like one thing after another after another, right? And being by the ocean, it it just um the waves don't care. They're gonna keep crashing on that shore. They've been doing it for thousands of years before I was born, they'll do it after I die. It just for me, that helps me really put it in perspective, like to just slow down, stop, be with, you know, what is actually happening in this moment, because I think, especially for the, you know, for anyone listening to this conversation who's got a lot of challenging circumstances that you're dealing with in life right now. And it doesn't have to be like you're in an abusive relationship, like Sarah and I've been sharing, it could be anything, just where you're feeling at the effect of what's happening in your life. It's like actually like that practice of slowing down and stopping, Sarah. I couldn't agree more, of like just really being present. What's actually happening right now? Because what the mind does, it starts to go to like all of the things or all of the circumstances or all of the stuff, right? And we're not like, oh, in this moment right now, what's happening is I'm having an awesome conversation with this amazing woman from the Midwest and the United States. Like that's actually what's happening right now. And all of the other stuff is like it's not happening right now, and it may never happen. Because I have another crystal ball, right? So I think that's like um, however, you whatever that is for you, whether it's a meditative practice and a candle, or you know, as you said, staring at a tree, or you know, I think it's so powerful to just take on ongoingly developing ourselves and being with the what's so that like of this moment.

SPEAKER_03 17:00

Exactly. Yeah, it's so important to take that from nature too, is that it doesn't matter what's going on around it, it does what it does, regardless. You know, it's not it's not gonna change for anybody, and no matter what happens, it's unaffected. And that's another lesson that you can take from that is you know, be true to yourself, be who you are, and the right people will appreciate it and take notice, and the world goes on, regardless of what happens.

SPEAKER_02 17:42

It's interesting, right? I believe that each of you know, I just really got something in what you just said, Sarah. I believe that each of us is a purpose that we're born, you know, that we're born we exist for a reason, just like all living things, right? They all all living things have a purpose that they're they exist to fulfill upon. And what if we could develop ourselves to be like nature in that way? Like nature just does what nature is designed to do, and it doesn't stop doing what it's designed to do until it no longer exists. Like, so like what if we could develop that kind of um like I don't know if discipline's the right word I'm looking for, but that kind of like living our life by our created design and like being like, well, what is my you know, answering that question first, like why was I created? Why is Sarah here in the world? Like, what was she created to fulfill upon?

SPEAKER_01 18:34

And then how do I, what are the ways of being and acting and the things that I need to think and say so that I can, you know, I can um fulfill on on that every day in my in my life. I I think that's a neat idea. So thank you for sharing that.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

Yeah, um that and that's the other part is you have to find what your passion is. You know, there's a difference between doing your job and doing what you really love to do. And most people, that's their natural knack, is what their passion is. You know, it's you won't work a day in your life if you're doing what you love.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah, it's interesting, though. I took my first day off in God knows how long yesterday, you know. I just like I think there is still something like for those of us that kind of spent a lot of our lives in survival mode, and you know, even when you find your purpose and you're doing work that you love and all of that, it there's still important to like remember to take time for for self-care and to rest, because I know for myself it can be very easy to work seven days a week and you know, like just take on one more thing or another thing because I'm doing what I love and I'm being in of service to the community, and it's and it's like that's so fulfilling. But I and and I think it's important to also um schedule in that time to take care of ourselves as well.

SPEAKER_03 19:57

Definitely. And and that's my thing working in the medical field. I've been working through the pandemic since it started, and I've loved my job, I love helping people, but you know, like I said before, you can't help others if you aren't taking care of yourself. Yeah, and that's what I feel like you do your patients a disservice or your friends or your co-workers a disservice if you don't take the time to take care of yourself and make sure that you are healthy and happy.

unknown 20:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

So true. You know, uh I have a good friend of mine who says, you know, you can't serve from an empty vessel, you have to fill your cup up first, you know. And uh, you know, one I also I just wanted to really acknowledge you and thank you for the work that you do in the medical, you know, the medical sector healthcare. Um we've kind of, you know, at the beginning, I don't know what it was like in the United States, but here in Canada when the pandemic first hit, you know, people were going to their balconies every night and like banging pots and pans to let the healthcare workers know that we had their back. And I feel like as things have kind of gone on a little bit and it's stretched out longer and longer, we've lost some of that. But I, you know, have the work I've been doing over the last few years. I'm just regularly moved by, you know, people who work in healthcare and and what they're willing to do and and how deep they're they dig on behalf of the rest of us. So just really want to take a moment technology and thank you and all of the other healthcare workers who are out there who just, you know, day in and day out are uh putting themselves at risk and and really stretching themselves to take care of us.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

Thank you so much. I appreciate that. And um, you know, and that's something that we all love to do it in the medical field. I mean, that's why we do it, so we can take care of others and help them, you know, in any way that we can. And it's, you know, and it's more than just the the physical side. There's the emotional side, the the mental side now that some of them can't see their family. You know, when we take people into the ER, they might be allowed to have one person come in with them. You know, so if a kid gets hurt, it's only one parent. And so we are just providing the support for the initial patient, but for the family members as well, and keeping everybody together. And with that, does come uh an emotional and mental toll on the healthcare workers. And uh, so that's another reason I try and emphasize trying to detach when you're not at work, find a way to just detach and focus on yourself. And I'll encourage I encourage people to sit there and like write down five or six things that they like about themselves, you know, things that they're grateful for. You know, I'm grateful for a day off.

unknown 23:00

You know.

SPEAKER_02 23:02

That uh practice of gratitude was very transformational on my journey. Um, and I really see the difference in my life to the point where you know, we talk about creating new brain patterns, where more often than not, being in a space of gratitude is just kind of my default, even for the stuff that doesn't go quite the way that I want it to. Uh, and it and it just really has, you know, it's not about putting icing on a mud pie or covering up things that don't work, it's like really getting that it's a choice and that I could I could choose to to locate what there is to be grateful in any circumstance. If I, you know, for me, if I believe that everything's unfolding for my greatest good, and and even though I may not necessarily be able to see it in and it's all in service of something. Um so I think that that's really important. You talk a lot in in about criticism and the importance of overcoming, you know, not listening to our critics. And and I think this is something, I mean, I imagine that men and women both deal with this, but I think as women, I think there is, you know, something that we we have to, especially as we're kind of stretching ourselves outside of our comfort zone and creating new things in life. And I was reminded of a quote by Theodore Roosevelt um called The Man in the Arena. And I don't know if you've ever heard this quote. Brene Brown uses it or talks about it a lot. She talked about it in her TED Talk, but Roosevelt said it's not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually man or woman or person who's actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes up short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming, but who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, or who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. And I just uh, you know, I'm curious, and I know you may not have heard that quote before, maybe you have now that I've read it, Sarah, but like why for you is this message of like not listening to the critics so important for the woman that you serve.

SPEAKER_03 25:28

Absolutely. So everybody is on their own unique journey. Not everybody is gonna understand what you're doing, what your goals are, what you're going through. And so it's so important to stay true to yourself and focus on what you're doing, um, and doing what's best for yourself because there's gonna be people you know a lot of time. I have I have critics, but they it doesn't matter to them what I'm trying to do because it doesn't serve them. It's not gonna hurt them or benefit them, regardless of what I'm doing. So it's easy to dictate things when they don't get anything out of it. Um, other people just might not understand your vision, they might not know your background, and you don't have to tell anybody anything, it's not their business. The only people that you need to talk to are the ones that you trust and are in your group. The ones you gotta keep yourself surrounded by the people that are there for you. Because not everybody is, some people are gonna try and be in your group just to bring you down.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

So great, you know. Every weekend that we would have a like we would with the program went for 11 months, and we had a number of weekends that we came together for development, and um, there was a tip each weekend. And then one of the tips, it was like the tip was, and it was like not like a truth, right? But like something go out and explore this in your life and see if it makes a difference in terms of being able to have more fun and play and ease in your life. And and the tip was they're not responding to you, you're not responding to them. So, like to try on, consider that anyone who has anything to say to us, right? It's actually not even about us. There, there's something about what we're doing, the choices that we're making, how we're living our lives, our opinions, the way we're expressing ourselves, the way we look, or that that is causing a reaction over where that person is that is entirely based on their past and has nothing to do with us. And I found that really empowering. Um, and and and also like helped me learn to be more responsible for my reactions because it's like, oh, if I'm not responding to them, then what am I responding to? Oh, I'm well, I'm likely responding to some conversation from my past or some experience I've had in the past that this situation's reminding me of. Uh, but you talk about detachment. Uh, I that's been really helpful in really getting, oh, I could just stop having it be about anything outside of me. And I think that's a very empowering way to live your life.

SPEAKER_03 28:21

Exactly. Um, I there will be sometimes where I can tell, like in a conversation, that I'm starting to get stressed out, or um I'm very bad at projecting. So like I don't need a mood ring, I got a face, you know, like I'm listening to like everything. And uh a lot of times with people, they do it subconsciously, like they don't even realize that they're doing it. And and that's another part of having a good circle of friends that you can trust so they can point that out to you in a helpful way, especially if it's a subcont a subconscious thing that you don't even realize that that might be an underlying issue until someone shows it to you from the outside.

SPEAKER_02 29:08

It's really great. Because I think that's important inside of the conversation for ongoingly develop. Like, why have a coach, why be in personal training, why continue to take on our own development and elevation? Because there really is nowhere to get what to with it all, right? Like as much as we can ongoingly like gain more awareness, and we do, it's the nature of the human brain to forget what it found out, right? So it's like you you'll get this awareness, you'll discover something about yourself or about life, and you might apply it for a while, but until you really make it a subconscious brain pattern, like a subconscious like action, like through habit and and routine, you're gonna go back to doing things the way that you did them before because we're constantly in this kind of space of remember, forget, right? And then we create blind spots, like we're all I don't care who you are, the most aware person, we all have blind spots, like things that we can't see about ourselves, which you know, you've mentioned a couple times um the difference community makes surrounding yourself with people who are kind of aligned with what you're up to. What was it always that way for you? Were you always able to reach the community or surround yourself with community, or you know, has that been a journey for you?

SPEAKER_03 30:21

Um, you know, when I lived in Georgia a long way away, I had a couple close friends, and then I worked on the ambulance as a paramedic. And so you would have your coworkers or your partner be able to be like, hey, you're you're acting really stressed out today, what's going on? That kind of stuff. Because it was more than just at home. And EMS or Joe Free Hospital Medicine, there's a lot of stressors there too. So we were all very naturally attuned to each other and our normal moods and attitudes that we have something to bother us after a call, we would pick up on each other very quickly to take care of each other. Um, and then I'm very fortunate to come from a larger family, lots of cousins and that kind of stuff. And so when I was able to get back, I had family members, you know, I had some cousins, and then I had some old high school friends that I was able to keep in touch with, and they would help keep tabs on me.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

So if you look, what are some of the things that you do ongoingly to have, you know, I we're I'm co-part co-hosting a new podcast coming up, and I'm just present to it now in this conversation. It's gonna be on like relationships at work, like how to have have how have how to help, how to create and maintain healthy relationships. When you look out to your community, Sarah, like what are some of the practices that you have to really have great relationships with the people in your group?

SPEAKER_03 32:09

Honestly, I think the biggest part is open and honest communication. Yeah, you have to be truthful to each other, you have to be willing to accept some of the harder conversations that people will give you because they're there to help you, and that's what you need to. You have to always accept the good and the bad. So they're gonna be singing your praises when you do something great, but if you're having a bad day or they see that you're starting to go down this down this road that's not good for you, you have to be willing to trust them enough to accept what they have to say.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Feedback is very powerful, and I think you know, that's what I hear on what you're saying, and I and I agree. I mean, it does come from a willingness, it does come from like creating a safe space because sometimes I think we train, I know I did, you train people around you about how to be with you, right? And so people like in relationships, people there are, you know, maybe there's topics or there's things, a a way people listen to you that they can't be honest with you because you know, you're not gonna deal with the feedback well or whatever it is. So, like, you know, being able to take accountability, responsibility for like that. I'm a safe space that people can come to and communicate, upset or whatever it is that because I really do believe that we can work anything out in communication with one another. Uh, but it it takes it does take a willingness to to be that to to be open to what other people have to say. And I don't think we do a very good job of training our children, you know, about really how to take feedback and not make it mean anything about them. And I think there's a there's an opportunity there as as societies and as parents and teachers and educators to really perhaps um elevate the place of feedback in terms of how to live a great life.

SPEAKER_03 34:10

Absolutely, and that's the other part to it is you aren't naturally good at this. No one is naturally good at it, it takes practice, and you know, it takes a lot of practice to do that kind of stuff. So when you want to work with kids, they're they're gonna get frustrated, but then that's where they are watching how you react back to that. So they're they're very uh malleable. Their brains are, they're very impressionable, they're I mean, they just soak everything up with little sponges. So even if you do something subconsciously, it's gonna be something that they notice. They're they're following what you do. And if you haven't had a lot of practice trying to teach them something, you know, teach them what you're what you're trying to get across, you know, it's gonna be a learning phase for for both of you. And that's where the coaching comes in to help us as well, to give more tips and tricks and help find ways to be more patient or learn how to be more willing. And ways you need to communicate things.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

I love what you're talking about in terms of practicing, because I think that's so great, right? I mean, you wouldn't start a new instrument or a new sport, right? And uh like expect yourself to be, you know, you wouldn't start taekwondo and expect to be a black belt on your first class or whatever, right? Like there are some areas in life where we really get, like, you know, I think specifically in the era of sports or learning a new skill like hobby or something like that, that practicing is expected, it's part of the journey. And yet when it comes to being a human being, and you know, how we be with people and live life and um something for which we get very little training or development, intentionally, intentional training and development. And typically all of our experiences of like learning to be a human being are passed down from our parents or our loved ones, the surrounding, which you know, depending on what that home environment was like, could be more helpful or not. Um but it's like we have very little, I can even look inside my own, you know, my own journey with myself, Sarah. Like I have very little tolerance. That's it's not like the same freedom to practice and play and try things on and and develop over time. Like it's like we should have this figured out. And why don't I have this figured out by now? So I think we're really hard on ourselves. And and the other thing I wanted to say part of when it like feedback and and looking at other people in our lives, we often assume that people know the things about them that don't work, right? And so we don't we don't address it with one another. Like when someone's doing something or has ways of being enacting that don't work and are impacting other people, we can see it, and we assume that they can and they just don't either don't care or they're not interested, or whatever story we create about that. My experience has been as a coach and and trainer and working with people over the last number of years, oftentimes we're the last people to know because we can't see it about ourselves. So if we don't have someone in our life who loves us enough to say, by the way, do you know that like you're just really never present with me? Like, I don't have the experience of you being present with me, or you know, I don't know if you're aware of that, but like when I talk to you, like I it seems like not like the truth, but I have the experience like I can't be honest with you because you're gonna get upset.

SPEAKER_03 37:51

Right, definitely. And that's the other part that is so important to have um a tight-knit group of people that you can trust, and sometimes they might you might have different friends for different things. Like I have friends that love to go hunting and shooting and that kind of stuff. And being out in nature is another time where I've always felt more free to talk about stuff and really relax and and open up, and then you have people that you hang out with just socially that you've known for years and years and years that you know you can trust, and just to be able to sit there and talk and watch how we interact with groups of people where they can point out maybe what you do subconsciously, you know, or how you interact with us.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

Yeah, that feedback, right? Having people who can be a mirror for us and help us see things about ourselves that we couldn't we can't see on our own is I think that's really critical to to really taking on living a creative life. I I remember once, and I might have shared about this on the show. I remember once, like I'd been, you know, I was out of my relationship. I was working like two jobs. I really wanted to go back to school. I was probably about 20 at the time, two small kids. And I used to talk a lot about going back to school. And I wasn't doing anything about it, like I was talking about it, but I wasn't taking any action. And I remember being in a setting with some friends, and one of my friends, like very publicly, and and I was so embarrassed at the time, and I don't know if I would do it that way myself, but you know, he was exasperated and and whatever. And I've thanked him since. Uh, he just very loudly was like, just shut up, do something about it or shut up. We're sick of hearing about it. Like, if you're gonna go back to school, do it. If not, don't, but we don't want to hear about it anymore. And uh at the time I was very unhappy with him. At the time, I kind of wanted the floor to swallow me up. And in hindsight, like I literally registered for school, I think the next day or that week. Uh and so I have acknowledged him and thanked him for you know the life I get to live today as a result of his like his honesty with me. And I think having those kind of people who have the the courage to just be straight with us is really important.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Yeah, well, not only being honest, but just being willing to push you to be the person that they know you're capable of being. Especially even after you've gone through a rough patch and your self-confidence isn't quite where it should be, but they know you well enough to know what your potential really is. And they know that you need time to give yourself some grace, you know, and I think that's been the hard part with like even the social media and TV and all that stuff is it's become very superficial, and that's all you see is like perfection. We don't give ourselves enough credit and enough grace for learning to overcome what we do, or just living our lives day to day in general.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

There's we don't celebrate enough, is what I hear. And this is kind of it's so funny because I'm like looking for myself, it's like, huh, this conversation I've learned enough. You know, when a conversation starts coming up over and over again in my life, it's like, okay, where's this coming from, right? Like, what's the lesson here for me? Because this conversation has come up a number of times recently in my life. It's like, so where am I not celebrating enough? Where do I, where do I just go, oh, okay, like living life, like checking things off my list versus really like acknowledging the contribu, like the contributions I make or or the accomplishments that I do have. And it's just like, okay, I got that done, you know, became a new recently got accepted, invited and accepted to be an executive contributor for a magazine in in called Brains, digital magazine in Sweden. Like it's just like next, next, next. And and when, and I think like slowing things down a little bit is what I'm hearing. And and for those of you listening, like, where could you celebrate? What could you celebrate even with something small, right? Like, what could you celebrate about this weekend or this week about what you've accomplished so far in 2022?

SPEAKER_03 42:23

Don't have it wait to be some big accomplishment, or you know, because we look at you know, look at how quick we are to put ourselves down, you know, or kick ourselves over something so small and minute that probably didn't have any effect on our lives in general. We need to do the opposite of that and look at every small goal that we accomplish and really celebrate them. I mean, we can make huge goals, but you have to have all the small goals that are in between your start and your finish line to get there. And every single little goal that you accomplish should be celebrated.

SPEAKER_02 43:08

So great. If I bring the world to project management, which is part of what I do on the consulting service of my side of my business, Sarah, like when we look at a project, we, you know, of course we have the big objective, right? What you whether it's building a long-term care facility or launching a new software, like there's the overarching objective or commitment for the project, but it's always broken down into milestones, right? At different points in the project, right? So it's like, okay, well, what are the like for those listening, like whatever your goals are, and I talk about this in one of the trainings I do, like the importance of like doing a breakdown struct, like breaking down the work into like the big goal into more manageable pieces, because the brain likes small pieces, right? It can work, it can kind of nod them a little bit better. So, like, and sometimes we don't even get started because the goal is so big we don't know and and we can't figure out the how. And it really is just about taking what's the next action and the next action, the next action, but like breaking it down into bite-sized pieces and then celebrating the completion of those milestones along the way, I think is like really uh really valuable lesson and something I'm gonna take on out of this conversation with you. I'm gonna take on newly in my life.

SPEAKER_03 44:20

Absolutely. And you know, that making small goals to meet a big one can apply to any aspect of your life. From you know, obviously it's the the health aspect, you know, everybody wants to get 100,000 steps or you know, or lose a certain amount of weight. Well, you gotta start somewhere first. You know, start with just a small amount of steps, start with a big small diet change, you know, alternate between a soda and a water instead of just drinking soda all the time. Just small things make a big huge impact on everything that you do. And that's something that I've implemented in my own life as well, you know, going from super controlling abusive relationship to complete freedom. And now I have a husband and a four-year-old son, and we we're on a farm and a ranch, and I work in the medical field. But every big goal starts with your small ones, you know, and that's where I started, which is writing down stuff I like about myself on a piece of paper. What were my favorite hobbies? What's my favorite color? Just start writing a list of your favorites, start small and then you branch off of that.

SPEAKER_02 45:43

Well, that seems like a perfect place to complete this conversation for now, Sarah. Thank you so much for those of you listening. What are your favorite things? What do you like about yourself? Take a few moments, gift yourself a few moments listening to this to really sit down and and connect with yourself. And and maybe you're what are some of the things that you liked about yourself that you've forgotten or that you don't ex, you know, you stopped exploring and and perhaps this week really reconnect, you know, reconnect, intentionally reconnect with yourself. Sarah, just thank you for who you are in the world and the commitment that you have. You know, I really get the sense that you're someone who, having gone through some difficult circumstances in life, is really committed to paying that forward to other people and helping other people, guiding them on their journey. So just thank you for being someone out there in who's who's living a creative life, working inside of that commitment. And uh, for everyone listening to the show, you'll be able to find out all about Sarah and how to get a hold of her uh um in the notes for the show.

SPEAKER_03 46:44

Thank you so much. It was such a blessing to get to be here, and I can't wait to talk to you again.

SPEAKER_02 46:49

Yeah, I really look forward to it. Everyone have a great week. We will see you on the other side. Take care.

SPEAKER_00 46:55

Thank you so much for joining us for this week's episode. For more information on the show and our extraordinary guests, check out whatwoodamberdo.com.